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126
126
Review of Emilia and Sepet  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Emilia and Sepet discuss their apprehensions about their upcoming wedding.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought this was a realistic conversation for a couple to have.

*Star* DIALOGUE

This is a dialogue only contest, and the contest entry blends narration and dialogue. Some of the dialogue sounds a bit stilted when repeating it so I might suggest using contractions to make it more conversational.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Emilia and Sepet

Emilia expresses concern about being a prisoner but Sepet assures her she can visit her family after the wedding. There's a lot of uncertainty expressed by Emilia and Sepet seems to exude confidence.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The premise of the story had a far away fantasy style feel to it. I definitely think it could be expanded into a full story.

Glowing Steph


127
127
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

"Bard's Hall Contest Blog" discusses everyday life with the author.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the posts were concise and to the point. I also liked the conversational style of the posts.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a variety of posts. I like how the author used with videos and graphics.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was to easy. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest spicing up the opening a bit more with an introductory paragraph or a graphic to set the tone and mood. I enjoyed visiting your blog. *Smile*

Glowing Steph
128
128
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

"The Bard's Hall Blog Entries June 2023," shares the author's reflections on life and life's little things.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked how observant the author was. Lots of good description.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a nice variety of posts. I liked the posts about the Butter Tarts and what it's like to learn a foreign language.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

If anything, I might suggest spacing between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes to read.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction was very succinct. I might also suggest posting a graphic, using WDC ML, or posting a video to set the tone or mood or the Blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall contest. *Smile*

Glowing Steph
129
129
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

"The Bard's Hall Blog Entries for June 2023" shares the author's reflections faith, health challenges and everyday issues.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked heartfelt honesty of the blog.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a nice variety of posts.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was easy to read. Good use of WDC ML to make it easy on the eyes.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction is short, yet concise. If anything, I might suggest using a graphic to catch attention and set a theme or mood for the blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall contest. *Smile*

Glowing Steph
130
130
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE BLOG

Bibimbap takes inspiration from the Thai -- a bowl of rice and leftovers on the top. Sprinkled in with the rice (author's daily reflections) are responses to comments and heartfelt reflections of the day's issues.

*Smile*WHAT I LIKED

I liked creativity taken with the blog.

*Star* ENGAGING

The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.

*Star*VARIETY

There was a nice variety of posts. Some discussed the "hot topics" of today, others were personal reflections.

*Star*EXPRESSIVE

The blog was easy to read, and many of the posts had a heartfelt honesty that resonated with this reader.

*Star*MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal. Good use of WDC ML to make reflections, comments, and mussings distinctive and set apart.

*Star*PARTING THOUGHTS

The introduction caught my attention with it's short, yet concise approach. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall contest. *Smile*

Glowing Steph
131
131
for entry "~Daddy's Tree~" 
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A heartfelt poem about Daddy's Tree.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the aged and weathered feel of the picture. It implied growth and maturity

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is haiku with a 5/7/5 syllable structure.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.


*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A wistful, heartfelt poem. The picture & poem match up well.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph
132
132
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A fantasy conversation with a bulldog clip trying to talk to an egg cup.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I thought this was very imaginative.

*Star* STRUCTURE

There are 4 rhymed couplets.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* PHOTOGRAPH

The photo uses bulldog clips and a child's egg cup to stir the imagination.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

It's not easy being an egg cup with a spoon inside it's head. The picture is cute, but I felt sad for the egg cup. And maybe that's the takeaway - something that looks ok or cute, or normal, may not be under the surface, but the only way you'll know is if you ask.

Note: This was entered in the Bard's Hall Forum for May, but is not eligible for the official contest.

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

133
133
Review of Life  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about circular cycles of nature.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem captured the nature of life that the photograph depicts.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is haiku. A traditional haiku is a poem with 3 lines, and a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* PHOTOGRAPH

The photo is one of geese or ducks walking across a path.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The accompanying haiku drew inspiration from the photograph. The circle of life always endures despite the changing seasons of nature. Very poignant and honest.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Contest

Glowing Steph

134
134
Review of May Flowers  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

Flowers are beautiful way to say "Thank you."

