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4,096 Public Reviews Given
4,225 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Damon Nomad

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I really enjoyed this take on the prompt. Sutton was well developed and interesting, and the chemistry/alchemy background was interesting.


Suggestions

There were a number of points where the story switched character point of view quickly and it was a bit jarring. I also found the ending with the momentary tension of a police officer showing up got too easily diffused by him suddenly asking for a glass of brandy. I would have really liked to have seen that tension play out in a bit more satisfying of a way.


Overall

While there is some room for improvement, this was a really enjoyable standout take on the prompt. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
127
127
Review of Burning issue  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Sumojo

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I really enjoyed the detailed description in this story. The narrative was engaging and I particularly liked the ending which wrapped things up nicely.


Suggestions

No specific suggestions for improvement.


Overall

I thought this was a solid entry that was a fun read and a good take on the prompt.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
128
128
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello super sleuth

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

Great use of detail and description. In comparatively few words, you were able to paint a vibrant, clear picture of the setting and action in the story. I was also intrigued by the world you created with both vampires and wizards, seeming to be in competition for one another in some way. The story definitely made me want to know more about this world!


Suggestions

I'm a little unclear on the details of the story. Devin is imprisoned in a location and it's mentioned that "a wooden bucket, emptied daily allowed him his only relief," but then moments later the story says he had no one that could answer his questions. He also seems to have been imprisoned with a magical book?

The circumstances at the end of the story were a bit murky too. It seems that Devin died one day after reading his own obituary in the newspaper, which then caught on fire and burned his hands. The story infers that he woke up a vampire, and once he touches the book, his hand was suddenly missing again (although he had previously used it to make scratches in the tabletop to signify the passing days.


Overall

Overall, I think the story was paced nicely and has a lot of potential with the worldbuilding and the particular response to the prompt. There are quite a few open questions about the execution of the story, though. It feels like a solid first draft in need of some revising... but definitely a first draft with a lot of potential.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
129
129
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello Graywriter

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I like the gothic elements of the story, as well as the incorporation of bits of Egyptian mythology into the legend. The overall effect was one of a well-considered and developed backstory. I also thought you did a great job with the character of d'Auteur and infusing him with just enough quirks and traits to make him seem fully-fleshed out and believable.


Suggestions

The middle part of the story with the details of the manuscript slowed down the pace of the read a bit. With such a short piece, pacing is critical and there was a hint of a lag in the middle when the backstory took center stage between the time that d'Auteur acquired the manuscript and took action with it.


Overall

Overall, I enjoyed this take on the prompt and thought you came up with a solid, well-established story. Nice job! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
130
130
Review of The evil Book.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!


*Gavel*

OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW


Hello DoXx, The Renegade Monkey

Thank you for taking the time to enter the March 2023 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.


Positives

I like the pacing of the story and how it was relayed in an almost conversational tone. It reminded me of a retelling of an old fable or parable, told in simple terms so that the widest possible audience can understand the lesson. I enjoyed the writing style and think it really accentuated the story.


Suggestions

There were a couple places where the narrative didn't quite logically follow. For example, the woman left her contact information with Mr. Cambert in case he ever finds a copy of the book she's looking for ... but then Mr. Cambert receives a call from someone else who seems to know what book he's specifically looking for. I think it would have been helpful to have bridged that gap a bit, even with something as simple as an explainer that Mr. Cambert spent several weeks calling around and spreading the word among his network that he was looking for a copy.

Similarly, the woman who prompted this search with her desperate need for the book suddenly decides she doesn't want it and disappears from the story entirely. I would have loved to have seen this come back around in some way; either where she really debates the risks/rewards of purchasing the book, or whether her choice to not purchase it was intentional, and she comes to retrieve it after Mr. Cambert falls victim to its magic.


Overall

Overall, this was an entertaining story that was well told, but I was hoping for a little more development in order to really make the narrative stand out. At only 600 words, there's plenty of room to expand this story and go into a little more depth without worrying about exceeding the contest's 2,000-word limit.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
131
131
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)


Hello Sumojo

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven .


Positives

I enjoyed the personal anecdote at the end of this entry. It was nice to juxtapose the history and general facts about wool with a way that it's connected to you, the author, in a more personal way. Nice job!


