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631 Public Reviews Given
639 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, honest, sometimes blunt. If you don't want the truth don't ask me. I do try to be nice, but I will tell you what I think.
I'm good at...
I'll read your story and let you know how it makes me feel. I don't mind spending time providing details of what works or doesn't and provide suggestions for the author's consideration. Grammar is important but I'm not a real stickler. Spelling though, at least use spell check.
Favorite Genres
I'll read many genres if your story grabs me.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry, interactives.
I will not review...
I'll read most things. If I don't think I can, I'll let you know.
Public Reviews
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
HI RedCat.

I am here as promised after reading chapters 1 and 2 of Beginnings.

What a difference!

Okay, this was good. Full of feelings and descriptions. I like cats though I'm not as icky with it as these people are but that's okay. To each his own.

Anyway, this I WANTED to read because you made me understand the characters and feel for them. Even the Being that had no physical description was interesting because of the information you gave me about it. I liked Brenda and Chuck because of how you describe them and their life.

I WANT them to be happy and lucky. I was sort of hoping you'd tell them they decided to have kids or something like that, but that's okay. My wanting that proves that your story was effective. It made me care about these characters.

Good stuff.

All the best! Keep on writing, RedCat.

simply
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*RainbowL* *Bird* *RainbowR*


*Exclaim* Hello:RedCat



*Star* I Am Reviewing Your Story: *PointRight*Beginnings: Chapter 2




*Reading*What I Liked:*ThumbsUp* Again, I think the scientific information is very good.

*QuestionG* Suggestions and Thoughts:*Idea* The characters are very secondary to the information I feel. There is little to hold my interest. I'm sorry, but this feels like a report rather than a story.

The chapter feels rushed, there is little happening between characters other than Red mentions he's getting laid often with a variety of partners and is hoping for more bar fights. Nothing really about he feels for the work he's doing or other people working there with him.

I feel like I'm reading a storyboard or outline not a novel. For instance we are told they are in an old castle with armed guards and Red is talking to Lord Loftman. Where? In the hall? Sitting over a brandy? Is the room clinical, filled with equipment or leather furniture? There is nothing here to hold my interest really or make me like the characters.

Again, I am not trying to be harsh, I can only tell you how I feel when I read this chapter.

I think your idea is good as is the information, but a novel has to be much more than that.

Keep working on this. I am going to visit your port and see what other work you have there.




All the best,*Bird*

simply *Vignette5*


Write On!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*RainbowL* *Bird* *RainbowR*


*Exclaim* Hello: RedCat



*Star* I Am Reviewing Your Story: *PointRight*Beginnings: Chapter 1


*Reading*What I Liked:*ThumbsUp*I like the premise for this story and you obviously either know a lot about this stuff or have done your research.


*QuestionG* Suggestions and Thoughts:*Idea* This first part felt a little flat. You tell me a lot of stuff, but there is no feeling. I feel nothing for any of the characters really.

My suggestion would to show things, make the world of these characters more alive and real. For example how did the bedroom smell after a night of sex. No regrets AT ALL for leaving a warm bed and a great lover? None?

How about the diner, was it loud with other customers and dishes clanking? Did it smell great when Red and Easton opened the door, how did the food smell? Did Easton drip some yolk down his shirt?

Consider interrupting the long info filled talking with a pause, while Red swallowed some toast or cough when he was told the purpose of Easton's visit.

Bring the surroundings alive to make it feel real.

Didn't Red feel a bit let down when he'd discovered that Gretchen was gone?



*Heart*My Favourite Part:*BoxCheck*

I liked this part:

Easton reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver device about the size of a cigarette lighter. He twisted a ring near one end and it started to make a soft hissing sound. He placed the hissing device on the table between them.

It felt real to me and made me understand that Easton wasn't just around to say hi! Something important was going to happen. This was really well done.

All the best,*Bird*

I hope I don't sound too harsh. I do like all the information, but you just need to step back from the great technical info and provide some background 'noise' to make it real and to make the reader care about these guys.

simply *Vignette5*


Write On!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*Leaf2o* Hello: Danny's daughter!

*Vine1* *Trees* I am reviewing your story: Fallon and Mika: Princess Knights

*RainbowL**RainbowR* What I Thought:What a get imagination. You're very good at telling a story. It had two brave heroines who were very smart, kind and also wise. They were smart because worked together to stop the dragon, kind because they didn't kill him and wise because they let the dragon work to help their kingdom.