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

The photo captures a somber appreciation for those who have served in the military.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is haiku. A traditional haiku is a poem with 3 lines, and a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* PHOTOGRAPH

The photo was taken at the Korean War Veterans memorial with several flowered wreaths paying quiet homage to those that have served.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The accompanying haiku drew inspiration from the photograph. I liked how the photo and poem evoked quiet emotion.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Contest

Glowing Steph

135
135
Review of Haiku [180.49]  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about the distracting power of nature.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I can see where the photo would inspire one to get lost daydreaming.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is haiku. A traditional haiku is a poem with 3 lines, and a 5/7/5 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* PHOTOGRAPH

The photo is one of flowers against a blue sky.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The accompanying haiku captures the "losing track of time" inspiration of the photograph well. My only suggestion would be to be mindful of the syllable count. The first line has 3 syllables instead of 5.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Contest

Glowing Steph

136
136
Review of Cat  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about a cat, while undeterred, is thinking of other things.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it captured the essence of the cat.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is haiku. A traditional haiku is a poem with 3 lines, and a 5/75 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* PHOTOGRAPH

The photo is one of a cat in a box looking at something across the room.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The accompanying haiku drew inspiration well from the photograph. The cat seems happy too have conquered the box but is ready to move on. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Contest

Glowing Steph

137
137
Review of Memorial Day  
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A hanging flower photograph provides inspiration for lingering melancholy.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the word play; it deepened the emotional pull of the poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is haiku. A traditional haiku is a poem with 3 lines, and a 5/75 syllable scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* PHOTOGRAPH

The photo is one of a hanging flower against a green leaf background that hints at recent rain.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The accompanying haiku drew inspiration well from the photograph. I liked how the haiku tapped into the sadness one can feel losing a loved one. The title, poem, and photograph made a perfect circle of expression. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall Contest

Glowing Steph

138
138
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Charlie the Bunny wants to explore but rain is on the way.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how curious Charlie was. I think kids can definitely connect with Charlie's curiosity.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. What did the tulips smell like? You don't need much, just tap into the five senses, smell especially and put me in the moment with Charlie.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern da
PLACE: a meadow

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Charlie

I love how Charlie was willing to explore and thought of Henry. That's the heart of friendship. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs to make it easier to read on WDC.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word prompts were listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
Glowing Steph

139
139
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The rain threatens to derail the Easter Bunny's egg hunt.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the message of friendship that the story offers. It's one that young kids can connect with.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. If anything, maybe share the scents of the magical forest.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: forest

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Bunny and Penny Piglet

I love how motivated Bunny and Piglet are to save Easter for the kids. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A nice story for kids with a heartwarming theme of friendship. Word prompts were listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

140
140
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

The rain makes Sammy a mopey piglet.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I know what it's like to have a mope on like Sammy. What I find heartwarming, is that when Sammy gets some hope, he gets off the mope. It's a good message for little ones.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I could definitely picture Sammy staring out the window and moping.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: a house and a yard

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Sammy

There's enough here to understand to how Sammy goes from mopey to excited. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Good character voice. Word prompts were listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

141
141
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Mother Pig and Mother Bunny are the cool mommies every kid wished they had.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the endearing qualities of the mommies and their families.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Pandurang Pig and Bihari Bunny

What I loved about Pig and Bunny is their heartwarming friendship. It's a good message for little readers. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The word prompts were listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph

142
142
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A teacher is telling the children's story about a little piglet called Peter.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I love how the kids interrupt the storytelling. It's very natural and I could easily picture this happening.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by the teacher. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

It's all dialogue.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scene.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: classroom setting

This is something that is be clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Teacher & kids

The interruptions by the kids are very endearing. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Great character voice to suck the reader in. A warm hearted children's story. Good use of the word prompts in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Glowing Steph
143
143
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A Rougarou captures John. Can he escape?

