Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sgcardin/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
Connecting with Jeannie engages the reader discussing life, family and topical political conversations.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author was candid and heartfelt with every post.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a variety of posts. Some were about life, family and others discussed the "hot topics" of today.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read. There was a nice, conversational style.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest using a graphic in the introduction to set a tone/mood for your blog. I might also suggest incorporating more graphics, (I did like the one with the bird) and links for a visual appeal. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the Bard's Hall 2021 Blogging Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
Day to Day Happenings in my Life engages the reader by touching on life as it's passing by and topical conversations.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the length of the entries. They were just the right size. Not too long, not short, and always left me with nugget.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a variety of posts. They discussed life, family, and topics of the day.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read. I liked the conversational tone.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest using a graphic in the introduction to set a tone/mood for your blog. I might also suggest incorporating more graphics, and links for a visual appeal. I enjoyed visiting your blog for the 2021 Bard's Hall Blogging Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
Spiral Bound Jounal is a blog that features fictional writing.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the creativity in the entries.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to dive and discover the characters.
VARIETY
There was a variety of posts, including topical themes and how today's world looks at them.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal. I especially liked how each entry was uniquely presented using WDC ML.
PARTING THOUGHTS
I might suggest using a graphic in the introduction to set a tone/mood for your blog. I enjoyed visiting your blog.
Reviewed by StephB for the 2021 Bard's Hall Blogging Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Lady Elizabeth hires a physical therapist to help her with her spinal problem.
WHAT I LIKED
I thought the story offered a nice twist with the heroine being a physical therapist. It's not something I usually see with the genre. I thought the hero was spot on!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Ann. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest a minor edit for dialogue tags. Only use "he said or she said" to identify the speaker. Use an "action" tag when speaking. For example, as written: "Thank you with the arrangements," he said warmly, taking her hand. A wave of joy washed over her.
My suggestion: "Thank you with the arrangements." Clayton wrapped his warm hand around Ann's. Her heart raced.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the 5 senses, smell and touch to put the reader into the scene. The use of flowers and meaning would do well here.
SETTING
TIME: the past
PLACE: England
This is something that could be a tad more clarified for the reader. Is it the Regency period or perhaps the Victorican era?
CHARACTERS
Ann
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's very warmhearted and giving, perfect traits for her line of work.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. My other suggestion concerns voice. "Liz" is a much more modern way to say "Elizabeth," and it was slightly jaring for me as a reader, as it would take me out of the time period. I might suggest using "Elizabeth," or "Beth," but after Lady Elizabeth gave permission. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
The poem is a nice compliment to the picture, tapping into hidden stories/people and inspiring the reader to remember them.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the picture evokes memories of the past.
STRUCTURE
This is a haiku which does not follow a 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I would suggest tightening up the poem to reflect a 5-7-5 traditional syllable pattern of a haiku. I love how the picture and poem compliment each other and inspire the reader to go deeper into the meaning. The poem/picture evoke a sense of peace. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest!
The poem is a nice compliment to the disturbing picture, as it explains how the moth got there and evokes the immediate feelings of the viewer.
WHAT I LIKED
This picture invoked an instant reaction from me. "eewww." It's a very powerful picture that says "look at me."
STRUCTURE
This is a haiku which follows the 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The picture grabs your attention and the poem adds depth. Well done. The poem/picture evokes emotional disgust and well, I think we'd all be freaked out seeing that moth. I also like how the title, which is strange, (it's the name of the moth) plays right into the dynamic of the picture and poem. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest!
The poem is a nice compliment to the playful picture, evoking a sense of reverence and respect as the whale says "hello."
WHAT I LIKED
The concept and the lighthearted word play. I enjoyed the sense of awe the author invoked with the words.
STRUCTURE
This is a haiku which follows the 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I love how the picture and poem compliment each other. The poem/picture evoke good vibes with a lighthearted beat. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest!
The photo is a playful one, showing dolphins jumping out of the water.
THE POEM
The poem is a nice compliment to the picture. It's nice to see the dolphins enjoying themselves and bringing happiness to others.
WHAT I LIKED
The photo is very vibrant and expressive.
STRUCTURE
This is a haiku which follows the 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I like the picture, but I would would like to see the poem do more than describe what the dolphins are doing, maybe tap into the emotional response of the picture such as fun, vibrant, playful. The poem/picture evoke good feelings. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest!
The photo highlights a sunflower surrounded by autumn foliage.
THE POEM
The poem is a perfect compliment to the autumn picture, as old becomes new giving into what nature wants.
WHAT I LIKED
The concept. Nice word play about old and new.
STRUCTURE
This is a haiku which follows the 5-7-5 syllable pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. I love how the picture and poem compliment each other and inspire the reader to go deeper into the meaning. The poem/picture make the reader think about nature's cycle, and even deeper, our own. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dylan and his invisible friend make pub night interesting.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked what happened to Annie. Poor thing. It made me chuckle.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 3rd person omnicient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
This was a dialogue challenge so the dialogue drives the story. The dialogue is conversational and engages the reader.
DESCRIPTIONS
It's hard to fit descriptions into dialogue, so I would say good use of trageted sentences to dribble in the description of the Pub
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting, Irish Pub
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Annie, Dylan, Unnamed friend
There's enough here to understand all their motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. This was a challenging contest and the author did a great job with it. The dialogue felt natural to the Irish and there was a solid story that weaved in Irish lore. I like how the unnamed friend was implied to be a Leprechaun. It made me think as a reader. I had to read it a second time to make sure I didn't miss anything. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
WRITINGS IN THE SAND
The blog was active about 6 months out of the year in 2020. The blog focused on personal/entertainment type musings from the author. Any posts having to do with Coffee was a big hit with me.
