I really enjoyed the story especially with the holiday coming up. Very easy to read and fun to follow along. The visual in the writing was good, you could feel the surroundings. Thank you!
Wow, congratulations on your book. I was out sick all last week with a sinus infection and found the site. I hadn't written in over 20 years. I woke up thinking about my newest writing and had to get out of bed and write it up before I forgot. I should probably just keep a steno pad next to the bed instead of actually writing a bit as I have to be up in 30 minutes for work but oh well at least I have a start to it. Anyway congrats again!
Hysterical, I loved the descriptive words and the way the story flowed. The ending had a perfect little twist that left your reader laughing and cheering for Don Diego...
Thank you so much for sharing!
I like it. This flows pretty well and reminds me of a piece I wrote years ago called You can Never Go Home. The memories that you describe are so vivid they paint a pretty picture. I hope your get to return and it is just the way you remember it. When I went home it had changed and it left me saddened. Thank you for your work
I really enjoyed this writing and following along was very easy. I felt sympathetic towards Bob and was smiling happily at the end (I guess there is an award for steadfast tolerance and it appears he received it) Thank you for the well thought out, pleasant read!
I love it! The story flowed and yet you felt like you had known this family for a long long time. I loved the setting, the Gerber jars made me laugh. A return to the days of old even though it was a forced one after the plague. The girl blossoming to be a woman under her mother's watchful eyes were beautiful. You captured so much in this writing and I hope you will add on to it as I would love to see how the story continues. Thank You!
The topic is a good one and had me questioning my own "evaluation system". I had some crazy ideas of what the "perfect" woman or someone who was "Sent from Heaven" should be. I found that I was holding my perfect partner to even higher standards then I held myself. (that was an awakening but no need to get into it here).
I like your writing and your style. It flows and is easy to follow.
As to cleaning it up
never did drugs or never drank (you can remove the 2nd never)
The guy who didn't grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth, the guy who had to get a job to get a car, the guy who got in trouble with the cops when he was younger
(this is a bit of a run on, you can make it flow a little better by perhaps saying.)
The guy who didn't grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth, instead he had to get a job to buy a car. He got in trouble with the cops when he was younger. (it might flow a little better like this)
When I think of that person this guy comes right to my head because he is the guy who will hold you tight at night, he is the one who will help you with anything you need help with without even asking him. (if we put a period between right after night and capitalize He it will again flow a bit better)
So when he asks me to be next to him in the future and that he promises to never hurt me , I truly believe he my man sent from heaven. ( So when he asks me to be next to him in the future, and promises to never hurt me, I truly believe he is my man sent from Heaven.)
It flows pretty well but I think this might be a bit better. I am new here and apologize if the review came across harsh. It was not meant to be and the story made me reflect about my own perfect woman. It's a great topic and very easy to follow and flowing. Good Job!
I enjoyed this challenge immensely and completed it with a short story from when I was younger about a pet squirrel I had the luck to befriend.
Thank you for getting the creative juices flowing this morning.
sft...
Once upon a time there was a small female squirrel born into a family of six others. She was the last to be born and as such was the lowest in the pecking order. Everyday, her family would go searching for food and visit the neighborhood bird feeder. Being the littlest, she would routinely get chased from the feeder by her larger brothers and sisters and have to root among the husks of seeds at the bottom of the table.
One day the human that filled the feeder came out as she was on the floor. The little squirrel shrank back in fear, but the man seemed kind. He gently threw a small handful of sunflower seeds to her after he filled the feeder. The hungry little squirrel was stunned but settled down to eat while keeping a wary eye on the human. Her brothers and sisters quickly returned when the human went back inside and she was chased from her small pile of seeds from an older sibling only being able to consume a few in the short time the man was outside.
The little squirrel continued to root through the husks occasionally gleaning a small nut or seed that had fallen to the ground or gone unnoticed. Over time she looked forward to the time each day the man would return to fill the feeder. She would edge a little closer and each time he would throw her a small handful of seeds or a small nut or two.
Because of that, she started to put on a little weight and her position in the family hierarchy started to rise. She was not left to root among the husks and was able to hold her own on the table. She continued to fill out as she had more access to the additional food on the table. The man continued to return each day to fill the feeder, always kind with soft soothing words for her.
Until finally one day, she chose to simply watch as her brethren ran off when the man returned to fill the feeder. He poured a small pile in front of her of sun flower seeds and then proceed to fill the feeder. The man remained outside within a foot or so of her while she made short work of the food. The man held a large peanut out to her in his hand. Her whiskers twitched and her gaze remained on the man. Tentatively she reached for it taking it in her mouth and then sat back on her haunches using her front paws to hold the nut while she eagerly tore at it.
A new friendship had formed...
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