Hello again! I see you've been editing the stories, took me a bit to find the right part :). Anyway I like the story so far, but I have one suggestion. This may be because I took so long to read this chapter, but I think there should be a more relaxed chapter to give the characters more life, so to speak. For instance, if you develop Frode more, make him seem trustworthy, then his betrayal would be more dramatic. P.S I like how you put the part explaining the spells and everything in it's own chapter :)
Hello again! Your latest instalment is excellent, I loved the mention of great walled Uruk and Inanna! Anyway I did not find any typos this time, but the part with the battle and the king Gilgamesh (love that reference too!) does not seem to fit quite right, almost like an editing error, which it appears to be. Was it an error, or was it some bizarre dream sequence thing? Either way it needs some editing to make it clearer. Sorry if this is explained in the next chapter :p I genuinely enjoyed reading this, as usual. Write on!
This was a highly dramatic chapter, and I quite enjoyed reading it. You caught me by surprise with Toby and Robert becoming friend! Anyway, like usual I found a couple of typos that should be corrected, and here they are! "or may(be) early)", "or t(r)ied to", "the slim(e) was long gone", "on my chest (that) remained" and "like the bandits(,) this". Minor typos all in all. Amazing story, I am really enjoying reading it!
This is an excellent continuation of your story! The plot flowed a bit more rough in this chapter though, for several reasons. Number 1# You didn't go into enough detail in the Library part, It all went by to fast and not enough was explained. Also, in my opinion, you glazed over too fast and just completely ignored the (equivalent of) four years! I for one would like to hear what Robert learned in that time :).
Also Number 2# I noticed a good couple typos and grammar errors that interrupt the flow of the story, such as writing "hopping" instead of "hoping" and "I was in study" instead of "I was in a study" etc. Although these are relatively minor mistakes, you would be much better off correcting them. All in all though, I have to say you did a great job (as usual)! I will be waiting for the next chapter :)
In the mean time though, keep calm and write on!
Hello again! I genuinely enjoyed reading this, it had me captivated to the very end. I think you have made many improvements over the original, and I love the additions. This is quite honestly wonderful. There is only 1 typo that I have noticed that should be fixed, and that is that "allas" is actually spelled "alas". Other than that, I think this is amazing. Write on!
This is a wonderful piece of writing here! In 5 relatively small paragraphs you have shown the mutual love between Albert and your family. I love the small personal details you have put in this. The picture you have of him is adorable :) Thank you for the small glimpse into your life! Write on!
This is honestly really amazing. I liied everything about it, it was cute, sad, funny, heart-warming, tear-jerking, and it leaves you with a mixture of all those things combined in a soup of ordered confusion. In other words, I liked it. This is MB worthy, but I don't have too many gps and I think that I should give it to a newbie who needs some support. But it is really good!
This shows promise. It also shows skill, and many other abilities. The only problem is that it's too stereotypical in my opinion. Just another fantasy story, just another dry plot. Girl imprisoned/slave to an evil/lazy tyrant with a mysterious character that gives a mission'/prophecy. You can honestly count the plot mechanisms one by one. There is, however talent, and considering this is your first thing on WDC it is good. Just overly stereotypical. But for your first work? Pretty good. Just one last note of advice: Give it something to stand out from everything else. You can do it. I know you can.
Errm well this is gruesome, morbid, and well horrible, which is good for some people, but I am not a fan of horror at all. It is probebly what you aimed for, and you should be proud I guess, but horror makes me queasy. I think it's good for what it's worth, which to me is little personally, but many,many people would like this, probebly including you. Write on (prefferably with less horror, but do whatever you want, writing wise at least. Don't go robbing any banks because I said that. Just kidding, but seriously never rob banks.)!
Wow. Just wow. I was listening to a rock song called open your eyes while reading this, and it went PERFECTLY. Good music and better story. Sounds as if this is a autobiography, or at least a biography from a close friend. You are talented. I think this may awardicon worth, but I don't have enough GPs. Write On!
This is really an interesting story, I read it eagerly to the very end! It was very true, and funny! I suggest you write the rest of the series! I rated 4 and a half, but this iPhone isn't letting me put it in! Please continue! Write On!
Yes I may just do this, thanks for the tips! Writing.com is really amazing, so more people should know about it! And I didn't ever know about that with google. Hmm, you learn new things every day! Also great pun with netiquette! Oh and thank you too! -Silas
This is true. This is very true. You my good Sir or Madam have just described life in three short paragraphs. Not quite worthy of an awardicon or Merit Badge, but pretty close! I really enjoyed reading this because it is really nice. Pretty please write more like this? -Silas
This is a very touching story. You are talented at writing, and conveying a message. Soldiers should be honored for their bravery, but I am more anti war, and I think they are fighting for the wrong cause. But as they know no better, they should be honored for their bravery. Write on! -Silas
Very,very nice and true poetry. I think you see it as it is, and gifted in explaining what you feel in a nice, talented way. I also like the font, and the style of your writing. Please write often, and this well, even if no one reviews you, just always write on! -silas
This is all very true, judges and the legal system, is rarely impartial, or fair at all. It is come to the point where the legal system is a vending machine. Whoever puts the money into lawyers, legal services, win mostly. It is truley a shame. -Silas
Wow, um, I don't like horror much, but I can tell you are good at it. Only three stars becauseI don't like horror, but it is good quality. I like this, but not mcuh because I do not like the genre, but it is good grammar, you are describing thins well. All I have to say is, Write on!
I like this, because tells an extremely short story where you practicly already know the charecters even if you never heard of them before. If this is real then I hope everything works out, but I think it is a mini story, and one that tells much in little words. Write on!
This is a great story, I really like it. I really hope more people read this, so I gave to 4 and a half so more people will hopefully notice it. Some things here on writing.com never get read, or barely ever, and I hope that curse stays away from you. Please write more, and more often! But as for criteque I feel it is missing something, but I quite don't know what. I hope that something is found and added in future chapters! And if I'm behind in chapters, I hope that you already took this advice from somebody else. Write On! -Silas
Woah is all I have to this. The poems are beautiful, very beautifyl. You must have worked hard on them, because there are so many, and they are amazing! I believe you should write often, and publish a book of poems, because if poems sell in books, I hope this would sell. Write on!
That was very touching! It is actually making me cry, but I am still glad you published it.
I hope you write many more touching things, like this. I agree there is much to be learned in this, about the love of a mother to a child. If those dogs are real, I hope they do well, if you imagined them, then you have a very vivid lifelike imagination, and I congratulate you. Thank you either for publishing this. Write on!
Dont cut yourself, or feel depressed! Someone will always love you, no matter what you look like. Some people have fetishes like me for fat, so don't feel ugly like that, your'e skin color doesn't matter to many people, and who cares about your laugh or ears, if everyone in the universe saw you, many people whould find you attractive. Hope you remember this message!
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