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592 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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Review of 10,000 Lifetimes  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
My first impression of this piece is I was left wanting more, more from the characters, the setting, and the emotions between the characters. I feel this is an excellent beginning for a short story or even a novel. It feels like you have given me a taste into this world that has endless possibilities. You mention that a 'quest has ended' which leads me to believe there is more to the story here. My favourite line is 'Her white hair flowed down her back, reaching her hips, and she had piercing blue eyes.' because I like the way you have described your character. Overall, the piece you have written is very short and gives the reader a glimpse of this world you have created with some expansion on a bigger scale this could be an excellent story. Great job on what you have written here and I hope there will be more.

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Review of The Angel Tree  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (5.0)
My first impression is this story is very emotional. This story is written at a good pace and it flowed very well. I found the characters well developed and believable as you presented them, especially the characters who had already passed on I thought they were real people until afterwards and looking back it all made sense. You did an excellent job with getting to the emotions of the main character, Christie. I see that you have just joined this site today and just have a suggestion for you. There is a Christmas contest called Everyone Has A Christmas story, I will encourage you to enter it and I will leave the link below for you to look at. My favourite part of this story is the spiritual aspect of the help that is recieved from the other side because in my opinion I do believe that situations such as what you have described in this story can happen in any one of our lives. The healing process you took Christie through is also done extremely well. Overall, this story is very well written, with good grammar, well developed characters and plot with good emotions and healing. Great job and write on!

http://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/1190255...

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Review of LOVE IS SACRED  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.5)
There are many lessons to be learned here. When you make promise to someone for something that you do not truly want the outcome is not going to be desirable to the one making the promise, this story shows this perfectly. If the promise was not made to the father then the possible outcome of being together would have been stronger. There are also other forces in the universe we do not see at work which is also being shown. Regardless of the promise Vani made to her father to leave her boyfriend the desire in her and also the desire in Rupol which makes the desire between the two very strong which works similar to a magnetic pull to one another. The only thing that kept Rupol from his true love when he saw her on the bus is fear and if he was able to overcome that obstacle the outcome may have been different, usually when decisions made out of their they bring results that are what we would consider bad or uncomfortable. I also like the language you used here which is poetic in the use of the words. My favourite line is, 'Tornadoes of ashes rose and I could not spot anything.' because I like the words used in the description. There is also something that I like to call a soulmate longing written through the emotions that have been presented here, this is the type of love we all dream of except one thing, a happy ending; this story portrays that there are not always happy endings. Unfortunately, in life this how many things turn out for people. There are many opportunities missed over the fact that people are afraid to take a leap. The only suggestion I have is give the reader a bit more information on your culture, in the story you say Rupol is Muslum and as a person who does not practice the religion or customs I feel it would give the readers who are not familiar with this culture to learn about it. Overall, very well done, good use of description and development of characters. Very well done!

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54
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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My first impression of this story is the idea you have for this story is well thought out. There are a few spots where I feel a little bit more description would benefit here, just remember you do not need to go over board. For example you do describe the dragon as having wings and nothing more, you can describe colour, type, does the dragon have smoke coming out of his or her nostrils; maybe four or five lines of description would suffice. The reason why I feel there should be a bit more for the dragon description is because there are millions of different kinds of dragons. There are also opportunities in this story to put in short descriptions of your characters throughout this story, we do not know what any of the characters look like. There was also one paragraph where you had conversation with the mother and daughter together instead of separating the conversation up. As for the structure of your story I feel it is easier to read when there is a space in between paragraphs. There are also many things about this story I like. The conversation between mother and daughter is well written. I like the idea of the daughter wanting a bird and in the end she gets something else instead which illustrates something in life that happens to many of us when given a gift. The daughter is happy and thankful for the gift even though it is not what she asked for at all and for her it was so unexpected. Many times what happens in real life is when you get a gift that you did not ask for there are feelings off ill will and a tantrum sometimes can happen. This is a perfect illustration on how when a gift is given if the receiver truly is thankful for it it will not matter what the gift is. I feel that the art of gifting is not always received well by others and you illustrate here in a simple story how we should be grateful for things we are given. Great job!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The title of this piece attracted me to read your first chapter of your novel, even though the title is a work in progress I feel it is a good title so far. You have done a great job in setting the scene and the characters. I like how you have put familiar issues like the cut in wages which many of us have experienced or know someone who has gone through this and then having to tightened the budget for the cost of living. Overall, great start to your novel and looking forward to reading more.

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56
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Review of The Vacation  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I feel the introduction to this interactive adventure is very brief. Some things you could have focused on is the description in more detail of the characters, let the characters tell the story which will be more interesting than just saying all the things happening. How did they get to Mexico? Is it by car, plane, train, or hitchhiking? Instead of just saying they finalize their plans show us what their plans are. Overall, you have a good start here with more details this could be an even better beginning to your story.

