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310 Public Reviews Given
317 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of A Desert Oasis  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I feel this slice of life is extremely well written.
This short emotional story rings clear as a bell, the dialogue is real, the scene is set up perfectly from the time Shawn pulls his keys from the ignition. It's completely understandable why he feels the way he does.

Not once did I have to reread a sentence. I found no useless, wasted, or empty words. What a pleasure to read Really Great writing.

This next partial clip of a sentence is the only one I found needing your magic touch:

his head hung like his neck were a strand of cooked spaghetti <<I'm not sure what it needs, but I'm sure you will.)

Oh, in your caption health is missing the l.


OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
77
77
Review of Michael  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear sramos,

I don't know where to start - the small insignificant errors, so small they seem like specks in the Sahara. Few writings overwhelm me with substance and talent insofar as leaving me speechless about nits.
So small are they compared to the content of this piece, I refuse to mention them. I'll leave that to someone else.

I think we all wish to know how our writing comes across. Is it too preachy? Too juvenile? Unbelievable.

Anyone who has run away from home will know your words are not make believe. I doubt if any, in their darkest or most creative moments, could capture those feelings you have so geniunely expressed. I wish there was a word or a phrase for this type of genius.

You have taken a serious and very sensitive subject and given it respectability by not using the slut of words which many would use in portraying the events. Uncanny and extremely thoughtful. Where you could have shocked your reader, you chose to feel for your reader. My, what a talent you possess.

This piece of yours, simply called Michael, should be left on the nightstand of every mother with a teenage daughter or tucked away where surely the young gal will find it before it's too late.

I find myself wanting to fling more accolades upon you, forgive me.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
78
78
Rated: E | (4.0)
t42,

This piece certainly reminds us of a date I imagine few remember. Your essay will contribute to jogging our memories. You've chosen an excellent subject.

At first, your words create some mystery of what the date stands for, then you make the comments: World changed, people worldwide were affected, and the consequences are still not known.

What have you told us that we didn't know? I'll answer that - what happened on that date.

My suggestion is to follow through on the THREE comments you stated in the third paragraph. How did the world change? How were people worldwide affected? What do you think the consequences are? Once you offer some answers to those questions you brought up, then this piece will give the reader so much more to ponder. Then it will have the substance it deserves, in my opinion. Otherwise, it's simply an old newsflash that tells us why you didn't give a presentation on your hobbies or the guitar.


In the following sentence I've indicated my suggestions for your magic touch by using <<

I actually should have had it today, but we didn't have time for that.<<I would delete for that or explain why you didn't have time, or don't even mention it.

And if I would have had this presenation<<presentation today,

Lots of countries, lots of people worldwide were affected.<<Lots and lots, seems too juvenile a word as used in this sentence, unless it is being directed to a very young audience, which is doubtful because of the subject. Perhaps, many, millions, or an unknown number would work better.


An incredible misfortune was the world's worst nuclear accident.<<You're telling us what we just read. But, here, I feel is the big bang of your essay, your opportunity to give your insight, your feelings, your theory, on what has happened and what can still happen.

I feel you owe the reader more than an answer as to what occurred on that date. Otherwise, it's like knowing the rabbit you pull out of the hat will be white.

Here is your chance to say something that may not have been said before by the way you might say it. I challenge you to give us something to ponder.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
79
79
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Nice beginnings. I'm in for an adventure, trist, or whatever you have in mind.

I like your short sentences. Especially Carl. Those, short words, to me, are the cherries, in the world of writing. One word Getme's. Carl. Surely a cherry. Right?

I can tell I'm going to love your writing because of your short, meaningful jabs.

Use your magic touch in repairing the following:

Oh yeah he was a<<delete) attractive, smart and had a great sense of humor, but he wasn't the one the<<delete) she wanted.

I'm looking forward to round two.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" ;
80
80
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Khalish,

What do I know of Ghazal? Nothing. And you show me a path, which I can hardly wait to explore. Then, I will ponder... are you a master or student of Ghazal?
If you hadn't mentioned it, or was that a flaunt, I wouldn't have known such an element was in existance. Surely I live under a mossy rock. This to me is the beeeauuty of Writing.Com - LEARNING!

Yet, the message, it falls on my ears like new snow,
something we can't help but love in a strange way, although my husband will totally disagree with me. Snow. It makes me smile. Have you ever noticed those walking from a mall into a parking lot and seeing a long awaited, fresh fallen snow? I'll bet 98% of those faces smile. I know. I've already done the survey. Those that don't, are probably on bicycles, scooters, or motorcycles. Your work, this poem, is snow.

