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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shaynebrown
Review Requests: OFF
31 Public Reviews Given
307 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Legerdemain *Bigsmile*

I'm participating in ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I've chosen to review
Don't Build a Shrine  (13+)
Essay on public reaction to death.
#975149 by Legerdemain


I'm rating this essay 4.5*Star*'s

~*What I Like*~


*Check2* You are a descriptive and engaging writer.

*Check2* I like your idea of how you want to be remembered, "Remember the last time you heard me laugh, remember the time you saw me smile. Remember the time you let me cry on your shoulder or celebrated joy with you."

*Check2* You write, "Neighborhood children came to see the spectacle of lights and ran madly through the grass chasing fireflies." I love this sentence. It reminds me of a few things; one, the innocence of children, and two the world keeps going even in death.

*Check2* Flow of Essay ~ 9/10

*Check2* Development of Essay ~ 9/10

*Check2* Grammar and Punctuation ~ 10/10 Nice job. I didn't find any errors.

~*Suggestions*~


*Check2* At this time, I offer no suggestions for improvement. Nicely done.

~*Overall*~


*Check2* A thought provoking piece about mourning and death. Thanks for sharing. Write on!
2
2
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello missbiggs *Bigsmile*

I'm participating in ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I've chosen to review
 Convention 2004 from the Eyes of Bernie  (18+)
A recollection of what happened during the Writing.Com Convention 2004.
#874420 by Bernie bought first house!


I'm rating this static item 3.5*Star*'s

~*What I Like*~


*Check2* The excitement you felt really came through in the writing. *Thumbsup*

*Check2* I liked how you linked to each member as you recalled a special time you shared.

*Check2* You can clearly tell how happy you were to have attended this convention.

*Check2* Flow of Document ~ 8/10

*Check2* Development of Document ~ 8/10 It would have been cool to read more details about your adventure.

*Check2* Grammar and Punctuation ~ 6/10 I found some mistakes throughout. I included some in the suggestions area. They probably occurred, in part, from your excitement.

~*Suggestions*~


*Check2* You write, "It's definitely something you have to go and experience for myself." This sentence needs work.

*Check2* You write, "ha." You should capitalize ha.

*Check2* You write, "At least none of us had Styrofoam boxes shoved at as and ordered to take them home!" I think you meant to write shoved at us.

*Check2* You write, "Never thought I'd get so much out of *Cry* !" You'll need to close the space for the emoticon to work.

*Check2* You write, "I think I'm just going to list all the things I remember, since I think it'll be more easier and gives away less." I am a little confused by this statement. Are events supposed to be kept secret?

~*Overall*~


*Check2* I loved reading about the good time you had at convention '04. I wish there had more details to enhance your story. Congratulations on 7 years! *Bigsmile* Thanks for sharing. Write on!
3
3
Review of "I Remember"  
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Kat *Bigsmile*

I've chosen to review:
 "I Remember"  (E)
The Things We REALLY Remember!
#1116613 by Kat


I'm participating in: "SuperTower Review Room MB Rewards

I'm rating this poem 3.0 *Star*'s.

~*What I like*~

*Check2* I enjoyed reading your poem. I like the contradiction of the two stanza's.

*Check2* Flow of Poem ~ 7/10

*Check2* Development of poem 3/10

*Check2* Punctuation/Grammar ~ 9/10

~*Suggestions*~

*Check2* This poem seems like it is missing something. I think you could have said more about what you were saying. It would have enhanced the loss of the things left unsaid.

*cehck2* I think you could have made more of an impact with this poem by explaining some of the things said or left unsaid.

~*Overall*~


*Check2* A poem nicely done. Thank you for sharing. Write on!


~*Shayne*~
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
4
4
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, mystery

I've chosen to review:

 Why Chickens Are Great.  (E)
Ever considered the fact that you don't give chickens a lot of respect. Read on!
#1005140 by mystery


I'm giving your article 3.5 *Star*'s.

~*What I Enjoyed*~

I really enjoyed the humor in this article. I'm a chicken lover myself, that is, I love to eat them! *Bigsmile* Hey, the way I look at it, every group needs an advocate, so nice job.


~*My Suggestions*~

There were a few places I thought needed some work. The corrections I would make are indicated in red.

