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592 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Prologue  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a well written prologue. There is enough description to set the scene and introduce your character and at the same time there is mystery there to keep us hanging in order to want to read more. My favourite part is the description you give of your main character. It is detailed in such a way that I could picture the character in my mind. Great job and I am looking forward to reading more.

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Review of Jayded: Chapter1  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is an excellent start in your novel. You did a great job setting the scene and introducing your characters in your first chapter. The whole chapter flowed well with well written descriptions. My favourite part is the chase. I love how the characters are telling the story and they tell it very well. I do not have any suggestions for improvement because I feel this chapter is excellent on it's own. Great job!


I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central

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Review of The Climb  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well written flash fiction piece. This child is actually reflecting how adults treat each other. For example, in business in order to get to the top many have done things that are not nice or loving. Some have lied, cheated, pushed, done whatever it took to get to the top of their field. In the end living life like that does not provide with a happy life. Another thing I see in this story is the child is also learning the actions from someone and to be like this at such an early age will set this child up as long as the condition does not change then the child will bring these actions with her in life in everything she does. Is this good or bad? I feel it all depends on the type of person you want to be. Very interesting story, thank you for sharing.

I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an interesting short piece. It is interesting that you used the line "In Tokyo, it's bad luck to kill worms," because there are many who believe it bad to kill or hurt any type of living beings. I like the message you have portrayed here which is keep an open mind and decide things for yourself instead of letting others decide for you. This story I did not find to be a comedy and it would fit better in the category of spirituality or inspirational. This story reminds my of the type of story that would be told in Native Culture or Religion like Buddist or Monk as an example. Overall, this is a great story with an excellent message. Great job!

I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting essay. Suggestions for improvement I have, first of all you mention that bathing in the water will heal many ailments, do you have anymore detailed information on this subject? Also, do you know if the cave was used for a purpose at all in any point in history? I feel it would also be interesting if there was and stories or legends with the caves that you could summarize here for us. The writing in this essay is well done. The beginning lays out what the essay is about and you provide good, detailed information about the caves. Great job!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is the best start of an interactive that I have read. The reason is you wrote more than just five lines. You set the scene beautifully with interaction between characters. The only thing missing is a description of characters. I read at the beginning that you do not like giving descriptions because you like to leave that to the reader to use their imagination. That is the only suggestion I have for improvement. Keep up the great work!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This a great creative story. I was hooked from the first word till the last. My favourite part is the fight scenes because did an amazing job with character interaction here. I have read many stories on this site which seem to be well written and then I get to the fight scenes and the writer just summarizes what happens. You did not do that, you actually took us through all the action with description of the injuries as well, great job. This is an interesting subject you are writing about. You have also left me at the end wanting to read more. Well done!

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Review of Dragonfly  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful piece of prose. Congratulations on your win in the Beauty of Nature contest. Dragonflies are my favourite creatures and I see them everywhere. Suggestions for improvements, the only thing I wonder is what colour is this dragonfly. I tend to see blue ones all the time. Love the creative description of the dragonfly and the environment it is in. Write on!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a great story. I was hooked from the first word till the last and enjoyed your creative descriptive language which was poetic at times. My favourite part was at the end where you reveal the moral of the story "NEVER RAISE UP WHAT YE CAN'T PUT DOWN." The only suggestion I have for improvement is there are a few spelling mistakes here. Very well done!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This short paragraph reads as an introduction to more to come. This would be appropiate for a short story of novel. The conflict being dealt with here is a common thing that many young kids have a fear of is bullies. I like the analogy you here about monsters being the bully and how the watch for the prey on the weak and lonely. Excellent job here. I would highly encourage you to expand this because I could see this as either a novel or short story. Write on!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love this story. I has scientific information with the main character figuring out how they are going to save the world. Just a word of advice to keep in mind who your readership is going to be, if it is strictly the sci-fi readers that put in all the science terms you want, if you are want to get others who read one one in a while then too much science terms will be too much for them; I do not see anything wrong with what you have here just something to keep in mind if you decide to expand this or put in a novel because I feel this story is just beginning. I like the interaction with your characters and they show us who they are, the only thing you have missing here is a description of your characters. Overall, this is a great story. Welcome to WDC.

I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central


I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review Central


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Review of A Normal Life  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a good start to a short story or a novel. There is good dialogue between your characters. Many areas need some work mostly on the editing and the structure of your story. This an easy fix. Each time a character speaks a new paragraph should begin and it is a good idea if you indent or have a space between paragraphs. The best way for you to learn about story structure is to read a novel and look at their set up for the paragraphs and their dialogue setup. There is also lots of good talent here on WDC and you can read stories on this site. The description of what your story is supposed to be about did not match the actual story which I am hoping there is more to come. Write on!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


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Review of Hominid Dawn  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting piece of writing. I like how you have used facts and also the action of the animals to tell the story. It was easy to picture the interaction among the animals with your descriptions. I think the only thing missing here is your opinion; especially on the subject of if the human species evolved from Ape's. Well written piece. Great job!


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Review of The Lost Fairy  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You a good start. I feel that if you actually had the altercation between the main character and her mom it would show us more about the main character. You have said in the story your main character has wings, what else does she look like and what do the wings look like? What is this town like the main character is in? Overall, I feel this is an interesting start and with a bit of expansion it could be better. Write on!