Suggestions

The timing in the first paragraph is a little unclear. It's stated that "for a century, the wool industry gave Australia one of the highest living standards in the world," but that piece of information is sandwiched between an opening that describes the first shear appearing in the Iron Age (which ended in approximately 550 BC), and a statement that wool was synonymous with the Australian way of life by the 1950s. So was that century of Australians having the highest living standards in the world from 1850 to 1950? Or some other 100-year period between 550 BC and 1850 AD?


Overall

I thought the piece was informative and did a good job of covering the prompt. And hat's off to you for finding a way to explore these prompts; I was going to compete in "Journalistic Intentions this month, but one-word fashion prompts are definitely not my thing! *Bigsmile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
132
132
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Musicology Banner


Hello Writer_Mike

Thank you for taking the time to enter "Musicology Anthology in 2022! Enclosed please find the following official judges' review, for your consideration. I reviewed select stories from your entry.


*Penw* Bridge Over Troubled Water

I like the overall structure of this story, but at under 500 words, it reads a little bit like an "info dump" where one character is just downloading a whole bunch of information to the audience via a secondary character. This creates a bit of a lack of conflict in the story since there are no stakes; it's just a recounting of what's already happened. I would have loved to have seen the backstory spread out a little more so it wasn't just one character essentially saying, "uh huh, go on" when the narrator character needed a pause, but the actual backstory itself was compelling and I think there's a lot of potential for a larger, more developed story in here.


*Penw* El Condor Pasa

Steve is definitely a compelling character as the reader watches his backstory unfold. There's a sense that he's a fully-realized character with plenty of past experiences to draw from, but the dynamics of this story suffer from the same issues as the last one, where there's not really much conflict because it's a character sitting in the bar, essentially recounting his biography to an audience.


*Penw* Cecilia

I like that this entry is starting to explore the world of the bar a little more. The fact that it's not just a one-to-one exchange between a character conveying information to another character and instead expands on the other characters and the environment of the bar is helping to build this into a really compelling continued narrative. Nice job!


*Penw* Keep The Customer Satisfied

This was a fun, entertaining vignette and I liked the historical tie ins and the information about the drinks, but it felt like this didn't have a lot of connection to the larger narrative you're building. It read a little bit like a "bottle episode" from a television series (like a Halloween or Christmas episode) where it's not part of the regular season arc, but sends the characters on a little side quest along the way. Nothing wrong with that, of course, just an observation. *Smile*


*Penw* So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright

As a Frank Lloyd Wright fan (and fan of architecture in general), this was the story I was most looking forward to reading. I enjoyed the debate about modern architecture and its drawbacks.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed your entry and thought you did a great job coming up with different ideas for stories based on the songs in the album. It was a pleasure to read!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
133
133
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Hello Weirdone-Back in the games

This review is being sent in connection with "Twenty-three in Eleven .

*Penw* Positives

I really enjoyed the ending to this piece. I thought the over the top comedic overture at the very end after a somewhat understated conversation really helped the humor of the story stand out. I also liked the rapid-paced back and forth of the conversation between Dr. Lund and Jenkins.

*Penw* Suggestions

I'm a little unclear about the detail where "the only way was to cut off pieces of a human until the human would eventually die" and the fact that, right after that, Lund confirmed that Dr. Van Dorn decided "to use himself" for his experiment. Is the suggestion that Dr. Van Dorn literally killed himself to grow a fungus on the plant in furtherance of an argument that pizza with mushrooms on it is better? That aspect of the story was a little confusing and hard to understand.

*Penw* Overall

Overall, this was a fun story with interesting characters having a really bizarre debate. I enjoyed it. *Smile*

I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,
Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
134
134
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
X


Hello 💙 Carly

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.


*Penw* Positives

There's some great advice in here about how to keep your creative spark going. Advice that I've used in the past and, if I'm being honest, really need to use for myself more often than I do. *Bigsmile*


*Penw* Suggestions

I noticed a typo in one of your headers: Assess how you're feeling.

