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376
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Reading* THE POEM

This poem reads like an epic poem and tells the story of the author who gets caught in a blizzard.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the story that the poem told. There was conflict, doubt, and hope. Each stanza keeps the reader involved and reading to find out what will happen next.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem. There is no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest an edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion mentioned above. The poem tells an inspirational story and the ending is heartwarming. Done in a "epic" style, but doesn't meet the literary definition of epic poetry. Still, the style is engaging and the poem is easy to read and understand.

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army

Angel Army Review Bear
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for entry "~ Jonah ~" 
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Reading* THE POEM

This is a historical poem based on the story of "Jonah" from the Bible.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story was worded in such a way to reach a wide audience from children to adults.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem. There are 3 lines in a stanza and the first two lines rythme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest an edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion mentioned above. The structure of poem lends itself to wide appeal. It tells a story and speaks to the heart. Well done.

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army

Angel Army Review Bear
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378
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

In The Shadows engages the reader by discussing the art of President Trump's decision making. Reviewer's Note: I might note that this blog deals with politics and politics can be very divisive. And I'll leave it at that.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the topics were ones that everyday people hear about in the news.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a good variety on Trump's issues that he's dealt with since coming to office.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was easy to read.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I might suggest expanding the blog intro just a tad more. You could nicely tie the title into the blog entries. *Smile*

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Blogging Contest.
Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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379
Review of What's Genny For?  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

What's Genny For? engages the reader through personal stories and topical discussions.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the topics were heartfelt. I especially liked the one about money and being a Christian.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a good variety on topics from homeschool, to rants, to baking.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was easy to read.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

I might suggest using a graphic in the introduction to set a tone/mood for your blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog. *Smile*

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Blogging Contest.
Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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380
Review of Melting Snow  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

Melting Snow engages the reader by responding to prompts from Blogging Circle of Friends, Blog City, and 30 Days of blogging.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked the poetry that was infused with the entries.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a good variety of discussion on blogging prompts.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was easy to read. The blogging had a spiritual theme to it.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

Good use of graphics in the introduction to set the theme and mood of the blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog. *Smile*

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Blogging Contest.
Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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381
Review of Song of May  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics evoke what nature is like in the month of May.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the lyrics captured the heartbeat of May as spring fully comes into it's own.

*Star* CREATIVITY

The theme of the lyrics involve nature. I thought they were very creative and full of imagination.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

If anything, I think they look more like a poem then lyrics. I can hear more iambic pentameter in my head as I read. *Smile* Write on!

Reviewed by StephB from the Bard's Hall

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature }
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Review of Amazing Ken  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics speak about the all the amazing things Ken does on WDC.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the lighthearted tone of the lyrics.

*Star* CREATIVITY

I liked how the song was about a member of WDC. Very creative!

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The lyrics are easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I just can't imagine this sung to "Amazing Grace." *Smile* I hear something a bit more up tempo and lighthearted.

Reviewed by StephB in the Sandbox

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature

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383
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics sing the appeal of Dublin, Ireland

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the chorus, very visual, very stiring.

*Star* CREATIVITY

This is a nice song about the appeal of Dublin.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. The lyrics are easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The lyrics are honest and heartfelt. I could hear the chorus in my head.

Reviewed by StephB in the Sandbox

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature

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Review of What's the Time?  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics speak about time, the importance of it, along with the value of it.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked that the verses with tight and snappy.

*Star* CREATIVITY

Is it worth it to catch a cab to go somewhere and waste time getting there only to realize your destination is not appealing and you wish you could leave?

I liked the creativity in tackling the topic and relating it to an everyday experience.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The lyrics are easy to read and understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. I like the catchy "Ketra vaga?" in my head and could easily hear the beat/tune in my head.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall May 2018 Contest.

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Review of Sunset Melody  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LYRICS

The lyrics invite the listener to leave their cacophony of modern day sounds and visit nature where it's quieter and more peaceful. Enjoy a sunset's melody.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the theme of the lyrics; finding escape from modern day issues in a calm, nature filled evening.

*Star* CREATIVITY

The song challenges the busy person in life to find a peaceful haven where they can let go.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a light edit for punctuation. The lyrics are easy to read and understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The song's rhyme scheme comes naturally. The chorus provides the hook for the song.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall May 2018 Contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature }
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Review of Money Talks  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Albie wants to give some lady money on behalf of Frankie.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. I knew there was an angle and the ending delivered.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the lday. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

This is a dialogue only contest with a photo prompt. The dialogue does a good job paining a vignette. It holds the reader's interest until the end.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Given that it's a dialogue prompt, the challenge is to touch on the five scenes to add depth to the descriptions. It can be done. Are they on the street? What does the street smell like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: the present
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

The Lady

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's after "her" man. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The story is easy to understand. I might suggest spacing between dialogue/paragraphs as it would be easier on the eyes to read at WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I thought the author did a great job capturing both the characters' voices using dialogue only. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
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387
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE ESSAY/ARTICLE

Our well intentioned narrator gives some advice on how to get through the Thanksgiving holiday with one's sanity in tact.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. It was very easy to get into what the narrator was saying. I totally agreed with cleaning. I've spent a good FULL day cleaning my house only to have my obnoxious guests make a mess and not clean up. Makes me wonder what goes on at their house. Then again, I don't think I want to know.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

Good job with descriptions, not only visual, but emotional, too.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: a typical house at thanksgiving.