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I just read this entry of your blog Mountains of my life: Forever Soldier. This read as a summary for a book in my opinion. It is good that at the end you mentioned that you wanted to write a book with the information in this blog entry. I find that most people want to be remembered somehow or wish their could be better so they are remembered. I had thought the same myself at one point in my life. In the last few years I have changed my point of view if being remembered. It has come to me through my experiences to make choices to improve myself and the environment around me has become more important. This is a great piece of writing. Great job!

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Review of The alien village  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is very interesting story. I find that this race the aliens you have written about to be fascinating. There was not enough detail of what the aliens looked like and what their town looked like. Also more information on what this disease is would be interesting. Your grammar seems to be well done. Overall, this is a great idea for your story and with some expansion this can be an even better story.


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Review of Best Laid Plans  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was interesting with a twist at the end there. You did a great job of building up the setting and characters for the suspense that was created in this story. You did a good job with showing us how Mark felt about his family. Your grammar looks good. Overall, great job done here.

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Review of Flight  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This reads more of an introduction to your story than a short story. The only question I have is when Aquila had cut her shirt for her wings, how did she know about the wings? You mentioned that it was her first flight. I feel this piece of writing is creative in the themes you are using. This would make a great longer short story or even a novel there is lots here to work with. In the writing you use the words 'she' and 'her' a lot. I used to do this myself. Rearrange your words so that you have a variety of ways of starting your sentence. Honestly, just taking the word 'she' or 'her' out would not hurt your story since we know you are talking about her already. I really like this story and hope there is more to it. This is just my opinion and the suggestions I make are to help improve your writing. As the writer you make the call in whether you decide to change things or not. Great job!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
My first impression of this piece of writing is that it reads more like a summary of a novel that you would read on a jacket of a book. This is not a bad thing and a very good place to start. You have good themes here. This is the type of story that the characters should be telling the story. Also, you have listed this story as being emotional. I did not feel much emotion here. I did see that your main character is numb from most of his emotions. For example, if you character was sad he would cry or if he was angry he would yell or start to break things now he could also do this in a damaging way or a more of a healing way. The damaging way would be to hurt others as he is let out his anger. The better way would be to have your main character be alone and get a baseball bat and hit a telephone book to work over and over again until he can't feel the anger no more or he can smash some plates. From what you wrote it seems like the main character is holding on to his emotions and you can have him do that until he breaks then go through a healing process. This is just some suggestions to help your writing and this is only my opinion. Welcome to WDC *Bigsmile*

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The inspiration for the poem is interesting. It feels like there should be more here. It does have a nice feeling of inclusion with the different religions. I find there are not many people including God in their writing and it is nice to see here. It is interesting to see the interpretations other people have of God and the world around them. I feel you are missing some emotion here. Is there happiness or sadness? Good job!


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I feel with interactive stories especially the first chapter it is important to set the scene. Also, setting the characters will help the reader to make a better choice. When I was reading your chapter 1 I felt like there could have been more background information that was not given. Some writers do this I feel because they want the reader to be creative and have choices my personal opinion is this is your story and you are starting it if you are not setting the scene and characters properly than you are not owning your story like an author should. I like how you have five choices for your reader to choose from.

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Review of Blood Demon  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
My first impression of this story is I feel there is gaps in this story. I feel that this would be good if the story was longer or even a novel. You have a good them of evil being explored here except I feel you have not gone deep enough with it. I like the language you have written here to describe the scene. There are a few spots where you could go further. The last line leaves me with the feeling that there is more to this story. For the most part it is well written with just a few spots for expanding this story will be better. Well done!

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Review of Existentialism  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like what you have written here. It is an excellent beginning to this story. You have done a good job setting the scene and introducing your characters. I like the mystery you have created here and it has me wanting to now more. The ending here leaves me wanting to know what is going to happen next. There does seem to be gaps that need to be filled in order to make this story better. The trip itself is set up in such a way that is very mysterious. The only thing I can mention for improvement is to add more to this story. This is a great start for a story in progress. Great job!

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Review of Pay It Forward  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this article about paying it forward. There are so many things we can do for others. The activities you have described that you do as a charity is so good for WDC. It is fun to send random notes of kindness and sending points to authors in need. Sometimes doing a review or helping with editing a story is a great kindness majority appreciate. I thank you all part of the Pay It Forward group you have done many kind deeds for us here on WDC. On your anniversary I am donating 10 000 points for you to use to Pay It Forward. Thank you for all you do *Bigsmile*


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Review of Blood Innocence  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I enjoyed this story. The themes and world you have created has been done very well. I feel that Buffy the Vampire Slayer has influenced this story and at the same time you have been able to make this also your own.There is a little bit of work for improvement. The are many grammatical errors throughout this story. Also there were times where you had us for example with Alex and Warren then you went in something else with different characters. This is fine except to make the transition for the reader better it would be a good idea to consider putting a space in between these transitions or make sure all your chapters specifically deal with a certain characters and then when you are changing start a new chapter. There were also a few spots where you said what happened in a few lines instead of letting the characters tell the story. I felt cheated at these moments because it felt like there were things missing. These are just some things to consider. I enjoy the love story here with Warren and Alex. There is good interaction with the characters. I like the end and how you had a brief summary of what happened and the idea of sending a letter was brilliant. I also feel this has great potential to be either a bigger one novel story or it could even be a series, either way would work. Great job!

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