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76
76
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about what happens in a grocery store the day before a snowstorm is predicted.









What I liked most about this piece was the lead up to the event. You managed to garner the apprehension, the tension, well.



Further Corrections & comments:

Cal it divine intuition if you want.” Call.


He’s only one person. He was only one person. Keep the tense consistent.



You did a good job with this piece. As you expand on it, you could give some description in the store. SHOW the people in line. Always add sensory. (the smell of fresh coffee brewing, the gum-chewing teenager (mint or juicy fruit?)the shiny floor of the store, except for the spots where fresh tracks of mud, sleet, rain had dirtied it, etc

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
77
77
Review of Stranded  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write your story or poem about a New Year's resolution that has failed before even the first week of the New Year is over.








What I liked most about this piece was that you wrote about senior citizens. That's an age that most people don't address, which makes it far more interesting than another teenage story about unrequited love. LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked the theme of this piece. I enjoyed the characters, although I couldn't SEE them. How about some characteristics, descriptions, sensory???

On the downside, this piece was very, very repetitive. You told us, then told us again. Some times you told us three times.

For instance, sentences two and three. If he lived on the third floor, do you need to tell us that he took the elevator to the third floor? The information about the bet is told over and over.

Why does this character volunteer such an extreme bet? Why doesn't he say, "I'll take you out to dinner?"

How does his girlfriend's resolution hold up? Has she already folded? We don't know that. Did she bet anything if she breaks hers? Could we see her dining on carrots and boiled eggs while he munches on chips?



This has a lot of potential when you clean it up and add a little more about the individuals. I hope you do some editing after today's contest is over.

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
78
78
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Many years ago, an alien spaceship landed at the South Pole. As the landing crew disembarked to explore, they were met by Santa, Mrs. Claus and several elves. Write the STORY or POEM.







What I liked most about this piece was the fact that jolly old Saint Nick was willing to help an alien! LOL



Further Corrections & comments:

Nice job with the rhyming words.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
79
79
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem featuring an unexpected snowstorm and a new kitten.







What I liked most about this piece was a snowstorm seen through the eyes of a kitten!



Further Corrections & comments: I enjoyed this tale of a kitty who was smart enough to realize that the best place to stay when it's cold outside is the inside of a comfortable, warm house.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
80
80
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.





*Smile*  Great job! This has so much potential! What a creative and powerful tale. *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece were the way you SHOWED us the scenes. My favorite line: There was a greenish witch-like colour to them.
/c}


Corrections & comments:

Of course, there were quite a few errors that I know with time you'll be editing out.

Avoid began to or started to: Hail began to pelt us. Our clothes we smoked. Hail pelted us. What does the second sentence mean? Our clothes . . .?

Each of us made our way around the things that began to dump down into our path. things that avalanched into our path? things that were tossed . . . Actually, instead of things, it would be so much more vivid to say: A tree (for example) plummeted down. I swerved.

. . . back at the clouds, I decided that I didn't want this gear slowing me down. I through (threw) it down by the edge of the tress. Ebb did the same. Then we grabbed our bikes and started to pedal off down the road. (Avoid started to and began to: Then we grabbed our bikes and pedaled full speed -- or use a descriptive: pedaled faster than a high speed piston, or . . .

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
81
81
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Writer's Cramp Review




Your prompt was: Suddenly, a tornado strikes. Write a story or poem about it.





*Smile*  Good descriptions. You took me there. *Smile*


What I liked most about this piece was that you didn't take me to see the aftermath. I've been seeing that on the news. Bad. bad. bad.


Corrections & comments: My favorite line: A greenish tinge turns the clouds to a sinister hue

I'm not sure about the word tinge, however. haze, oozing of evil, smudge . . .???

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For a quick view of my writing, I recommend:
 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


Each is an individual story that I will one day, hopefully, piece together into a novel.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
82
82
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy Birthday Writing.com!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a newly discovered planet with 18 moons, and being one of the first people to visit it. You must choose SciFi as one of your genres.







What I liked most about this piece was the eighteen questions. I think this piece held a great wisdom, I'm just not sure what it was. FOFL



Further Corrections & comments:

Although I would normally lecture on sensory input and character-building, I won't. This was light, funny, and highly confusing -- just the way it was meant to be.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
83
83
Review of Fixer-Upper  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy Birthday Writing.com!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a newly discovered planet with 18 moons, and being one of the first people to visit it. You must choose SciFi as one of your genres.







This was wonderful. I really enjoyed the peek into this strange relationship.