The setting is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He has great advice for those who are not "thanksgiving" savvy. *Smirk2* }

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs on WDC so it's easier on the reader's eyes. The story is easy to understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count is listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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388
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Darrin is checking off names on his bucket list.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked presentation. There were no spelling/punctuation mistakes. The author used a font that was easy to read.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Darrin. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Darrin ... or Mitch

Honestly, I was confused who was the lead character if it was Darrin or Mitch and while I wasn't confused on the motive, I didn't understand who was doing what. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I might suggest writing in the story in the first person. It might tighten up the narration and avoid the confusion. The opening has plenty of action and encourages the reader to continue. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

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389
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Chola and Neepa are friends, and Chola needs all the support she can get when she decides to go against her mother's wishes and express herself by painting murals.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Chola shows a true sense of inner strength and character when she decides to follow her heart and paint the murals.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Chola. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.If the word count provides, I might suggest adding a few strategically placed sentences that touch on scent and the rich visual of the murals painted by Chola.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader. If anything, I might suggest adding the location before the first sentence, to give the reader a reference for the location. I'm not sure of setting, but for me, "Calcutta, India," before the start would help me to visualize the location.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Chola

There's enough here to understand her motivations. Art is in her veins and she must express herself. It's like that for me as a writer. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read and understand.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A very heartwarming story that will resonate with readers. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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390
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
SURVEY
What a Character! : Official WDC Contest  (E)
Create a memorable character using the given prompt for huge prizes!
#1679316 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Harrison Jones is a spice merchant who has traveled the world.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the description of the character. I could easily picture Harrison.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient from Harrison's. Good job with narration. I might suggest a minor edit for tense. There are occasions were the tense shifts from past to present.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There is no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

The descriptions are visual and eye catching.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: the past?
PLACE: The world?

The time that the story was set in, was confusing to me, not sure if it was distant past or not.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Harrison

There's enough here to understand his motivations and his desire to find more spices. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. There are several run on sentences, including the opening sentence. I would also suggest spacing between paragraphs. It's hard for the reader to read on WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening needs to be reworked. I would suggest picking a scene from Harrison's adventures that sums up his lust to find spices and depict that. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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Review of King Of Beasts  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
FORUM
The Bard's Hall Contest  (13+)
APRIL: Flash Fiction, 500 word limit.
#981150 by StephBee - House Targaryen


Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Everyone is fair 'game' when the lions are loose.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the scenerio. I can't imagine it happening, but you never know these days. There might be an electronic gate failure and bam! Lions are on the loose.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. (Unless you want to imagine Asian tourists yelling their heads off.)

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Great job with visual descriptions. I loved: "She shook him like a blanket." Easy to picture and see in the mind's eye. If anything, again, minor, but what do the fierce lions smell like? What's the smell of death?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to get away and be safe. Great character voice. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader. The story is easy to read and understand. Succinct and visual - two elements of horror writing that blend nicely together. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
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Review of Haiku 2017 #47  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is a haiku poem about the little things in life and the happiness they offer.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I like the last line. It strikes a heartwarming picture of a grandmother and granddaughter.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The poem follows a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation, but again, the lack of it might be a matter of style.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I really have no other suggestions for improvement. The poem is easy to read and understand. It taps into sensory imagery well. The poem followed the rules for the contest. Good luck in the Bard's Hall this month!

Reviewed by StephB in the Bard's Hall.

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones
NOTE: while Game of Thrones is over, I think the Signature is "cool"
so I thought I'd stick with it for a couple of more weeks. *Smile*
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393
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is about writing poems.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought of a struggling writer dealing with "writer's block" until they had their breakthrough at the light of day.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The poem follows a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation, but again, the lack of it might be a matter of style.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I really have no other suggestions for improvement. The poem is easy to read and understand. It captures emotion well from frustration to the joy of a breakthrough. I think many will identify with it. The poem followed the rules for the contest. Good luck in the Bard's Hall this month!

Reviewed by StephB in the Bard's Hall.

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones
NOTE: while Game of Thrones is over, I think the Signature is "cool"
so I thought I'd stick with it for a couple of more weeks. *Smile*
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Review of Fashion Universe  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a review for "Fashion Universe"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

A man goes to get a suit but ends up with something unexpected.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the story the poem told. I could easily picture what was happening as the poem went on. I liked how the suit turned into a universe of fashion. The ending nailed the message of the story. Well done!

