Hello jpmurphy Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No grammatical or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: I think deleting "so" before "lost inside" would read better. Just a humble opinion though. I also think cutting "your" before "everything that's you" would make for a better read.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: The rhythm is good, and the imagery just as good. Every stanza relays how deeply the individual is loved, yet not necessarily what the future will hold. I liked that, for that is reality. I also like that despite qualms that this person means everything to you.
TITLE: I think the title is fitting for the short story.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and there are no suggestions I can think of for improvement.
CHARACTERS: The characters are described well with the limited word count.
MY THOUGHTS: I was impressed with the plot with only a two hundred word limit. The thought of anyone tapping into phone calls is horrible, and so is the idea of reading lips through computer systems. Privacy should be respected, not used by anyone as in this story by the government or anyone else. The story is fast-paced and well written.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the entry.
CHARACTERS AND STORYLINE: N/A
OVERALL OPINION: The rhythm and imagery are great, and the prompt used perfectly. It was easy picturing the couple under the starlit sky and clouds as the vow was made. My heart ached when reading the stanza about her being taken and him being left with only the precious memories made, however, I think the last stanza is uplifting. Love like the one written about in this poem never dies. You relay that well.
Thank you for your entry in "COLORING THE WORLD CONTEST TEMP. CLOSED " [E] Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS: No mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: None that would improve the entry.
MY THOUGHTS: You did a splendid job of using the prompt. Suzanne and the other characters are defined well, and the story well written. The letter to Matthew brought tears to my eyes, and I liked the symbolism of the shooting star that seemed to uplift Suzanne somewhat.
Hello ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: The rhythm is off in a couple of lines. For example, "unwanted" and "empty-hearted" do not rhyme. Other than that, there are no suggestions for improvement.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: The rhythm is good overall, and the emotions expressed well. I think most readers can relate to wishing they could change events in their lives at some point, leaving them feeling like good things may vanish like you do. The poem is well written, but terribly sad.
ERRORS: Like the poem read before it, no mistakes were spotted.
SUGGESTIONS: None I think would improve the item.
WHAT I LIKED: The imagery used in describing the wold and her surroundings is awesome. Being as I revere Native American culture, the use of it in the poem delighted me. You did a magnificent job of combining nature and the spirits. I liked that. I especially liked the verses about your spirit floating at sunset and the last one. The poem is well written, and beautiful in every sense of the words.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and the only suggestion I have to offer is to keep writing these wonderful poems.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
OVERALL THOUGHTS: The imagery is fantastic! A poetic work of art was painted when this was written. It was easy envisioning the natural surroundings of the shadowed woodlands, and I could almost smell the lilacs and cherry blossoms. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about this beautiful place. I can see why it was awarded with the lovely ribbon.
** Image ID #1518004 Unavailable ** SIMPLY POSITIVE AND JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO GROUP LEADER
Hello gur0001 Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are only the opinion of this reader and intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: Just a humble opinion, but I think "I'll" is used far too much in the poem, making it read clumsily. I would consider restructuring the piece and changing some to "I'd" or something similar. The same applies to "you". It is also used too frequently.
CHARACTERS: N/A
PLOT: N/A
OVERALL OPINION: The title should read "Someday I'll like....", yet suitable for the poem. The emotions are relayed in a tender way that touched my heart. Welcome to WDC! I wish you the best!
Hello Lyons Valentine Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to be helpful, not critical.
ERRORS: "Its not the same" should be "It's not the same". Some of the words did not follow the rhyming pattern you began with. Examples are "again", "friends", "little", "giggle", "room" and "soon".
SUGGESTIONS: I think cutting "when" after "Like" would make for a better read being as it is used in the same line. "with" is used too closely together in the third verse, and the first two lines in the verse read off to me.
MY THOUGHTS: The rhythm is good overall, and the imagery just as good. The poem is very dark, yet written well. The lines about the sad faces, feeling the empty spaces, and leaving sadness there are my personal favorites.
Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling, grammatical, or other errors were noticed, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the poem. It's excellent!
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The title of the poem is good, and the emotions relayed well. Your dedication is expressed dynamically, and in a way that is uplifting. The item is well written, perseverance indeed a blast. My favorite verse is the one about striving for and achieving greatness. The last verse sums the item up perfectly.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: I did not notice any errors, and cannot think of anything that would improve the item.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The poem is written very well, and the imagery used in describing the feelings during the attacks relayed just as good. Although the entire poem tugged at my heart, verses two, three, four, and six are my personal favorites. I could almost feel your suffering, and wish I could free you from the curtain isolating your soul.
Please keep in mind that any suggestions made are only the opinion of this reader, whose intention is to help, not criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No grammatical or other mistakes were noticed. There is nothing I can think of that I feel would improve the item.
CHARACTERS AND STORYLINE: N/A
OVERALL OPINION: The rhythm is dynamite, and the emotions expressed well. What I thought was going to be a dark poem when I began reading it, turned out to surprise me. The last two verses were uplifting and romantic. I think the poem is lovely. It has been a pleasure visiting your portfolio again, April.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No grammatical, spelling, or other mistakes were spotted, and there are no suggestions to offer for improvement.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The combination of nature and emotions are excellent. The poem is sad, yet well written. I think we have all felt in limbo and had similar emotions sometimes, however, I liked the way you still look for the stars to shine upon you again. I liked the imagery used as well. The poem is terrific!
