I'm back for review number 2 of this Raid on behalf of House Targaryen. Picked a first chapter here, so I'll be focusing on whether it makes me want to read on.
Technicalities & Observations
==> I noticed my reflection on the stainless steel refrigerator door.
Ha, I had to briefly cringe at the 'reflection' self description. But it's cliche for a reason, it's convenient, and you mix it in well and don't go overboard.
==> Chocolate Chip, or Chip for short, was a small brown and white kitten
*Melts* So adorable a name. Awww Kitty.
==> that seemed to pop up [like mushrooms] literally overnight
Perhaps it is implied, but I felt like the simile was begging to be added here.
I thought about it again, as I walked out into the shop. “It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get it sooner, rather than later,” I thought to myself.
The repetition of thought was noticeable.
Characters / Dialogue
==> Chip insisted he was starving
Yeah, don't they always.
There was a lot of characters in this opening chapter. Perhaps pushing the edge of too many. But you introduce them all richly, unobtrusively and it's fine. Whilst I couldn't tell you any of their names without checking, that's more my failing with names, than the story's.
You dialogue is flawless. From the playful bickering with her brother, to the banter with her boyfriend, it is all lovely and genuine.
“Just a bunch of old men,” he teased. “No one in the slightest bit sexy.”Love it.
Pacing and Plot
Plotwise we're just going through a day with Ella, but we are given a lot of background information, paving the way for the big reveal at the end leading to the upcoming mystery. It's all done delightfully. I never felt bored with background information, or bogged down in endless conversations. It was all paced well.
Mysteries aren't really my thing, nor the typical urban setting. I'm more fantasy/sci-fi. Yet here I find myself quite charmed by Ella's life, and her circle of friends/family. You've opened a window on her life that is elegant and somehow you're also a mind reader. On reading about the Raspberry bars, I almost copied the sentence to mention they sound delicious, and what do I find at the bottom - the recipe! Remarkable