Your story was right because it had a beginning, middle and end. You told us about the princesses and there was a great climax as they fought the dragon and a very good surprise at the end. Not too many people would let the dragon live and then allow him to come to help them later on.

Danny there is one small error: He said he would not longer fight ...

Not should be no.

*Ribbon* All in all, a very entertaining story.

Thank you for sharing it. I hope you keep on telling stories, Danny's daughter!

All the best,
*Vignette3* simply_(missed most of 2013)

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Review of Moving On  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello: Squeak - This is a WDC Anniversary Review!

What I Thought:

I'm reviewing your story, Moving On.

Lovely sad, yet hopeful story of the end of one life and the continuation of the family.

This made me feel good, it was so nice to read such a hopeful piece about a loving family.

The only issue I had with this was the segue from watching the cat outside to the remembrance of seeing her husband with his dying grandfather. It was pretty abrupt, I wonder if there was some what to make it a smoother more natural transition.

Othewise I have no issue with this well written and thoughtful piece.


All the best

*LeafR* simply

FOR


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Review of The Dance Of Dis  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Angus.

Well you're a poet and I didn't know it. Okay sorry, that was a desperate attempt for attention or something.

Anyway, how cute was this one. Hope you don't mind cute. It was charming then? Well whatever I liked it. It was fun to read, entertaining and it rhymed in the the right places. I've not heard of Dis either, dis or dat!!

Sorry again, seriously this was a fun and very good.

Simply
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
*RainbowL* *Bird* *RainbowR*


*Exclaim* Hello: Lesley Scott



*Star* I Am Reviewing Your Story: *PointRight* Save Fuel Ride A Mule! Good title, and a good idea!


*Reading*What I Liked:*ThumbsUp* I read because of the title and the fact that I like mules. I think they are great animals. Your piece is full of excellent stories and anecdotes and as well as facts about mules. It's really a shame we can't see a picture of Top Hat!

*QuestionG* Suggestions and Thoughts:*Idea* Just found a few little things to think about changing/correcting:

Not sure this needs to in bold, I kept asking why it was: American Donkey and Mule Society. There should be capitals of course.

This phrase is used twice in the first paragraph, it is quite noticeable, I would consider changing one of them: We had our work cut out for us

I know what you want to say here, but this doesn't quite make sense: Mules can do amazing feats of very few, if any, animals.
Consider: Mules can do amazing feats that very few, if any other animals can.

The following paragraph is a bit confusing. You are discussing belling and then suddenly talking about the variety of mules. You may want to expand a bit on each subject and make 2 paragraphs. I was rather confused about it taking 24 mules to make one. Perhaps explain that a bit more.

Belling is also a popular part of grooming your mule for the show. Top Hat had three bells and he looked so good! Some mules sported one bell, some had none and some trimmed the mule’s tail straight across the bottom like a hunter-jumper. We have such a wide variety of mules! Since we have so many different mares and different breeds of jacks, one never knows what they will produce. It took us 24 mares to make Top Hat!

This paragraph start very abruptly after the above. Perhaps think of a way to change the direction from your own mule to stories about mules:

Donkeys and mules are sure footed. They know exactly which foot is where, unlike a horse that tends to stumble on occasion. The cup of their narrow hooves of a mule is deep, so they can handle rough terrain. A story telling about a mule that saved his owner’s life is true.

Suggestion: There are so many stories about how mules have helped or saved their owner's lives. You may not know that donkeys and mules are extremely sure-footed. They know ...

Changing this a little will help soften up the change of direction you are taking the reader in.

Just a punctuation correction needed:
“It could have been you both, “said the mule man,
Should be: "It could have been you both," said the mule man.

This paragraph was also a bit confusing, I'd add more info and break into two paragraphs. One about the cowboy and then one about what animals make the best mules.

On the way down to the bottom of the canyon, the cowboy said he would breed mules out of his mares. He now looked at his registered mares as breeding stock to make more mules. Since they were Quarter Horses, quiet and calm, they would make the best mules. The worst are Saddlebreds or Arabs. They are just too hot for a good mule. Therefore, another mule lover sees the mule for what he really is: A companion and an animal with good sense. After he looked at the mule, he decided that mules are quite handsome.

Sheep and goat herders appreciate the good quality of donkeys.
Do donkeys only have one quality or do the herder appreciate the good qualities of donkeys? Consider changing this sentence to:
Sheep and goat herders appreciate the good qualities of donkeys.

