I liked how you were able to put together a work that resonates (if you will excuse the pun) with description and imagery. "use thunder as joking retort: when reds and pinks give warning cry". I love these two lines that invite the reader to hear and experience a natural event that will lead to serenity.
This was fear, agony, and helplessness personified. I liked the rhymes as they progressed as He progressed. I am not extremely religious but I do identify with Jesus and His angst. This was well written, easily flowing to each stage of the imminent betrayal. Thank you for sharing.
This was well written and flowed nicely. I liked the rhymes and how they worked with your work. I enjoyed the story and progression of images and ideas. I liked how you had a naive newbie stuck with checking out the situation. Thanks for sharing with us.
This is a very well-written item. It rhymes well, your words create strong emotional, visual, and aural stimuli when I read it over. I SEE and HEAR and FEEL the happiness and excitement as the people dance. I feel a strong R&B influence. I thank you for sharing it.
This was nicely written, I could see your dancing and the love of doing it. It is a sad thing to only be able to observe at a distance what you so enjoyed when you were younger. I liked the small rhyming you had here and there, it made it more bouncy, like a dance actually. Thanks for sharing.
I love how you have such a sweet gentle memory of your grandmother. She would "talk to them,
and give them whatever fertilizer she thought they needed.". I feel the love and enjoyment of her in your words. It would be a wonderful thing if you had a photo of her doing what she so loved doing.
A fascinating read, I was quite engrossed until the end, and I admit it... I was hoping for her Cinderella story. It is a rather sad thing for a life to have potential to be lost with so little regard by the 'owner'. This was easily read, had no glaring mistakes and it was very interesting. Thanks for sharing.
I found this an interesting story about a remarkable man. I also liked reading about Audie Murphy, who did accomplish a great deal for a 20-year-old during WWII. Thanks so much for sharing this, I like hearing about how people do more than they ever felt possible.
This was amusing. Everyone is pulling the wool over each other's eyes. Reading this, it flowed well, the conversation was not stilted and easily read. I enjoyed the whole short story. Thanks so much for taking the time out to share this with all of us.
I totally understand what you are saying, save my situation is being on disability and unable to work. I feel for you, I really do. If I had known what was coming along in my own timeline, I might have developed a few hobbies. Very well written, the words flow nicely.
Very amusing... I would be scared to go into a basement with those descriptions, too! The husband hiding from responsibility, the wife needing/wanting/demanding cooperation in completing a "Honey-Do" list. His obvious refusal to do the list by retreating to places I am sure he knows she doesn't like to go.
That is some slick parenting. I wish my parents (and now me) could have been that subtle in managing feelings and respect. Interesting read. The conversation flowed nicely, and the conversations kept the story moving with very few descriptions or 'filler' needed.
Creative way of discussing politics without demonstrating a direction of thought or support. I think that is as it should be really, there were no choices worth making this election 'season' of 2020.
It was interesting the boy had seen that unusual bug, and the conversation about it flowed well, but I didn't see anything that would have made a crew of even a tiny spaceship have nightmares for the rest of their lives. That was a spaceship was interesting, I wish there had been a bit more written about it and what would have made the crew so scared. This needs a lot of work if it is going to go far as a story.
it was nicely written, it flowed. But I wasn't sure of the gender of the main character (for that matter, I'm still not), but I like to picture the character as I read, it doesn't matter to me the sex is based on anything except I like my imagination to have a few details. Maybe a description of the speaker and maybe even a brief explanation at the end on how Jeb knew the author.
I enjoyed reading this, I cared what happened to Stan. The main thing I don't agree with or understand about is why Stan isn't a suspect himself? Especially as his current lover call Rob last week? Why would his ex-partner risk herself in letting him take a look at the scene, even if only to ID the body? He really IS a PRIME suspect.
The conversation flowed well, the action kept the reader (me) reading more and more. The descriptions made the crime scene and other scenes clear without getting overdone and bogged down. And, ironically I am not a mystery-book reader, I do enjoy television programs about investigations. I could read more of this, I wanted more of this story. Good Job, thanks for sharing.
Nice read... short sweet and very visual and I can hear some serious noise as well... I see scattering hens clucking and squawking, dogs barking, lights going on, eyes glowing in the fox, and general chaos. This was a good entry for a 24 syllable contest because it got a rich level of content in a very small space.
This was an amusing little excerpt. From the view of the bugs no less. I like how the mosquitoes discuss their oncoming culinary delights, much like a wine connoisseur will evaluate the appearance, smell, bouquet (whatever that is), and qualities of what they are about to partake. "Viv sun-warmed bare skin"
It sounds like one of those coastal towns that dry up in the winter, tourist places that become abandoned except for those few hearty souls that make a scant living. I feel the sorrow but I also see the author seeking out this place that is dismal for, perhaps, commiseration and like-mindedness. I can picture this very well, your words flowed nicely.
This was a deeply felt poem to me. The only error I found was the word: "dring" which I think meant 'bring' but I don't know... I've never heard of a dring. I am an artist, and I feel the movement of my brush as it puts down the medium, it can be very rewarding. It sounds like you have lovely walls. Wish I could see them. Thanks for sharing.
This was a sweet description of how a person can get attached to their pets. I had several cats growing up, and I miss all of them. They were unique in their own ways, and I understand how you feel. :(
I felt like I was there watching the ambush in the bedroom, and the racing down the all. Thanks for making me remember.
too true. More people need to grow up and realize that the competition is with themselves and not with others. I like how you reiterate cool several times to make it clear that being cool is not the end all be all. I like the wording and the phrasing. Thanks for sharing your work with us.
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