Specifically, about 'Call of the Heart':
This phrase:
Talks to me, in silence, -- is simply magnificent. How often do many speak for hours, yet say absolutely nothing? Or, the more subtle speak of it, if you choose to read it otherwise - she never called at all and she rang around you like a piranah from her pictures on the wall.... Khalish, you have summed it up in less than six words. (Does the intrepretation matter?) Magnificent.

You have given your reader a test. Maybe you didn't plan it, but that's how I see it. Regardless, I love it, especially when I think I know what the writer is saying and I'm nothing but a mouse under a rock of moss.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
81
81
Review of Next Exit  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Calling all Lovers, Romantics, and those wanting, fearing, and/or neglecting a love relationship -
Read Evan Boyd's Next Exit. It's a joy to read. You might even learn a thing or three.

Now, on to the nitty gritty. The following sentences have some sort of problem which requires the genius of your talented fingers for its repair. Or, I simply have a comment to make about it. I've used the << to indicate the comment.

Asking Leann a question got either a truthful answer or an evasion that was sufficient to let me now <<know) she was not comfortable answering, and this was rare.

A couple of years form <<from) now, when Joshua graduates high school, Leann will divorce.

A light mist floated, like the mirages of ghosts, just above the street. <<Wow, what a great vision!)

I reached for the book on tape I had checked out for entertainment on my trip. <<took me a while to realize what you reached for, read it 3 times, then the idiot finally caught on.

Fog rolled off the truck fenders in small, hypnotic vortices.<<I love it when I learn a new word, looking it up is like finding a gold ring while walking on a sandy beach.)

At seven A.M., on the highway however, the city is a multicolored, agitated, serpent consisting of metal and noise. <<another one of your excellent images - serpent - what a great choice of words!)

Most visit’s <<no need for the apostrophe) were to the Emory University’s

My health is limiting factor in my ability to travel.<<A missing word, the smallest in the dictionary. (The one I discovered in my book AFTER it was published.)

Leann is very talented in painting and craft type work<<insert a comma or period) I am more the concept type

I had to go to the doors to verify that anyone was here at all.<I feel the tense, as related to the rest of the paragraph, is past, therefore, I would replace here with there.)

Resigning my self <<delete the space) to my thirsty fate,

Many months earlier I had told Leann that I would give here <<delete the second e) flowers every day.

I believe I said something to the effect of “I can’t believe it”.<<check with an authority, but I think the period should be within the quotation mark.)

I <<it?) turned out to be quite a hike, but we survived.

The lucky had better degrees fo<<of) love with their chosen mate.

I have been in love, but their<<there) always existed just little doubts and uncertainties that keep me from “just knowing”. <<check with an authority, but I feel this should be 'just knowing'.

Had the room caught on fire, I doubt we would have
noticed. <<I love this sentence. It's the essence of the complete scene. There is not a woman who would not want to hear it said about them, regardless of what position she was in. Actually, this sentence made all of the travel getting to it so worthwhile.)

We discussed the possibility that she may be to <<too)ill in the morning to return,

was physically tired but to<<too) much adrenalin still flowed through me to allow me to relax.

We kept saying we would keep or<<our) conversation short,

We made love again while dust motes danced in the stipes<<stripes) of light from the shades

She would look at me for just a second hen<<then) look back at the ground as she approached.

The drive ahead of me would pass in a fugue state. <<another new word - love it when the writer teaches as well as entertains)

Love stories, really good love stories don't get better than this. Your style is real, earthy, and easy to read. Your characters are beyond believable. Your dialogue has me in the middle of their conversation. What more can I ask? Change nothing but the nits. Or maybe reduce a few miles on the freeway. Kidding. It builds the character you so adeptly portrayed. We could all take a lesson from this or buy one of those books on tape.


OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
82
82
Review of Solemn Candor  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah, Reason a fine sermon it tis. I can only imagine you on the pulpit abounding in serendipity. Surely the trash receptacle outside the building is filled with all the prejudices you have come to terms with. If not, the sermon didn't work. Or there were none to place in the container.

What I'm getting at is, this is a fine, very fine sermon, and I know or somewhat believe, most of what we writers write is written for ourselves initially. I could be wrong, but that's my opinion.

Nevertheless, it is now a sermon to the masses and I only wish the world could hear it. Magic flows from your fingertips.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
83
83
Review of Threshold  
Rated: E | (4.5)
SadieLee,
This slice of life in a time of clothespins and white sheets cured under the sun is absolutely remarkable.
It was as real as if I could kick the leaves along with you. Just wonderful. I could see it, and I could feel it. You made it real.