That is why when you flatter a mule, it really has to be sincere. I just changed the last line a little, consider changing as it is the final line and it relates to something previously read.



*Heart*My Favourite Part:*BoxCheck*
Therefore, we had about twenty or more people standing in line to kiss a donkey! She loved every bit of the attention. Donkeys, as well as mules, love attention and sincere flattery. It has to be sincere. They both know the difference.

I just see that happening.

All in all a good and interesting piece about an important animal.


{image:1928851
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Review of Untitled 7  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello elizjohn!

I'm reviewing your story, Untitled 7 ... it does deserve a title. I offer a suggestion : Life Lost or Lost Lives.

Anyway, the story is first rate. Frankly as I read I was thinking, oh here we go, another 'we split up, but we'll get back together again and live happily ever after story'. Not that I wanted to stop reading, the story and character of Desmond are both compelling, but boy was I wrong. And happily so!

This may sound odd, but as I read this, the picture in my mind was as if it was gauze covered, it looked like a dream. His life with Rose was perfect. But the gauze slowly disappeared when Natalie arrives to help. Little by little you let Desmond's reality come through. The realization to the reader is a shock.

All in all, a great story, with excellent characters, told very sympathetically.

Great job!


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Review of Off Character  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello D. Alexander!

I am reviewing your story, Off Character.

In my mind's eye I can see the author in this piece surrounded by screwed up balls of paper, if he didn't have a computer, that is.

Great piece, very funny and too often true. Most writers can seem themselves in this piece. I certainly could, though I've never gone looking for rabbits.

There were a few niggles, such as saying, That won't work too often but I shouldn't think you'd have a problem saying 'nope' another way.

Here: This is a health conscience world now days (nowadays).

Here: I would most definitely loose (lose) all my readers if

And the ending was terrific. Bland and politically correct.

All in all a funny and well written piece of work!

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Angus.

What can I say? Alias 'Colt' Dawson was another excellent piece of writing. Your writing just, as I know I've said before, just carries people along.

This seems a bit of a departure again, from your usual creepy horror-y stuff. But it works very very well.

In my head I felt surrounded by the townsfolk. Saw the dust and the buildings, the gallows in front of Colt. The descriptions and details were great and you bring the reader into the story. Like they are grabbed by the collar and pulled into the tv set.

You brought Colt to life and made him real. I wanted him to be rescued and have another chance to defend himself and hopefully live his life.

Angus, I can only say again, you're a great writer, love your work and I hope you decide to write a novel. I'll be first in line when your book tour comes to Toronto.

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Review of IMPORTANT!  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Angus!

It's meeeee!!

Okay, well I thought it was about time I walked over to see what's new here in your place. Well new to me, in any case.

Not being the brightest tool in the shed or the sharpest bulb around, I had to read this twice to get it. Believe me, it's ME not YOU. Duh.

However now that I do get it, I have to say, this tidbit deserved to win. Congratulations. Your stories appear to be deceptively simple, yet in reality they are complex and very interesting. My friend, you're simply brilliant at what you do.

Thanks for all the great stories and entertainment.

All the best,

simply

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Review of Monsters  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sanita! Welcome to WDC - hope you enjoy it.

I'm commenting on your poem, Monsters.

Frankly I really enjoyed it. It was so clever and cute, it made me smile.

I only saw one issue in the last line, I think you were referring to cocoa when you wrote:

Give them coa coa, tuck them up. and knock them on the head.

All in all, this was such fun to read. Thank you. I sent you 250 points, to get you started.

Feel free to send a note if you have any questions!

All the best,

simply2012

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello April Desiree!

I'm reviewing your story, Drawing Down the Moon. Good title, I thought.

I enjoyed this snapshot and found that most of it worked for me, though after reading I wasn't sure where the moon came into it. I know it's hard with the limited word count of flash fic.

There were a couple of things that didn't quite work though:

As she had been on the run with the young coven hot on her trail, she wasn’t sure she’d have enough time.
I had to read this a couple of times to get it - what is a young coven?

Suggestion: As she fled the members of her coven, who were hot on her trail, Iris wasn't sure she'd have enough time.

Turning to the ravens, I felt that the the word cawed is over used. How about squawked, maybe when the feather is pulled out? Also, that sentence doesn't make sense, as I'm not really sure who is doing the plucking.

Plucking a delicate feather from Rowan’s smooth body, Rowan cawed louder than usual.

