Hello Odessa Molinari
This is an official judges' review for the April 2020 round of "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"
I thought your premise was a good take on the prompt.
I found the story to be quite problematic, particularly due to a jump in the timeline (the second paragraph has Suri saying she "is to marry" implying the marriage will come in the future, then the next paragraph immediately jumps to "The wedding, three months ago," and creates a really jarring leap forward, especially since the first two paragraphs were written in a way that made it seem like they were happening presently, rather than in the past.
The narrator character didn't really work for me, particularly after running into Suri again. The narrator literally states things like, "I didn't know what was happening to her" and "I knew she was being controlled, but how?" and that it took watching Handmaid's Tale to realize that Suri's husband was abusive, controlling, etc., but that information seems pretty self-evident and it's a bit strange that the narrator of the story seems so oblivious throughout the story until the very end.
The dialogue was minimal but kept the story moving along and was well-placed.
No technical errors that I could find.
Overall, I think this piece has a lot of potential, but in its current form it fell a little short of the mark. I would have loved to have seen a little more discernment from the narrator, and to have the timing issues ironed out.
Thank you for the undertaking the time and effort to enter one of the site's official contests. I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WdC author!