Welcome to WDC! I hope you enjoy your stay and stay long.
I really enjoyed this story about a cat named Lil' Bit.
Your use of imagery is well done throughout the story.
You began telling your story in the first person, then about half way through you changed the "I" to "We". I think it would make it a better story if you kept to one or the other.
I loved the ending! A good read.
Write on.
ShiShad
I found this to be- not only informative but all inspiring. The whole article moved me from the beginning to the end. Very thought provoking and well done.
Nothing could make this a better write. It is perfect as it is.
Do write on.
ShiShad
This is a good write about growing up with three sisters. You've been able to vent some feelings and still make your story a humorous one.
Anything that has to do with sibling rivalry should be put down in print I think. The more a person can come to grips with understanding how these issues can stay with a sister or brother, for what seems like a lifetime, the more they can grow as a better person.
I grew up with three sisters also and three brothers! I was the middle child. Three older- three younger.
I thought we three girls wrote the book on sibling rivalry until I read your story
You've spaced out your perfect sized paragraphs here to make this an easy read in spite of the length. Which by the way is not that long either.
A well written heartfelt write of what it means to grow up as the oldest child of four girls.
Write on.
ShiShad
This is so clever and unique!
I am so impressed with your ability to enchant readers with your play on words.
{:idea} Nothing wrong here.
A most fascinating write, well done my dear friend.
By the way, I am totally flattered that you did include me here!
Wonder why it is that I never saw this till now? Forgive me, I was not visiting your port enough.
ShiShad
I really was touched when reading this story. There is so much emotion welling up in every paragraph here.
Your're sentences are structured in just the right length to get your point across and still keep the reader's interest.
You've managed to make me aware of your bittersweet nostalgia upon entering your childhood home. Without, I might add the gruesome details that must have resided within.
That shows me you have conquered the pain you must feel with dignity.
- What I like about this poem are the strong statements being made about your view of the world around you.
I especially like- "Where the justice system has become a three-ring circus
And you watch it all on a talk show"
You have managed to give the reader a powerful message delivered with great imagery here.
- What I like about this is- it made me laugh out loud.
- I love that you are able to tell about your granddaughter's sleepovers here in such a loving, and caring way...(not overly done with sweet frosting).. yet with a blast of humor that really gives the reader a good belly laugh!
- What I like about this poem is your ability to draw the reader into the search for the yellow lily.
- I love how your imagery is flowing brightly through every verse. I found myself walking along the path ...searching through each stanza...untill at last I saw the lillies too!
- I have no suggestion that could make this a better write.
- A wonderful poem that shares an awe of WONDER!
Write on.
ShiShad
- I do see errors in grammer examples-
"there was three from my mother" -It should read "there werethree from my mother" instead.
"we still ask our selfs{/}- It should read "we still ask ourselves
You should read through your story again to correct these errors.
- Suggestion- You might try breaking the story up into paragraphs. Which would allow for a easier read.
With a little work this could be a better write. My prayers go out to you for your loss.
Write on.
ShiShad
Your imagery used to tell about the day you lost your mother is vivid and gripping. It's as though you relived it with complete effect and feeling intact.
My heart goes out to you for your loss at such a young age.
I come away from this story feeling alot of compassion for you as your newborn son is born. Giving you new meaning in your life. A good feeling.
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I really enjoyed this story about a cat named Lil' Bit.
Your use of imagery is well done throughout the story.
You began telling your story in the first person, then about half way through you changed the "I" to "We". I think it would make it a better story if you kept to one or the other.
I loved the ending! A good read.
I'm left totally surprised at how your words drew me in choked me up and kept me wanting more!
The meter may not be perfect, but the rhyme is right on, and the effect of the message goes beyond the words in verse.
This is a wake up call for someone like me. Who would dare to disclose this?
- Very nice of you to write a poem wishing the USA A HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!
- I do see errors in grammer examples-
- Keep up the good work.