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101
101
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
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#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
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*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

James walks a snowy street, reflecting on his life.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story used the visual prompt for inspiration. It takes an honest look at what goes on with people who might be less fortune than others.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by James. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Good emotional descriptions place the reader next to James as he walks down the street.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

James

There's enough here to understand his motivations. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening is a little slow and the story centers on James' reflections and where he is in his life. I might suggest incorporating some action into the story, maybe he meets someone or a he does a good deed for someone which spurns on his decision at the end. (The action doesn't necessarily need to be incredible. Sometimes subtle action speaks more to character motivation than a lot of action.) Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
102
102
Review of No Return Address  
Review by StephB
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

An honest mistake leads to healing in the family.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the heartwarming nature of the story. Good use of the visual prompt to inspire the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Pamela's POV. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand on them if you wanted using the five scenes. I might tape into painting vivid white visuals for the reader.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Pamela
There's enough here to understand her motivations once she realizes her mistake. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC to make the story easy on the eyes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The only thing I might suggest clarifying because I was confused by it and I tried to re-read it a couple of times, is how Pamela had Uncle Roger's email. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
103
103
Review of Town Circles  
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Cory turns 18 and drives out of his small town looking for adventure.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. It was very creative.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Cory. There are shifts to Donna May's point of view without a line breaks. I might suggest line breaks so the shift isn't jarring for readers. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest offsetting the dialogue with it's own paragraph. I wouldn't include it within the body of the paragraph, that tends to confuse readers.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses. Does the warp have a smell? Has the smell changed? What's the difference that Donna feels might be happening?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: rural setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Cory

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's young and he's old enough to do his own thing and that's go and explore the world. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening grabs the reader's attention and keep them reading. The title fits the story. Good, subtle use of the sci-fi elements. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
104
104
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Tucker wants to go out and capture the beauty of the snow with his camera.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story evolved from the visual prompt. It had a very inspiring and inspirational message.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Tucker. Good job with narration. Past and present tense shifts within the story. Usually, I'm not a fan of shifting tenses, but I think it makes considering Tucker's challenges. I think it's a nice subtle way that is reflective of his struggles.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest taping into the five senses. Really paint the scene visually for me that Tucker sees.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Tucker

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to capture how pretty the snow is, even if it is cold and uninviting. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is okay, if anything I'd love to see the character's voice fleshed out a tad more to really engage me. The title fits the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
105
105
Review of The Snowflake  
Review by StephB
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Dan meets with a reporter about recent changes in his life.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. The meeting between Dan and Tori take place in a cafe on a busy street covered in snow. I also liked how the first snowflake of the story comes full circle with the ending snowflake. Well done.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Dan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Her brown hair danced in the air from the static electricity the action caused." As a reader, you put me right in the diner with Dan and Tori.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Dan

I wasn't clear on Dan's motivations to seek out Tori, a reporter. Certainly, he has experienced dramatic change. Or did Tori seek him out. While I found the exchange of information interesting, I was a bit confused on the characters' motivations.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read on the eyes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I would just flesh out the motivations a bit more. The title fits the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
106
106
Review of White-out!  
Review by StephB
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Our unnamed narrator is a bit surprised by the sudden snowy downfall.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the visual prompt inspired the story. I also liked how the story played into the everyday weather and it's predictions.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Present tense is used to tell the story. I'm not a fan of the present tense, as I prefer past tense. It's hard to make present tense work in story telling, but the author did a descent job with it and it didn't hinder the storytelling.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "I can fell the icy chill of the air pricking my exposed skin like a thousand needles." As a reader, I feel like I'm on the street with our narrator, freezing, just like him. Well done.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

When the snow comes, our narrator rushes to the newsroom and has an opportunity to see for himself the snowfall.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read on the eyes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

My suggestion would be to name our narrator. Let us get to know him a bit more. The opening engages the reader. I thought the ending cemented the narrator's journey. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
107
107
Review of Winter  
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A man wanders the snowy streets searching for answers.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It gave the wanderings a sense of purpose.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's only one line of dialogue which accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest taping into the five senses. You could really amp up the visual descriptions and I might even touch upon the sense of smell. Technology still functioned, but what did technology smell like? Put me in the room.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his wanderings. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs on WDC to make it easier for readers to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening is okay. It's very descriptive and I would suggest taping into some action to pull me in. Put me in the scene with the narrator. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph }
108
108
Review of Winter Storm  
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A winter storm has taken out the electricity and so John must rely on his intuition to find the woman's house.