*Bullet*They make a beautiful ‘cluck cluck cluck’ {cluck, cluck, cluck} sound when they talk.

*Bullet*Man, I can go for a {some instead of a} chicken right now.

*Bullet*If you aren’t, you are a selfish, ignorant human being with no respect for chickens whatsoever. That seems a bit harsh to me.

*Bullet*As a chicken lover, you’ll be asked to give up your entire life’s savings to the “Save the chickens’ {"Save the Chicken"} fund.

*Bullet*“Save The chickens” Again, "Save the Chicken"} fund is owned by “Cluck Cluck”, {Cluck, Cluck} the only organization to protect the rights of its chickens.



~*Overall/Final Thoughts*~

This was just too funny! I enjoyed reading it. Remember, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. You have every right to leave this piece as is.


Take care,
~*Shayne*~


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
5
5
Review of Monster  
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, astepehenson *Bigsmile*

I've chosen to review:
Monster  (18+)
If you call someone a name often enough they may soon believe it
#259585 by Andrea


I'm rating this short story 4.5 *Star*'s.

~*What I like*~

*Bullet* I loved that I was brought into the story so well, I didn't see the ending coming! *Bigsmile* I kept thinking, how tragic! This poor little girl. Kids can be so cruel. I had to reread the ending a few times, because I was so shocked. Very well done!

The characters are believable, the plot was interesting.

~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* I have very little to offer for improving this piece. Here's one thing I noticed. In the second to last paragraph, the line: He was beaten so badly that the scarring is bound to be permanent and his tongue cut out of his mouth. This seems like a run on to me.

Thank you for sharing this. Keep writing!

~*Shayne*~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Thank you, kafkaesque for the sig. *Smile* "Invalid Item
6
6
Review of SMILES  
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ahoy, Becky Simpson ,

Me pirate maties and I will be scampering about ye port whilst ye are away. I'll pillage and plunder ye port 'til me hearts content. *Bigsmile*

*Note1* I chose to raid this piece from ye port.
SMILES  (E)
Contains various works that I hope would make you smile.
#823541 by Becky Simpson


~*My Rating*~

*Bullet* I am giving this folder 4.0 *Star*'s.

~*My Likes*~

*Bullet* I'm not one who usually rates folders. As far as folders go, there isn't much to comment on. It's a nice folder, overall.

~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* The suggestion I would make would be to correct the writingML. Your brackets are wrong around the color. No biggie, just thought I'd point that out.


Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!

~*Shayne*~

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** *Note1*Have fun at the convention.*Note1* *Smile*
7
7
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ahoy, peanut ,

Me pirate maties and I will be scampering about ye port whilst ye are away. I'll pillage and plunder ye port 'til me hearts content. *Bigsmile*

*Note1* I chose to raid this piece from ye port.
 Here today, gone tomorrow  (E)
this is for my mom...
#121779 by peanut


~*My Rating*~

*Bullet* I am giving this poem 4.0 *Star*'s.

~*My Likes*~

*Bullet* This is a very sad poem. *Cry* I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother. I can feel your pain. My three favorite lines are;
you were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on
a hug, a kiss, or just to listen
you always made me feel like I was special.




~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* It's hard for me to make suggestions on pieces that are so personal, but there are some inconsistencies that you may or may not wish to fix. I think you should work on the punctuation. There aren't capitals where there should be, and missing periods, etc.

Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!

~*Shayne*~

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** *Note1*Have fun at the convention.*Note1* *Smile*
8
8
Review of Rates & Reviews  
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Ahoy, *Moni ,

Me pirate maties and I will be scampering about ye port whilst ye are away. I'll pillage and plunder ye port 'til me hearts content. *Bigsmile*

*Note1* I chose to raid this piece from ye port.
 Rates & Reviews  (ASR)
My thoughts on reviewing.
#386866 by *Moni


~*My Rating*~

*Bullet* I am giving this article 4.0 *Star*'s.