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked what you did with the prompt. How creative to think of using moons as an investment device. Great promise here. I hope you write more about this couple.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
84
84
Review of End of Summer  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about the end of summer.







What I liked most about this piece was learning a new word, and the fact that this poem is excellent!



Further Corrections & comments:

I loved the use of mourning doves. How appropriate to your theme. Also summer's weeping children. Yes!!!!



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
85
85
Review of Frankie  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem featuring a puppet show that goes horribly wrong.






This was eerie! I liked it.



Further Corrections & comments:

It would be nice to have some spacing in this piece. It is very hard to read in its current format.

Although you set up the final scene by telling us about the nature of the puppets (Frankie sitting in the back seat,) I think some dialogue would have made it even more clear.

My suggestion is to let Frankie air is outrage instead of you telling us how he was ticked off about not being used.

I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
86
86
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Tonight will feature a lunar eclipse - sadly for me, not visible from the US. Write a story or poem about observing, or attempting to observe, such an event.






What I liked most about this piece was your wonderful sense of humor! This is probably not politically correct, but it was a real kick!



Further Corrections & comments:

I am so sorry that I cannot consider this piece for the judging today. You forgot to include your word count in the posting. Sigh.

But I did give you a review anyway. I'm so glad I did. Great piece!



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
87
87
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

On this day (or tomorrow, depending on your time zone) 49 years ago, dudes walked on the moon for the first time. Write a story or poem about visiting the moon.





What I liked most about this piece was the line: The starkness a beauty of its own. Nice line. It made me SEE.



Further Corrections & comments:

How sad that their play was interrupted so abruptly. Such is the realm of space travel. Sigh.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
88
88
Review of Family Vacation  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Sometimes when you come home from vacation, everything in the house seems to be broken. Write a story or poem about it.






What a horrible mistake! I don't blame Mom for deciding not to trust anyone else to do the final check.



Further Corrections & comments:

You have quite a bit of repetition.

The first thing we noticed was that the freezer had stopped working, ruining about $200.00 worth of food, which had been stored in it. (A reader knows the food was stored in the refrigerator. Delete", which had been stored in it."

"I'll have the power back on in a jiffy," I said "I believe is just a tripped breaker. There must have been a power surge or something that caused it to trip."

Sure enough I found that the breaker to the kitchen receptacles had been tripped and quickly reset it. Mom indicated that everything was still not running. This prompted me to check the main breaker and I found that it too had been tripped. (choose another word? Tripped has already been used -- shut off?)
I turned it back on and the lights in the house sprang to life and the refrigerator started to hum. "That did it", Mom said. "Whatever you did fixed it."

"I turned on the main breaker", I replied. "I don't know how it got turned off to begin with unless there was a power surge or something."

Hope my suggestion helps.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
89
89
Review of Away  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write about the one that got away...




What I liked most about this piece was the idea of writing about the love that got away. There's so much of that -- it's so very sad.



Further Corrections & comments:

Sometimes rhymers get caught up in worrying about the rhyming words. I prefer to see images. (Think about "the fog that walks on cat feet."

The first two stanzas were nice (especially #2!) but the third stanza just didn't do it for me. Sorry.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
90
90
Review of Deadly Charms  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a short story or poem inspired by the following quotation:

"The brain may take advice, but not the heart."

Truman Capote




What I liked most about this piece was the consistency of your rhyming:



Further Corrections & comments:

You might want to work on the beat by counting the syllables in each line; clapping the rhythm, singing it, etc -



I am so glad I got to read this. You used the prompt well!

Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
91
91
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Your Prompt was:

Today’s the last day of instruction at uni, so your prompt today is the last day of school.


What I liked most about this piece was that it is obvious you put your heart and soul in this piece.


Further Corrections & comments:

This would make a great story if you decide to develop characters: I could see to friends getting riled up over the issue. Maybe one of them joins the picket line while the other mopes on the side.

Since I am a retired teacher I probably did not have as much sympathy for your side as you might like, but you did raise a good point.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
92
92
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Today’s the last day of instruction at uni, so your prompt today is the last day of school.


What I liked most about this piece was the idea of using a ghost for this prompt. Very clever. /b}


Further Corrections & comments:

I liked the way we were given the inward conversation, followed by the bus conversation, which made a nice contrast. /c}



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
93
93
Review of Papa's Ranch  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

Write a story or poem about a city dweller visiting a Western ranch.




What I liked most about this piece was how you told the story; nicely done.


Further Corrections & comments:

Paragraphs would be nice.

