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Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LETTER

A heartfelt letter to 2020 including the good, the bad, and ugly, ah, weird. *Smile*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the conversational nature of the letter. I liked how the letter poked fun, yet made a point. For example: "Chocolate, on he other hand, can be used to bribe the zombies."

*Star* TONE

Lighthearted. I liked how the body of the letter touched on all points, the good, the bad, and weird of 2020.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The letter is succinct and to the point. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
27
27
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* THE LIMERICK

A poor turkey doesn't realize he's not a guest at Thanksgiving, he's the meal!

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

This poor turkey was clueless! Good job making a poem from limerick stanzas.

*Star* STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. An entertaining turkey trot! Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph
28
28
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* THE LIMERICK

A turkey seems oblivious to his plight, which, honestly, is a not a good thing. He has no idea what's going to happen...

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Very creative! You capture the poor bird's lack of knowing well.

*Star* STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. A great way to weave in some Swedish. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph
29
29
Review of Turkey Trifecta  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Reading* THE LIMERICK

3 Limericks, 2 turkeys, and a chef fill the house with the ambience of Thanksgiving.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the trifecta! Three great stories about Thanksgiving, turkeys, and a chef.

*Star* STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Very creative. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph
30
30
Review of In the Barrio  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* THE LIMERICK

A turkey found love...and lost love. *Sad*

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

Never find love in a barrio.

*Star* STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Great storytelling in four lines with an added chuckle. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph
31
31
Review of Turkeys' Revenge  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Reading* THE LIMERICK

A couple of turkeys get their revenge on Thanksgiving.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the revenge in the form a stink bomb and hard drumsticks. I thought this was a very imaginative limerick that fit the prompt well.

*Star* STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. A sinfully delicious revenge that made me chuckle. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph
32
32
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The family likes to hunt, but then the invaders come.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The story is short, concise and straight to the point.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses. Pull the reader into the scene by engaging the senses.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand their motivations. They need to hunt. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I might try fleshing this vingette out a little more. I got a werewolf/vampire vibe. The opening needs to be reworked to define the family better. Are they wolves? People? Vampires? Witches? Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

33
33
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

An amnitronic and his friends are sent to battle an alien demon on Halloween.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the madness! The chaos! The Halloween costumes of the good guys! This was a fun, entertaining read, though it was a bit out there.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by "Ty Cobb." Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: I barked, "Direct your attack on the witch."

MY SUGGESTION: I pointed toward the sky. "Direct your attack on the witch!"

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. What does the battle zone smell like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: near future
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

"Ty Cobb"

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's there to fight the alien demon. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I loved the creativity and imagination behind the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

34
34
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Jim aka Boyman66 decided to play a visual novel called "WIlderwoe School High." It doesn't go so good for him.... or does it?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the imagation behind the story. It's something a little modern and different than traditional "horror."

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Jim. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Now, now, Boyman 66, or should I call you Jim?", Michelle smirked.

MY SUGGESTION: Michelle smirked. "Now, now Boyman66, or should I call you Jim?"

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: near future
PLACE: Jim's house

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Jim

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to play a video game. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good character voice. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

35
35
Review of Inheritance  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Dougie's gret-great-whatever was at the Salem Witch Trials. Seems he kept a diary too that Dougie found. Dougie's in for it now.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story built on itself to the ending.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the through Dougie and Rina's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might a line break after "Great! CU in 20" as there is a POV shift.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.


*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might touch on the five senses including touch and smell. What does the diary feel like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Dougie

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's fascinated by the old diary. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

36
36
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

During the day, the Old Banyan Tree is good, but during the night, the Old Banyon Tree is kinda evil. In a good way.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the tree became it's own character.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I am missing the kind of fun we are used to," said Nagaraju, with a lecherous smile.

MY SUGGESTION: Nagaraju flashed his gang a lecherous smile. "I am missing the kind of fun we are used to."

