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592 Public Reviews Given
592 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Blood Innocence  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I enjoyed this story. The themes and world you have created has been done very well. I feel that Buffy the Vampire Slayer has influenced this story and at the same time you have been able to make this also your own.There is a little bit of work for improvement. The are many grammatical errors throughout this story. Also there were times where you had us for example with Alex and Warren then you went in something else with different characters. This is fine except to make the transition for the reader better it would be a good idea to consider putting a space in between these transitions or make sure all your chapters specifically deal with a certain characters and then when you are changing start a new chapter. There were also a few spots where you said what happened in a few lines instead of letting the characters tell the story. I felt cheated at these moments because it felt like there were things missing. These are just some things to consider. I enjoy the love story here with Warren and Alex. There is good interaction with the characters. I like the end and how you had a brief summary of what happened and the idea of sending a letter was brilliant. I also feel this has great potential to be either a bigger one novel story or it could even be a series, either way would work. Great job!


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Review of UNCRIED TEARS  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a very emotional piece of writing. There have been many times where I have felt similar things described here. When there is pain there are emotions that are not being felt. One way to release them is to feel them. One way to release them is though crying; that is why after you have a good cry about something you usually feel a lot better. The writing style has many run on sentences and it reads like the words were pouring out of your soul and then were not edited. This seems to be more of a journal piece than a story. To make this piece a better story instead of describing everything have the characters tell the story and take the reader through this characters emotional roller coaster of life. This would make an excellent novel. Good job on expressing your emotions here.

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I feel this prologue is very brief. It did leave me with a sense of mystery wondering what the novel is about. I feel that a prologue should be an introduction to the setting and characters of your story. It is a great place to grab your reader. From what you wrote I can tell that the friend that passed is missed. The thing that is missing is the introduction of each character. This can be better I feel if there is a little bit more detail.

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I have come across many interactive stories that like to have shrinking of people or objects. This is really over done. This story in particular has many grammar errors and did not grab me in the beginning. There was no setting of the scene and the characters in any detail. For example where is this dorm? Why are there all of these guys being introduced in the story? What do the characters look like? These are some questions that you can ask yourself when writing the beginning of your story. Do not depend on others to bring your story forward you are starting the story so set the scene and set your characters in the beginning. No w I do like the last sentence and how leave mystery in what is going to happen next. With a little work you can make this better. Remember this is only my opinion of you work.

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have participated in nanowrimo in the past many times. This will be the first year I am doing nanowrimo since I have signed up for WDC. I do have to say this nano prep looks like so much fun and I can see the benefits that the challenges listed can help in planning a novel. There are two more days to go and I am looking forward to this prep month. There are also a few of us on WDC that are taking a World Building Course for the month of September and I have learned so much and also using the course as a prep to the Nano prep in October. I am so looking forward to nanowrimo this year.
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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This a very creative story. I like the interaction between characters flows throughout the story. There is good use of emotions for your character Onyx. There are good themes discussed in here. There are some grammar mistakes in this story. The only suggestion I have for improvement is to have more descriptions of the characters. Overall, this is well written.


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great forum if you have issues with your account or not sure how to do something. All you have to do is ask your question in the forum and if someone can help then suggestions are given to solve your problem. I had an issue with clicking on certain parts of the website and I received a number things to try to solve this problem. One of the suggestions help me and I am grateful for all the people who volunteer their time to help others on WDC. I even suggested to another person to ask their question here because I did not know the answer; someone had also helped them. Through my experience this has been a valuable forum for everyone who has a question about the site and cannot find the answer.
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Review of Final Blow  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am not sure if this was appropiate for a short story as you have written it here. I felt like there is a chunk in the middle missing from this story. It does not flow very well. I feel it would be better as a longer short story. It feels like it would be like a native story with a lesson of some sort to learn. There are some grammar errors within the story as well. There are questions like why are the guru and the lion enemies? I like how you seem to have a lesson to learn except I am not really sure what it is. Maybe I do not understand what you are trying to say here. I feel you idea is good and it would benefit you more to write a longer story to have more to this. Good luck in your contest.