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rhythm scheme. The poem is easy to read and understand. The poem does a good job incorporating the requirement. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked how the descriptions incoorparted space and allowed for the imagination to expand.

I especially liked:

"Uh, no,” I uttered, yet he with the will
of gravity and the brash of gamma-ray
burst, insisted I at least try on a coat.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem was very creative and visual. I thought the title matched the poem well. Write on!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
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In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a review for "Surrender the Soul"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

Just what will the devil do for a soul?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the decision to give your soul to the devil was just a step away. I think that can apply to today's world, in that you have to make a decision to set out on a path. It's not an easy decision to make and depending, it could be a path that takes you the wrong way.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a poem with 5 stanzas and a free standing line at the end. There's no apparent rythme scheme. The free standing line really allows for the meaning of the poem to hit home.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read and understand. The poem has a nice, natural rhythm to it when read outloud.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

Are very vivid and well done. I especially liked:

Choking on the rancid smells
as decomposing flesh covers the walls
and monsters drool over the taste.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title of the poem reflects the content of the poem well. It's well written and very vivid. The best part is the stand along last line which really makes the poem zip.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
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In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a tag team review for "Video game quotes "  from House Targaryen for the "The North Remembers"  and "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE CROSSWORD

The crossword appears to focus on video games.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked seeing a cross word like this. It was something different and I have no doubt appeals to the modern video gamer.

*Star* INTRODUCTION

I think the introduction could be improved on. Maybe add a graphic to set the tone/mood of the crossword and use WDC ML to make it a bit "eye appealing" for the casual crossword taker who is debating whether or not to take the crossword. Also, to appeal to a broader audience I might reference the games used in regards to the quotes so I could look them up and try to determine the answers. Also, offering incentives to complete the crossword, maybe a merit badge?

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The content appears to be well thought out, and I would believe those familiar the the video games would do well.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones
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In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a tag team review for "{The History Of My First Computer}"  from House Targaryen for the "The North Remembers"  and "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE STORY

The author talks about her first computer.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

This is a very heartwarming account. I think a lot of us older computer users started out this way. We saw a beat up computer and thought we could do something with it.

*Star* NARRATION

This is narrated in the third person limited by 'Mum.' Past tense is used appropriately. Good job with narration.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the 5 senses to expand the scene. Just how ragged did this computer look like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day/2000
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Mum

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's curious about computers and would like her own. Mind you, it comes with a learning curve... but Mum is game. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. I story is easy to read and relate to, but I might suggest spacing between the lines to make it easier on the eyes for readers on WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A nice, heartfelt story.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

Steph's Signature for Game of Thrones }
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Review of #BlackScreen  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a tag team review for "#BlackScreen"  from House Targaryen for the "The North Remembers"  and "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

Computers can be frustrating, especially when they go "blackScreen."

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

For me, the poem captured how a computer can be frustrating. The title was perfect for the message the poem contained.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free poem with 2 stanzas and a AABBA rythme scheme. There's a nice, natural flow to the poem which makes it easy to read.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to understand. Good use of WDC ML to present the poem.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough here to capture the feeling of frustration.

I especially liked: for technology's folly
is not at all jolly
when the thing's a belligerent suitor!

I interpreted a belligerent suitor to be a computer that's frustrating, maybe too slow, goes blackscreen, or gets stuck, especially when you want to move on and do something else.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Nice word play makes the reader internalize the message and make it their own.

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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Review of MY ADDICTION  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for "MY ADDICTION"  from House Targaryen for a "The North Remembers"  Tag Team Challenge in "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

This poem is about using the Internet. *Wink*

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author summed how important the Internet and computers have become to all of us. We all have fun and we all enjoy it, however, as in all things, it would be best if done in moderation.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is written in abcb format with a 7-6-7-6 syllable scheme. I hadn't seen this format before and I have to admit I liked it. It had a nice, rhythmic flow that I enjoyed.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read and understand. I liked how the author explained the format of the poem at the end. That was helpful.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to understand the how the Internet effects people.
I especially liked:
I do spend late hours in night,
Surfing and e-mailing.

**I think we've done a little of that from time to time. *Wink*

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I enjoyed the word play in the poem, especially in the last stanza, and if anything, I think we all can relate. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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Review of Seize the Day  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a review for "Seize the Day"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

*Reading* THE POEM

What motivates you to get up in the morning?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Each of us has our own reasons to start a new day. I could totally identify with a restless mind a weary body. I have long days and after 8 hours my mind is restless, looking for relief.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme. There is no punctuation so it reads rather "stream of conscious" and has a natural rhythm and flow to it.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to present the poem to the reader.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to evoke emotion. I especially liked: restless mind and weary body

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The word play entices the reader to examine their own motives for facing the day and dares them to find the good in their motives, despite the challenges. (At least that's how I saw it. *Wink*) Well written!

Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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