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Great job. It did have a lyrical quality to it. Visuals were very good. Good message. Good luck with becoming a published author, you can do it!
Blessings,
Kimarie
Like a warm scented bath in February ,or cool sheets in an AC'd room in July, this felt good. The visuals were of flowing and bending to the whims of passion. I was adrift on a sea of body waves and lulled into a dream state by the comforting sounds of nearness. Very nice.
Hands are my weakness. They truly are the extension of the soul aren't they? I love the way you describe in detail the hands, veins and all. I was asked what I loved about a lover of mine. I said ,"his hands" They fascinated me, in how they moved and moved me and the memory of them still does. This poem gave me a lump in my throat. I applaud you with both hands loudly!
Parting is such sweet sorrow...then the bills are significantly reduced. Why does it hurt so much when we've done such a good job?
"the dark side of lunar terror... between nine and nineteen. These darling daughters...shrew-like emotional lightning rods of high maintenance terrorists overnight,"- I know all too well. We bought lots of Excedrin. This was brilliant.
Kimarie Manhart-Freeman
I don't cotton much to intruders myself. Got myself a mat that says, "Go AWAY!"
Can I encourage you to pen more M.I.B. stuff? I like it. I could see Mr. Crenshaw with a few wisps of hair, overalls, and a stubbly face. Love the wife whacking him with a stick for touching her huckleberry pie. I would too, pies are labor intensive! I got a picture of the aliens blown to bits- poor bums.Very funny.
Very good piece. A little humorous and somber as well. Good piece for giving closrure to a bad relationship. Tahnk you for the great piece.
Blessings,
Kimarie Manhart-Freeman
How did you do this? You have seen into the inner core of every person who has lost a love and perfectly articulated the experience! The lines I adore the most:
"I want to open my eyes and catch you in sacred gaze
But I do not dare!
For every second that you stay
Is home for this my broken soul"
How positively wonderful! I briefly skimmed the titles in your port and feel like a child on Christmas morning with piles of gifts to open. I will be up to my ears in word presents thanks to you.
Disecting a tramatic event into a well organized piece is not easy. You write from your heart and this makes the reader feel like they are there with you. "My feet never slowed as my mind calculated how quickly an ambulance could reach us." - It's amazing how we can multi task even under stress. The visuals provided were distressing and disturbing.I know all too well the smell of alcohol and vomit having grown up with an alcoholic grandfather and alcoholic uncles. It is clear how you struggled with loving your Dad but having issues with him. I lost my Dad in 1991 when I was 24. I felt like I died with him but he went on to heaven and I was in hell. Grief in itself is a long process. We bury parts of ourselves that can't function to be resurrected later when we've healed them. "Time heals all wounds"- a crock of sh--. Time heals nothing, it is our actions and the actions of our support system that heal us. Writing is one of these actions. Keep writing.
WOW! this is brilliant ! The personification of Folly as a dumb blonde was very funny.Yes, ignorance can be bliss but I want to become enlightened even if it is agony. For in exquisite pain, we become human, yes? Great use of visuals that are present in each and every line. Bravo. What struck me was the wise men sitting at the conference table with the colorful sweets that are full of empty brain calories. I pictured bright and circus-like sugar globes that would hamper all common sense and wisdom. The ferocious brain-devouring pirahna was an excellent contribution as well. The gem in this piece was the sword that is no match for folly. When we use brute strength and pride in the presecence of Folly, nothing but chaos can ensue. Thanks again for another enchanting and sobering read.
Dear Dr. Gupta,
This is addresses temptation, pride, forgiveness, and humility in a sincere and achingly beautiful way. The desire to live in accordance with the teachings of Christ is very apparent here. The multi use of the "whisper" is the icing on the cake. It stresses the nature of this man to be quiet and humble before God so that he may hear God's voice over the tempatations and desires he faces. The use of the word also gives a gossamer and spiritual air to the piece.The sobering ending, "before I trip and fall", is a wake up call for the prudent. I myself can identify with this as I have done and said things that could have been avoided if only I listened to that "still and small voice". Thank you for this lesson in humanity and Christianity.
Dear Dr. Gupta,
Every line contained depth, truth, and parable-like content. Very well done.
"To every sweet word, don’t be receptive;
In today’s world even friends are suspect." - How true! People are more often lovers of themselves nowadays.
My favorite part?- "Don’t harbor desires that don’t have a scope."- Being an afficionado of anything nautical, this was a nice climax. What a pleasure to read such good things.
This was very moving.
my favorite line- "Remember me in mercy,
as I'm under this mountain;"
You said in your BIO:
"I am a recovering IDIOT!, with several serious set backs, and I might be convinced to quit my job to write for a living, and suffer yet another." - From a fellow idiot: "Yes! Yes! Yes! Join me and many more like us and do the brave thing- WRITE!