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Review of The Watercourse  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Congrats on your ebook on the longer version of this excerpt. I like how you introduce the main characters to us. There is good conversation between the characters. You have them not remembering where they are and discussing the first things that come to their minds it seems and their dialogue flows well between each other. My favourite part was the end it leaves me hanging enough to want to read your book. One of the things I look for when reviewing any excerpt is if you answered the questions, who, where, why, and how. I feel you did answer those questions quite well. Great job at writing a great excerpt.

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Review of Bus Stop  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Loved this story. Reminded me of a girl I worked with told my boyfriend all the bad things about her previous job and he happened to be a district manager who goes in and cleans up all the problems going on for the restaurant chain in the area we live in. He told her after she told him all kinds of stuff and she didn't know what to say. So, I love the message here how it shows you never know who you are talking to and make sure you offer information especially to a stranger that you are not saying something you do do not want certain people to know. You did a great job with the main character doing all the talking. There are people who walk through life like that character and you captured the true essence of this type of person. I like the end and how you left it had a good chuckle myself. Write on!


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like how this story is a reflection of experiments that have taken place in the world today without the knowledge of the ones taking part. Most if not all governments have done this to either their own country or another country. You have done a great job with interaction of the characters. My favourite part is the parrot spy camera. The scientists show how greedy the ones who are participating in these experiments are and how they do not really care about human life. Great job!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like how this story is a reflection of what is happening in the world today except it is at slower pace it seems than described here. Many have discovered through GMO's and toxins our food is saturated in which we consume on a daily basis. There are also scientist making similar experiments with genes to produce what is described here in your story. Many think that this gene producing in our food is a good thing. It may not be be because we do not know what the side effects will be. Anytime man or woman has messed with the natural order of things chaos is always the result. The things in this world have been created a certain way for a reason and when we have gained the knowledge of this completely than I feel than we will have a better understanding of what we can do that would truly benefit the life on this planet. I like how this story shows what happens when you mess with that are not completely understood. Great job!


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I want to let you know I had fun doing this cross. Normally, I find crosswords frustrating because I can get most of the puzzle except for a few answers. This puzzle was a little challenging in a few of the clues which I liked because if it is too easy then there is not as much fun. I was glad to have figured out all the answers and thank you for making this puzzle for us to do.
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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
When I first saw this crossword I was happy to see it because I am interested in mythical creatures. I was having a good time completing this crossword. When I got to clue number one down I was stumped. Even when I went to do some research I could not find the right answer. I am not sure if others have had trouble finding it. I was beginning to think there was a mistake here in this crossword. I am curious as to what the real answer is. Other than that this crossword was fun to do.
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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story is well written. There were a few spots where you could have expanded more on the story such as the conditions that the doctor had given to allow Kathy to visit home and at the end you briefly say what happened, this story could have gone on longer in more detail. You have good character interaction that show the reader the story when they are involved in the story. Overall, more expansion of the story in detail will make this a better story.


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is the first story I have read of yours; usually it is your poetry I have read. I like how you weaved in your poetry in the the music your main character sings. This story starts out showing the reader who your main character is and what he is all about. The fantasy fairy tale theme is done well. The interaction between characters is good. Your grammar is done well. Only thing I can mention to you as improvement would be to have a song earlier in the story as well when he was still a child. Even though the queen did quote one of the songs to have one there with the interaction of the other children will actually show more of your character to the reader I feel. Overall, great job!


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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a beautiful love story. I like how you have created these love birds to express their emotions to one another. It is interesting how you took a time of history where things are supposed to be done in a proper way that is accepted by society and twisted it to take a chance to change things up a bit. Your grammar is done well. Only suggestion I have for improvement is there is not very much description of the characters or setting to tell you the time period this is taking place. Of course I can tell by the conversation that it is in a time where alot of rules in society were followed. In this setting I feel it would be better to show this through the clothes they wore and even hair styles as well. Overall, this is well written with some expansion on some detail will make the story better. Great job!


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Review of The Warden's Tale  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
First impression of this story, I found the beginning to be mysterious. You have set this story in a setting which is different. The interaction between the Barber and the Warden is done well and makes the story interesting to read. Telling of the Warden's story is well done. I like how you added the parts of him sweating while he was telling his story. Overall, this story is done very well. Great job!