My only thought when I read the second line 'stiff white cotton night shirt' I had two thoughts: I certainly wouldn't want to sleep in it and/or maybe it was winter therefore causing it to stiffen as damp things do. Upon reading further, of course it isn't winter, by the soft blades of grass and the yellow curtains. So I deduce, I still wouldn't wish to sleep in that stiff nightshirt.

In the following sentence, the words - I take in the strong line - puzzle me. Do you mean your observance of them? And do you wish it connected to the following sentence meaning the window, still open?
Just a little confusing.

With the cabin coming into sight ahead of me, I take in the strong line of the roof and the loft window. Still open from this morning, there is no longer bird song being filtered by the soft yellow curtains

You may wish a second opinion on 'it's'. Being a contraction meaning it is, although I understand why you chose to give it the possessive meaning.

To live in the forest is to be one with all it’s life.

Your style is like fresh fallen snow. Crisp, clear, and it makes me smile.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
84
84
Review of Golden  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Well, Jerry, this is the fifth time I have read Golden, I've got to get guts enough to say something, so here it is.

Obviously, since you are offering 1500 GPs for a review, you feel deeply concerned for the receptance and/or response of this piece. Many may respond for that reason, Not I. Only because I know you want a critique, am I right? So here is mine.

Yes, the subject is sensitive and your short flash is extremely powerful, but, if on his deathbed would he really be saying the words this way?

"It must be," he breathed. "Please, it must be this way. I can bear the pain no longer. The cancer eats my body, but the anger and the sorrow and the fear threaten my soul as well."

It's too much of a script, 'the anger and the sorrow and the fear threaten my soul as well'. I doesn't ring true in my ears of a person ready to face the great beyond. Even without the sentence it would work every bit as well and still give you your shock effect. The reader gets the idea after the sentence, I can bear the pain no longer.

The last line ends poetically, a nice soft touch and somewhat different from the previous text.
If that's the note you wish to end with, good. But I would say it this way: Then she laid her hand upon his silent heart.

And I'm not so sure about the poor old woman saying 'Love of my life' twice before reaching to close his eyes. Would, another way, such as this give it a double whammy?: "I'll be with you shortly, my love."

I admire the courage you took to present this to the world, I doubt that I could have done it.

OnWords & UpWords and I'm returning your GPs that YOU really deserve.
ReJoyce

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
85
85
Review of Fly Fishing  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I pretended to be Kate Hepburn, swaying with Peter Fonda out there on the Golden Pond in order to get into the slow-dance rhythm of this art work.

This almost makes me want to take up fishing or at least find Palo Creek and get me a hat so's I can hang some fake flies on it.

I doubt one could have written this without knowing how to cast a really good line.

And, I really hate to say it's perfect. But it is. There's something rather special about this piece - I'm not sure if it's the atmosphere of it, or the lyrical lilt, or just the fact that I don't know a damn thing about fly fishing and wish I did.

It's one of those pieces you can't seem to read just once. The imagery takes you fly fishing whether or not you know anything about it. THAT to me is talent.

The only thing missing is the catch. But I guess that would spoil the symphony you've created, wouldn't it?

How lucky for this site to have writers of this caliber.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
86
86
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Absolutely hilarious. What an imagination. Another work of brilliance.

I've done a little cut and pasting with some added comments. The following excerpts have missing words or some kind of error, or nothing but a little BS on my part, seek and ye shall find:

and he was on his way in answer their SOS.

and its just bulls*** that we aren’t.”

not go un noticed.

stories of her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, also <NOTHING wrong with this but I couldn't stop laughing when I read it!

She old Zarafa was the toast of Paris in 1827.

EIA, or Elephant Intelligence Agency.<HERE TOO, FUNNY!

facing the lions, and try hard to coordinate their best fart. It would be a grand effect <THIS had me on the FLOOR!

programs on TV are reruns of Mr. Ed and CNN<ANOTHER hilarious pit stop

they were eager cast the first ever jungle and African savanna vote.

I'm curious, what was your inspiration for this fantastic work of art?

I would love to read a sequel to this. Surely Bumba can make a comeback.

