*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/secretvick/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: ON
1,917 Public Reviews Given
3,091 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 3 -4- 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 ... Next
76
76
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*LeafO**LeafR**LeafY*Excellent Newsletter. Just loved it. I love explanations, and autumnal themes make me smile. I get very studious in autumn. Memories of schooling hit me. I love your graphics. I know that Halloween for you is so much fun. Love your research, nobody does it better, simplicity and yet true to life. Have a good day!*LeafO**LeafR**LeafY*


Feather Duster
aka vicki


Happy Halloween this year to all on writing.com!
77
77
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


I am reviewing:
 The World of Karthain : The Beginning   (18+)
A world that has the power to choose its own defender but can the chosen succeed?
#1810713 by J.L.R.


Have a nice day! *Smile*


FIRST IMPRESSONS: *CheckR* Great fantasy piece! I enjoyed your method to witchcraft as you "circled wit the wind", you know? Your grammar stye is just fine. You had no spelling mistakes I could see. I am wondering what will be next. If you get into really character sketching or plotting now, you can begin a more detailed account of who is in the novel and the system of
say, good and evil, in the book. I like evil characters myself. They give that villaneous touch. You have discussed with us
a royalty level of "ground", it can work if you detail it correctly.


SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* I am happy to say I would let suggestion be in the field of making it longer. You have a fine piece.

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR* Fanasy pieces are very popular. I wish you the best for this.


Write on!


Feather Duster
aka vicki


A beautiful Rose signature.
78
78
Review of First Valentine  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



I am reviewing:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#7807357 by Not Available.
*Smile*



FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* My first impressions of your raw talent which comes from doing spur-of-the-moment contests is that you are very talented. I like the way you jumped head first into this contest, gave us wit and sass and eventually kept us to love affairs instead of deep tragedy. I like that. Deep romantics in history have come across pieces like this and said that it was their great beginnings. I find the title darling, and the eventual Doreen and her love give us a good one. What can I say to a young girl's methods that haven't been said? Just that your imagination is as great as the sky is the limit.


GRAMMAR,STYLE,SPELLING,SYNTAX: *CheckR* Let us face it. We are partying here and I congratulate you for giving us so much. It is so commendable. But, of course it can be cleaned up. There are several places of misspelling I noted:

"forget your Valentine", even then, doesn't cut it in the long run. That is 3rd paragraph, 5th line. You must clean up the 2nd, 3rd nd 5th paragraph by dumping the idea of everything blended together and make dialogue inserts that legitimatize the form of the item. There is another misspelling at the end of the piece last paragraph, next last line, "partners". Do you mean to end the piece by making it separate from the rest? Should it be done in this case? What is the reason?

In general, your style is highly enjoyable and sails through good passages and makes us smile as well. It is quite a puzzle you have built up for us and I love to figure these out.


LAST COMMENT FOR NOW: *CheckR* Write on! I am glad to celebrate this birthday for WDC too. It is a working piece for you, here. I visualized perhaps maybe as you saw it and it gelled quite often.


Feather Duster
aka vicki

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item.





79
79
Review of Bella's Fantasy  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Good evening *Smile*
I am reviewing:
STATIC
Bella's Fantasy  (E)
A cat's tale dedicated to my kitty Bella.
#1799755 by Princess Megan Rose


FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* Others should really check this out. It is utterly charming and a true joy to read. I have hit the nail on the head when I say, Bella the kitty is like the Cat From Outer Space, an absolute sell-out.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,SYNTAX,SPELLING:*CheckR* Only one spelling mistake could I find in the line:

Bella looked at Garfield. Megan's favorire cartoon cat --the word is "favorite"


Admiring you as I do, I loved the material. Your clauses and arrangements of phrases were original and spell-binding a short that couldn't be beat. I love your own admiration for pirates and I know you love animals.


SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* None.


LAST COMMENT FOR NOW:*CheckR* I can't say enough about recognizing someone's style: in this case, the matter-of-fact happily-ever-after ending. Bella the kitty had my heart from the start. She's adorable!


Feather Duster
aka vicki



A beautiful Rose signature.
80
80
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello!*Smile* I am reviewing:
The “River Horse”  (E)
A poem about the 'river horse'.
#1795479 by Harry



FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* Look at your knowledge! It is so vast and apparently spans manny subjects. Yet, I was disappointed with this one. It did not have your form for story-telling like your top pieces of work do.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,SYNTAX, SPELLING:*CheckR* I guess the spelling was good and grammatically nothing wrong; however the sense of style you used seemed to be less than what your standard for poetry is. It might be your presentation. I didn't like it as much as others. It does have a style. I can't lead other readers on and say they wouldn't enjoy it, however, it's faults may lie in pure hard facts of the poem which left nothing to the imagination but sheer desire to dream it up.

SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* Add ons to syntax and clauses and phrases that become more meaningful would help. You have your own way of interpreting the title of the poem. Why not clue us in on it more obviously.

LAST COMMENT FOR NOW: *CheckR* No matter. You are a darn good poet. This only has been one I can't seem to get right.





Feather Duster
aka vicki


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
81
81
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello! *Smile*
I am reviewing:
STATIC
The Man Who Was Not Himself  (13+)
What do we really gain by giving away all our worldly possessions
#984560 by W.D.Wilcox


IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* I tell you there has never been a better storyteller on WDC and as I concentrated on the piece, I could see your reach for hell and heaven, your plot that did justice to a family situation, your wittiness and ironic twists in your plot, your general course of action at making this a good spiritual awakening. If there were a show of hands, we would all probably admit that the piece is way above average and
keeps us content throughout. You have an exorably dramatic dimenstion that I can't explain and I might tell you I think I know the curse of this piece but in a totally different situation at one time as a single person. Much of what you write is unquestionably not a chore for you,; I think you just have a knack.


GRAMMAR,SPELLING,SYNTAX,STYLE: *CheckR*Good find. Couldn't see any spelling mistakes and know that your grammatical sense of things for you is like a sixth sense. It comes across as though you know it to be a matter of writing alot. Your material with the phrases and clauses become a fairy tale in a gruesome way and your mention of it being horror/scary shows itself in demonic form with a play for heaven. The end of the piece was not obvious and I didn't see it coming but I figure with WDC it is a popular one.I feel very content with having analyzed your work like this one. It is not embarrassing and I can easily say I know it is one of probably a million things you might know. Deeper levels rely on our psyche to find what you mean. It's fun to realize ourselves in it, even though, in my case, I am femaile.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* None. Very satisfying!


LAST COMMENT FOR YOU:*CheckR* I am pleased that you are offered often in features such as this one in the Spiritual Newsletter. Popular handles are what I love to read and never seem to go wrong with on WDC.


Write like you mean to publish! Write on!


Feather Duster
aka vicki



A beautiful Rose signature.


82
82
Review of My Angel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello*Smile*! I am reviewing:

 My Angel  (E)
Knowing that someone is watching over me.
#1060457 by Derani


FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* What a sincere poem! It's lines are honest and true to form. I really liked it.

GRAMMAR,SPELLING,STYLE,SYNTAX: *CheckR* Actually good grammar, good spelling. The style may be a bit worn and the words
come up with a trite inuendo however I think you surpass the point of making it worn. You make it your own and it becomes an emotional
lovely aside to one, "angel". We cannot all be totally and ridiculously original. And this poem proves that. When one sticks to the traditional and really says something positive it really works.

SUGGESTIONS: None.

FINAL COMMENT: I love spiritual poems. They are so powerful at times we cry. I know that you wished to be meaningful with this. I think you have fullfilled this task nicely.


Write on! You have talent.


Feather Duster
aka vicki

Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
83
83
Review of Golden  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


FIRST IMPRESSION: Amazing piece of irony. I'm glad I saw it in a Newsletter and read it. Excellent cue of humor. With pathos and sadness.
It is well-written, a sure thing. Something like this hits you in the face and gets across what five pages might not have.

Feather Duster
aka vicki

New Sig for Reviewing Other Portfolios
84
84
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hello*Smile*! I am reviewing:
 Come the Sounds of Light  (E)
Finding peace and magic in the simple things like fireflies.
#1787554 by turtlemoon-dohi


FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* How unique! This poem sings cleverness. It has clever lines that tell the "night" and examine the
illusions that can come from the "firefly". I like it.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,SPELLING:*CheckR* Perfect spelling, good grammar, nice style. I like the images that are weaved throughout the poem. The line I like is : fireflies, gatekeepers of the night. Wow! How original.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* None.

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR* I felt this poem was highly above average. I would have given it *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*.