*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the inspiration the story took from the visual prompt. Very imaginative.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by John. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The only dialogue is at the end of the story. It accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest taping into the five senses. AS WRITTEN: "Lights along the street shed little light this night." The use of "lights" is repetitive. I might suggest: "Thin, dull beams of light sliced through the inky night." I would also tap into the sense of smell. Is the falling snow crisp and clean or dull and dirty?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

John

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's walking to a friend's house and gets lost. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. My only other suggestion would involve the stag. As the reader, I am assuming the stag represents his initiation, as it seems odd a stag would be appear out of nowhere. I would clarify that element. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
109
109
Review by StephB
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Rob returns home only to discover an EMP has stopped the world cold.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. Rob pulled me into the scenes with him.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Rob. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good job with dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked the heartbreaking description of Rob's parents' house when he walks in.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Rob

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's returning home and his life is turned upside down.*Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

My only suggestion would be to finesse the ending. Would an EMP take out a car? I wasn't sure what an MGB was. Does it use electricity? I might end the story with Rob and Sam putting together a plan to get to the cabin with a nibble of hope that were confident they could make it. I definitely think you've got the beginning of a good story here. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
110
110
Review of Loop  
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

An unnamed narrator has to make it down a snowy street.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. Very imaginative.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed sergeant. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: near future?
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He has orders to make it to the end of the street, but he keeps dropping that helmet! *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening egages the reader with solid character voice. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
111
111
Review by StephB
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Tammy is poor and lives with mom. She's just trying to make it through school - and winter.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the characterization. Tammy was someone I could definitely relate to. Nice character voice.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Tammy. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I guess I'm on my own." Tammy remarked as she grabbed the cell phone off the charger.

MY SUGGESTION: Tammy grabbed her cell phone off the charger. "I guess I'm on my own."

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked how you used smell to identify one of the characters. (The stinky homeless guy). If anything, I might use the visual prompt to expand on the snow and the weather. Also -- there's a sentence dealing with emotion: "Tammy started to feel angry." Show me that anger. I might suggest. "Tammy fisted her hands and pursed her lips, holding back a tart retort."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Tammy

There's enough here to understand her motivations. Tammy just wants to get through the day. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Spell out "okay" in creative writing. "OK" is alright for journalistic writing.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and pulls them into Tammy's world. The ending inspires hope. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
112
112
Review of Crossing A Line  
Review by StephB
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephB and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Katie wants to go to Stephanie's sleepover, but the family has other plans.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author weaved the visual prompt into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Line breaks are used appropriately. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much. If you wanted to "amp" up the visual, you could, but maybe you could tap into the smell. What does Eric smell like? The bad guy? Molly the cat?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Katie

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She feels neglected by her parents. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I would spell out "okay" for creative writing. "Ok" is alright for journalistic writing.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and I liked the ending as it gave hope to all the characters. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
113
113
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The story contains the letters of a soldier who might not make it home to Thanksgiving during World War I.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the letters captured the feel of the time period.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Sid. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue as the story is told over a series of letters.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. Maybe touch upon the five senses and the smell.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: 1915
PLACE: battlefield

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Sid

There's enough here to understand his motivations. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for spelling.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The bitem does not follow the story prompt of ending with "happy thanksgiving." Good luck in the contest.

114
114
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The turkey is ruined! Can a side dish become the main attraction?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the premise of the story. I also enjoy all the characters names. They seemed appropriate for a Thanksgiving story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Present tense is used. Most professional editors encourage the use of past tense. For me, as a reader, I find present tense a bit jarring to read.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a descent blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "What happened to the turkey?" Nama exclaimed as soon as the turkey came out of the oven.

MY SUGGESTION: Name pulled the turkey out of the oven. She wrinkled her nose, pursed her lips and felt her heart skip a beat. "What happened to the turkey!"

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could really touch on the sense of smell to heightened the fact the turkey did not cook well.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: Thanksgiving
PLACE: the kitchen

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Nama

There's enough here to understand her motivations. The turkey is a wreck. Now what? *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt in the story. I liked how Nama and the family solved the Turkey dilemma. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
115
115
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The turkey was soooo big, it barely fit in the oven! Can Thanksgiving dinner be saved?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how "Birdzilla" took on a life of it's own and drove the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Jeanie. Good job with narration. Good use of line breaks to separate the narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could really touch on the sense of smell to heighten the suspense regarding the big, bad Birdzilla.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: 1985
PLACE: a house

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Jeanie

There's enough here to understand her motivations. Who doesn't worry about cooking the Thanksgiving bird? *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is a bit passive. I might start out with framing the period.

My suggestion: "It was 1985. Ronald Reagan was immensely popular, Calvin and his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, were out to conquer the world, Bruce Springsteen sung about things I cared about."

Coming of age in 1985, I don't remember too many people worrying about "corn fed" turkey, as I think that's more of a modern 2010's concern, and I probably wouldn't mention it in the story.