"Arm thyself with mighty pen,
more noble than any sword,
enter all your thoughts therein,
the writ and soul in one accord."
1247933
Insightful and well written. God reveals Himself as we trust Him. It seems cruel sometimes but He knows what He is doing. Great imagery with "tears soaking bedsheets" and "barely audible voices". Men are often forgotten when a pregnant mother is involved and they are left to fend for themselves and deal with their feelings alone. Your story will be greatly appreciated by any man facing the same situation. Great ending with the man accepting God's will. The reader is left wondering the fate of the child and mother. This works because then those who have gained or lost a child can feel this on a personal level.
As I read this I am reminded of the proverb of the virtuous woman.
My favorite line, "Behind your eyes a great unknown
until we see the woman grown"
For by their fruits you shall know them, and it is very true as you have stressed here. Excellent imagery also. I see a young lady in front of a mirror weighing choices that are not always easy. "Dare To Be" is an excellent title and motto for both genders. Well done!
I loved this for many reasons. The aching minute detail and care you put into this were inspiring and heartbreaking at the same time. Arthurs struggle with the decision to place her in a nursing home was touching and desperate. You described how he seemed to age with the weeping he did for his wife. Love makes us do strange things and Arthur was no exception: "The extent of his cooking was enough to keep them going, but being a farmer that part was always left up to her. He tried new things, and was proud of his accomplishments. He enjoyed watching her eat what he had prepared." A Simple farmer who never cooked or had to now takes on the kitchen out of necessity and love. Too many favorite parts in this piece! Simply wonderful!
I don't know why I liked this one, I just did. It left me with a nice warm feeling.It had a funky and youthful vibe but transcended into a mother-child zen moment of sheer delight! Nice job!
Dear Nolan:
Great Essay on "Mall-Wart". Having been an assistant manager who made a lousy $8.75 an hour in 1997, I vowed never to work for a non-union job ever again. "It’s a chilling fact to think that Wal-Mart can now control the US Government because of its sheer size." - I agree but once any company becomes a monopoly there is no fear of condemnation, look at the Utility companies and oil companies. From the Wal-Mart subsidized slums in China or "Pol-Pottersville" as I call it, to the American workers being degraded by low wages, to the substandard merchandise it is sickening. Let's not forget that Wal-Mart is a strong supporter of the mandatory one-child per couple policy. They are donating millions of bucks into the Forced Abortion program mandated byy the Chinese government. It makes sense to them since they won't have uninsured kids on their conscience I guess. Bottom Line? Shop anywhere but Wal-Mart and buy American. I wrote about Wal-Marts latest debaucle called "WalMart Does It Again".
Excellent imagery, the drinks flowing like a river, loud music, and the cliche thinking that fresh air will make you sober.
Structure is good, rhyming is good, final line is well constructed.
People don't realize that each drink they put in their mouth is like putting bullets in a gun, though you're aiming it at yourself it hits another target.I think that by now enough people know that drinking and driving is bad and illegal.My proposal?:
1st time DWI traffic violation, no one injured- loss of license for 2 years
2nd time w/ no injuries: loss of license for 5 years, car impounded
3rd time- loss of driving privileges for EVER
Vehicular manslaughter while under the influence- LIFE in prison, NO parole
Until we change the laws, this will keep happening.
Very sweet with great imagery. I see a young girl who is very disillusioned and yet still in love with the source of that hurt. Very good. Tell your sister to write more. Encourage her to write always, it is an invaluable gift.
Be blessed,
Kimarie
Why I liked this? The "stellar" use of words! I love astronomy. I wrote pieces about it as well. One of mine is "The Scarlet Barnard's Loop". There is such quiet and infinite beauty that few have seen. I also liked the imagery of a rain-washed Las Vegas. Great piece.
Kimarie
This is fantastic! "the piano imitates the sound of raindrops"
The image i personally got from this was cleansing. Lots of water, throwing out the dirty laundry. Now she can heal. Very smart write.
Kimarie
This was a gem. Hookers sell their skin, not their mind and hearts. I agree, people are to quick to judge. Most are victims of abuse themselves and need compassion, not judgement. What would Jesus do? Pick her out of the dirt, hug her, and give her a way out. I think the imagery of her innocent children unattended in their modest beds is heartbreaking. And yet, they are the lighthouse that guides her steps home every dusk.The picture of her coming home to them and putting on a carefree face is bittersweet and beautiful. My favorite line:
"And with each offer shouted, she feels the taunting darts." I really liked this.
Now there's somethig I didn't expect. A chess playing vampire in the park. I figured something was up when she refused food. Good job, nice read.
Kimarie :)
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