Feather Duster
aka vicki

Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
85
85
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hello *Smile*!
I am reviewing:
Civil War Love Story Poem  (E)
Poem for Stormy's Contest.
#1786574 by Princess Megan Rose



IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* Well-done civil war story poem. I liked your pathos set up with the tension of the poem. You follow through with a wonderful love story that is quite serious with its serious moments of war and its bliss of love with a man who is also a soldier.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,SPELLING,SYNTAX: *CheckR* Your spelling is fine. However, the 4th stanza last line:
No death wouldn't wouldn't find him today
should be revised and made:
No death would find him today
Your phrases and clauses in the poem are very fine and explanatory. The style is sweepingly gracious.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* Only the grammatical suggestions mentioned above. None.

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR* Luck in contest! You have a great word-association poem with what she gave you.


Feather Duster
aka vicki

A beautiful Rose signature.
86
86
Review of Love Letters  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


FIRST IMPRESSION: *CheckR* What a wonderfully amazing tribute to your mother. So detailed. So sentimental and heart-felt.

GRAMMAR,SYNTAX,STYLE,SPELLING: *CheckR* I found perfect spelling. The grammar is sound. Your style is so sweepingly glamourous that I just loved your attitude in coming up with what you did without stopping. Loved it. You are a natural at getting us to think about our mothers in a special way. You have real talent.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR*None.

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR*I reread this poem only because it was such a joy. Nothing compares to love and mother's love is such a special, unforgettable thing. The way you put this across with "letters" was so unique. So original. Gee, being placed n REDBOOK as an infant must have been something you were proud of. As well as all the other "takes" on treasures found. I also felt a sadness there. Your mother having passed on. It was evident that you bonded well with her well. Glad to see this one in the Romance Newsletter.

Feather Duster
aka vicki

A beautiful Rose signature.
87
87
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


HELLO*Smile*! I AM REVIEWING:
 Prayer Beads: Meditation for Seekers  (E)
Daily meditation
#1759474 by SWPoet


FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR*: I quite like the Spiritual Newsletter. This week you are featured. I very much enjoyed your explanation of prayer beads and the scent of the poem you wrote.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,SYNTAX,SPELLING: *CheckR*: Your grammar and spelling are just fine. As far as the material for the arrangement of clauses and phrases you did well in your quest for philosophical solutions in your everyday world.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR*: None.

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR*: Poems with meaningful lines instead silly or stilted are much appreciated by myself. I like to breathe in an attitude that turns me toward my spiritual self and lends grace to me. I like the very "soul" of this poem. It really speaks.


Feather Duster
aka vicki

** Image ID #1677253 Unavailable **
88
88
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


I AM REVIEWING:
 The Girl by the Window  (18+)
A story about child abuse
#1782096 by ~*Arpita*~


FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR*I found this piece a very unique piece. It is so original. It is hard-hitting and gets its point across. It has much to say about child abuse. With the kind of piece it is, the stream-of-consciousness that you must follow to read it lends to a really good storyline.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,SYNTAX,SPELLING: *CheckR* Your grammar is right on target and I like the style of this story. You have perfect spelling and you know where you are going with this. I find a funnel of suspense in the piece and it gropes for real pathos. It claims a really serious subject. Child abuse is no laughing matter. I think you found it so, Arpita. I think you really wanted to say something about what can happen if child abuse occurrs. It is sad, it is pathetic, it is uncalled for. What can we do to help? That last line gives us just that. We go to the authorities.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* None. You have revised it well on your own. The second copy here is much much improved. The last line really makes sense to place at the end. And somehow you have gelled the story better than the last time. It is smoother and flows well. To be truthful I don't know which of the two pieces you want to enter in the contest. I am akin to poetry however, so much is said in this piece. It is very clever and original. It might be really liked as well. I will let you make your own decision on what you want to submit.

FINAL COMMENT FOR TODAY:*CheckR* You have done very well, Arpita. I can't tell you how "young" my stuff was at your age. I find you very mature in your writing. You have style and class. I really think you are way above average and can forsee you really knowing what writing can be about in future years. You, truthfully, amaze me!

Feather Duster
aka vicki

** Image ID #1677252 Unavailable **
89
89
Review of The Deliverer  
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Hello!*Smile*
I AM REVIEWING:
 
STATIC
The Deliverer  (13+)
“Come out of her!” (Featured WDC Newsletter - Horror/Scary)
#1761524 by ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams


IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR*Excellently worded. Your messianic message goes right along with people like Peter Blatty who wrote "The Exorcist" and "The Excorism Of Emily Rose", the movie.You are discussing mid-west Brazil and a background ancestorally and culturally which was highly interesting to me. You found the best way to examine "demons" in your own "write". It seems that the direction of the piece was working positively.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,IMAGERY,SPELLING,SYNTAX: *CheckR*Good grammar, good spelling. The imagery is good the way it is imaginary and well-done. I like your explanations and descriptions. Your syntax gives way to uniqueness. Asking questions about the universe and about good dialogue concerning about active demons.

