StephBee - House Targaryen's (sgcardin) Reviews

StephBee - House Targaryen

Review Requests: ON

3,924 Public Reviews Given

4,136 Total Reviews Given

276

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580388

Review of Time

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Sarah is the daughter of a mafia don and his only heir, but her father's party might change things.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the structure of the story and how the short, terse sentences built suspense.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited mainly from Sarah's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. Line breaks are used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I liked: "Her whiteness dazzling against the cobalt blue of the Pacific Ocean."

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: yacht of the coast of Sydney, Australia.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Sarah and her father

The focus of the story is on Sarah and her actions, but it's her father who will feel the effects of them.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A nice imaginative take on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

277

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580383

Review of The Moonlit Banquet

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

The creatures of Blackleaf forest meet for their annual meeting and one will be honored at the Banquet of Choosing.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked creativity of the story and distinctive the personalities were.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest a minor edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "We do it every year," said Aardvark, and he placed a claw on the stump...

MY SUGGESTION: "We do it every year." Aardvark placed a claw on the stump...

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "The forest's earthy smell filled Lynx's head, as if the ancient trees were waking up and announcing their presence.

SETTING

TIME: at night
PLACE: Blackleaf Forest

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Ensemble Cast

There's enough to understand their motivations. They gather to celebrate the Banquet of Choosing, but there is sadness as well.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A creative take on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

278

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580381

Review of Another Dinner Party

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing/judging your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Max Czeskowski is a little frustrated with the guy who runs the homeowner's association, aka "His Snottiness," and decides to do something about it.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. I think everyone can identify with an underdog at heart.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient mainly from Max's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I'm thinking of the time when Max is in the field and he's setting up. I might touch on the five senses, specifically, touch and smell. That would put me in the field with Max and amp the emotional buy in of what comes next.

SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified a little better for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Max

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's done with "His Snottiness" and he's going to get his due.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I like the how the dinner party (and quotation inspiration) played into the story at the end. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

279

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580379

Review of The Last Supper

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Short Shots: Official WDC Contest

(ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Everyone's inner monologue is enough to kill a perfectly good dinner party.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the use of the inner monologue. It drove me crazy and embodied the prompt, accelerating the dying process.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person, jumping perspectives to share inner monologues with the reader. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the story.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could touch on the five senses, especially smell. What does this dinner party smell like? Does it smell like it's dying?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Ensemble cast of characters

There's enough here to understand where each character is coming from.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The vignette speeds forward that I, as a reader, wanted nothing more than the death of this dinner party. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

280

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580378

Review of Dinner with Kieth

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Keith contemplates life...and death.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the voice, strong, yet heartbreaking, filled with a longing that might never be filled.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Keith. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. The item reads as an inner monologue.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's a lot of raw, emotional description.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: unknown

This is something that is not defined, but could be clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Keither

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He lives with conflict everyday.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The piece open, honest, and candid. It connects on an emotional level. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

281

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580377

Review of A Death Nearby

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Harry sits alone on a bench, contemplating death.

WHAT I LIKED

I think we're all a little like Harry. He was a character that warmed my heart. We all struggle with life and where it takes us.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Harry. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I liked the fall/autumn setting and the opening paints a solid setting in the reader's eyes, but I might suggest tapping into the five senses, especially smell. That would bring the reader into the scene. What does it smell like? Does death have a smell? decaying leaves? Does hope have a smell? Apples on a tree?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: a park

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Harry

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to be alone as he examines the news he received from the doctor.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story uses the prompt to touch on emotion well. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

282

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580376

Review of The Impact Of Immortality

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Short Shots: Official WDC Contest

(ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Nathan works for Big Pharma and might have made a big breakthrough when it comes to finding immortal hormones.

WHAT I LIKED

Good, solid story telling.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Nathan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. And I'm being kinda nit picky here -- I'd love to see the five senses, especially smell, used as description in this story. What does Liliana smell like? Draw me in a bit futher as a reader.

SETTING

TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: San Fernando Valley.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Nathan

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to celebrate his discovery, but he doesn't realize how dangerous his discovery is.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt as inspiration for the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

283

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580374

Review of Witchy Women

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

It's Cywedir's turn to supervise the hearth.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the spin on this story as inspired by the prompt. Very creative. The characterization was spot on!

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might suggest more definated line breaks when switching between characters narration.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I am dying of hunger," muttered Leroy B. Alphonse, the head banker of the Fiduciary Trust Amalgameted Bank.