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but you could expand on this. There's a good visual description of the tree, but what does it feel like? What does it smell like?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: unknown
PLACE: Two villaes, Kottur and Puttur near the river Nagavali.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Nagaraju

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's just not a nice guy. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A very interesting story. Glad to see the Banyan tree was looking out for the villages. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

37
37
Review of Crossing Over  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Famous flutist, Katherine Stratford, is killed, but gets to visit Earth once a year.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought the ending was solid horror. Well done.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. In the middle, there's a POV shift to Peter's perspective. I might suggest a line break so the shift isn't so jaring.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Peter started to turn his head as he asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

MY SUGGESTION: Peter started to turn his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. To heighten the suspense I might suggest drawing on the 5 senses, especially smell. When Katherine comes to Peter, is there a smell?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day.
PLACE: urban setting.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Katherine and Peter

There's enough here to understand their motivations. Peter's moved on, but Katherine hasn't. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

38
38
Review of Snokum Joe  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

One Eyed Billy sneaks into a graveyard to hide his loot, but things aren't what they seem.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. Dumb Billy never learns.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by One Eyed Billy. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. The story is told through narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "a small lantern cast a buttery light upon the rows of white tombstone sticking out like teeth and bones from the carcass of the earth." Well done! Good, solid descriptions throughout.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: graveyard

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

One Eyed Billy

There's enough here to understand his motivations. If I just stole a bunch of money, I'd want to hide it too. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I spotted one spelling error: "hen" for then. I did not spot any puncutation errors. Good use of WDC ML in the story.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

39
39
Review by StephB
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Lenny travel to India for work and everyone wants to feed him.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Great character voice! Lenny had a nice conversational style way of telling a story that connected with me as a reader.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Lenny. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest a minor edit to tighten up the dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Good descriptions involving food and smell: "Never have toast and omelet looked so beautiful. Or tasty so spicy. Surely those little green things couldn't be so lethal..."

I found glossary of words at the beginning of the story very useful when reading.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: India, urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Lenny

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He needs to try and avoid all the food they are feeding him. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good job with WDC ML to make the story easy on the eyes for the reader.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A creative spin on a challenging quotation prompt. Well done. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
40
40
Review of Dinner For Ten  
Review by StephB
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

When Blanche accidently dies, there's a big list of suspects, but only 1 did it.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. There was a nice twist at the end that hooked me as a reader.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "What the hell?!" Caroline said, suddenly feeling fine.

MY SUGGESTION: "What the hell?" Caroline's cheeks filled with color.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses to pull the reader into the scene. What did the house smell like? Good use of descriptions help to show the story to the reader as opposed to telling the story.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: old house

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator.

There's enough here to understand his motivations. His aunt is old and there might be old money involved.*Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening needs to be reworked. I counted 4 "It was" in the opening paragraph. The opening "tells" more than it shows. To engage the reader, I might suggest starting with action, possibly the narrator walking into the old house and his observations of the exterior of the house and then transition to his expectations of the night. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
41
41
Review of Time  
Review by StephB
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Sarah is the daughter of a mafia don and his only heir, but her father's party might change things.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the structure of the story and how the short, terse sentences built suspense.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited mainly from Sarah's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. Line breaks are used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I liked: "Her whiteness dazzling against the cobalt blue of the Pacific Ocean."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: yacht of the coast of Sydney, Australia.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Sarah and her father

The focus of the story is on Sarah and her actions, but it's her father who will feel the effects of them.*Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A nice imaginative take on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
42
42
Review of In Bad Company  
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Unnamed narrator holds a dinner party with a specific intent in mind.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The story built suspense nicely. At first I was annoyed by not learning the narrator's name, but by the end, it worked perfectly with the theme and direction of the story. The ending was dark, but perfect for the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a blend of dialogue and narration. I find the dialogue accents the narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Only the best for my guests," I replied with a smile, patting her hand with mine.

MY SUGGESTION: "Only the best for my guests." I smiled, patting her hand with mine.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: When shaken with thinly-veiled irritation, a whiskey on the rocks sounds like a rhythmic sharpening of knives. As the opening sentence, it grabs the reader's attention, induces curiosity, and hints at what's to come in a very slick way.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: unsure. The 1920's is referenced, but I'm unsure if the time of the setting or the theme of the dinner party.
PLACE: a luxurious mansion

This is something that I might clarify a bit better for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He appears to be raised like his guests, a good education, vain, vapid, but as the story continues, his layers peal back to reveal a deep hurt. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. While dark, I enjoyed the direction of the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
43
43
Review by StephB
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The creatures of Blackleaf forest meet for their annual meeting and one will be honored at the Banquet of Choosing.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked creativity of the story and distinctive the personalities were.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest a minor edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "We do it every year," said Aardvark, and he placed a claw on the stump...

MY SUGGESTION: "We do it every year." Aardvark placed a claw on the stump...