PHYSICAL SIDE:*CheckR* Clear and fleshed-out.

SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* None.

FINAL COMMENT:*CheckR*: It was illuminating to say the least.

Feather Duster
aka vicki


A beautiful Rose signature.
90
90
In affiliation with The Annual Lenten Adventure  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hello!*Smile*

I AM REVIEWING:
Final Lenton Adventure Assignment  (E)
My last assignment for The Lenton Adventure.
#1769183 by Princess Megan Rose


LASTING IMPRESSIONS: I am very impressed with being a friend of Megan Rose. She has brought me through this Adventure without fears of not knowing enough. I, too, had fears of losing sight of the Bible when I began my search for new material in the Bible about my character Phoebe. I found out alot. Passages I looked up gave me strength and renewed my faith. I think that Megan never lost sight of looking at God and Jesus Christ in the correct way She has compassion and grace in her words. The way she writes for us, she always writes for us in a method that gives us a lease on the goodness in us and her characters in other items do the same thing. I have searched and searched for someone better on WDC and cannot find anyone to match Princess Megan Rose's abilities. I know that she is a great reviewer on the site and has incredible stamina to keep this site going strong. More power to you! When, in this piece, you mention that your religious knowledge may have a blind spot I agree. But doesn't everybody? However, I think you are wrong if you do not tell yourself that you believe in Jesus Christ just as much as anyone else and that you are just as good a believer and worshiper. I agree.

Let me just say that the adventure for me too has been an unforgettable one. From Winnie, to Hebxii, to Mariah, to JohnVa, to SandyHopeWhisperer, to Budroe, to you, Megan, I have been in the company of dignified posts. All of these people gave me hope in Jesus Christ. The deliverance of being saved is MY job. I must save myself. I have been baptized as a child. And then I was reborn again some years ago. Now. I still remain in his graces, praying for myself and for people like you, too, Megan, who are kind and good children of God.

The colorful people that were brought to life in this adventure due to the leadership of Budroe are people in the Bible that we chose. I think everyone chose good characters and they were all played well. Megan had a knack for giving us feelings with graphics and just to look at them would make your heart cry out. This Easter I am praying, too, for peace on earth, Megan. I love to pray for that at Easter. He saved the earth with His greatness and his worthiness in heaven. He will come again to judge the living and the dead and at that time we will see Him in ourselves and our loved ones. It is something I believe in. So goodbye Adventure people, for now. You have made me think twice about my religion and what I am here for.

As for Megan, I will see you later, my good friend. God bless you.

Write on, Princess Megan Rose!


Feather Duster
aka vicki


This great sig is for the Lenten Adventure I am about to journey on in 2011.
91
91
Review of Lent assignments  
In affiliation with The Annual Lenten Adventure  
Rated: E | (4.5)


HELLO!*Smile**Yinyang**Peace*
I AM REVIEWING:
 Lent assignments  (E)
All of my assignments for the Lent Adventure in one easy volume.
#1763105 by Weirdone-Back in the games


IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* I admire your tough choice at being "in "character" with such an "obnoxious" past as you said yourself. I find you only slightly lax in good grammar and very well-traced for originality. You did not follow passages from the Bible or a true background in this particular entry so I couldn't come up with where you are coming from. But I understood you. What you are saying. What you are trying to get across. Perhaps, you are just "in another part of the world" than me. And that is that.

STYLE:*CheckR*Your style of expose ran quickly. IT kind of rocked. It sounds youthful in spirit and therefore implied to me an exciting search for Jesus Christ and it is filled with such good sensibility by way of what the last line admits to.

SUGGESTIONS: Not for once would I put down a good item. Tis a mistake in time because we know what comes from taking time on an item and we have rushed procedures here at the Lenten Adventure, am I correct? So then, take it or leave it, I give you:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*}e:halfstar}

FINAL COMMENT FOR NOW FROM ME: You have made me clear toward your direction. Ce Le Vi.
Write on!

This great sig is for the Lenten Adventure I am about to journey on in 2011.