Also, it feels like "You May Be Due For An Artist Date" should be bolded as a separate heading rather than lumped under "Take A Nap." I feel like the concept of an Artist Date is a different thing that is intriguing enough on its own that it would benefit from its own section and a little more explanation.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, this was a solid piece full of great advice for writers. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
135
135
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
X


Hello 💙 Carly

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.


*Penw* Positives

You did an amazing job describing the sights and sounds of New York, and really capturing that overwhelmed feeling the first time you set foot in the city. I still remember my first visit there, and exiting a subway station and having to take a moment to get your bearings and figure out which direction to head in while people all around you constantly push by. The feeling of the city rang very true, and your description and detail was excellent.


*Penw* Suggestions

I know this is for the OctoPrep Settings Description Contest so I focused mostly on those details rather than character development and other elements, since that was presumably the challenge. There are larger questions of these characters' backstories and the overall narrative, but I'm just looking at this piece in terms of a setting description assignment rather than a fully fleshed-out short story. *Smile*


*Penw* Overall

I think you did an excellent job with this assignment. The setting description came through clearly and effectively and really made me feel like I was in New York again. *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
136
136
Review of A Mind for Sale  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)

Hello jdennis

Enclosed please find the following review, for your consideration.

Sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to your review request until now! I had a chance to read your chapter tonight and overall, I do think it does a good job of grabbing the reader's attention and making them want to read more. I do think that, as a science fiction piece, you introduce a lot of worldbuilding and concepts into the chapter which some readers might have a hard time wrapping their heads around. You might want to consider adding a little more context and backstory to flesh out the chapter so that the reader is both investing in the story and characters, as well as gaining an understanding of the fantasy elements you're constructing.

I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
137
137
Review of Autumn's Approach  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.0)
X


Hello Detective

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.


*Penw* Positives

I really loved the imagery of this piece. My favorite season is autumn, and this poem evoked a lot of the things I love best about this season, from the sights to the smells to the feelings. You did a great job of using a lot of sensory input in this poem to make it come alive on the page (or screen, as the case may be).


*Penw* Suggestions

The stanza with the apples felt a bit repetitive, having used the word "apples" in all three lines. Even taking the word "apple" out of the second line (so that it reads "for homemade pie and cider") would go a long way toward helping avoid some of the most repetitive parts of this poem.

The first stanza also threw me for a bit because it includes both a description of morning and evening simultaneously. The other stanzas paint a moment in time while this one (and the line "the days grow shorter, and the nights grow longer") describe a span of time. The juxtaposition of those two sentiments caused me to pause as I was reading, and I wonder if it might be more effective to keep all the stanzas in the same "moment in time" style to paint a clearer picture.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and all the feelings and emotions it evoked. It made me look forward to the season change coming up! *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
138
138
Review of At Any Time  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
X


Hello Whiskerfacebythefireplace

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.


*Penw* Positives

I really enjoyed the sentiment of the piece. After having lost my mother unexpectedly two years ago, I can really relate with this sentiment that life always seems fleeting, and one never knows when a health issue or something else is going to come up and cut short your time with loved ones. I thought you did a good job establishing the family concerns you're struggling with, and put that in great context against the larger argument for making the most of the time you have.


*Penw* Suggestions

In the first paragraph I think you may have meant to say "Delayed effects from his fall" (rather than "thus fall").

I think the piece would also be stronger if you started with a bit of background about your current situation and outlook (before the health scare with your brother JG, of course). Normally I advocate for jumping right into the main content of the piece, but since you're making a case for not squandering the chances that remain to spend time with family, I think this piece might be a bit more effective if you show the reader what your life was like before that important revelation.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece and thought you did a good job with it. The sentiment definitely stuck with me. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
139
139
Rated: E | (3.0)
2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


Hello Dhammika Weerasingha

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews activity.


*Penw* Positives

I really enjoyed this item. In my childhood, I also watched a television series (and a number of movies) about parallel worlds and they've fascinated me ever since. I like the way you took that initial premise and found a way to expand it into a philosophical/psychological journey for yourself.