Suggestion: Iris plucked a delicate feather from the smooth body; Rowan squawked in protest.

I know that you have a word limit but this just jumped out at me:

With the rope around her waist and the rosewater on the altar,

Where did the alter come from? What is it? Not sure if you have extra room, but you could try 'makeshift' alter.

Anyway, I did enjoy this short piece. I had pictures of a black sky, bright moon, swirling clouds, the circling ravens and parking lot with scattered debris, the young witch with cherry red hair. The end filled with hot steam smelling of sulfur rising as a gate opens. Really great visuals.

Well done. I wish you luck with this piece.

All the best,

simply
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi DC_Darling!

I'm reviewing your story, Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. I like the title by the way.

I like this piece. It felt right to me. I liked the way you chose to write it. To me it seemed like each sentence was slap or stab, like Lucky was ramming his points home in anger. It wouldn't have worked if you had not written it in first person, in my opinion anyway. But as I always, I have issues with first person, when the writer dies at the end. How does a dead person write?

I think the characters were well done and they felt real to me. Just like I think they would be.

Thanks for a great read.

All the best,
simply
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Review of To Love A Monster  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Tiana Gulapa:

I am reviewing your story, To Love A Monster.

I enjoyed your story very much. It was different - a monster romance.

I liked your Author's note as well. The information was very interesting.

Your characters were realistic and well fleshed out. I could see the pictures you painted with your words.

I'm not sure about the formatting of this piece, it seemed a little strange because in many places a new sentence was started on the next line. There were not too many proper paragraphs. It's only a formatting issue which can be easily fixed. Like this example below. It's not really clear who is speaking on the second line:

They are all my favorites.” She said, holding his hand.
“But you are the one I love.” And with that, she quickly stole a kiss on Paulo's lips.

It would have flowed better this way:

They are all my favorites.” She said, holding his hand. “But you are the one I love.” And with that, she quickly stole a kiss on Paulo's lips.

I noticed this little thing also:
My mother was very much like me except she can take the form of butterflies.

This should be, My mother was very much like me except she could take the form of butterflies.

All in all, Tiana, I thought this was a very good tale, interesting and different and a sweet romance also.

Keep on writing.

All the best,

simply

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi BennieWeinberg!

I'm reviewing your story I am Drizzle, She is a Hurricane. Great title by the way.

First I'm a fan of the The Walking Dead. So I was motivated to read this piece. I thought that the characters were well done and they felt like they could be real. As well I thought you portrayed Lilly's anger very well. The conversations sounded realistic.

I like the bedroom scene where Ben found the old couple's photograph album. I thought his reaction was normal and you described it very well.

I was very sorry to see that this piece was quite short and unfinished. For that reason I gave 3 stars.

I hope you decide to complete it.

All the best

simply

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Review of Power  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Mike Day!

I'm reviewing your story Power, which was offered to my by Random Reviews.

Have to say I enjoyed it thoroughly. It was a perfect 'you'll get your comeuppance one day' story.

All the characters were vivid and well fleshed out, nasty bully Marco, smart and savvy Bill, the timid wife Kate. And the carrots - who turn out to be the star of the show.

They were perfect and so was the end of this piece. Kate, I'm sure, made carrots at least once a day for the monster who was her husband.

Well written and very entertaining.

All the best,

simply 2012

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Review of Et Tu?  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Bhaskar.

I found your poem, Et Tu?, to be forceful and strong. It held onto me until the end, like there was no choice but to read it all. In fact, I had to go back to it several times. It made me feel hopeless, sad, fearful and frightened all at once, yet I knew that somewhere there is a glimmer of hope and goodness in this mixed up world.

A very powerful read.

Thank you.

All the best,

Simply

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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Robert G. Moons!

I'm reviewing, In The Year of Their Lord

Interesting story. I'm not religious, but I like this type of thing.

Frankly (hope you don't mind frankness) I wasn't too turned on by the first half of this. I didn't find it realistic. What I mean is that the actions and words by the Catt team made me uncomfortable, it was too tv cop or military for me.

Plop them down? Plop? That me chuckle a little. I'm not sure that specialized military groups are plopped anywhere.

That said, my opinion changed when we arrive with our killer inside the church. This was great stuff. It was insightful and well written and interesting. I enjoyed reading this section and wanted to read more about the visitor/killer and the priest.

Though I wanted more, the ending was well done.

Keep on writing.

All the best,

simply2012

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Review of Untitled  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello walt!