92
92
In affiliation with The Annual Lenten Adventure  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


HELLO, MEGAN ROSE! *Smile*
I AM REVIEWING:
Saying Good Bye To Fellow Adventurers  (E)
As my character, Mary Magdalene, I am saying good bye to fellow adventurers.
#1767911 by Princess Megan Rose


IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* You have made such a wonderful Mary Magdelene. Your compassionate side shows a true -hearted Christian. I don't think you have waivered from the task to bring us up to date on your character and show us what you are feeling about her. There is so much packed into this, as a series of consequences that have made Mary Magdelene a real "star" in the course of what miracles Jesus performed. Andrew Lloyd Webber's Jesus Christ Superstar felt she was notably a star. I agree. You chose a good character from the get-go.

GRAMMAR,STYLE,VOICE,SPELLING,IMAGERY, SYNTAX:*CheckR* Looking at your grammatical techniques I find them very smooth and workable. No spelling mistakes. Your great voice is always preluding a grand story as it does in this one, roaring like a lioness in this piece. I like your personal attitude and asides to us as you work with your character nearing the end of the Adventure. With a small tear of dismay, that perhaps, you are leaving us shortly, gave rise to relief when I realized you, indeed, stayed for the Adventure and are venting your great story-telling for us with this character, Mary Magdelene.

PHYSICAL SIDE:*CheckR* You are emotional at all cost. I find this highly heart-warming to my own heart.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* Share with us any posts you might want to give us, as we go into non-character posts and give up our personnas for studying the nearing of Jerusalem and into the city now. I would love to hear you speak. And I always felt
you did excellently at it, with Mary Magdelene in mind.

CHANGES:*CheckR* None.

ENDING COMMENT FOR NOW: *CheckR* Thank you for being such a great author on WDC. I get "emotional" when I think of you, always administering wonderful items with such great ideas in mind. Your religious folder is none too slim or skimpy. Will I see you at Jesus' side?


Feather Duster
aka vicki

This great sig is for the Lenten Adventure I am about to journey on in 2011.
93
93
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hello!*Smile* I am reviewing
 Galaxy Guardians Chapter 1&2   (E)
Serrony Jones is a 13 year old girl and she protects the universe from bad guys.
#1761831 by Mrs. Populatery


FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*CheckR*As you have asked, I am reviewing Chapters 1 & 2 of your ingenious novel, "Galaxy Guardians". I have the impression that you are not serious enough about taking on the job of such a good, little novel here. It has great impact on youngsters and is a real challenge to read at this point. I have no reason to think you do not want to publish at some point so I will give you a certain amount of edit with direction.



1
         “Ah! Will this ever be over!” I screamed. Change exclamation point to question mark.

         I sat at my desk gazing out the school window.

         “I can’t wait till I get back to good old G.H.S!” I thought, Make it, Thinking, "I can't wait till I get back to gool ole' HS I gasped for air.

         “Miss Jones I’m guessing you know the answer?”

         That’s my teacher, Mrs. Sims .She’s crazyPlace period.{{/c} she wears the same colors every day: liminate semicolon. To make it hip, just say:Black and gray. Yuck! And she always has her hair in this ugly bun. {Place period}. Make it's a capital "I". it's just tacky, Change comma to periodshe wears the same black and gray gym shoes every day! One word to describe her is yuck!

         “ Serrony Jones!”

          “Huh?” I looked upPlace period after line.

         “Since you've finally come back to earth I would like to know how many….”

         “(*Ring!*)”

         “Yes! The bell!”

“Serrony!” Ms. Sims yelled,Change comma to period.

         “ Bye Tacky!”

         “That’s it! Two weeks detention!”

         “Wahoo! Schools out!” I shouted, Change comma to period after line.

         I raced out the class room so fast I was like a red-headed rocketPlace Perod. Ms. Sims' voice was only an echo in my ears. I stopped to clean out my locker for the last time. I can't believe this is really going to be the last time I see this place. This time I'm not leaving for just the summer, but for good. Suddenly I decided to stop being in rush and take a moment to reminisce on all the memories I had aat Tally Middle School. I slowing walked down the corridor as all the students were rushing to get on their buses excited for school to be out. I stood right in front of the principles office c:red} "I've been in there so many times..."
I thought then I went pasted I thought then when I passed Mrs Bagollia's room.{c} "I had so many detentions in there." Before I knew it I was in the front of the school I glanced threw the glass and saw all the kids screaming, dancing and talking to one another. Tears started to fall from my big blue eyes c:red}Place Period.
I quickly brushed the}them away and walked out the door. I could see Kyle from the other side of the yard. He was running full pelt GOOD! Original!and was bright pink because of it. He was running so fast it looked like he was stumbling his brown hair was flopping everywhere.