MY SUGGESTION: "I am dying of hunger," said Leroy B. Alphonse. He was the head banker of the Fiduciary Trust Amalgamented Bank.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Did I add too much oregano? I don't remember adding that much. Licking her thumb that caught a dripping bit of a garlic buttered bread, she grimaced."

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: dinner party

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Lettica and Cywdir

There's enough here to understand their motivations. They both want to be successes in what they do.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Loved the ending. Glad to see Cywdir helped in the end! Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

284

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580373

Review of Dinner with Death

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Dinner guests who dont know each other gather for a meal.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. Well done.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration. If anything, I would suggest putting the dialogue in a seperate paragraph so it's easier to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might touch on the sense of smell as the dinner keeps getting bigger and bigger.

SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

The Butler and last guest

I didn't quite understand their motivations. Maybe they were vampires?

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I might touch on some motivations. Especially on the guests. Why would they show up to a dinner party when they didn't know the host or each other? The strength of the ending bumps this story up to a 4. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

285

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4575129

Review of Cop Shop Mystery 2020

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

It's time for the annual Bardtown's celebrations and the townsfolk are opening the time capsule and when they do, a big secret is revealed.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the color coding. It made the prompt stand out from the entry. Poor O'Leary was stunned. So was the mayor.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the story.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Mrs. Writon

Yikes! That's all I'm gonna say.

MECHANICS

The only spelling mistake I noticed was Mrs. Writeon. It's Mrs. Writon in the prompt.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. I thought the vignette was succinct and to the point. The ending was scandalous! Good luck in the contest.

286

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4575125

Review of Bardstown Baby Mama

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

It's time for the annual Bardtown's celebrations and the townsfolk are opening the time capsule and when they do, a big secret is revealed.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the reaction of the townspeople to the big reveal.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the story.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Kevin Wyatt David Crane Bard V.

Five ponders his good luck - or, maybe not so good luck.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. I thought the vignette had a good flow. Good use of WDC ML made it easy to read on the eyes. I would have liked to have seen more of a birth mother connection to the town, but there was plenty of drama to pass around. Good luck in the contest.

287

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4575122

Review of An Unveiling In Bardstown

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

It's time for the annual Bardtown's celebrations and the townsfolk are opening the time capsule. When they do, a big secret is revealed.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the ending. Definitely a shock!

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by the librarian. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

The Librarian

The contents of the letter prove too shocking to Mayor Writon.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything I might suggest spacing paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes at WDC.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader by summing up the prompt. I liked how the ending had a solid connection the characters of Bardstown. Good luck in the contest.

288

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4573176

Review of The Palm-Reader Says

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem tells a story of a woman visiting a palm reader.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it made me pause and read a bit deeper.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "if love could be fire-retardant like my flannel pajamas"

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Nice expression. For me, on the first read, the poem is fun, but on the second read, I saw a deeper meaning, especially in the last stanza with the cozy pajama hiding a deeper emotion underneath.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

289

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4573132

Review of LED BY A STAR

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem told the story of Christmas and the visit of the three wise men.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the story the poem told. It was upbeat and full of hope.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There was an AABB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML using red and green colors to give the poem an accented feel of Christmas.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "the child lay nestled in a bed of straw.." Nice visual here.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Great expression. A heartwarming poem. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

290

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4572941

Review of Pointless

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this item for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem takes a look at a tree and changes they must endure.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem. There was a rhythmic flow that I experienced when I read the poem. I liked how "If I was a tree" was repeated.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were some strategic rhymes, but no set patterns.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. The punctuation accents the flow of the poem.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "if I were a tree, fear should not be
losing my leaves, being seen to my core." Nice visual here.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I like how the poem challenges the reader to think about nature around them.. I have no suggestions for improvement. Great expression.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

291

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4572920

Review of The Storms

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Review Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem dealt was a nightmare involving lightning striking all around -- will it get me?

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem. I pictured someone like me, helpless, in the dark, trying to avoid the lightning.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were some strategic rhymes in the last sentences of each stanza.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "caught in the wind, round and round it's swirling."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I liked the use of short, concise words to increase in the urgency in the tone of the poem. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

292

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4572243

Review of The Snow Queen

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem is about a snow/winter queen who rules over a barren land.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem framed the life of the queen.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with no specific rythme scheme, but there are rythmes.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "the dusty field, the muddy road, that garden had once been hoed." It paints a vivid scene in my mind as a reader.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Nice expression. I like the poem challenges the reader to think about the life the snow/winter queen led and fill in the blanks. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

293

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4572233

Review of I Remember

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem takes a heartbreaking look at how Alzheimer's effects the person who has it, and the caregiver.