*Penw* Suggestions

The only small suggestion I have is to consider expanding this piece a big. I rarely give general commentary like, "I think it should be longer" because I tend to defer to authors making their writing as brief or as long as they see fit, but in this case the subject matter that you're describing (i.e., the concept of parallel worlds), as well as the breadth of subject matter (i.e., your own travels and the argument that everyone is a time traveler that doesn't need a time machine to do so), I think the structure of the piece almost requires a bit more context in order to fully explore and connect the dots between the different parts of this article.


*Penw* Overall

I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think you're off to a great start and there's a ton of potential here. A bit of revision and fleshing out has the potential to make this a truly exceptional piece.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
140
140
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


Hello Yeetaway

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews activity.


*Penw* Positives

I really enjoyed the level of detail and description you infused into this piece. You created a lot of vivid imagery in comparatively few words. I also thought you did a great job with the character development and casting the narrator's mother in a tragic yet sympathetic light after the passing of Jonathan.


*Penw* Suggestions

The ending, for me, created more problems than it solved. I'm all for a twist ending, or a surprise ending, or an ending that raises some questions, but having the narrator suddenly pivot from a story about his/her mother's untimely death after another death in the family, to asking someone about their engagement, was a real jolt. I think the story needs some sort of connection to that ending throughout the story so that the ending doesn't quite feel like it's coming out of nowhere. At the very least, I think it would be helpful to have some context as to why the narrator is relaying this anecdote against the backdrop of someone visiting to tell of their engagement.


*Penw* Overall

I think there's a lot of potential in this story. It's atmospheric and dramatic and has an emotional resonance to it, but a little work is needed to refine the piece and really make sure the ending pays off for the reader.


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
141
141
Rated: E | (3.0)
2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


Hello DAtmospheres

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews activity.


*Penw* Positives

The worldbuilding was well established in relatively few words. With flash fiction stories of this length it's critical to get right into the story quickly while still being able to engage the audience and you managed to accomplish that effectively. The three characters carrying the alien (plus Dr. Boris) were engaging and I was invested in their plight.


*Penw* Suggestions

The story felt like it was missing some conflict in the middle, as the three crew members and the doctor were just going through routine procedures. The ending felt a little random as well, because there wasn't really anything to foreshadow the sudden animation of the alien. With really short, quick stories like this, I find it helpful in my own writing to build everything toward the payoff. If the payoff is going to be that the alien they thought was dead actually isn't, every action they take should somehow put them more and more at a disadvantage for when that moment inevitably happens.

Taking off all their clothes for decontamination was amusing, but it lacks the tension that you would create by them leaving their weapons outside the room (or handing them off earlier for decontamination). Being focused on the slime that was on them was fine, but it could be even more effective if the slime somehow contributed to their predicament, like making it too slippery for them to handle defending themselves. I'd recommend playing with the setup in the story so that the payoff is just a little stronger and more rewarding for the reader.


*Penw* Overall

I think you have a solid start to a really compelling flash fiction sci-fi story here. I think some work could be done to hone it further and really capitalize on all the opportunities you've set up, but you're off to a good start. *Smile*


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
142
142
Review of Faith-filled Days  
Rated: E | (3.5)
2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


Hello L.A. Grawitch

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews activity.


*Penw* Positives

I was drawn to this piece because a friend of mine recently completed a solitude retreat where he spent three weeks at a remote cabin with just his Bible and very limited connection to the outside world. How strange to be back in a place where that kind of isolation is voluntary and not required by public health declaration!

You did a great job of capturing the feeling of those early days of the COVID-19 pandemic when isolation was a very real thing for a great many people. The way you set up your protagonist as having simple pleasures was a great way to introduce us to the character and set the stage for a very simple but effective story.


*Penw* Suggestions

One small suggestion for improvement would be to consider a different approach to the ability for the protagonist to watch his church service online. For me, it was a story about isolation and loneliness and the final moment of Sam's note was undercut by, just a few moments earlier, the protagonist having a major moment of not feeling so isolated. From a standpoint of pure narrative structure, the final gesture of the story was lessened in effectiveness by what happened just before that. If the protagonist were to receive news that his church's services would still be delayed for some time, or if the service itself were a bit of a disappointment, it would enhance the effect of Sam's kind gesture toward the protagonist.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I thought this story was solid. There are a couple areas for improvement, but it would be improving on an already solid foundation and looking for ways to make it really stand out. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
143
143
Rated: E | (3.0)
2012 Anniversary Reviews Banner


Hello Nwriter

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary Reviews activity.


