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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jeff
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5,001 Public Reviews Given
5,130 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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1
1
for entry "Rival Mack" Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Bradbury Group & Bank  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Shield1* OFFICIAL JUDGES' REVIEW *Shield1*

Hello Angelica Weatherby- Snowangel Author Icon,

Thank you for entering the December 2025 round of "The Bradbury Contest" Open in new Window.!


Positives
I liked the worldbuilding in this piece. The Pokemon-esque world of battling teams and creatures was really inventive and well-described.


Suggestions
It felt a bit like the reader got dropped into the middle of the story without a lot of context, and then the story ended rather abruptly. It would have been great to have had a bit more of a lead-in and wrap-up to the main events of the story.


Overall
Overall, this was an entertaining story. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thanks again for taking the time to enter this round of the contest!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of Blade of Power  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Bradbury Group & Bank  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Shield1* OFFICIAL JUDGES' REVIEW *Shield1*

Hello Amethyst Snow Angel Author Icon,

Thank you for entering the December 2025 round of "The Bradbury Contest" Open in new Window.!


Positives
I thought you did a good job incorporating the prompt into the story. It was clear that you used the premise throughout the story, and developed it nicely.

I thought the character of Melanie was well-developed, and the Blade of Power was an interesting artifact with a rich history and vibrant description. Great job!


Suggestions
The point in the story where Melanie rides out to the village and is betrayed by her men was a little confusing. Silas kind of disappeared from the narrative, Raul kind of flippantly betrays her, Silas pops up again, betrays the betrayers, sides with Melanie and demands that Raul give up his advantage in numbers for a fair fight... the way things played out felt a little inauthentic to the motivations of the characters in that moment.


Overall
Overall, this was an entertaining and well-written story. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thanks again for taking the time to enter this round of the contest!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Bradbury Group & Bank  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Shield1* OFFICIAL JUDGES' REVIEW *Shield1*

Hello iKïyå§ama Author Icon,

Thank you for entering the December 2025 round of "The Bradbury Contest" Open in new Window.!


Positives
I thought you did a great job with the characterization and descriptive details in this piece. It was just over a thousand words but still contained enough information to make it feel like a fully-fleshed out, realistic story. Well done!


Suggestions
The only small suggestion I have is that having two "M" names (and referring to the teacher by her first name like the other students) was at time a bit confusing. I kept mixing up whether Maryann or Margery was the teacher. It might read a little cleaner if there were more distinct names (or a different naming strategy like calling the teacher "Ms./Miss/Mrs. [Last Name]" for a bit of variety.


Overall
Overall, this was a well-written, entertaining read. Nice job!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thanks again for taking the time to enter this round of the contest!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of The Mission  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jacky Author Icon,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I enjoyed the worldbuilding and the detail in the story. For such a short piece, you managed to fit a lot of information and setting into the narrative, which kept this reader's interest throughout. Well done!



Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.



Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this flash fiction story. Nice work!



I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider playing it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Rains of Peace  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Koyel~writing again Author Icon,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I thought the imagery in this poem was great. It was well structured, simple, and got the point across clearly. All in all, an easy, engaging read. Nice work!



Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.



Overall

Overall, this was a really vivid, engaging read. Well done!



I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider playing it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Hareem Author Icon,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I really enjoyed this story. I thought the theme of not needing external validation to achieve closure was really well presented and described. In only a few short paragraphs, you managed to tell a complete, evocative, resonant story (which is not easy to do!). Well done!


Suggestions

In the first paragraph the line "... and the dried petals of a rose she couldn't remember keeping" felt a bit jarring since the act of discovering the dried rose petals would in and of itself be a reminder of what had happened. I think it might be more effective to say something along the lines of, "... and the dried petals of a rose she couldn't remember why she had kept" (or something like that).

From a pure formatting perspective, I think you could also condense some of the white space between paragraphs. Four lines feels like a lot.


Overall

Overall, this was a well-written item that was a really enjoyable read. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider playing it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Parents Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello ShristiChand Author Icon,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I really liked the sentiment of this poem. The importance of family and the parent-child relationship irrespective of distance is an excellent topic for a short poem like this, and the simple structure kept the focus on the theme and the imagery. Nice work!


Suggestions

I noticed there was a comma at the very end of the last line, and would suggest a period to more definitively end the piece.

Also, the intro description says, "how parents love their children" but the point of view of the poem is from a child speaking about their relationship with their parents.


Overall

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Senseless  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Amay Author Icon,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

You did a great job establishing that Suzanne and Matthew loved each other. Their connection was firmly established, and you did a great job of telling a complete story in only a few hundred words. Well done!