Good use of the prompt in the story. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
116
116
Review of River and Swamp  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Mom is hoping the boys will bring home a gator for Thanksgiving because that's what you eat when you live in a swamp.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the character voice. It really helped to draw me into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Mom. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand on the descriptions a bit by touching on the five senses. I'd love to know Swamp Thanksgiving smells like.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural/swamp setting?

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Mom

There's enough here to understand her motivations. It's time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story followed the prompt. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
117
117
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Parker Barker has concocted a crazy scheme to put the grab on the town's time capsule, but will it work?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how Parker Barker was a bookworm. lol.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown, USA

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Parker Barker

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He read so many books, he figured out how to get to the map which would lead to the time capsule. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. As a suggestion, I would have liked to have seen more of the Bardstown's residents involved in the story. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
118
118
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Captain O'Leary is determined to free Mrs. Stone and figure out who is trying to ruin the Founder's Day celebration before he gets chewed out by the mayor.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the ending, nice twist.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Captain O'Leary. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown, USA

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Captain O'Leary

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to solve the crime. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I really appreciated how you spaced out the story and numbered the sentences. That made it easier for me as a reader.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. I liked how the story evolved and came full circle. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
119
119
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Mrs. Stone is kidnapped and the Bardstown's police department must solve the crime before the Founder's Day activities start, with a little help from the tech team.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The opening sentence captured the imagination and had me hooked.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration and does a great job capturing the individual character voice.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown, USA

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Captain O'Leary

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to solve the crime. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Nice twist at the end! Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
120
120
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Mr. Jones takes his Boy Scout troop an an adventure to cave as part of his "Bucket List."

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It was very heartwarming.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Mr Jones. Good job with narration. I might suggest an edit for tense. It switches between past and present and can be a tad confusing for readers.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could tap into the five senses and heighten the suspense in the cave using smell and touch.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: cave setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Mr. Jones

There's enough here to understand his motivations. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. The font and spacing make the story easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
121
121
Review of Camp Hostage  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Joey and Danny go camping and get spooked by a furry guest.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the boys react to their furry visitor. It was very cute.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. If anything, I might touch on the sense of smell. How does the forest smell? The furry visitor?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Joey and Danny

There's enough here to understand their motivations. I'd freak out too if I discovered a visitor in my tent. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs. It's easier to read on WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
122
122
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Jake encounters a snake while camping in the woods.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the suspense grew more tense with every word.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Jake's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's not much dialogue. The dialogue accents the narration. My suggestion would be not to put action in the dialogue tag.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "To hell with you," Jake said, his heart trying to pound its way through his chest. He turned and ran.

MY SUGGESTION: "To hell with you!" Jake turned and ran, his heart pounding its way through his chest.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

Fantastic descriptions. I loved: "It felt as hot as fresh brewed coffee." And: "greasy nausea." The story utilizes a good economy of words to communicate suspense and fear.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Jake

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to get away from the snake.*Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and keeps them reading. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
123
123
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

Blog @ Work 2nd Edition engages the reader by taking prompts and replying to them.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the posts were short and engaging. I thought the prompts covered a wide variety of topics from writing to traveling. I enjoyed the blog author's replies. They were very conversation, heartfelt, and honest.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a nice variety of posts. I enjoyed reading the blog author's posts about their home in the Netherlands. I visited the country several times when I was stationed in Germany. I especially loved visiting Amsterdam and the Kuekenhof.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was easy to read. I liked how there several links to videos, as I feel most enjoy them. Dynamic use of bitem, video links, pictures - multimedia in general.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

Good use of graphics and WDC ML in the introduction to attract readers. I enjoyed visiting your blog. *Smile*

Reviewed by StephB
Another Signature
124
124
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Star* THE PHOTOGRAPH

The water crashes over the falls, explosive and vibrant.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is a haiku speaks to the beauty of nature's energy.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The photo totally centers the waterfalls, making it front and center. The poem's action and description describes the waterfall and its energy.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a haiku that follows a 5-7-5 syllable scheme. Well done.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Dynamic and breathtaking. The prompt followed the Bard's Hall Contest rules.

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph }
125
125
Review of Venus  
Review by StephB
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Star* THE PHOTOGRAPH

Palm tree branches meet in the middle with the planet Venus hovering over them.

*Reading* THE POEM

This is a haiku which captures the essence of the photo, which, to me, was calm and inviting.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the color scheme of the photo. The words tease the calming effect of Venus. I could almost feel, the warm, but not too warm, air surrounding me as I kicked back with a drink to relax.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a haiku that follows a 5-7-5 syllable scheme. Well done.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

No suggestions for improvement. Well done! The prompt followed the Bard's Hall Contest rules.

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph
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