*Penw* Positives

I really like the depth of thought in this piece. You clearly put a lot of thought into how to read something and contextualize it, and it definitely gives the reader a lot to contemplate. I also like that you drew from a variety of sources which made the piece feel much more well-rounded than if you had chosen solely religious or philosophical texts to reference in the piece.


*Penw* Suggestions

The piece feels a bit unfocused, as it starts and ends with symbolism. But the vast majority of the middle part of the essay focuses instead on sensory input and cognition. It felt a bit like I was reading two different essays rolled into one, rather than a cohesive piece that addressed one or the other, or a broader-scope piece that interwove the two concepts. I would recommend learning into one or the other so that it doesn't feel like the essay has two disparate parts.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I really enjoyed the read. It was thought-provoking, and something that all critical readers can relate to at one time or another. It can be a real challenge not to overcomplicate our own analysis of a piece of art!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
144
144
Review of A Dip in Darkness  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was a compelling story. The setting was well established and the phenomena that occurs is instantly engaging as the reader tries to figure out what's going on. It was a great setup for a compelling story.

The middle of the story started to feel a little repetitive with person after person disappearing into the void. The story could have used some variety or increasing stakes in this second act to make it feel like the stakes were increasing rather than just staying the same as one person after another suffers the same fate.

I would recommend some kind of arc for either the story or the protagonist. I think you have have an ambiguous narrative with a character who changes, or a character who stays the same with a narrative that changes, but when both the story and the characters essentially end up right back where they started with nothing having changed, it's difficult to draw anything from the experience of reading the story. I'd recommend some sort of change or transformation take place on some front, as the result of this strange phenomena.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
145
145
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
This was an interesting mythological history of Quito. Like many myths, it does a great job of explaining a modern-day phenomenon (in this case, why Quito has such cold weather and is on the slopes of an active volcano).

There were a handful of points where the story got a little confusing and I think would have benefitted from a little editing and proofreading. For example, the father promises that, if his prayers are answered, he will come to the volcano "every night, every year end with a little of his blood." Does that mean the father will visit every night and then once a year he will come with his son's blood? The way the sentence was structured made it confusing what was being promised. Similarly, the ending of the story got a little confusing in terms of the sequence of events, and might benefit from some paragraph breaks, additional description, and fine-tuning to make sure the story reads well.

Overall, I thought this was an interesting myth and one I hadn't heard before, so I greatly enjoyed it from that perspective. It does need a fair bit of editing, but you're off to a good start.

Also, on a side note, you might want to consider listing this in "Mythology" for at least one of its genres so you can make sure it finds the right audience. *Smile*



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146
146
Review of What?  
Rated: E | (3.0)

I think you raise some really interesting questions in this article. Questions of how "well off" we are in our own society versus by comparison to others, if the reader can envision a future without having to work, if rich people are really rich if no one works for them... these are all intriguing questions that are worth exploring, but they all felt a little mashed together in a piece that's unclear about what it's asking of the reader. Is the piece arguing for the reader to see a certain point of view? To actually answer these specific questions? If it's the latter, what's the purpose of the very specific and varied series of questions being asked?

Overall, I think an article challenging the reader to examine the "false life" they live is an interesting exercise, but I'd encourage you to structure it a little differently in order to make it a more persuasive piece of writing for your audience. Matching the arguments with the questions and creating a little space for the reader to consider before jumping to the next one might be a more effective way to make your point.


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147
147
Rated: E | (3.0)

The first line of your story is great. It really grips the reader right away, intrigues them, and entices them to read more. I also really liked the message of this story, about the power of being a good listener and how that can be applied in different ways.

The line, "Listening spread good feeling!" appears to be missing some words or phrasing to make it a complete sentence. Either "listening spread a good feeling" or "listening spreads good feelings" or something along those lines.