~*My Likes*~

*Bullet* Ok, reviewing can be such a touchy subject, this may ramble on a bit. I'd just like to share my thoughts. As a reviewer, I appreciate your thoughts on this matter. As a community, we're all at different stages of life, and have been brought up differently. Some of us possess higher levels of education, some are completely self taught. Then there are people who fall someone in the middle of all this, which is where I fall.
         For me personally, I love to let authors know what their work means to me. I don't have much to offer on a technical basis, I'm not the grammar or punctuation police. I do like the things I read to have some clarity, and content of an interesting nature. Thank God there are so many wonderful reviewers who are able to offer those other things. Simply put, it's just not me. I may notice some grammar or punctuation problems and point them out on occasion, but I don't rule my rating based on solely that. I try my best to offer honest reviews, and to help out when and where I can. I don't consider myself an expert, so I try not to behave as one. I'm not always certain what star rating to give each piece, but I try to back up my review and rating with statements about the piece.
         As a writer, I expect honesty with each review. I understand that our community is diverse and I relish that. I know I won't please everyone with my writing, but I appreciate each person's feedback.

~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* One suggestion I'd like to make is, I would have liked to see more use of the writingML. You have some symbols that look like smiley faces, but I'm not certain. I think writingML is one of the greatest features of this site. It allows us all to make our work unique and our own.

         Another suggestion I wanted to make is, maybe you could include a review of something to show as a sample to help support your opinion.

Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!

~*Shayne*~

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** *Note1*Have fun at the convention.*Note1* *Smile*
9
9
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Ahoy, Elisa: Middle Aged Stik ,

Me pirate maties and I will be scampering about ye port whilst ye are away. I'll pillage and plunder ye port 'til me hearts content. *Bigsmile*

*Note1* I chose to raid this piece from ye port.
 2/14 (a.k.a. Cynic's Nightmare)  (ASR)
"I want this day off the calendar!"
#938016 by Elisa: Middle Aged Stik


~*My Rating*~

*Bullet* I am giving this poem 4.5 *Star*'s.

~*My Likes*~

*Bullet* I've always liked acrostics because I find it challenging to write within the boundary of having your first letter of each line already there. This one is especially cute. I liked that you put Valentine's Day in red. You clearly made your views on the holiday apparent. I loved the title, 2/14 (a.k.a. Cynic's Nightmare)

~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* This seems trivial, but the only thing I could suggest for improvement is to add a period after forever.
Despite my wishes for such a merciful measure, I know it will never happen;
And thus I shall balk as 2/14 comes and goes once again, forever
Yearning for this day to be like any other.


Other than that, it's great!



Thank you for sharing.

~*Shayne*~

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** *Note1*Have fun at the convention.*Note1* *Smile*
10
10
Review of I Hate Red  
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Ahoy, Elisa: Middle Aged Stik ,

Me pirate maties and I will be scampering about ye port whilst ye are away. I'll pillage and plunder ye port 'til me hearts content. *Bigsmile*

*Note1* I chose to raid this piece from ye port.
 I Hate Red  (13+)
And why do I hate red? (One star, please)
#960701 by Elisa: Middle Aged Stik


~*My Rating*~

*Bullet* I am giving this poem 1.0 *Star*'s.

~*My Likes*~

*Bullet* This is too cute! I have seen these poems throughout others' ports as well. Since a good rating is a low rating, I'll honor this one with 1.0 *Star*.

~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to include a link to the contest/activity that required such a write. You mentioned Pita's name, but didn't include the link. Other than that, it was so "bad". *Bigsmile*



Thank you for sharing.

~*Shayne*~

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** *Note1*Have fun at the convention.*Note1* *Smile*
11
11
Review by ~*sHaYnE*~
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Ahoy, Legerdemain ,

Me pirate maties and I will be scurvying about ye port whilst ye are away. I'll pillage and plunder ye port 'til me hearts content. *Bigsmile*

*Note1* I chose to raid this piece from yer port.
 Recurring Nightmare  (ASR)
A nightmare I've had for 25 years or so.
#852648 by Legerdemain


~*My Rating*~

*Bullet* I am giving this story 5.0*Star*'s.

~*My Likes*~

*Bullet* You're a very good story teller. Yikes! I wouldn't want to have this dream. I like how you build up to seeing the deer. You know how to build anticipation. The story flows very well.

~*Suggestions*~

*Bullet* I didn't find anything I need to point out for improvement. You did a wonderful job!

Thank you for sharing. Keep writing!

~*Shayne*~

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** *Note1*Have fun at the convention.*Note1* *Smile*
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