Suggestions

At the beginning of the piece, there's specific reference to the fact that the phone hasn't stopped ringing since the day of the tragedy, and that reporters seem to want to plaster the story all over the paper. I think the reader needs a little more context for the setting here, because we learn later that the event that transpired was a robbery where the protagonist's love interest was shot and killed. But that kind of event is (unfortunately) not uncommon in most urban areas (where you find a gaggle of reporters looking for a story).

It would be helpful to know what it is about this particular robbery that's so unique and stands out from the other crimes of a similar nature, or what it is about the setting that makes this kind of event something worth covering incessantly (and for a long period of time).


Overall

This was an enjoyable, entertaining story with a lot of potential. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of light  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I really liked the structure and the imagery in this piece. I thought it was well constructed and evocative, and kept this reader's interest from start to finish. Nice work!


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I really liked the raw emotion in this piece. The feelings of regret in the first half really shone through, which made for a great juxtaposition with the reluctant acceptance in the second part. You did a great job of capturing the complex nature of human relationships and how difficult they can be. Nice work!


Suggestions

Toward the end, the repeat of the name Rae so close to one another in successive lines felt a little jarring; I wonder if there might be a more visual or structurally interesting way to incorporate that information into the poem.


Overall

Overall, I think you did a good job with this poem. It was evocative and powerful. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I thought you did a good job setting up the character of Blackburn and establishing his earliest exploits. Three hundred words isn't a lot of space to work with, but you managed to tell a compelling and fully-realized story in that span of time. Well done!


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, this was a great read, and it's an excellent take on the prompt. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of Color Me Slowly  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I thought you did a great job with the description and detail in this piece. It's only a few hundred words, but you still managed to create vivid imagery and a clear sense of setting and place for the narrative. Nice work!


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed the read. Good job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Four Rainbows  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I thought you did a good job with this piece. It was simple, straightforward, and well-structured. The imagery was strong and it flowed well during the read.


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of Universal Laws  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I thought you did a good job laying out and explaining all of the universal laws in a simple and straightforward way. You covered a lot of information in a relatively brief piece of writing. Nice work!


Suggestions

Since you're providing a numbered list, I would suggest possibly considering organizing the information into a numbered list or other structure that really highlights where the numbered rule reference ends and where the explanation of it begins. As it's presented currently, some of the numbers get a little lost when they don't always appear at the forefront of their respective lines.


Overall

Overall, this was an interesting, well-presented accounting of the universal laws. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I think you did a great job laying out a compelling and heartbreaking situation, and showing how the initial approach and desire for retribution and punishment eventually gave way to a better understanding of both your character's own situation and the situation of the others who have impacted his life. I once heard someone say that carrying around resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts the other person, and you did a good job of capturing this sentiment where worrying about what happens to other people can be an all-consuming and really unhealthy approach to life.


Suggestions

Toward the end of the story when the confrontation with the bullies is brought up, the phrasing of the narrative tended to clump all of them together, implying that all of them had each been to prison, lost a girlfriend, been rejected by society, etc. I would suggest reworking this section to individualize it a little more, explaining how individual negative things happened to individual bullies, rather than grouping them all together in a very specific, very nuanced narrative that feels a little strange to have uniformly happened to every single one of the narrator's antagonists.


Overall

Overall, I thought this was an entertaining read with a great moral lesson and a lot of nuance. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this story. I thought you did a particularly good job of communicating story and character information through dialogue, which helped keep the pace of the story moving along briskly. Overall, this was an entertaining and engaging read. Nice job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of Nowhere Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I really like the message of this piece. I thought the poem was well-constructed, well-written, and evocative. Your imagery was particularly good. Nice work!


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this piece. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review of Thoughts  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I liked the stream-of-consciousness approach to this item, and the meta elements of writing about trying to figure out a writing prompt. It was a well-constructed and well-written item. Nice work!


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did very well with this piece. Great job!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review of Simple Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

I discovered your item in connection with the Angel Army's "Earn the Badge" challenge, and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

The simile that opened this poem had great imagery and impact. I also like the repetition in the third stanza which gave the middle part of the poem a good structure. I liked that the lightness and brightness of an emotion like love was reflected in the tone of the piece.


Suggestions

It was a little unclear what the bigger picture intent of the piece was. At the beginning there's a simile that says love is like an adhesive, then the second stanza is about love being something that can't be held in. The fourth stanza has love like an overwhelming, overabundance of something. Given the title is "Simple Love," it felt like the poem was trying to communicate a lot of different, complex thoughts on all the things that love can be.


Overall

Overall, this was a good read and has a lot of potential.

I hope you've found this review helpful.