ERRORS/SUGGESTIONS: No spelling, grammatical, or other errors were noticed, and there are no suggestions to offer for improving the entry.
WHAT I LIKED: You did a wonderful job of using the prompt. Like you, I think everyone wonders if we are totally dependent, and share the dream. Many things prevent us from being free to say and do what we would like to, which is relayed well in the poem. Here's to becoming irrevocably dependent!
Hello April Desiree-I'm back! Keep in mind that any suggestions made are only an opinion of this reader whose intention is to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS: No grammatical or other mistakes were noticed.
SUGGESTIONS: I cannot think of anything I feel would improve the item.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Like the poem read before it, the imagery is awesome in this one as well. The emotions are relayed well, although this is another heartbreaking item. Tears literally came to my eyes when reading about your darkened world after the loss of your husband. Though terribly sad, the poem is well written.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling or other errors were noticed. Keep writing is the only suggestion I have to offer, April. The poem is great.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The imagery and rhythm are good, and the emotions expressed in a way that tugged at my heart. Every sentence relays how much it hurt letting go despite wanting to be strong. Verses four through six were my personal favorites, for they are a great lead-up to the last one.
SIMPLY POSITIVE AND TRADITIONAL POETRY GROUP LEADER
Hello Write-fully Loti Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and the only suggestion I have to offer is to keep writing these lovely poems.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: The rhythm is outstanding, and the emotions expressed from the heart in a most touching way. I thought every line was written beautifully. You relay the meaning of real and undying love. My favorite lines are the ones about the loved one standing beside you when cannot see and loving you despite the flaws pointed out in the last verse.
SIMPLY POSITIVE AND JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO GROUP LEADER
Hello TaraD65 Welcome to Writing.Com! Any suggestions made by this humble reader are only an opinion meant to help, not to criticize your work in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: Being as capitalization and rhyme are used in some of the lines, I think the poem would make for a better presentation if they were used in all of them. Should "i tell i believe" be "I say I believe"??? Other than that, there are no suggestions for improvement.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The emotions are expressed well in the item. It is obvious the individual written about has you on an emotional roller-coaster. I commend you on wanting nothing but the truth. You are adamant about that, which shows strength. I liked that.
Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No mistakes were noticed, and I cannot think of anything that would improve the poem.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: This poem literally brought tears to my eyes. The imagery used in describing the child is perfect. I could almost see Courtney's henna-gold hair and green eyes. I could feel your pain, and the dreams you had for her made my heart ache more. The last verse was beautiful and inspiring. God bless you for sharing a part of your heart with us.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No mistakes were spotted, and there are no suggestions for improvement.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: You did a magnificent job with the form, and the imagery is outstanding. I love a good storm, and found it easy to picture the lightning and rainfall. This is a poetic masterpiece. Every verse is well written and was a thorough enjoyment to read.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and I cannot think of anything I feel would improve the item. It is great!
CHARACTERS: The grandmother and child are described with realism. I liked the child's inquisitiveness and the grandparent's responses.
MY THOUGHTS: Grandmother had an answer for everything. I liked that, especially the last five lines. The imagery used in describing greed, the stars, and the sun were my personal favorites. The poem is superb!
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: A comma should follow "most of it", "very first page", and "Huckleberry Finn". Other than that, there are no suggestions for improvement.
CHARACTERS: The characters are defined well.
MY THOUGHTS: Your father had the perfect solution for being unable to take a vacation. Reading the books swept your imagination to places you had not been. I liked that. Sometimes the best things in life are free. The imaginary vacations are among them. The story is written well, and thoroughly enjoyable.
Hello ~Sue~ Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Keep in mind that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize in any way.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No errors were noticed, and there are no suggestions for improvement.
OVERALL THOUGHTS: The poem expresses the pain suffered in a break-up. You did a great job of relaying the emptiness felt by giving the individual your heart and soul.
You also point out how much you still love the person despite everything in a way that touched this readers heart. I liked the way you share the blame for the break-up, for most people place the blame on the other. Instead, you ask for forgiveness for your mistakes as well. I found that commendable.
The rhythm is perfect, and the emotions expressed well. It is well written and from from the heart.
TITLE: The title is appropriate for the poem. It drew me in to read the item.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: No spelling, grammatical, or other errors were noticed, and there is nothing I can think of that would improve the poem.
CHARACTERS: N/A
MY THOUGHTS: The imagery is magnificent, and the rhythm good. The last two lines of thew poem sum the others up perfectly. I like the comparison to pen and paper and nature, and thought the poem was thoroughly enjoyable. It is written beautifully and very uplifting.
Thank you for your entry in "Invalid Item" Please remember that any suggestions made are intended to help, not to criticize.
ERRORS AND SUGGESTIONS: A comma should come between "far far". "live astray" should be "lived astray". "as month" should be "as the month". "there rest" should be "there rests". No comma is needed after "fierceness". Several others like this noticed, but I did not think it took away from the entry.
CHARACTERS AND PLOT: N/A
WHAT I THOUGHT: Thew rhythm is fantastic, and the poem read almost like a short story. The imagery used in describing the prince, maiden, and other characters is sensational, and the settings are defined just as well. I like happy endings in a fantasy/fairy tale, and the poem provided that.
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