I always enjoy reading your entries for 24 Syllables. You consistently manage to create vivid, interesting entries with so little to work with! Overall, I liked your take on the prompt and thought this piece was both well-written and sophisticated.

We're trading reviews and alternating posts in the I Write forum, it seems!

I really enjoyed the fact that you connected several blog posts together and gave the reader a sense of a continuing journey. It really helps add context and appreciation to the moving day story that you communicated in this blog post. I thought this entry was well written, paced effectively, and kept my interest throughout.

Overall, you did a great job!

As someone who just finished a month-long challenge to blog every day, I wish you the best of luck! It's a time consuming test of your endurance, but can be really rewarding if you're able to see it through to the end. Even if you end up missing a day or completing an entry late, keep at it!

The premise was interesting and I enjoyed the take on the prompt.

The story was well-developed and moved along at a brisk pace.

The characters were well-developed and interesting.

You made good use of dialogue to keep the story moving forward.

No technical issues that I could find.

Overall, I enjoyed this entry and thought you did a good job with the prompt.

I liked your take on the prompt. I thought it was original and interesting.

The story was compelling and had me engaged throughout.

Your character development was excellent; both Marie and Sharon felt like fully-realized, intriguing characters.

The dialogue was okay; it mostly served its purpose of moving the narrative along efficiently, but for me it didn't really stand out or shine beyond being functional.

No technical errors that I could find.

Overall, I enjoyed this entry. I think you had a good take on the prompt, and you executed it well.

I liked your premise and your take on the prompt.

Overall, I found the story to be compelling and really liked the level of detail and imagery you infused into the piece.

Both of your characters were really well-developed and interesting.

Some of the back-and-forth dialogue early on in the piece slowed down the read a bit because it felt at times like banter that wasn't really moving the story forward. That said, you did a good job with the dialogue toward the end of the story and dealing with the really emotional ending between the two.

No technical issues that I could find.

Overall, this was a solid entry. It was a good take on the prompt and well-written. Nice work!

I thought your premise was a good take on the prompt.

I found the story to be quite problematic, particularly due to a jump in the timeline (the second paragraph has Suri saying she "is to marry" implying the marriage will come in the future, then the next paragraph immediately jumps to "The wedding, three months ago," and creates a really jarring leap forward, especially since the first two paragraphs were written in a way that made it seem like they were happening presently, rather than in the past.

The narrator character didn't really work for me, particularly after running into Suri again. The narrator literally states things like, "I didn't know what was happening to her" and "I knew she was being controlled, but how?" and that it took watching Handmaid's Tale to realize that Suri's husband was abusive, controlling, etc., but that information seems pretty self-evident and it's a bit strange that the narrator of the story seems so oblivious throughout the story until the very end.

The dialogue was minimal but kept the story moving along and was well-placed.

No technical errors that I could find.

Overall, I think this piece has a lot of potential, but in its current form it fell a little short of the mark. I would have loved to have seen a little more discernment from the narrator, and to have the timing issues ironed out.