Also, avoid the repetitions



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
94
94
Review of Slumber Denied  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Prompt by: Robert Waltz was:

Write a story or poem about not getting enough sleep.





What I liked most about this piece was that we could all identify with this. Usually my culprit is a cup of coffee or tea (or cocoa) too late in the afternoon. Caffeine really, really effects me!



Further Corrections & comments:

I liked all the actions you gave your attempts. It turned this poem into a very vivid display of sleep-interferences!


By the way: Whenever you make a mistake in posting, simply EDIT the posting. No need to do it all over again.


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
95
95
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Robert Waltz

Write a story or poem about finding out that something that was thought to be bad for you is actually good for you.





What I liked most about this piece was the mystery and its resolution. Good job. That really kept me reading.



Further Corrections & comments:

One of his sage’s came behind him. “Is all well sire?”

One of his sages came up behind him. "is all well, Sire?"

This is rough, but well-worth editing. Try to SHOW using sensory: Can the cathedral smell like cinnamon, vanilla, pine??? Can the king's wrinkles wrinkle with delight at the sight of his son? Can the young prince wipe a tear, shudder, sigh??? Can people hear something? Can you PAINT a picture of the cathedral?


I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
96
96
Review of Shelled  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by Robert Waltz

Write a story or poem about finding out that something that was thought to be bad for you is actually good for you.





What I liked most about this piece was the recovery he made.



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the image of the shell breaking.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
97
97
Review of 3/31 entry  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was: by b_boonstra

While surfing on Youtube I found a Johnny Cash show from many years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxzgJAkHrvQ

I got stuck listening to the beautiful Gospel music, as my son entered the room. "Who is that lady?" he asked, pointing on Mahalia Jackson, singing Amazing Grace...

Your mission: Explain to a child who Mahalia was, and what she achieved during her life.



What I liked most about this piece was that you gave a good history of Mahalia Jackson. I would have liked more SHOW vs. TELL, but . . .

You also need to read it through. There are many mistakes that keep this from flowing smoothly.


Further Corrections & comments: I am very sad to say that I have to disqualify your piece, however, because you didn't follow the rule about placing your word count in the POSTING of the piece. Sorry.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
98
98
Review of Faith  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

From Robert Waltz I thought I was safe. February, my most hated month (and, in a paradox, seemingly the longest one) was over. And then it happened, in rapid succession: The wind picked up outside, cutting off power to my house; I experienced biohazard-level food poisoning; and I spent last night alternating between being too cold and too hot, but hardly sleeping at all. So, for tomorrow, write a story or poem about things getting better from here. (No need to make it about "me," just something like this situation.)






What I liked most about this piece was the white feather drifting down. Nice.



Further Corrections & comments:

"You will be healed."
I hear, in my head?

I would probably punctuate this:

"You will be healed,"
I hear in my head.

(Although most folks say that since nothing is said aloud, it does not need any quotation marks. Another option is to put "you will healed" into italics -- without the quotation marks.)




Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




Saturday Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
99
99
Review of Dear Diary  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

As all two of my loyal Comedy Newsletter fans know, I recently experienced one of my greatest fears: my laptop died suddenly (and my mobile phone is a pale substitute). Write a story or poem about what you might do if you were - and I'm sorry if this fills you with a sense of existential dread - without internet for four entire days.









What I liked most about this piece was that the break from the Internet worked out so positively. Bravo!



Further Corrections & comments: I liked the change of attitude with everyone. This made for a very believable family outing. Nicely done.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
100
100
Review of No Internet  
Review by Shaara
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Writer's Cramp Review



Happy, happy morning!




Your Prompt was:

As all two of my loyal Comedy Newsletter fans know, I recently experienced one of my greatest fears: my laptop died suddenly (and my mobile phone is a pale substitute). Write a story or poem about what you might do if you were - and I'm sorry if this fills you with a sense of existential dread - without internet for four entire days.









What I liked most about this piece was the pleasant cadence of the poem. And it was very cute.



Further Corrections & comments:

I especially liked the part about how you almost decided to learn to knit but couldn't without the Internet.



I am so glad I got to read this. Thank you for entering the Writer's Cramp. I hope you keep on writing and sharing your work!




A weekend Judge for the Writer's Cramp



Smiles,
S h a a r a



~~Image #1589184 Sharing Restricted~~


Please drop in to see my stories and poems. Or . . .

Go directly to

 
FOLDER
The Bluebird Stories  (ASR)
Stories about a witch world.
#1876841 by Shaara


for some of my witch tales, which I hope to one day turn into a novel.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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