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Review of Yellow Cab  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good short piece of writing. I am curious about learning more about the guy acting like a lunatic. There is good humor used here in the end which is my favourite part of your story. For the short word count I feel you did well and you also have a character interesting enough to pursue in a bigger work if you choose to go further with your main character here. He is quirky, funny, interesting, and intriguing which has attraced me to this story. Great job!

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Review of Inner Reflections  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I was just reading your blog entitled Fooling Myself and I could relate to what you wrote there. I am 36 years old and I have been writing for most of my life. I felt like having to work in order to live takes up so much time and after work I was always so tired the thought of writing just seemed like so much more work. I committed myself for years to write the 3 day novel writing contest and about four or five years ago I took a hiatus which I ended in January of 2014. I changed my job and cleaned out some of the baggage in my life and my writing is going much better. Although it is still hard because I always feel like I do not have enough time and I did write for about four months without a job and I accomplished so much. This blog actually got me thinking about how many others are in this situation where the job is out weighing the time spent on writing and I am sure we are missing out on lots of talent out there in the world. A word of advice if you are doing something in life that is not making you happy you can change it. My last job I just quit without another job and it was the best thing I could do for myself because it brought close to another part of life where my writing can flourish better. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

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59
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Review of The Writer Virus  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My first impression of this piece of writing is you have finally let your inner child loose. This happens sometimes with people that they feel compelled to do something so they block everything else out until one day years and years later like magic they for example decide they must write when all they have done is paint. I love the analogies you have used throughout this piece to illustrate the compulsion of the written word. Everything you have written here to some extent is true and you have an excellent style to attract the reader from the first word to the last. I found this piece reads at an excellent pace which makes it flow beautifully. One of my favourite references is to the guy who wrote the tax code. Overall, great piece and thank you for sharing with us. Write on!

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Review of Story Cafe  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love this forum. It is a great place for writers to come together for a chat or to ask questions of other authors. This is a great forum for those who are looking for help and it is great for those who want to help other authors. Everyone has been in a place where they are just starting out or even experimenting with a different type writing whether it is a different genre or style it good to know that there is a place where an author can go to ask questions of other authors with more experience or who has been through the unsure times that we can go through. This is also a great place to just hang out an chat with people on different subjects of writing. Even though this forum does not seem to attract very many people the few that are here seem to have a great time. Thank you for having this forum available for authors to gather and converse with one another.

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Review of Dragon whispers  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like how you wrote about a familiar subject to most. Parents trying to get their kids to go to bed and kids not really wanting to go to bed. I like the simplicity in how the dragon explains how simple it is to go to sleep and gives Mary reasons why she feels unloved which is why she didn't want to go to sleep in the first place. Her prolonging time with her mom was not because she didn't want to go to sleep, she wanted to spend more time with her mom. This is what happens when things change in life and sometimes it is hard to deal with the emotions attached to the change. Overall,excellent story and loved it.

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Scribes  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a good start of describing your book. When I write a description I usually answer the following questions of who, what, where, why, and how. A good place to research on how to write a description is to read the jackets on books to see what they have included in their descriptions. The main idea here is to hook your reader into reading more. I like reading just about anything so it does not take much to get me to read a book, on the other hand most people like to know what they are getting into Also more info on this world which seems like is your creation, you do not have to tell everything just enough to hook the reader in and have them coming back for more. Overall, I feel you have a good brief description with a little work you will be grabbing the attention of your reader to read your book.

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Scribes  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an excellent prologue for your novel. I like how you have introduced your characters and set the setting in lots of detail to give reader some background info and also to introduce an unique idea. The 'Bladesinger' creation you have introduced here is interesting and I love it. My favourite part is the end because you leave it lingering which will entice the reader to continue and read the rest of your novel. The only advice I can give for improvement is to add some more detailed descriptions of the characters. Overall, this is very well written. Write on!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Scribes  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great story about a subject I am sure most of us has experienced at one time or another, the mystery noise. You have done an excellent job in describing fear in this situation. I like how you walk us through every step of this situation up to the point where it gets resolved and in the end there was really no need to be so scared and freaked out. I do not have any suggestions for improvement. Overall, and excellent short story. Great job!

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65
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Review of The Crimson Death  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Scribes  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I like this story and the ending was unexpected for me which in my opinion are the best type of endings.
You did a good job with putting in a horror flavour with the flight attendants which had me thinking about Stephan King. My favourite part was the end where you described the volcano. Some advice for improvement is, at the beginning at the line ' A pretty flight attendant...' instead describe the attendant in detail because just using the word 'pretty' is too general and does not tell the reader much about the description of the flight attendant. Overall, well done and write on!


