Impressions :
A poem dedicated to your girlfriend about love.
Additional Comments :
While this is called a Sonnet in the title, it doesn't feel like it in the rhyme scheme. Also, you rhyme some of them with the same word, which doesn't seem to be done much.
"of confessions of an undying Love," Love is capitalized here, which draws a lot of attention to the word, where it is repeated later without the emphasis. Halfway through you also seemed to change from capitalizing the first word in the line to not at all. Feels inconsistent since there isn't a good reason for it to be changing, as I read it.
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First Impression :
I'm trying to understand why he went back to London if he doesn't want to be in this 'shit hole.' He's traveling by train and this doesn't seem to have much conflict to be a chapter. It makes me a little curious as to the purpose of where you cut each piece apart as a 'sample.'
I read the synopsis first (the lengthy version) and because of that I understood the name references at the end: Sebastien, Fabian, Nathalie. Otherwise few of the characters except the main one have meaning. Jai is well fleshed out and I can somewhat see through his eyes. Good level of description to put the reader into his world.
Spelling and Grammar :
I don't see errors, but see note below about the dialect. I noticed British spellings and that you were from the UK, so I'll leave that to someone who's better at that English.
Flow :
Beginning with 'Raaaatid!' and ending with 'seen, seen.' I had trouble listening to the specific character voices and understanding what was said. I know some people are difficult to understand that way, and it might just be that I'm an American reading a slang I'm wholly unfamiliar with.
Like this line later: "Likkle more." It means nothing to me, and I know I'd get more out of it if it did.
Additional Comments :
I didn't understand at first that the London sentiment was a thought in Jai's mind. It said he smiled at the thought and I at first took that to mean he smiled at the following thought that was in italics.
I also thought the introduction to the sample chapters sounded a bit pompous. Your synopsis sounded interesting and I expected a bigger action piece.
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First Impression :
Earthquake the dragon is waiting for her young to be born and feeling very hungry. This chapter tells about how she came to be in this position and gives a good portrayal of the character she is.
Not sure why this is tagged as 'interactive' for the first chapter? Definitely engaging!
Spelling and Grammar :
He had made her lose her prey she snarled angrily at him. (There needs to be something between prey and she in this sentence. Currently a run-on.)
Flow :
Moves well and follows a logical sequence.
Additional Comments :
I get a really good feel for these dragons. I can see how there's a lot to add! Great work!
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"A Man and His Kayak" 13+: the man in the kayak would like to keep his identitiy a secret.
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First Impression :
A man kayaks on his own down a dangerous river and loses his life.
Spelling and Grammar :
No errors. (Great!)
Comment: "that I was approaching." I would change this passive verb to active and say 'that I approached.' It's a little tighter and gives more action to what you're saying. (I say that with most forms of be/is/was. Check books you love and see the verbs the authors use.)
Flow :
"I was finally released by the hands of death. I shouted with what breath I had left at a passing helicopter, not knowing if it had seen me, the falls pulled me under once again." The first sentence made me feel like he died, and the second makes me think he has beaten the fall and still survives.
Additional Comments :
The tagline about his identity and wanting to keep a secret doesn't feel like it fits your story very well. If you want to make it about keeping his identity secret, you should mention something in the story about that.
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First Impression:
An amazing way to get started for NaNo specifically, but within these guidelines is a good template for the beginning of any large writing project. The prizes (for the challenge and for completing NaNo) are equal to the tasks. This challenge was aptly named, because it took effort to complete. The contest rounds made a fun diversion, too. The calendar shows how much thought you put into prepping a novel and I continue to think of that as a way to plan new ones. (Though I don't necessarily write letters to myself when it's just me.)
What I liked:
Prep Calendar! At first I thought five days to outline would be too many, but as I progressed I learned a lot about outlining and I think five is good. Some of us will need more time, but the free days allow that.
The links in the Calendar also give help to those who may have trouble understanding exactly what a particular part asks for. I hadn't written a premise for a novel before this one, though I had it in mind - writing it as one sentence really solidifies what I'm trying to say.
You reminded me of a character (journalist) I'd created in junior high at the end, and I loved writing the "exit interviews" to my characters from the idea of the story being complete.
The Entry Log made it very easy to track progress of myself and everyone else.
Cheerleading MBs gave everyone another reason to hang out in the forum and help others. It made it difficult to keep up with everything, but also a really fun place to be for the entire month!
Things to Improve:
The commitment letter and the contest round letter are very similar. I noticed I ended up saying nearly the same things in both. It might be possible to combine the two into one letter and decide one more thing that might be helpful to prepare for the novel.
I know this took a ton of your time in October and you couldn't complete the challenge yourself- but letting some users or even participants do some of the management would help that. Round judging can be done by any pair.
It may be too difficult, but you could log a local time in the entry log to see when things ought to be posted, but that also might just be more trouble than it's worth.
State in the rules that the challenges may be done in any order. I think most of the participants felt they ought to go in order and some of the rules had wording that could make understood more than one way. Contest rounds are the only ones that would need to be completed before 'last call' for that day. (The first rule makes it sound most like each challenge must be attempted the day given on the calendar.)
Spelling and Grammar:
Didn't see any errors.
Additional Comments :
Wow, thank you for putting together such a thorough preparation for NaNoWriMo. I'm seeing improvement in a lot of the participants from last year's attempt to this year's. I know my project has a great deal more coherence and I feel like I'm definitely going to make my personal goal of finishing a novel in a month (and not just going for the 50k). I just want you to know how much your time and GPs are appreciated. I will be more than happy to help you out next year as well.
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Overall:
The gardener thinks of a neighbor but dares not approach until the rain and a locked door bring them together.
What I especially Liked:
The tone of the speaker paints a picture with the garden and the gentleman who longs for a lady who is also shy. You also use great descriptions in this piece.
What Needs Improvement:
Not much! I find it's a little bit harder to get into a story when addressed as 'you', but that's a personal preference.
Spelling and Grammar:
How will I explain the movement of my hands to the tall tulips, to the burgeoning iris. (iris?)
Impressions :
An angry rant to the elders who came before, who were supposed to protect and hold in trust for their children, instead ran society/ecology/politics into thr ground. Unfocused in the rage, except at the 'baby boomers'.
Additional Comments :
and the carbon levels raised (actual carbon levels? Are you talking about filters? Or carbon dioxide/carbon monoxide greenhouse gas levels?)
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Impressions :
Love shown through the seasons of the year - the imagery is good. A litle less vivid toward the end, not understanding the exact reason for the change of the emotion coming from the speaker about the disillusion/despair part.
Additional Comments :
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Impressions :
Choosing to follow destiny with the (bad) experiences leading away from things that have been done in the past, learned but not willing to repeat.
Additional Comments :
Definitely feel the burden of wisdom behind the narrator's eyes. Nicely done.
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"A Mimicry Of Life" 13+: Its everything you want to know about the present day values and situation............. in conjuntion with "Invalid Item"
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Impressions :
Mimicry of life in how adults show expression contrasted with actions of infants who have not been jaded by life. The tag under the title seems misleading about 'present day values and situation.'
Additional Comments :
in the eyes of a new born (newborn)
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Impressions :
A tribute to the blinding power of love- showing someone swept away and changed forever by the depth of the emotion binding the two together.
Additional Comments :
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Impressions :
A friend lost - possibly through death? Memories held dear of the time spent together holding the viewpoint character through the empty heart.
Additional Comments :
I think the tag under the title should be "facing the loss of a friend"
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