         “Hurry up Serrony or we’re going to miss the bus!” He yelled, Change comma to period.


         “ChillPlace period.we have lots of time.” I said,. Remember, with speaking verbs always place a comma before the second quotation mark and make sure there is no punctuation after the second quotaton mark. Change period to comma here.

         “You call five mins time!” Kyle snapped. }Unsure of what you mean here

         “Why didn’t you just say that! Lets go!” I shoutedPlace period I took Kyle’s hand and we ran to the bus.

         “Are you psyched about Galaxy High?” Hehe asked.

         “Yeah }Place period.totallyTotally, man.Place period. I can’t wait forour first year of high School,” I said, musing on the possibilities.Place a period after school {you must not capitalize school here With these partcular chapters that's important.} Then say, I mused on the possibilities of what might happen to me, lonely perhaps,perhaps not. Nervilly, barely stopping to say the 'f' word to myself I burst out with a comment to ask if Kyle was available.

         I said goodbye to the bus driver after all this was our last trip with him forever, it seemed like the right thing to do. As we jumped off the last step and on to the curb I could tell Kyle was bursting to ask Finish sentence

         “So I was wondering.....” Kyle said as he started to blush. It isn't that great to use ditto points to preclude statments.They are natural as an "interlude" however, sometimes unnecessary.

         Oh no! I thought. This must be another question about Black Widow. See she’s a girl we met two summers ago lace period. Galaxy Middle school. Her real name is Rene but every one calls her black widowsKeep to capitalizing your character's names. Don't switch horses in midstream. So then, also, watch out for changing tenses in your paragraphs. she’s*red*She's
on our team. He’s been crushing on her ever since! Black Widow had short purple hair and her eyes were a graceful Aborigine color. I had to admit she was pretty but I totally knew why Kyle liked her, it was because she has big boobs and she knows how to show them off too. She only fifteen and almost all her clothes were low- cut, which didn't add up because she's so quiet and mysterious.

         'Yeah?” I said, Place period instead of comma please.

         “Well…. I was wondering if you talked to Black Widow in a while?'

         'Yeah”Place period after your line.

         “Did she say anything about me?”

         “ Yeah She said that she would love to marry you and you’ll have beautiful big-headed children together!” I laughed.Great line!

         “That’s not funny Serrony!” Kyle’s face turned red as an apple. I laughed so hard that I felt like I was about to burst. One thing I always liked about Kyle is how he gets embarrassed so easily. I have no idea how we became best friends Place comma (,) he's so nerdy. He can act like such a sissy, sometimes I think I'm the guy in this friendship.

         “Well this is my stop” I said, Again, you know what to do. You are doing fine.

         “Bye” Place period after line.

“Bye lover boy!” I made kissing sounds all the way up the drive way.

         “See you tomorrow!” He said,Change comma to period after "said"

         “Bright in early!” I yelled back as he began walking.

         I stopped at my front door and looked around to examine my surroundings, even though it's the year 3,000 earth hasn't changed much sense the 2000s. Sure we have flying cars but come on who doesn't? Earth doesn't really like to communicate with the outside galaxies there still trying to get use to the thought of other planets. If yah think about it, it's only been fifty years since we found out there were more planets besides earth. There's also a lot of discrimination and fear against people like me with magical powers for instance non-humans are not allowed to use their powers against humans. I won't miss all these rules I guess. Great paragraph!


LAST COMMENT FOR NOW: {:e:checkR}Now. Use my suggestions and finish the edit. My points are valid It is really worth doing. I liked your novel so far as I have read. The premise, the characters, the possbilities are clever, fun, and very wholesome. Make sure you do ALL CHAPTERS so as it will go if you want to publish. Keep to indenting your paragraphs. I gives way to starting up a whole new world!

Write on!


Feather Duster
aka vicki


** Image ID #14617734 Unavailable **




94
94
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hello! *Smile*
I AM REVIEWING:
Miracles: Assignment: Lenten Adventure  (E)
Writing about three of Jesus' miracles for my assignment.
#1762232 by Princess Megan Rose


IMPRESSIONS:*CheckR* There was a tear in my eye after I read this. What you have done here with thoughts and words can't be forgotten. Quite unforgettable "miracles" that you have recorded for us and given us the gist of. It has always been a forte of yours to tell a story. It comes nicely into play for the Lenten Adventure this year for God's Way. You are a charming,
clever storyteller who knows an original way to tell it and yet keep the lines and the characters and the significances behind them historically sound.