WHAT I LIKED

Another solid poem that tells a story. Good emotional expression.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with an BB rythme scheme. I liked the rythmic flow of the stanzas.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked the stanza: "No longer you remember..." as it paints a visual picture as to how Alzhiemers robs one of memories.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Nice word play. The poem evokes emotion in an effortless way. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

294

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4571015

Review of TECHNOLOGY CAREER- WHY FOR WOMEN?

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.

THE ESSAY

The essay makes the arugment that women should consider and enter more technological fields.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author suggested that men should mentor/teach women in the field. For me, I think it's a win/win in that it brings people together to build mutual respect.

POWER OF ARUGMENT

I would suggest using specific examples to add to the power of the arugment. I searched for "women in a tech field personal stories" and I found a bunch of personal stories that would resonate with readers.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. I would also create a few more paragraphs to to highlight the points the author wants to stick out.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's an opportunity to talk about specific tech, but mostly tech is talked about in general.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. There's a lot of potential to be developed. It's a good topic to explore.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

295

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4570995

Review of The End

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

A look at death and a comparison of reading a good book, having a good end.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the comparison and how the poem compared life/death to reading a book.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were no rhymes.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. If anything, I might suggest a light edit for puncutation to assist the flow of the poem. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "a young rose blooms then deteriorates."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. Nice expression.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

296

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4569800

Review of The wondrous night

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The night wraps the author in a warm embrace and yet, is it as warm as it implies? The author explores this question.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were some strategic rhymes, but no set patterns.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation/capitalization as I think it will assist the flow in which the reader reads the poem. I am curious about the capitalization and lack of capitalization of "i" in the poem. I think the lower case "i" would be served by stronger punctuation. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "The moon is smiling, the sky is clear."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Good expression.

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

297

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4569793

Review of You Never Walk Alone

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing this poem for the Angel Army Newbie Challenge SEP 2020.

THE POEM

A heartfelt, inspirational poem that reminds the reader that you are never alone.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem. There was a rhythmic flow that I experienced when I read the poem.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. The 1st and 3rd stanza of each line stanza rythmed.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Punctuation was light, but appropriate. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked the opening line: "You are not alone, you never walk alone." Right away it sets a tone for the poem which is hopeful and upbeat.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I liked how the poem came full circle using a nature motif. The wind offers whispers for us -- we cannot be afraid to listen. Great expression!

Reviewed by StephB for the the Angel Army

Review Signature

298

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4569787

Review of A love AS deep as the ocean

Review by StephBee - Hous...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. I am reviewing a newbie for the Angel Army Challenge for SEP 2020.

THE POEM

The poem talks about love and it's effects on one's soul.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the idea of love being eternal and than exploring that dynamic.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem.

MECHANICS

The poem is easy to read. The first line of every sentence is capitalized. I might suggest some punctuation, only in that would assist the reader with rhythm and flow.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked the opening line. It grabbed my attention right away.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

This is the type of poem that you can really expand, especially with the ocean comparison. Love is such a powerful topic for a poem. The ending could have had an ocean reference tying it back to the beginning.

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army.

Review Signature

299

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4569783

Review of My Memories ❤️

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem talks of sharing experiences and friendship.

WHAT I LIKED

I think a lot of readers can relate with similar experiences.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There was no set rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

Capitalization is not standard and the only punctuation is at the end of the poem. If anything I might suggest a light edit for punctuation and words that need a space. (example: Eachother) The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Useless talk" as it implies more than the words suggest.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Every expressive and from the heart.

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

300

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4569624

Review of "What's for dinner?"

Review by StephBee - Hous...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE ESSAY

A look at how the struggle is real to answer the daily question: "What's for dinner?"

WHAT I LIKED

I have struggled with this question for years. And the author nailed it!! I work all day, I'm exhausted. I have no energy to put dinner together so it's "let's order out!" This essay was written in 2004 but it's still relevant in 2020!

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I loved the use of WDC. It made the essay easy to read.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. I loved how the author reviewed the daily challenges of dinner and then offered a solution with the crock pot. I have one, I don't use it enough. For now I'm just trying to hang in there.