*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sedward
Review Requests: OFF
17 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of SHE  
Review by S.E. Luna
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this profoundly moving and emotionally evocative. The joy of discovery, the pain and despair of loss, and finally the peace that only time can bestow are all there. I was moved to tears at each junction.

Your descriptions of those bits and pieces of relationships that only come with reflection is flawless. What begins as a series of questions, drew me into the ever tightening spiral of emotion. This is what we all hope for. This is what we all fear.

Keep up the good work. *CheckV*

S.E.Luna
What is written without effort is in general
read without pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
2
2
Review of WHAT IS FATE?  
Review by S.E. Luna
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi Khalish! After reading "WHAT IS FATE?, I offer you these comments:


*Check1*First Impressions:
I was intrigued by your title. Your topic was clearly defined and you were able to systematically outline your thoughts in a way that was easy to follow.

*Check1*What I liked:
I liked the clear format used in this article. You cited questions and proceeded to answer them in a manner that tried to make the incomprehensible more understandable.

*Check1*Suggestions:
The word persons has a very formal feel. Try substituting the word individuals to sound less stilted.

*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
This will be not discussed. You need to reverse be and not in this sentence.

Persons not having sharp sense of smell would miss what others can perceive. This sentence is at the end of the section on taste so I expected sense of taste not smell.

*Star*
Good work on an idea or subject not easily understood. Keep writing.

S.E.Luna

What is written without effort is in general
read without pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
3
3
Review by S.E. Luna
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi! After reading "Death Knocks Twice, I offer you these comments:


*Check1*First Impressions:
This is a good tale. The main character is well executed and his actions are clear and easy to follow.

*Check1*What I liked:
I liked the quiet telling of revenge.
My favorite sentence: Their faces were painted with the fear of God.

*Check1*Suggestions:
The only suggestion I feel need to be made is changes to the words in the next section.

*Check1*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling:
The afternoon sun was ugly and red, peaking out angrily through a black veil of soot and ash. I believe the word you wanted to use is peeked

He didn’t have much further to go now. Her you want to use farther if you are referring to distance.

He looked out at the wild grass that grew unruly in the front yard. I suggest using either looked at or looked over in the sentence. Since he was not inside, looked out is a bit odd here.

*Star*
A really good story. Keep writing.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
4
4
Review of The Hacker  
Review by S.E. Luna
Rated: E | (3.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi! Jason. After reading "The Hacker, I offer you these comments:


*Check1*First Impressions:
I found the story a bit hard to follow. Plot and conflict have not been established. The first four paragraphs seem to stand alone and, while they provide background, don't work well in this arrangement. The real story seems to start with the fifth paragraph.

*Check1*What I liked:
The description of the office made it easy to visualize the magnitude of John's diligence, effort and time. He is serious about whatever it is he is doing.

I liked the phrase the room started to hum as if a large symphony orchestra were tuning up before a grand performance It was a powerful and pleasing description of disparate parts preparing to work together.

*Check1*Suggestions:
I would like to suggest you start the story with John coming home from work. I would like to see this story progress past the introductory paragraphs and show what happens this night to keep me interested in reading.
If you can, it would help to find a way to weave the information in the first four paragraphs into the story so that they don't stand out.

*Star*
I like the story premise and I like your style of writing. I would love to read it when you have more written.
S.E.Luna
What is written without effort is in general
read without pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
5
5
Review of The End Of Brucie  
Review by S.E. Luna
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I loved this story and found myself giving a whoop of glee at the end.

Your characters portrayal of the innocent and unjustly ostracized dog killer is quite believeable. I'm not so sure Brucie didn't set you up as the fall guy. After all, this vindictive act seems possible from your description of him.

5 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sedward