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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Many have had similar experiences to the one you have described. It is accepted in society that people are basically good and these types of people can also do bad things that are small. The reason why this character is haunted by the damage he caused another person is because he/she did not deal with it at all and he/she will be lingering about it until the situation is dealt with. Some people think that it is ok to do these things as long as you do not get caught. You have shown this in this short story here. One improvement here is I feel this story could be longer. More details about the characters and the affects of doing evil acts and getting away with them or so you think you are getting away with them. With everything we do there are consequences, there would also be some emotional damage to the person who caused the evil acts to occur. Overall, this is something many can relate to with some expansion this would be an excellent story.

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Review of Stark Betrayal  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found the themes used here are comparable to things that government does today. There was a period of time during the reign in the United States of President Clinton of people randomly being snatched off the streets to participate in LSD experiments. Many survivors have spoken out about this and President Clinton addressed the issue with an apology. They ruined many lives with those experiments and that is just one example of many things that happen that the average person has no clue about it going on at all. There are also situations going on that are similar to this in other countries. Your grammar is pretty good for the most part, except I feel having a space in between paragraphs will help make the structure of the story easier to read. I also wanted to know more about the daughter. She is mentioned only and you do not show her to us. Overall, good themes that are well developed throughout the story, only thing missing is more development on the daughter. Great job!

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Review of The Growth spurt  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I feel there could be more written here for the intro of this story. You briefly showed us the characters. For example with Jen why is she waiting for her growth spurt and how does it make her feel? What do the characters look like? The scene has not really been set either is this in a house and what country or town is this story taking place? I feel these things for interactive stories are important because you have created the characters so it should be you to decide what they look like and where they live because if you do not than someone else will and you may not like what they write. I also feel the numbers should be written out in word form instead of being in number form because it is easier to read them in word form. Overall, I do like how you have told us who all the characters are and you have given readers good five choices to choose from to continue the story. Good job!

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Review of By the Book  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story started out very similar to many stories written before except as you took us deeper into the story you wrote a very creative twist which made this story great. You did a great job with your character Allen in showing us that he was possessed by something and then at the end he did not remember anything about it except made a comment which went along with what had just happened even though he did not realize it. The emotions that your character Sophia showed us I feel was done well. Your grammar seems to be good. Suggestions for improvement, the only I can suggest is maybe have more of a description of your character Sophia and maybe have a description of Allen before the change, I was curious as to what he looked like before that happened. Overall, this story is well written, has a good pace and kept me interested throughout the whole story. Only thing I can see missing is the lack of description of characters. Great job!

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Review of By the Book  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story started out very similar to many stories written before except as you took us deeper into the story you wrote a very creative twist which made this story great. You did a great job with your character Allen in showing us that he was possessed by something and then at the end he did not remember anything about it except made a comment which went along with what had just happened even though he did not realize it. The emotions that your character Sophia showed us I feel was done well. Your grammar seems to be good. Suggestions for improvement, the only I can suggest is maybe have more of a description of your character Sophia and maybe have a description of Allen before the change, I was curious as to what he looked like before that happened. Overall, this story is well written, has a good pace and kept me interested throughout the whole story. Only thing I can see missing is the lack of description of characters. Great job!


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Review of Kalamity  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed the descriptive language you have used here in this story. There were moments where it was poetic in how you took us into through this story. The dialogue is good for the era you have you story set in. This has a victorian feel to this story with the added steam inventions for the steampunk genre which I find very interesting. the ending was sad for me. I could feel the love the main character has for Sarah. At the same time his desire was to experiment with his invention. I do have one suggestion for improvement is more details on the inventions such as what the inventions look like and how they work. Overall, this story has good flow with the character interaction and the poetic descriptions, I feel the descriptions on the inventions could been expanded which will make your story better. The love story was also written very well. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good luck with your contest entry. Your poem is well written. I can picture the gardens you have described here at the beginning. This sets the scene for the reader here. In the next part you continue to take the reader further into the garden like we are there with Lily. There is one thing missing which is sound. If you go and sit in a garden or even a wooded area you will hear nature sounds. These can be running water, insects, or other animals. These sounds are very soothing and would accompany your poem to make it better I feel. My favourite line is the last one"Slipping precious stores under first snow's covers". It also felt like it could have more there at the end. Overall, you do have a way with words and you are very talented in poetry. Great job in setting the garden scene I feel that more could have been done with the creatures and the sounds in the garden to make this poem better. Write on!


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