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Hi! Jason. After reading "The Hacker" , I offer you these comments:
I found the story a bit hard to follow. Plot and conflict have not been established. The first four paragraphs seem to stand alone and, while they provide background, don't work well in this arrangement. The real story seems to start with the fifth paragraph.
What I liked:
The description of the office made it easy to visualize the magnitude of John's diligence, effort and time. He is serious about whatever it is he is doing.
I liked the phrase the room started to hum as if a large symphony orchestra were tuning up before a grand performance It was a powerful and pleasing description of disparate parts preparing to work together.
I would like to suggest you start the story with John coming home from work. I would like to see this story progress past the introductory paragraphs and show what happens this night to keep me interested in reading.
If you can, it would help to find a way to weave the information in the first four paragraphs into the story so that they don't stand out.
I like the story premise and I like your style of writing. I would love to read it when you have more written.
What is written without effort is in general
read without pleasure. - Samuel Johnson