OnWords & UpWords,
ReJoyce
87
87
Review of Counting Cards  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
There has got to be a word, an explanation, an adjective, one special or maybe three profound glorofic syllables for this rendering. It leaves me, not breathless, but in awe of this writer's ability. Oh to be the Grandma this was written for, how I wish it was me. There is talent behind the flanges doing the deed. I admire your perceptivness, but mostly your ability to put your words in such a way the angels are harmonizing your efforts.
Wonderful work.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
88
88
Rated: E | (5.0)
There is no other choice other than 7 stars for this work of art. Renoir, Van Gogh, You, whoever you are, are magnificent! Only because I have problems spelling Phenomenal (sp?)! The flow, wordage, ah, the beauty of it all, totally inspires me. You have the gift. Continue giving.

Onwords & Upwords
Rejoyce
89
89
Review of LOVE AND TRUST  
Rated: E | (3.5)
2 words need the spelling corrected:
Willngness to play part.
Trust comes along wih love.

Yes, I agree, trust is not as magical as love.
So many questions, so simple are the answers. No they are not the same. I happen to love many, does that mean I trust them? No.
Very good punctuation. I really love the third stanza, because it's the essence of love.

I feel these 2 subjects, in this context, should have more emotion, they deserve more than the obvious questions and the logical answers.

Aside from love and trust between a man and woman:
Maybe if you are willing to explain what many are willing to do, purely in the name of love, such as love of country, those who are dying for theirs. Or what if they love their country, and are fighting for it - yet have no trust in those directing them?

or:

One's love for an animal, the family pet, even an ocelot - can it really be trusted?

Still, I believe you are on the right track, focusing on a man and woman, BUT, it needs more emotion when you start off asking the question - What is love and what is trust?

I thought I was going to read something very, let's see, what's the word? Something not so medicinal, not so cut and dry. What about the electricity of love and the trust that comes with it, hoping, even praying, you will not be electrocuted by it.

Then again, maybe I'm too hung up on artsy BS and just a hopeless romantic still listening to the BeeGees and dancing in the rain thinking I'm Gene Kelly.


OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
90
90
Review of Alice  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Athena,
I've read everything you've written. I am --there is/are no words for my respect for your ability. You utterly amaze me. You will never hear me say this again unless someone is walking naked across the Nile with a basket of melons on her head. I am so damn hard to please. I try not to let it show, but your work, your art, this thing you perform from your fingertips, from the recesses of your cerebellum, knock my socks off. Each and every one of your ladies leave me with the same impression. God!

I wish I would have known what Alice meant when I wrote my book. That would have cleared a path I had to learn the hard way.

You're writing is brilliant. You capture the essence of each of them in a way, they are standing in front of me, laughing. I envy your talent. I wish you everything you wish for.

Sincerely,
OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce

PS: It's funny, I was so excited to send this I had to write my name 5 times. Are you smiling?
91
91
Review of Fear of Flying  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dear Murf,
This story gave me the chills. It's was so fun to read from the very first paragraph, Sensational!

May I cover several areas for a second look? Areas I believe need clarification or simple correction of misspelled words.

*The two turned there backs (s/b their)

*He avoiding numerous collisions (would avoided work better in the context of the sentence?)

*In the paragraph beginning, When Ava suggested, more like pleaded - and - ending, Ava was beginning to crawl out from under from her long-term funk. I would delete the second 'from'.

*rough dessert s/b desert

* balloons' - I suggest a second opinion on this, likely right, being plural, but still needs an expert's blessing in it's context. My first thought is it should be balloon's, but I'm doubtful.

*In the paragraph beginning, "It's happened," she sobbed unsure what to do as she floating amongst the... I would replace floating with floated - or - as she was floating.

*In the sentence "No! screamed Ava, fearful of what will happen to her daughter now that is was obvious. Replace is with it.

*A vast, hot empty dessert stretched - s/b desert

*wrap her legs around her waste - s/be waist

*In the sentence - She and Celeste watched as what seemed like about a half of the people on the hill begun to lift off and float up to mingle amongst the hot air balloons. Why not a short jab of a sentence to draw attention to what is about to occur? This long sentence is hard to understand. Read it aloud,
see what you think.

*One man broke away from the group began to chase after them. insert 'and' before began.

This story was so exciting for me to read, I couldn't stop. Maybe it's because I think I'm Ava. Your beautiful sentences flow like a gentle breeze. The story, I can't get over the story, I'm in awe of it.

I loved the paragraph beginning...Ava stood entranced...she didn't feel Celeste's hand slip from hers - WOW I could see, almost feel Ava rising, whew! Short, sweet and VERY effective.

