|Hello Cerulean Son,
Please keep in mind that we are not professional reviewers. We only offer suggestions that we hope will help with your writing. Thank you.
This review comes from Showering Acts of Joy!
I had the opportunity to read your short story "A Guest for Thanksgiving" and I would like to share my thoughts with you. I really enjoyed reading from the point of view of a fifth grader as she goes through the day, helping ready the table for the holiday meal, ready herself and great their unusual guest. This story is a reminder of what Thanksgiving represents and the settlers who had their first feast with the natives. Very cool.
What this piece has going for it:
This story is very entertaining. It is very honest as we watch and 'talk' with (what we assume) is a school friend of the main character. It adds a great deal of warmth to the character.
Although, I did not find actual errors in the grammar there are some areas where the structure of the sentence makes the read awkward.
"The good china’s over here, in Mom’s cabinet, that she got from her Grandma. Give me a hand, would you? Here, just put one of these plates on every place mat. I’ll follow behind you with the soup bowls; they go on top of the plates. Thanks."
I realize that the syntax that kids use these days is a bit wild, however, this particular line is awkward. I think that I would break it up differently. Maybe a period after cabinet and then, "She got those from Grandma."
There are a few places like that in the story. Other than that, I think it is great. The ending is ... cute.
Thank you so much for sharing your work.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **