I like the fact that the birds' victim is a man who would want to retain his dignity and composure, particularly in public. Perhaps a little more could have been made of this by the strike being observed by someone of importance. I do realise, however, that you were probably limited by a maximum number of words, as well as by time, in this contest, but the planning stage by the seagulls could have been just a little less wordy.
Your use of the the glint reflected from the door was a good idea.
"Swoop" and "Fats" are suitable names and the words "key", "spring" and "bowl" are used suitably.
Oh, no! Please don't amend this poem. I'm amazed to read that it was written by you when you were five years old. You're not kidding us on this point, are you?!
Is it true that the spots turn orange when the bugs are older (or when the spots are older - maybe they regenerate.) I always wondered why some ladybugs had red, and others orange spots.
It's a poem full of fun, information, and love of nature.
I love this article. It is helpful to me even though I don't drink (or smoke).
The advice given could apply to anyone who has bad habits and needs to change his/her lifestyle.
Seemingly minor problems like laziness (which might stem from such things as an innate lack of energy due to pituitary gland problems), depression and lack of motivation, to name a few, could be addressed by the same advice.
I try to improve my habits daily, but every reminder such as this motivates me to do more to be a healthier and thus and happier person.
By the way (because of "laziness") I stopped washing my face daily and resorted to washing it every second day. When I consulted a dermatologist, I asked him whether this mattered and he said every second day was fine.
I dislike bathing and showering, so am pleased to read that every second day will do. However, especially in a woman, I think "private parts" could do with some cleaning daily.
As it happens, there is a shortage of water in South Africa, where I live, and in some cities citizens are forced to avoid daily bathing in order to reduce their consumption of water. There is a heavy financial penalty for using more than your given quota of water.
Did you mean "Beware" at the beginning of your last paragraph, or "Be aware"?
Thanks for this article. I'm now going to go for a walk!
This fits in with my idea of love, particularly the word "build". With the right person to love, one must always work on that relationship if it's to be maintained.
I do like your references to the "golden galaxy", the "stellar lanes" and your "starship".
I've also been disabused: I never dreamed that muses could be given a hard time by writers. I thought they were very literate fairies, who, when you wanted inspiration, would land upon your shoulder and stay there until your wording was perfect.
So sorry to learn that you are over-worked and under-appreciated!
PS: I'm a little suspicious about your relationship with Jim...
I don't normally read anything paranormal, occult and dark but I was drawn to this story by the first few paragraphs, which tickled my curiosity. Well done to you for this feat!
In the case of this piece of writing the term "paranormal" seems to t me to be a euphemism, but that might be because of my very limited exposure to the form.
Your story did hold my attention to the very end. It is very arresting and well-written. It is bizarre in the extreme, and made me wonder whether people similar to Satterwaite really exist. After some thought I actually believe they could - on the extreme fringes of society, only.
Could you please explain to me what it is that makes Satterwaite nauseous when he leaves the butcher's shop and at other times?
I'd like to point out a typo in, "Suddenly nauseas, Satterwaite stumbles...
You have been through a lot of unpleasant "Life stuff" - to use your own words.
Your last sentence sends out the message that you don't understand. However, I think you do understand more than you used to, so let's look at the positives.
From your first sentence I gather that you see things from a different perspective now that you are older; you see "...the world so clear."
Your cousin helped you to understand that you needed to help your sick Mom. You did that. You learned a positive lesson.
I'm sorry that your life has been so tough at times.
My impression is that this monologue is that of a patient who is in a place of care because dementia is creeping up on her.
She has not lost touch with reality completely, and has a strong sense of being: ("I am still me."). She seems to have the capacity to love (her three brothers) and her family is important to her.
I, the reader, am not in the medical field, but have been told that the process of losing one's mind can be very painful to one's emotions.
I think that you have reflected the earlier stages of dementia well.
What I like about this poem is that everything about this young lad is absolutely normal!
What young lad who thinks he is, or is, a superstar, or any other lad, is not going to love his car (or the car he wishes was his)?
I do believe any skinny Asian lad from Singapore can be a great basketball player. Why on earth not?
If he's eating junk food - well, that's normal too. Donuts aren't good for him, but they taste delicious and he wants to put on more weight anyway. In any case donuts were made to be eaten, weren't they?
Finally, if he doesn't live it up and pass out on his 21st birthday, then he's not normal!