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review of Inner Turmoil  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I discovered your item in connection with the Angel Army's "Earn the Badge" challenge, and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

This was a really evocative, impactful poem. The resonance of the subject matter, especially with the structure of the last stanza was really powerful.


Suggestions

There were a few points where I think the language could have been finessed a little. For example, in the second line of the second stanza, "Tell my Mom I did my best" might have flowed a little better.

Also, the line about telling his sister not to be upset because "her brother will not rise after this sunset" was a little confusing. All of the other lines seemed to follow logically from one another (i.e., dad won't get tension from him anymore, his brother will get the keys to his bike, etc.), but it's unclear why his sister wouldn't be upset by the idea that her brother has died. It's a little unclear what the intention of that line was.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful.

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of Rehab  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I discovered your item in connection with the Angel Army's "Earn the Badge" challenge, and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

I thought you did a great job with the emotion in this piece. Your connection to the subject matter is clear, and I enjoyed the flow and the imagery in the poem. I particularly liked the fact that you captured both the good and bad elements of rehab; it led to the feeling that you had a complete, well-rounded perspective on the topic.


Suggestions

There were a few points where the execution was a little rough. At one point you deviated from the aabbcc rhyme scheme to have no rhyme at all ("addicted/hook") and then a point a little later on where you had an imperfect rhyming triplet ("road/erodes/inroads") which broke up the pace and structure of the read a little bit.


Overall

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem and thought you did a great job capturing your subject matter. There's definitely room for improvement, but you've also got a really strong foundation to build upon. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful.

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Angel Feathers  Open in new Window.
for entry "Exotic Species" Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Bradbury Group & Bank  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Shield1* OFFICIAL JUDGES' REVIEW *Shield1*

Hello,

Thank you for entering the November 2025 round of "The Bradbury Contest" Open in new Window.!


Positives

I enjoyed the premise and the surprising twist at the end. The epistolary form really worked for this type of story and allowed Layla's character voice to shine through. Well done!


Suggestions

The style of the letter felt a little bit at odds with the subject matter. Layla is staying with her brother who's supposedly being detained, but then she moves effortlessly into describing the countryside and other lighthearted details that contrasted against the seriousness of the circumstances.


Overall

Overall, this was an enjoyable read. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thanks again for taking the time to enter this round of the contest!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
for entry "On the Way Over" Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Bradbury Group & Bank  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Shield1* OFFICIAL JUDGES' REVIEW *Shield1*

Hello,

Thank you for entering the November 2025 round of "The Bradbury Contest" Open in new Window.!


Positives

This story was really imaginative and fun. Your mythology and world-building was really intriguing with a lot of different elements to keep the reader's interest. Nice work!


Suggestions

I'm not entirely sure how the race and the story telling elements of the narrative fit together; it was almost like they were two separate narratives that were compressed together. It would have been great to have a little more context for how these two aspects of the piece are intended to work together.


Overall

Overall, this was an entertaining read. Good job!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thanks again for taking the time to enter this round of the contest!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of Spa Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Bradbury Group & Bank  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Shield1* OFFICIAL JUDGES' REVIEW *Shield1*

Hello,

Thank you for entering the November 2025 round of "The Bradbury Contest" Open in new Window.!


Positives

I thought you did a really good job incorporating the prompts into this story. That was a difficult prompt with a lot of moving parts, and you successfully wove them into a narrative effectively given the word count restrictions. The keywords felt both smoothly incorporated and crucial to the story. Well done!


Suggestions

The backstory of Melissa and Audrey killing Whittaker was a little confusing in terms of how they actually carried it out. So much of the backstory's narrative emphasizes that Whittaker is the town's golden boy (a celebrity, basically), and on the night where he's ostensibly at the height of his fame and prominence, he's killed and his body disappeared. I was really hoping for more by way of explanation than "so they buried it all." Just a few key details would go a long way toward helping flesh out this backstory a little.


Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. It was well written, engaging, and a great take on the prompt. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thanks again for taking the time to enter this round of the contest!

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

Hello,

I discovered your item on Writing.com via random Read & Review and would like to offer the following feedback for your consideration.


Positives

The visual language in this poem is excellent. The descriptive words chosen were evocative and affecting, and really creates vibrant imagery for the reader. Nice work!


Suggestions

The structure of the poem caught me up a few times, in the use of certain punctuation and line breaks, which disrupted the read a bit. For example, the line "to slay, but cannot, for I am" just felt a little awkward to read given the structure of the phrasing and the commas. There were also a number of line pairings that felt like they broke in the middle of a concept or image, which was a tad bit jarring.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this piece. It was a pleasure to read, really entertaining and evocative. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author! *Bigsmile*

Sincerely,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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