I am reviewing your untitled introduction. There are some punctuation issues throughout this piece, which have already been explained by another reviewer, so I will not go there.

I hope you understand that I am reviewing the intro, not you or your skill as a writer. I can only provide you with my opinion. This your story and only you can determine what goes into it.

First, as an introduction this didn't grab me. A lawyer in a humble office? If you want your character to be 'every man', I wouldn't make him a lawyer. Not sure his job is important here anyway.

The cat reference, while okay didn't quite work, for me. I understand what you want to portray, though.

Suggestion: He was engrossed in his work, but suddenly stopped, cat-like, listening. Sighing, he sat back to wait for what, or who was coming.

(Sorry, the gum thing didn't work for me either, though I know where you were trying to go with it).

I think you have an interesting idea, but you need to work on grabbing us with the intro so you make us want to turn the page.

If you need help with punctuation and grammar there is a lot of information on writing.com you can just search for it. There is also information on how to improve your writing. Also subscribe to the newsletters as they are full of info each week.

Most important though, don't stop writing. Practice does help us improve.

All the best,

Simply2012

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Review of Left or Right  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello J!

I read your story, Right or Left. Perfect title by the way!

This was subtle in its way. The message woven into the rote and rather routine descriptions of this accountants life.

We read about John's life, his marriage to Abby, and his job. His life seems without any passion. It describes many peoples lives sadly. We conform, marry because we think we should, work because we must, life doesn't always mean very much, day-to-day for many of the masses.

But there is a surprise in John's life, a colourful flash of passion and hope, an opportunity, an option he knows he can take. We wonder if he will, or if it is something he will always just think about.

This was well written, your characters were vivid and real and your descriptions of your characters lives was very well done.

I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you.

Keep on writing!

All the best,

simply2012
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Review of The Visitor  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Angus,

It's Easter Morning *Egg3*, perfect day for one of your stories - The Visitor.

I didn't find this one scary, but it was very Twilight Zoney, which is just as good. Poor Perry, we all feel so sorry for him being tortured by the Dark Lord's minions. Too bad Perry didn't have any bollocks though as he sold out one of his own children... Nice...very nice.

I like that the evil one chats to himself throughout, predicting Perry's reaction to things. As well or as usual I should say, your dialogue is terrific and appropriate for the situation. You can 'see' Perry in his cell and picture his persecutor as well, even thought we haven't been given a real description.

Another good tale for a perfect mind!

Thanks Angus.

All the Best,

simply *Egg7*
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Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello:

I'm reviewing Ships That Don't Come In.

I thought this was well written, there's nothing wrong with it, but it was the story that didn't work for me at least. It was promising at the start, what with the town's reputation being hinted at and the jealousy and the picture perfect couple. I was intrigued to start with, but I'm afraid it was just too similar to other stories.

I couldn't find any issues with grammar and spelling. Also I liked that Carla maintained her professionalism throughout and didn't turn into that jealous high school girl she once was.

This sort of seemed like a prologue, where we know that when we turn the page, we'll get to read what's really going on. Find out the root of all evil so to speak, but unfortunately, that didn't happen.

I hope my opinion is somewhat helpful. I hope you understand that I'm giving you my honest opinion of this story, not your skill as a writer.

Thank you for the opportunity.

All the best,

simply2012
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Review of Football in Sudan  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello!

Well my first thought when I read this was it was very 'ugly tourist'.

If you know about sports you know that 'winners' gear is produced for both teams in case they win. We wouldn't want them to wait a few days to get it produced. Very wasteful really, unless we sell our unwanted leftovers to other countries, or donate it.

The dialogue in this told the story and showed the ignorance of the man and woman. It was well done.

I hope to read more of your work.

Keep writing.

All the best,

simply2012
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Review of Basement Baby  Open in new Window.
Review by Simply Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Yikes that's nasty ... in a good way of course.

I thought this was very clever and well written. The opening was interesting and i wanted to read on. I didn't know if the character was female or male, but I didn't think it was important. I wasn't too sure what Baby was, but as the story and descriptions went on, I decided Baby was a cat, at least to me.

Your casual way of describing the characters wounds and discomfort were chilling and made me uncomfortable. Which is the whole point in good horror. You want your audience to squirm, so well done!

I felt this piece ended well, even though there wasn't a resolution. If you ever decided to expand it, it could make an interesting short story.

Good job and I'll watch for more from you.

All the best,

simply 2012
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