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592 Public Reviews Given
592 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
My first impression is wonderment of this story. I was hooked from beginning to the end of the first part. The characters interact ell with one another and tell their story. There are a few grammar mistakes that need fixing. One question I have about this story I have is, if the characters are already dead and living in the spirit world then where do they go when they die again? I just found it confusing that the story tells of the two lovers being dead then reuniting after all that time, Elaine is dying again. That part did make me sad that these lovers finally found each other after all that time only to be separated again. Overall, this has a great story line and I am looking forward to reading more. Great job!


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review of The Safe Place  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this intro you have written here. This is a good start to your novel. You have done a good job in giving the reader the setting of the scene. I feel you could have shown your main character in more depth. Some of your language used has a poetic lilt to when reading this piece which I enjoy. I am looking forward to reading more of this story. Write on!


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of Chronosphere  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A very creative story. I like how you took some of the characters who are familiar and put your own twist on it. This story has god flow from the beginning to the end. There is a moral to this story which I like. No matter how hard it may seem to do the right thing, good things will happen in your life when you make good choices. Overall, you are a great story teller with the gift of making ordinary things that have been done before many times and make them your own. That is a very good talent to have. Write on!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A great opening chapter to your novel. I like how you started it with a situation that is familiar to many and then put a twist on this story with the mysterious Lance showing up. You have done a good job setting the scene of your story. The brothers interaction with one another is a familiar situation with the fighting amongst each other. I also like how you have Lance showing up and disappearing which gives a mysterious ambiance about that character. I do not have any suggestions for improvement because I feel this is well written and I know you have written more as well which is good, I am looking forward to reading more. The emotions you have here in the story have also been written well. I like how you got to the core of how Hayley is feeling. Overall, great job and keep it up. Write on!


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like how you made this a family story. The only thing I feel could be added to the story is more detail about your main character. It felt like there was a gap in the story or something was left out. Things like the transition of freaking out about her family to accepting them and being one of them. There is good flow throughout the story. You did a good job with the reference with the candle. Your grammar seems to be well done. Overall, this is a well written story with some expansion which I feel would make it better. Great job!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of Burning  
Review by TJ Marie
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like how you used a simple event to show the emotions of your main character. There are many who live life like this guy you describe and I like how you portray that just because you feel like there is nothing to live for there may be something there that you are just refusing to see. I am curious about what the names of these characters are. The woman in this story is mysterious in a sense that she is not given much depth here and I feel like as the reader I did not get to know much about her. The ending was well done and unexpected. Overall, this is well written and I feel this could be better with more added about the woman character. Great job!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
132
132
Review of The Father  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can see you wrote this a a paragraph and as I read it it seemed to be read like a poem. This an emotional piece which is expressed very well. Maybe you could add why the flower was her favourite. I can see a struggle with emotions which is carried throughout this piece of writing. I see the flowers as the father's way of coping with a difficult situation. Overall, like I have already said this piece seems to be very poetic and would be a good poem. Great job on showing the emotions here. Write on!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*{/center


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of Illyasha  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is an amazing start to your novel. I love the main character Illy in this story and you have taken something ordinary and turned it into something extraordinary. This story reads at a good pace. At the beginning you set the scene for the reader very well and I felt it had a Hunger Games feel to it which is good in the way you have written it because it is not exactly the same; you have captured a similar ambiance I feel here. There is good interaction between the characters you have here. I am looking forward to reading more and I feel there could lots more to write here. One thing I have to say here for improvement would be in the beginning of the story you said Illy's hair was ebony coloured and I was led to believe it was black then later on you mention it as being a chestnut colour which tells me it is brown. This is confusing just pick one colour. I know it is a little thing, the little things do matter. Overall, excellent plot, characters, setting the scene, and showing us this world you have creatively penned for us to read. Write on!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story had me hooked from the beginning and leaving me at the end wanting to read more. I feel a Louisiana voodoo ambiance to this story which I love. The characters are developed very well throughout the story. Your grammar seems to be done well. The only suggestion I have for improvement would be to add more to the story. Overall, this story is read at a good pace, easy to understand characters and plot, and the characters are interesting. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is my first campfire read and I enjoyed everyone's piece that they contributed to this story. There is many characters in this story and I feel everyone did a great job in introducing them and show the reader who they are. I feel you all worked well together on this story. I feel there should be more done with this. It might be because there is so many characters which gives you lots of different ways this story can go. This is probably the researcher in me, I always want to know more. There were some spots with some spelling mistakes and other than that your grammar looks good. Overall, love the flow of the story and how the creativity of the characters.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
136
136
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is my first campfire read and I enjoyed everyone's piece that they contributed to this story. There is many characters in this story and I feel everyone did a great job in introducing them and show the reader who they are. I feel you all worked well together on this story. I feel there should be more done with this. It might be because there is so many characters which gives you lots of different ways this story can go. This is probably the researcher in me, I always want to know more. There were some spots with some spelling mistakes and other than that your grammar looks good. Overall, love the flow of the story and how the creativity of the characters.
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137
Review of Envy of Him  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I feel this is a subject that is not talked about as much as it should be in the open. Even though there are more parents now then before talking to their kids about sex. Your character Amanda was seen as being very innocent and I like how she wanted to know more about the subject before just doing it. Usually girls are not prepared for any of this stuff at all if they do not have the right information either. Kids are always experimenting and exploring things especially things that are new to them. I feel this is the curiosity that many kids have. Even the curiousity of her brother Ike. This is all part of growing up. The only thing I have to mention about changing to improve your story is the structure of the story is awkward to read. You have the story in two paragraphs. You break it up in more paragraphs especially when there is dialogue between the characters. For examples or how other authors have set up their stories you can look at other authors on this site to see how they have set up their stories. Overall, this is a good story. Write on!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of I Write  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like how you have this story set in a bar telling a story. It reads like the main character is trying to show off to his friends. This is how it is sometimes in real life with people telling stories of things that happened to them. The ending is good with the guy coming in the bar as you had him. You have done great story telling with the dialogue and descriptions. This piece of flash fiction flows well together. Your grammar seems to be done well. Overall, this is well written and I like the theme you have here. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You did a great job here in describing what is happening physically in the story. I feel the emotions could be expressed more. I feel you have just scratched the surface with the emotions and that this story is very emotionally driven. The main character Martin is relatable in the situation of hearing a noise and the reaction he goes through is probably something most of us have experienced at one time or another in life. The ending is good because there is a reasonable explanation for what happened and usually there is in these types of situations. At that age it very easy for the unknown to scare you. I feel the suspense in this story could have been done better with you going deeper into an emotioal connection with the story. For example, instead of saying "awful pictures in his mind" show us the awful pictures let us inside his head more. Your grammar was pretty good for the most part except one spot where you did not capitalize the name Martin and the ending here you have a space in the middle of the sentence. Overall, the story is is well written and does the job it could be even better with some more details added. Great job!

