My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Jason Lee and his family discoer there are aliens out there...
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the imagination behind the story. It had a "Red Dawn" feel to it.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent. I might suggest an edit for past tense. Most professional editors suggest using past tense to tell a story. Present tense can get confusing for the reader.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses to build suspense and tension.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jason Lee
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to defend his family and homeland.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The title fits the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Phil's car gets stuck in a snowstorm and he finds a cabin to keep warm...
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It wasn't what I expected.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Phil. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. As a suggestion, you could build on the deep expanse between the cold and heat and compare it with it with Phil and Samardijic.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Phil
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He gets stuck in a snow storm and seeks out shelter.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. Character voice was short, a bit quirky, but engaging. The opening draws in the reader. The title is a nice fit for the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An unnamed narrator gets stuck in the snow. Good thing there's a cabin nearby - and a dog.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the story. It was very heartwarming and uplifting.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense was used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately. I might suggest tapping into the five senses, for example, touch and how the cold might have played with her perception.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. For example, what kind of dog was it?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural snowy setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed Narrator
There's enough here to understand their motivations. It's time to find a place to hunker down for the snow storm.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. While the narrator didn't need to be named, it would have been nice if the dog got it out of the narrator.
The opening engages the reader. The title was a tad vague for the story. Word count was listed and the prompt was followed in accordance with the Bard's Hall Contest rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A poem about nature and rebirth.
WHAT I LIKED
A nice visual of nature. It was easy to picture the scene in my mind as I read.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. The acrostic of "Silent Night" paints a nice scene of a silent night in nature, waiting for rebirth. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poems captures, nature and all the trimmings of the season.
WHAT I LIKED
Christmas is what you make it, and so I enjoyed how the author gave it such a heartwarming personal spin, capturing the nature, the busyness of the season, and the reason.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. The author did a great job with the acrostic "Winter Wonderland," capturing the ambience of the season. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A heartwarming retelling of the Christmas story.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author used the Acrostic "Silent Night" to tell the gentle story of the night of Jesus' birth.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. A nice, quiet, peaceful poem. Easy visuals that put the reader there with the shepards. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
Brief words paint a picture of the season.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the poem evoked holiday visuals with simplicity of words.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. The poem is a nice reminder that the things we do can bring goodwill and heartfelt emotions to the season. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A personal poem about the season and a reason not to be "bah humbug."
WHAT I LIKED
I liked message of love.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. I enjoyed the presentation of finding love even though a person's instinct might be to find the "humbug." Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
This is a poem about what Christmas is like Down Under.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the visuals. Christmas can be fun, even when it's summertime.
STRUCTURE
This is an acrostic poem. It is where the first letter of the line spell out a word or a phrase.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no other suggestions. The rhythm scheme is ABCB. I appreciated the glossary at the end which helped to explain Australian phrases. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A poem about fear inspired by a quote from Samuel Johnson, "O, how vain and vile a passion is this fear! What base, uncomely things it makes men do."
WHAT I LIKED
I like how the first line of each stanza addresses a "trait" of fear.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with no structured rhyme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Very expressive! A poem about fear that sums up the worst of it. A creative take on the prompt, but for the contest, I believe a short story was the requirement for the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Milly tries to overcome her fear of dust.
WHAT I LIKED
A freaky spin on the prompt.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited person by Milly. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Just watch the just please," Mike said with a sigh.
MY SUGGESTION: "Just watch the dust." Mike sighed.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "...unsettling passed between them, as a wolf and tigress might stare at each other in the night."
SETTING
TIME: unsure
PLACE: unsure
This is something that could be a little more clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Milly
There's enough here to understand his motivations. She's afraid of dust.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt for inspiration. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Torben's friend goes a little too far with truth, dare and dust.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story embraced the prompt.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited person by Torben. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "...wind-tormented branches whipping the weak clod-filtered moonlight into fantastic shapes..."
SETTING
TIME: present day?
PLACE: cemetery
This is something that that could be a little more clarified for the reader, especially the time. The early 1800's in New England could add to the creep factor.
CHARACTERS
Torben
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's not one to turn down a dare, no matter how fearful he is.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. In the last paragraph, Torben is spelled "Corben" so I would check the spelling on it.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A nasty spin on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The ghost of mental illness lives in the narrator's mind.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the quote inspired the story. Very suspenseful.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Bruno. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "A shadow appeared before me, staring back at the me with balls of fire where eyes should have been."
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that that could be a little more clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed Narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's a little weary having to deal with Bruno.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Very freaky psychological spin on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall OCT 22 contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE ESSAY
The author talks about her passion for writing and why writing is important to her.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the voice of the essay. It had an easy flow and pulled me in as a reader.
ENGAGING
The essay hit on several key points that I think most writers share:
Writing is a form of expression.
Writing is personal. You control your writing.
Writing is a means to release emotions, happiness and sadness.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The essay contains a powerful, upbeat message about writing that readers/writers can identify with. Very heartfelt and sincere.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mickey and May manage to make some time to get away.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the simplicity of Mickey and May's relationship. It was a very sweet story that tugged on the heartstrings.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by May. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Good use of words that tapped into the five senses. I especially liked: "May thought Mickey's crooked teeth made him even more appealing."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
May
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's very responsible but also needs her time to be "just a kid."
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion, and this is minor, would be to expand the scene where Mickey takes May to the Cadillac. Did they ride bikes? Walk? Stop by to buy gum? Build up the suspense a bit more as Mickey takes May to the car. I thought the story captured the "grittiness" of the song & it's inspiration well. The opening easily engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
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