GRAMMAR,SYNTAX,STYLE,SPELLING: A few typos if you want to run through it again. However, the grammar and arrangement of clauses and sentences is worthwhile material and certainly gives me a chance to see through Bible lines where I don't know enough of. It really comes together. Your style is your own, so unique,blanching characters and smoothly running a course for where this Adventure is leading us to through Jesus Christ's miracles.

FLOW:*CheckR* Good.

PHYSICAL SIDE: *CheckR* Descriptive words exemplify your keen knowledge of what colorful meaning you can see with your characters.

IMAGERY: *CheckR* Excellent choices. Your autobiographical material is contemp, honesty, dignified.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* Write On! Great movement.

FINAL COMMENT FOR YOU FOR NOW: Wow! It is totally a mind-boggling experience that I will not forget soon as I repeat that: You can really give us the reason as to what is fact and what can be folly when you write!


Feather Duster
aka vicki

** Image ID #1753641 Unavailable **


95
95
Review of Lent Assignment  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Hello! *Smile*
I AM REVIEWING:
 Lent Assignment  (E)
My first assignment for the Lent class
#1760650 by Weirdone-Back in the games


FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* Firstly, this is just one opinion. I hope you can accept it and I am grateful that I have seen to it to listen to your testament with a character that has been very consistent with your posts so far. In fact, I really love your posts. They are unique and honest pointing toward the end of a journey we are taking toward Easter Sunday. I like the way you are practicing the use of moving us through time and giving us specific references toward the Roman Empire. You have said that you like U.S. favor and that you once were lost but now am found. Something we here in "Amazing Grace". It looks as though your character can give us good insight. You have stayed with your IC character without "falling off your horse". You have described the character well with style and fever. You have done mysterious posts that really keep the Group going.

GRAMMAR,SYNTAX,STYLE,SPELLING: *CheckR* Yes, no doubt about it you syntactically take on a good job of it. Your character moves through time well. It has been set up well. It has good descriptive that comes off well. Amazing job in the grammatical sense, and no spelling mistakes I could see.

SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* Let me just take a quick, humble guess at your character. Are you St. Frances Trevisani a Martyr? You say you come from Italy.

LAST COMMENT FOR NOW: *CheckR* I like the way you are concerned with current affairs. It shows a good corrrelation of Jewish rule and how other groups of Pharisee, Saduccees, Samaritans came into play at the time that Jesus Christ taught. I think you were the post that commented on the "dove" and how it was raised above the head of Jesus Christ and its significance. I know that we all love to worship Jesus Christ in our own way. It gives me great faith. I love my beliefs in real life. I notice that you do too and you explain yourself with dignity and honesty. I hope I was not a burden to you as I am slowly learning to use my character and fit into the group as a whole. Proudly, I give you *Star**Star**Star**Star*}e:star}! for our work so far. And yes, I will be watching from afar for the teachings of Jesus Christ to move me!


Feather Duster
aka vicki

** Image ID #1753641 Unavailable **
"Invalid Item
96
96
Review of What Do You See?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello!*Smile*I am reviewing:
STATIC
What Do You See?  (E)
This one is for my very special niece
#1758356 by Lovina 🐕‍🦺



FIRST IMPRESSIONS: I am overwhelmed at such compassion laced with places of which a heart may wander.

IMAGERY AND YOUR EMOTIONAL SIDE:*CheckR* I like what you can say for what "handicapped" may want to say. I don't want to give away the crux or gist of the piece. It has its emotional baggage. It is worthwhile reading.

PHYSICAL SIDE: *CheckR* I like reading and browsing. I couldn't help but review. It is hip.

GRAMMAR,SYNTAX,SPELLING:*CheckR* You have grammatically used a nice switch to commas. I like it. I also like short and tight sentences that glance at you and then shelter your material with the practice of using them repeatedly. Brightly filled with a side of a personna that exists and who I feel is the real deal material.

FLOW: *CheckR* Top-notch. Great for this week's Newsletter.

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR* Congrats. I love your material and love the Newsletters. They have come with WDC for so long and give rise to lively, punctual reading in the morning.

Feather Duster
aka vicki


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

97
97
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello!*Smile* I am reviewing:
STATIC
A Thanksgiving Farewell  (13+)
A strong family offers thanks in the midst of great loss.
#1620315 by Winnie Kay


FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*CheckR* As in other pieces of work that I have read from you, I feel you are excellently knowledgeable when it comes to your subject and what you want to present to us. I relaxed with this. It was tense though and I understood the ever-present imminent danger that lurked behind the scene. I "feel" for just what had occured as I read and I know that tragedies can be written or they can be hastily botched and made a mess. You have placed here with a winner. It is selectly informative and one of your most haunting.