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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140
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
My first impression of this story is freaky. The beginning grabbed me and then the last line, " It was going to take a long time to clean up all this blood." totally was unexpected. Love it when a writer can take something that seems to be ordinary and give it a twist. Not sure if you plan on doing more with this, I could totally see this expanded into some sort of a horror story. The one character you have done a good job showing the reader that she is nuts; going from insane to calm almost like turning a light. One thing I think is missing is the relationship between the two characters, are they mother and daughter or life partners or boyfriend and girlfriend or a married couple. There is a little mystery I feel about that here. Your grammar seems to be done very well here. Overall, great job with this story. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review of Split.  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This chapter has a good plot. The paragraph where you have Toby and Yuki talking it is confusing to have both dialogues in one paragraph as you do here. It is better to separate the lines of dialogue with a space. This will be easier to read. to get an example of dialogue read some stories on this site to see how others have set up their dialogue paragraphs. I do like your crazy teacher character. Overall, There is good writing in this chapter you have started because it feels like there should be more coming. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
142
142
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is informative from a factual perspective. Another reason which you did not go into about why there is a problem with food waste is because many of us are living in a world of lack. If more lived in a place of abundance then there would be no problems with food waste. This falls along the line of the emotions we have surrounding food. Such as why do we eat certain foods? Is the purchase of certain foods controlled by the amount of money we have? Are we hoarding food? Do we buy 20 of something just because it is on sale? These are just some things to consider when writing an article. It is good to stick to the facts and I feel it is good to look at the emotions we have surrounding the subject which will help to make the article better for others to relate to. We are emotional beings and emotions tend to lead us whether we admit it or not. Overall, this is well done from the factual perspective, the only thing missing is the emotional side of the subject. I feel this would be a better article with a balance of facts and emotions. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
143
143
Review of The Key  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like how you built the suspense up for the grab of the key and the key was not there like the main character thought it was. For a piece of flash fiction this is well written. The main character believe she could get this key from the warlock and we get to see her emotions about how she feels about this. I have been wondering why your main character is wanting the key. That is the only thing I can see missing here. Overall, well written with the mystery of the key lingering throughout the story. It may make it better saying why the main character wants the key.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
144
144
Review of Mirror, mirror  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am hooked on this story. The theme of dimension jumping and the mirror is something I have not seen written together before and love the way this story is unfolding so far. You have done an excellent job setting the scene and also introducing your characters with their interaction is beautifully done. I do not have anything to give you suggestion on improvement, just waiting to read more. Overall, excellent start on your novel keep up the great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
145
145
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I feel you have given a good description of your story or novel here for the most part. You have told us the plot and gave us a brief history on the land of Blen and Marsh. You have left out some information on your main characters which I am curious about. There were a few places where there are run on sentences. Overall, this is a great start to your story. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
146
146
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
The title attracted me to your novel. I enjoyed reading about the life of the town of Rocky Road and all the people in it. There is excellent flow throughout this piece of creative writing. There is humour which I love mixed with realistic experiences that could have actually happened to people which I found I could relate to. I like how you have good descriptions of setting the scene and characters. I see you wrote this for nanowrimo and congratulations on an excellent piece of writing. This novel makes me want to read more. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
147
147
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thank you for writing this article on how to set up a WDC contest. I was curious about how this worked and came across you helpful article. I like how you went through step by step in the procedure in setting this up. The template is also helpful to visually see how this is all done. Overall, I feel this article is well done and you have given clear step by step instructions on how to set and execute your contest. Well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
148
148
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good piece of your writing craft. I like how you introduced the zodiac characters in the story. The ending left me want to know more. If you want to expand on this story at some point you could definitely do this. Overall, this story has a good theme which is a different and has lots of potential for expansion. Great job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
From the description I was expecting this piece to be more emotional. The way the artist is described and what she is doing is done well. Expressing more emotion in this piece of writing will make it better.For example is she feeling pain, hopelessness, anger, or maybe a combination of all of these emotions. Overall, well written with what you have here, adding more emotion I feel would make this piece better. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Very Clear Case  
Review by TJ Marie
In affiliation with The Coffee Shop for the Fantas...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This story is a good example of using dialogue with very little description. I like how the characters were able to show the reader things about themselves just by their dialogue. It was interesting how the patient tried to turn things around on the doctor by revealing things of his life that triggered him to get emotional. Overall, very well done. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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