You've made it real.
I want to hear this has been published. It deserves recognition.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
92
92
Review of To my Angel  
Rated: E | (5.0)
There are not enough stars in the sky to present the writer for this melodic cloud I've been placed upon. It's sheer beauty.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
93
93
Review of Manifest Destiny  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is Renoir, and a bit of Van Gogh, but you knew that, didn't you? I'm big on small words, (think I'll coin that) celebrating brush strokes of a Monet. I would (who am I? Nobody), but in the last stanza I would kiss the words 'like the' goodbye and replace them with the smallest word in our dictionary, a.

This is art, pure beautiful and magnificent! I'm a fan.

OnWords & UpWords
and Big on Small Words
ReJoyce
94
94
Review of My Choice  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I definitely think you know what you are doing! This message is more important then its grammar, spelling, or sometimes off beat cadence. This is a magnificent assembly of simple, meaningful words. No one needs to scratch their head in wonder. It comes through loud and clear. The word allusion, (to allude), did you really mean illusion, a misleading image? I suspect you meant illusion.
If you are new at this, you are miles ahead of many.
Great Job.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
95
95
Review of Mr. He'll Do  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Outrageous! Written with passion, spirit and like a professional. There is no way to improve upon this. You got your point across. I don't like him either and the sooner you leave him the better. So many of your metaphors left me smiling, especially the 'anvil'. You've definitely got what 'it' takes.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
96
96
Rated: E | (5.0)
Brilliant. This brought a lump in my throat and the hair on my arms stood like porcupine quills. There is no way to improve this magnificent homage to Mr. Rogers. It made me realize events I'd almost forgotten and made me proud that my children grew up getting to know him also. Your perspective on his life should be recognized by young and old alike.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
97
97
Review of Placesettings  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Regarding Fyndorian's Placesettings:

A table of love, if you please.
More welcome than Mac 'N Cheese.
Where are ya goin'
silverwared forks,
honored espressions for
dumfounded dorks?
That's me, raising spoons
to the time honored guest.
It's me, the dork,
sending pleas to the rest.
It's me can't you see me?
I'm under the knife,
resting longing,
not weary with strife.
I've had a long battle
with loins of the pork,
I've had some fun,
spooning
a stainless steel fork.

Of this menu
I confess
you win.
The dinner's a winner
when served up
by Fyn.


OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce!
98
98
Rated: E | (5.0)
What can I say? I'm a fan of Fyn. And look at all the company I have. What a great way of everyone helping everyone. Love it. Just love it!

OnWords & UpWords
Rejoyce

PS: I don't pass out stars like popcorn unless the movie is better than 'Gone with the Wind'.

Which reminds me...I received a reply from the person I'd sent stars to -- they said didn't do it for the stars. I understand but it just broke my heart, thought everyone appreciated them. Whatever.
99
99
Rated: E | (3.5)
The closest I can get to understanding the philosophy of computational chemistry is knowing that I know what each word means separately; put them together and I'm a turtle hatching from a chicken egg. With that in mind, my suggestions are limited mainly to construction and since this paper was written three years ago, here is what I would have suggested:
Delete the first word Even.
Use the plural facts for the word fact and identify them separately according to your footnotes. I would omit the word Certainly in the third sentence. Identify a few publications which illuminate philosophical problems IF this assigment requires a larger word count. In this sentence - However, if the quality of this literature very high, then its quantity is very low. Aside from the missing word 'is' the statement tells quantity is low and quality is high. Is this to say there are just a few publications with a high degree of accurate information? The last question in the first paragraph asks a question. Why not give an answer? Or better still, make a direct statement, or use facts, why the situation prevails.

The first paragraph should open any argument, speculation, or glaring information relating to the title - Philosophy of the Computational Chemistry. It should basically summarize the whole of the essay without the final closing remarks. I think your second paragraph does this and I would have placed it in the first position.

I doubt if you want any more of my blabber, but if you do, just let me know. I love this sort of project and admire those of you in this field and envy your courage to submit a paper on this subject.
I'm curious to know the grade you received on this assignment.

OnWords & UpWords
ReJoyce
100
100
Review of Sirocco  
Rated: E | (5.0)
At first I thought - replant? Why not just plant. After a quick thought I 'got' it. Hope had been planted before. This is NOT haphazardry, syllables flung onto paper. This is genius, a work of art. It touches on so many facets I feel good poetry must possess - entertain, enlighten, teach, provide a story, provoke an emotion - I can go on and on. The presentation impressed me and when I finished reading Sirocco I wanted to read it again and again, not because I didn't understand it but because it is so beautiful.

OnWords & UpWords
Rejoyce
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