It also felt like the balance of the story was a little off. With very short flash fiction like DFFC entries where you only have 300 words to work with, every single word and sentence matters. I think a little too much time was dedicated to the earlier part of the story where the narrator is providing the anecdote about him first trying to be a good listener with his mother, when the real heart of the story is the time spent with Jim and him encouraging the narrator to use his gift elsewhere. I would suggest finding a way to streamline that initial setup so that you can devote more of this story to the relationship with Jim and the narrator's subsequent decision to be a doctor, so those elements don't feel so rushed at the end.


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148
Rated: E | (2.5)

I enjoyed reading your item. It's important to reflect on the reasons why art makes us feel the way it does, and I don't think you're at all alone in finding that reading romance stories brings you feelings of excitement. Romance is, after all, one of the bestselling genres for a reason! *Smile*

There were quite a few points where the language needs work, from simple typos (the third sentence in the first paragraph should be "typical" not "typival") to awkwardly phrased sentences ("... I had forgotten him once awaring he may not crush any girl." I'm not 100% certain, but I think that might have meant to say something along the lines of, "... I had forgotten him once, aware that he may not crush on just any girl."). I would recommend a thorough edit and proofread to make sure that you're saying what you want to say in the clearest and most possible way.

At the end of the piece, I'm not quite sure what you want the reader to take away from it. You concede that sometimes people indulge in fictions for amusement (which is certainly true), but you end on a note implying that such a "temporary luxury" must be compensated for and that there has to be a "shift." What did you mean by that? I think you need to more fully elaborate on your thesis of what people who indulge in fantasy for entertainment purposes are needing to do to offset that pastime.

Overall, I thought your item was interesting and thought-provoking, but it does need a significant amount of work in order to make it clearer and more cohesive.


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149
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
X


Hello Whiskerfacebythefireplace

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.

I like the fact that this story uses an epistolary format where the language evolves as the main character evolves. It reminds me of Alice Walker's classic The Color Purple, and it was used to great effect here. I was all ready to say how there were a bunch of errors with spelling, word choice, etc. in the first paragraphs and then got to the part in the story later where Stoick's mother corrects him and it was a great payoff to your setup.

There were two things that I would suggest as possible improvements. The first is from the perspective of someone who isn't familiar at all with the How To Train Your Dragon franchise, and that is that there isn't a lot of conflict or a narrative hook to these stories. The epistolary tells us of a few days in Stoick's life, but they don't seem particularly formative. Stories like this, where you're using an epistolary format to fill in the backstory of a familiar character, are most effective when the anecdotes being told in the character's writing are significant events and not just "day in the life" kind of stuff. What events shaped Stoick into the man he would eventually become.

And that brings me to the second suggestion for improvement, from the perspective of someone who is very familiar with the franchise. Stoick is an integral character to the franchise, and while I love the idea of getting to know more about his own upbringing, I was hoping it would live up to his legend a little more. In the films, he is portrayed as one of the greatest leaders Berk has ever had, so I went into this story with the expectation that a "Young Stoick" fanfiction story would regale the reader with some of the events that happened prior to the first film to build his legendary status. There was a good parallel between Stoick trying to live up to his father's status just like Hiccup then has to do the same in the shadow of Stoick, but it would have been great to get more insight into what made Stoick so amazing.

I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


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150
150
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
X


Hello 💙 Carly

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write: Enter the Second Decade.

*Penv* Premise
I enjoyed your take on the prompt. Performing at a poetry reading is right up there with some of my worst nightmares, so I really appreciated the way the setting brought the prompt about fear of public speaking front and center.

*Penv* Story
The narrative moved along nicely. It was short, to the point, and felt like a fully-realized story.

*Penv* Characters
The one area of improvement I would suggest is to not make it such an "I'm all better!" ending. Phobias typically take more than just a single positive experience to recede fully. I know you only have a thousand words to work with for a Writer's Cramp story, but I would have loved for the story to end on a hopeful positive-trajectory note while still maintaining a little trepidation.

*Penv* Dialogue
The dialogue was effective at moving the story forward.

*Penv* Structure/Technical
"No they're not, you're just being...."

*Penv* Overall
Overall, I thought this was a good Writer's Cramp entry and a solid take on the prompt. Nice work!

I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another WDC author!

Respectfully,

Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk | "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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