Believe me. I had two sons! Near-adult boys are the same, no matter what's in their genes nor where they were born.
I love this light-hearted and just-a-little-bit-irreverent dialogue. The very idea of these two "gentlemen" having a chat is curious and original.
It really is a surprise to me to realise the (outward, at least) parallels between them.
Your facts in the following are accurate in this paragraph:
"“In some parts of the world I’m Santa. In other parts, St. Nicholas. Each part of the world presents me in a different way, but it is the same concept. As a deity, it is the same for you. You are the higher power people believe in, but a different higher power in different parts of the world and religions.”"
I had a giggle at your expense because this reminds me of myself! I do believe, though, that it is only when one comes to terms with one's own vulnerabilities that one can laugh at them, and I think that you are doing just that in this poem.
Your short lines add to the feeling of panic and the words you've chosen to rhyme (internally and at the end of lines) succeed in accentuating the the drama.
It seems to me that as a person past the prime of your life, you are trying to see it (your life), remember it, and make out its form, pattern and structure.
To do this is difficult, because your mind is somewhat confused at this stage.
The following is a beautiful phrase: "birds forming liquid patterns in the sky"
Alas, it is sad to have only a hazy memory of what one has accomplished.
The last two lines are lovely, and the use of "purple hills" is an image that appeals to me.
I see this poem as light-hearted, with a strong emphasis on spending habits of those that either have a good supply of money, or buy on credit.
I love the line, "In and out of store, we're popping." It shows how easy shopping is and conveys to this reviewer that shopping's fun.
The indulgence of the shoppers, however, is odious when one thinks of all the have-nots in the world, but that is just a personal knee-jerk reaction I have when reflecting on indiscriminate expenditure, and does not detract from your poem.
I have never read anything on the Bahai Faith, and your essay has enlightened me.
It is interesting that the Faith worships God, the Divine Creator, and at the same time accepts the concept of evolution. Do you refer to Darwin's evolution or some other type?
I like the belief of oneness of humanity. Your Faith seems to be very tolerant and peace-loving.
I have had the privilege of visiting the beautiful Bahai gardens on Mount Carmel in Haifa, Israel.
Faye planning to murder Josh and Josh planning to murder Faye on the same evening is a coincidence that was well contrived and works perfectly in this story.
Faye was remiss in that even though she saw (and understood the purpose of) the note that Josh planned to plant next to her body, she didn't suspect anything sinister about the box of almond mille feuille. I guess that the reason is that, "...for an instant Faye is reminded of why she fell in love with him years ago."
The mille feuille is laced with extra cyanide, no doubt, but you leave this reader wondering whether it is enough to actually kill Faye.
The title refers to the actual candles burning on the table. But irony lies in the fact that a candlelit dinner is usually a setting for love and romance.
I read this poem, then I read your bio. I cannot imagine how you have coped with such grief, and my sympathy goes out to you.
Back to the poem: It's interesting how much there is to say about words and how many idioms contain the word, "word".
More important though, is the thread of your poem: the effect of words. The chant, "words will never hurt me", could not be more untrue as has been demonstrated countless times.
I've noted some witchcraft terms in your poem. They blend well with the idea of words being a curse. I'd love you to comment on this and also to let me know what is written below the poem.
Please tell me what is written below the poem. The language is
I loved your story, and the end gave me great satisfaction!
I like good use of psychology: In the first paragraph the narrator refrains from arguing with her husband, and in the last paragraph she feigns ingenuousness.
Her restrained manner emanates from her perspicacity.
This poem is powerful in that it expresses much determination to succeed.
There is determination in spite of voices telling you that you are not good enough, in spite of pain. in spite of unpleasant conditions to be endured.
I have just one comment on a point of grammar:
"A thought across a mind determined to beat the noise; A heart punctured,..."
"A" should not be a capital letter. A semi-colon is never followed by a capital letter, unless the word following the semi-colon is a proper noun or an acronym.
This certainly has the spooky elements of a Halloween tale.
You kept the reader off the scent of Halloween by repeating another date in October, which was clever. Also, the repetition of this date as a one-liner had an eeriness about it.
Did you know that a full moon occurs on Halloween only (roughly) every nineteen years?
I'd like to point out two grammar errors:
1. "I should've never done it" should read, "I should never have done it"
2. "...died, to a knife wound" should read, "...died, from a knife
wound"
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