ORIGINALITY
I liked the every day musings. It allowed readers to connect to the blog.
ORGANIZATION
The blog was very organized and it was easy to find the entries.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I didn't spot any real isuses. I liked how the entries took on a conversational tone.
CONTENT/CLARITY/FOCUS
The blog had nice focus on personal, whimsical thoughts. The content on all the blog entries I reviewed was spot on - not too little, not too much.
VARIETY
Discussions were varied and well thought out. The theme of the blog, "emotional/personal" tied all posts together.
ACTIVITY
There was good engagment on the posts.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The introduction establishes a theme, but I might suggest using a graphic to lure more readers in.
This Blog is nominated for a 2020 Quill Award. Good luck in the Contest!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
THESE ARE MY JOT-TINGS PART 2
The blog was active all of 2020. The blog used WDC prompts, for example, ""Rhythm and Rhyme Challenge."
ORIGINALITY
The replies to the prompts were very orginal and well thought out. I also liked how the author used different poetry forms from hiakus to sonnets.
ORGANIZATION
The blog was very organized and it was easy to find the entries.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING
I didn't spot any real isuses. Good use of WDC ML.
CONTENT/CLARITY/FOCUS
The blog had a fantastic focus on poetry. The content on all the blog entries I reviewed was spot on - not too little, not too much. I also liked their was a spiritual theme throughout. On several of the hiakus, I appreciated the nature theme.
VARIETY
In regards to the variety content, what I liked was the various forms of poetry the author used.
PARTING ACTIVITY
There wasn't as much activity/engagement which was a bit of bummer because the poetry was well written and engaging.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The introduction was engaging. Good use of graphics, WDC ML and inspirational quotes.
This Blog is nominated for a 2020 Quill Award. Good luck in the Contest!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
Something happened to Cupid's bow so now it causes decay and darkness.
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: UGLY. Cupid's good intentions have caused toxicity, decay, darkness and damning the lovers to hell and purgatory. That's rough.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem that doesn't have a rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
While intentionally bad, Cupid's slam seems to come off a bit misdirected at the couple and not on him.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
Cupid's arrow clearly wasn't tipped in St. Valentine's elixir because Beau can't get nowhere with Rose.
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: BAD. Cupid plucks in vain.
I liked the story of Beau and Rose. This just wasn't their Valentine's Day.
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with 8 two line stanzas. The lines in each stanza rhythm.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
While intentionally bad things happen to Beau, Cupid's slam (he plucks in vain) seems to come off a bit easy.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
Who needs Cupid when you have Tinder?
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: UGLY. I especially liked: "So put on some clothes, don't flash your ass, go on a diet, at least show some class."
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem with 2 stanzas and each line in the stanzas rythming.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Well done intentionally ugly Cupid's slam.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:
Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!
A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.
And now... onto the review....
THE POEM
Cupid gets chewed out for his choice in "love interests."
WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:
SLAM: BAD. Cupid missed and gets cussed out but we only hear his side of the conversation.
I liked the line: "The only thing you'll get is brown bows and rose rust."
STRUCTURE
This is a free form poem that has a AABB rythme scheme.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
While intentionally bad, Cupid's slam seems a bit tame to me.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Princess Griselda desires to find her brother despite her world's cold challenges and evil wizards.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the opening. I thought it was very engaging.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited in Griselda's point of view. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good job with dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might tap into the five senses, especially smell and touch to heighten the descriptions of Griselda's world.
SETTING
TIME: unknown
PLACE: cold, rural setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader. Time really isn't essential to the broader context of the story.
CHARACTERS
Griscelda
There's enough here to understand her motivations, she stays true to wanting to find her brother. I thought the brother changed his motivations too quick at the end and it didn't feel natural to him, so I would on his character being a tad more consistent.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. Good imagination to create Griselda's fantasy world. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A child is looking for a kind face after escaping horror.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It offered hope in the face of a tough situtation.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might suggest a line break between the 4th and 5th paragraphs when the character POV shifts.
DIALOGUE
There's one line of dialogue which accents the narration. I might suggest using quotes=" and not ' for the dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: side of the road
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Josie
There's enough here to understand her motivations; she's looking for a safe haven.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A creative take on the picture prompt. A suspenseful vignette. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
A thought provoking poem about loss.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the poem grew naturally shorter and shorter until the ending. It added to the meaning to the poem; as life got shorter and shorter.
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There is no rhythming pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
subtle yet effective. Examples:
Green grass is gone to stay
Memories hang in icy air.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I thought the title encouraged the reader to mull on the meaning. Expressive. I have no suggestions for improvement. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem describes a winter scene in all it's cold beauty.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the words used to describe the outside:
gnarled trunks
willowy branches
pale, dull, lazy, reluctant mid-day sun
STRUCTURE
This is free form poem. There is no rhythming pattern.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's a lot of nice, succinct word play. See above for descriptions. I think the poem paints a vibrant, chily, picture that puts reader nose-to-nose with the window.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I thought the title matched the poem. Very expressive. I have no suggestions for improvement. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall
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