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author weaved in the legend of the Rougarou from the Cajon culture.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from John's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "cypress trees grew everywhere, their bulbous claw(s) like trunks partially out of water."

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: bayou

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

John

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He makes the Rougarou a promise. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. In literary writing, spell out the word "okay." OK is good for journalistic writing. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Coffee Cup 2007 Review signature
144
144
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Karen is taking a student, Jill, to be "ascended."

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the premise of the story. There's a nice light sci-fi touch. The quotation inspiration was weaved into the story in such a way to support the ascension.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Karen. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five senses. What did the summer camp smell like, for example?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Karen and Jill

There's enough here to understand Karen's motivations, but Jill is a very important character as well, and I'm curious as to her motivations.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and the ending leaves the story on an intriguing note. My big suggestion is maybe to clarify Jill's motivations a bit. I enjoyed reading the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Review Signature
145
145
Review of The Awakening  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A determined nurse tries to help an artist in a catatonic state.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how Tracey brought Shannon out of her shell, so to speak. The quotation inspiration fits the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscient. Narration shifts between Shannon and Tracey without line breaks which is a tad confusing. I might suggest using line breaks when shifting point of view narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: hospital setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Shannon and Tracey

There's enough here to understand Tracey's motivations. As a nurse, she wants to help people. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. While sad, the ending does leave the reader with a hopeful message. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Review Signature
146
146
Review of Blind Faith  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Taking a philosophical angle, Karen, a scientist, struggles with faith.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I thought this was a good character study in regards to faith. The quotation inspiration fit the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Karen. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: clinical setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Karen

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She is torn between believing in God or not. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to tell the story.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening intrigues the reader. The ending is hopeful. A solid psychological study. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

Review Signature
147
147
Review of The Last Vein  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Reg is a deadbeat, but he's a likeable deadbeat, which ultimately gets him in trouble.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the setting and felt like I was there. The story fit the quotation inspiration prompt, but the prompt itself (the actual words) was not worked into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Reg. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: The Australian outback

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Reg

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's a drifter due to his personality. He's likable, but ultimately, his greed gets the better of him. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A solid character driven story. Good luck in the contest.


Review Signature
148
148
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Middle Schooler Kimberly Morrison has become blind, a challenge that invites her to explore inward the type of person she wants to be.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author fit in the quotation inspiration quote into the story. The title was appropriate to the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Kimberly's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Kimberly

The story is a psychological examination of Kimberly's psyche, though I'm still not certain, as a reader, as to how or why temporary blindness overcame Kimberly, and perhaps that could be made a bit clearer to the reader. I thought Patrick was a good friend to Kimberly.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to present the story.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

For me, I thought this was a pretty heavy topic for a 12 year old in middle school, and I wasn't sure about the how the onset of the temporary blindness occurred. The opening engages the reader. Good luck in the contest.


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149
149
Review of Galahad  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Galahad lives on the street and sticks his nose in business that isn't his.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the friendship between Glad and Alberto. The title was appropriate to the story. The story takes inspiration from the quotation inspiration but the quote isn't used in the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Galahad. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: the streets

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Galahad

Galahad really does have a good heart, but he doesn't have a good track record of making good choices.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A realistic look at life on the streets. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.


Review Signature
150
150
Review of Mareana's Eyes  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I'm StephBee - House Targaryen and I am reviewing your story for
 
SURVEY
Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support
Thanks for entering.

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Mareana longs for Uranus.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author built in a "longing" sensation into the story.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

Narration drives the story.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: 2000
PLACE: Mississippi

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Mareana
For me, as a reader, it was hard to determine Mareana's goals or motivations. I understood the story is meant to be a tad nonsensical and lighthearted, but it was hard for me to follow.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening needs to be reworked. I might use the first person for Mareana to perhaps capture a quirky kinda of character voice and sell the premise of the story that way. (Perhaps Mareana can channel her inner "Phoebe Buffay"). Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

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