GRAMMAR,SPELLING,SYNTAX:*CheckR* Your arrangement of clauses, material of the descriptive sense, all of your characters all unite to give us a healthy attitude of a deadly maneuver. Most of know that "custody" is important. It is gripping here. The emotion you show does true justice to the piece. I could see no spelling mistakes.

SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* Good to go. Write on!

FINAL COMMENT FOR NOW:*CheckR* Let me think on this as a piece that has a meaningful crossing to others you have with bonds of family love and perhaps other subjects that relate to the emotional crux of relationships that have happened. You have used good psychological mores that find us and give us the rundown on what we need to know about such things that have been mentioned here.


Feather Duster
aka vicki

** Image ID #1166253 Unavailable **

98
98
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Hello! *Star**Smile**Star*I AM REVIEWING:



FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*CheckR* I spotted this good piece in your "READ THESE" folder. I felt this piece was very mature material as your poem seemed to me. I at sixty years. Love to see that parents at any age know what they can do for their daughters. Good style.


GRAMMAR,SYNTAX,SPELLING: *CheckR* Could not find any spelling mistakes. No misarrrangements that appeared to me.

SUGGESTIONS: *CheckR* None. Well done!

FINAL COMMENT FOR NOW: *CheckR* Last line makes your jaw drop. It is meaningful, just as it is written, always for those who want to read material that gives us a sensibility and takes us to what your bio may not have had. Tough and well-prepared. Memorable for any age.


Write on!


Feather Duster



RAOK's logo image.  This is a shared image, so feel free to use its item number.
99
99
Review of Absence of Time  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hello!*Smile* I AM REVIEWING:
STATIC
Absence of Time  (E)
Published in WDC Anthology
#1747173 by Pat ~ Rejoice always!



FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* I find this managed very well. It has a "place" with its title. The lines may not be set with the perfect gait or rythm;however things are never perfect. You DO have pyschology to this poem which finds me saying it is a more "mature" poem.

GRAMMAR,SYNTAX,SPELLING:*CheckR* No spelling mistakes. Great. The grammar or then again syntax arranges itself ith an emotional beat. I like that. You show your images with a "style". Favorite of mine that you do here, and very very original, "serenity of mine" and then the next line "absence of time".

SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* None. How well done!

FINAL COMMENT FOR NOW:*CheckR* I love poetry. It is not "piggish" to write free verse within an internal struggle to make an opinion apparent. I think you have upheld this attitude here. Thank God. Poets should be here. Poets should be part of the world. It is a wonderful thing? *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


Feather Duster
aka vicki


Another New SP Group Sig For Reviewers.

100
100
Review of The Old Poet  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Hello! *Smile*I am reviewing:
 The Old Poet  (E)
Just a quirky piece I wrote tonight
#1752282 by FailedChoices







FIRST IMPRESSIONS: *CheckR* A very thorough poem. It is creative and original. It gives me clever vibes. I like the progression that the stanzas take until the last two lines. Then there is culmination and irony at the end.

IMAGERY AND YOUR EMOTIONAL SIDE:*CheckR* You remain in the third person and are taut with lovely images that come through this good poem well. Such as:


How to search the sky without the wings
of the albatross, or golden eagles


I like the fact that you might have assumed the role of the personna for us. You are very sympathetic toward him. This I really liked. Great imagery.

PHYSICAL SIDE: *CheckR* This side of the poem describes the aglessness of an aging poet. Something you feel you are proud of. Good lesson. It is informal and not preachy.

GRAMMAR,SYNTAX, SPELLING: *CheckR* Good grammar. No mistakes in spelling that I could come across. The material in arrrangement of clauses or what one says, rhyme and rhythm is fine. It might be good to mention what traditional verse you are using at the bottom of your poem.

FLOW: *CheckR* The poem examines, it teaches in a breezy way, wraps us with good lines.

SUGGESTIONS:*CheckR* WRITE ON!

LAST COMMENT: *CheckR* I would certainly consider this poet one that deserves higher than normal attention. It gives you *Star**Star**Star**Star**Halfstar*! May you continue on with good marks in the company of many WDC members!



Feather Duster
aka vicki

** Image ID #1414229 Unavailable **





692 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 28 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/secretvick/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4