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66
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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Scribes  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This poem is short and simple. I feel the emotions that are attached to envy are missing and would enhance this piece. There did not seem to be a title. A better physical description could be added too. For example, the line where you talk about Jill's hair instead of saying 'fine' show us what her hair looks like this will help the reader to relate to your poem more. This is a good start and I feel this poem has great potential to be better. Good luck in the contest *Bigsmile*


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Review of The River  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Scribes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I was looking at your port and the description of this story caught my eye. One of my favourite types of history is mythology. My favourite part of your story is the description of the fog. I especially like this line, "The light of the full moon reflected off the water droplets in the fog, creating an eerie luminous glow that made it nearly impossible to see more than a few feet ahead on the road." When the car got in the accident and you wrote about Kate being carried away to the river where the men put her on a raft with the two coins placed on her eyes, I thought of the River Styx. The River Styx which I am sure you are familiar with is the gate to the Underworld. This is a beautiful twist from a familiar story which has been handed down for a long time seen in a present form of writing. Suggestions for improvement, the only thing I have is to have a bit of expansion on the actual myth because I feel that people who are not familiar with it may not see the connection as others who are familiar with the Greek Myth. Thank for sharing this beautiful story with us. Write on!


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Review of Project Zealot  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story reads like you are writing a script. I understand this is a work in progress and the ideas you have written here have set your story in many different directions. This is good because you will have many areas you can go with your story. For example, you could write this as a script for a movie, a novel or a series, short story or even a novella. I like how you have taken something familiar like the phrase 'Super Soldier Program' is familiar to many and I feel you are going in a direction to make that your own. Suggestions for improvement, all I have is to write more and keep the great ideas coming. Write on!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is an amazing teaser. Even though it is a work in progress I feel you have gotten off to an excellent start. You have set the scene and the characters very well together. The descriptions are well done. The dialogue is well done. Suggestions I have for improvement is only one thing, keep writing. I am interested in reading more. Write on!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I feel that the introduction here is very short. My opinion in an interactive the writer should be setting the scene and the characters of the story. The reason why is because people may hijack the story and take in a direction you do not want it to go. For example, if you had a particular character description in mind and did not include it and someone came along to add to the story which included a character description different from the one you had in mind. Now you might not mind that which is fine. This the briefest intro I have seen for an interaction story. You did do a good job on having a good variety on the choices for your story, well done on that part.

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Review of Letter to myself  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This very short and it seems to be part of a life journey. An important part of this piece I believe is missing is the emotions involved in what you describe here. There will be emotions such as fear, loneliness, sadness, hate, anger, are just some examples of what you can get into here. In order to go through proper healing you will need to face every emotion in what you described here. The strength is within each of us to heal any hurt we just have to have a strong will to face it. You have done the first step which is acknowledgement. From what you have written here, the writing is well written. Great job!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a good first chapter in your novel. You did a good job describing the scene with your main character. When the bad guy entered the scene I thought he was a pathetic drunk looking for a gift for his wife. He went slightly out of character and changed slightly which was a give away to the main character. I thought he was not what he portrayed himself to be when he first walked through the door to the shop. This turned out to be a sting operation and it also sets up some mystery to the second chapter of your story with building some mystery around the end of the chapter. Well done!

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Review of Happy Birthday  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
In the description I see that this is a piece of a novel you are working on. Very well done on this piece. I like how you take a familiar celebration of a birthday and using the creative idea to weave in the the supernatural bits of this story. I would have like to read more of a description of the unmade meat loaf. What does it look like? What does it smell like? Does it make the main character's mouth salivate in anticipation of eating it? The rest of your story is well done. My favourite part is the single pink tear began to roll down the mother's cheek which I find an interesting descriptive part of your story. I am looking forward to reading more and finding out more about your characters and the world you have created. Great job!

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Review of Game Day  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great sports story. I like how you describe the sport and weave the characters in the subject. It brings me back to when I played basketball in a girls church league. During our play offs one of the teams we were playing against was planning to injure our best player and this was overheard by some of the mother's from our team. Girls sports though I have to say are more violent then the guys are. Growing up I would have to say soccer was the worst. Even though I did not play football this story still took me back to memories of basketball. I also like the descriptive language you used here which made some of your story sound poetic. My favourite line is, "The sky was a bowl spilling over with stars and the air had a crackling cold; it felt ready to shatter into shards of ice." Love your talent and I could really see you writing a novel or a series of novels on this subject. The short story is well written and done very well for a short story, there is lots of potential for an even bigger story here if you are up to taking it further. Great job!

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Review of Jolene!  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a good piece of writing. I like how you set the scene with the situation between Jolene and Ed. You do a good job showing this to your reader through your characters. A suggestion for improvement I have is for more expression of emotions by Jolene. Reading this I can tell that Jolene does not like the situation she is in, no woman would like it at. She seems to be suffering in silence. Overall, this is a well written piece dealing with an issue many woman do go through in life. Great job!

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