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "The forest's earthy smell filled Lynx's head, as if the ancient trees were waking up and announcing their presence.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: at night
PLACE: Blackleaf Forest

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Ensemble Cast

There's enough to understand their motivations. They gather to celebrate the Banquet of Choosing, but there is sadness as well. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A creative take on the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
44
44
Review by StephB
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing/judging your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Max Czeskowski is a little frustrated with the guy who runs the homeowner's association, aka "His Snottiness," and decides to do something about it.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. I think everyone can identify with an underdog at heart.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient mainly from Max's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I'm thinking of the time when Max is in the field and he's setting up. I might touch on the five senses, specifically, touch and smell. That would put me in the field with Max and amp the emotional buy in of what comes next.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified a little better for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Max

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's done with "His Snottiness" and he's going to get his due. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I like the how the dinner party (and quotation inspiration) played into the story at the end. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

45
45
Review of A Dinner Party  
Review by StephB
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The Fairley family hosts a squad of Union soldiers for dinner party. Some have manners, some don't.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the setting. I thought it was a different take on the prompt (based on my other readings) and I like the visit in time. Good imagination.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient with a focus on the daughters, Cecilia and Lucinda. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might weave in the five senses, especially special. What did the Union soldiers smell like? Perhaps the general smells clean like sandalwood, implying manners and a well behaved temperament. Perhaps Hansom smells of cheap liquor implying his manners are a bit more rough.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: 863
PLACE: Southern Plantation

This is something that was clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Lucinda and Cecilia

There's enough here to understand her motivations. Lucinda is kindhearted. Cecilia must navigate uncomfortable waters. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I enjoyed how distinct and unique the characters were. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
46
46
Review of The Last Supper  
Review by StephB
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Everyone's inner monologue is enough to kill a perfectly good dinner party.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the use of the inner monologue. It drove me crazy and embodied the prompt, accelerating the dying process.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person, jumping perspectives to share inner monologues with the reader. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue drives the story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could touch on the five senses, especially smell. What does this dinner party smell like? Does it smell like it's dying?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Ensemble cast of characters

There's enough here to understand where each character is coming from. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The vignette speeds forward that I, as a reader, wanted nothing more than the death of this dinner party. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

47
47
Review of Dinner with Kieth  
Review by StephB
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Keith contemplates life...and death.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the voice, strong, yet heartbreaking, filled with a longing that might never be filled.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Keith. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. The item reads as an inner monologue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's a lot of raw, emotional description.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: unknown

This is something that is not defined, but could be clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Keither

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He lives with conflict everyday. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The piece open, honest, and candid. It connects on an emotional level. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

48
48
Review of A Death Nearby  
Review by StephB
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Harry sits alone on a bench, contemplating death.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I think we're all a little like Harry. He was a character that warmed my heart. We all struggle with life and where it takes us.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Harry. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I liked the fall/autumn setting and the opening paints a solid setting in the reader's eyes, but I might suggest tapping into the five senses, especially smell. That would bring the reader into the scene. What does it smell like? Does death have a smell? decaying leaves? Does hope have a smell? Apples on a tree?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: a park

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Harry

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to be alone as he examines the news he received from the doctor. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story uses the prompt to touch on emotion well. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

49
49
Review by StephB
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Nathan works for Big Pharma and might have made a big breakthrough when it comes to finding immortal hormones.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Good, solid story telling.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Nathan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. And I'm being kinda nit picky here -- I'd love to see the five senses, especially smell, used as description in this story. What does Liliana smell like? Draw me in a bit futher as a reader.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: San Fernando Valley.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Nathan

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to celebrate his discovery, but he doesn't realize how dangerous his discovery is. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt as inspiration for the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

50
50
Review of Witchy Women  
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

It's Cywedir's turn to supervise the hearth.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the spin on this story as inspired by the prompt. Very creative. The characterization was spot on!

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might suggest more definated line breaks when switching between characters narration.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I am dying of hunger," muttered Leroy B. Alphonse, the head banker of the Fiduciary Trust Amalgameted Bank.

MY SUGGESTION: "I am dying of hunger," said Leroy B. Alphonse. He was the head banker of the Fiduciary Trust Amalgamented Bank.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Did I add too much oregano? I don't remember adding that much. Licking her thumb that caught a dripping bit of a garlic buttered bread, she grimaced."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: dinner party

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Lettica and Cywdir

There's enough here to understand their motivations. They both want to be successes in what they do. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Loved the ending. Glad to see Cywdir helped in the end! Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

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