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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/spidergirl
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1,174 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.
I'm good at...
attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!
Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion, Sports
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry, Essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels (I just don't have that much time)
I will not review...
There is very little I won't review. Try me! *Smile*
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Patterns  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


I really liked your opening paragraphs. I'm not sure if the main character is possibly autistic, but I am, and I identified with his perception of the world and fascination with patterns.

I felt this story was very captivating and powerful. I like your choice to tell it from Eric's point of view and through his experience of what happened. I think it was very effective!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



No suggestions, I found your writing to be clear and powerful.



My Rating


5.0 - Excellent story! I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey


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2
2
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Great opening paragraph! It really captivated me and brought me right into the story. I felt it set the tone for the story really well.

Great descriptions, too! I could really "feel" and "see" what was going on in the story.

I enjoyed the message of this story and its relation to the prompt. Great parable!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


I believe this story should have a 13+ rating due to mild references to illegal drugs and alcohol.

I found no errors, and I have no other suggestions.



My Rating


5.0 - Excellent story! I enjoyed reading this!


Sincerely,
spidey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Why just me?  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Great opening lines! It immediately brought me into the story and made me want to know what was happening!

Wow, this is a really powerful story. Great imagery, description, and emotion. It was really powerful throughout the entire story, started and ended strong. Great work!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



"Maybe it isn't hell."
I think "hell," as in the place/location, would be capitalized

Now I could make out a shape, a hint of grey that gave an outline, something was moving on the other side of me from David.
To me, this read like a run-on sentence. Perhaps a semi-colon between "outline" and "something" or a period with "Something" starting a new sentence?

"Captain, good to hear you with us, sir, what do you think is going on?"
Another run-on sentence. Should be a period after "sir" and "What" to start a new sentence





My Rating


4.0 - Great story! For me, some of the writing could have been cleared up, some minor errors, but overall, I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey


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4
4
Review of Silent Wave  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


What a clever interpretation of the prompt! I've recently become friends with an ASL interpreter, and in talking to her, I've realized that the default a lot of people have is thinking that people who are deaf lack communication skills, but it's often people who don't know sign language that lack communication skills, too. I remember taking ASL classes when I was younger, but I think it could be a good thing to teach all folks!

Well-written and clear. I enjoyed reading this!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


I have no suggestions for this. Great story!


My Rating


5.0 - Excellent story! Thanks for sharing this!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi PureSciFiPlus

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Clever interpretation of the prompt!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



Walking over to the almost done window blinds,
Maybe this is a regional thing, but I didn't understand the "almost done" phrase. Maybe you meant "almost down?"

But when James doesn’t come and gets it,
I think "gets" should be "get"

James goes leave the living room
I think this would be clearer if it were written something like, "James goes to leave the living room"

I had some trouble following the story at times. Maybe it was just me, but I had to go back and read a few paragraphs to clearly understand what was going on.



My Rating


3.5 - I liked your response to the contest prompt! Thanks for sharing your story!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Imagine  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi El-Fyn

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Clever story! I liked your response to the prompt! I was wondering where it would go, because it seemed an impossible task, and I liked how it ended!

Well-written! I could follow along easily, and I could feel every emotion the main character was going through.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



A young, male caucasian awoke
I think "caucasian" should be capitalized

there haves always been oppressed peoples.
I think "haves" should be "have"




My Rating


4.5 - I enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing your story!


Sincerely,
spidey



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7
7
Review of Arnold's Dilemma  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi graybabe

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Great writing! I really enjoyed your writing. Your word and phrase choices were refreshing and somewhat new to me. I had never heard the phrase " Now he was on tenterhooks" before! I enjoyed it.

Great interpretation of a difficult prompt! I could almost feel the anxiety of the main character. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



The other, too, is that
I was slightly confused by this line. The other what? I didn't think it was very clear to the reader

Later on that day, Arnold was struck a pang of conscience.
I feel like the word "with" is missing between "struck" and "a pang"

“I like to make It a thick sandwich.”
I don't think "It" needs to be capitalized here




My Rating



4.0 - A fun story! I think you did well to develop the characters' relationship in such a short time!

Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Min  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Wow, what a powerful story and a great interpretation of a difficult prompt! This is written very well and is likely to have a strong impact on all readers. Well done!

Great descriptions! I felt like I was in the story with the character, particularly when she arrives at the city.


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



There is a cacophony sound, of different dialects.
I feel like the word "of" is missing between "cacophony" and "sound"


It has been three years since I travelled back to my village.
I was confused by this line, because I thought she travelled away from her village, not back to it?




My Rating


4.5 - Great story!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of The Prophet  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


I love how you incorporated our website (and yourself) into the story! I think a lot of current writers shy away from technology and websites in their writing, but I like to see it!

I definitely feel like you've created a nice, rounded out character in the story. I can "see" who the person is, what their motivations are, etc.


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



He built houses, did electrics, laid pipes in fact just about anything that required manual skills.
I felt like a break could be used between "pipes" and "in fact" To me, it ran together and was slightly confusing until I read it a second time


I did also wish there was slightly more description of the settings and the physical characteristics of the characters involved. I loved the bit about the lavender plant, that added a very nice touch! I guess I had a hard time picturing the characters a little bit. I know you were also limited by the word count, but maybe if you rewrite this in the future? I don't think it made the story hard to read or anything, though.


My Rating


3.5 - I enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Beholden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Great story! I really enjoyed reading this, and what an interesting anti-hero!

To be honest, I had a similar thought while reading, "Why would hermits be having a convention?" *Laugh*

Great ending!



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


The only thing I would suggest is possibly changing the rating to ASR due to mild derogatory words ("poop" as an insult and "stupid")

Other than that, I have no suggestions! I really enjoyed this!



My Rating


5.0 - Great piece! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Interesting story! I love sci-fi, and I enjoyed the world you've created here! You've done well to create a gripping, thrilling story that keeps the reader guessing. Well done!



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



The last one causing Montan to lose his balance.
This is not a complete sentence

I quickly ran up to him, and slide under him,
Change in tense. "ran" is past tense, "slide" is present tense. Tense changes throughout story

Just then they stop mumbling to each other to face me and Montan. It’s one of the female Leaders who spoke first.

"stop" is present tense and "spoke" is past tense



I can't help but think that this piece feels like a scene within a larger work. There were timesi I felt a little lost, which isn't necessarily a bad thing! It left me wanting to read more to find out the whole story! For me, the grammar and tense shifts took me out a little, but it was a good read overall.


My Rating


3.5 - Good work! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Deadline  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Angelica- 75k final stretch

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


I liked the character names! It let me know immediately that this wasn't quite the "typical" story. Great job!

Well done on creating an anti-hero the reader will root for! You've done really well wit the prompt!



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


The story shifts tense a few times. For instance:
Then she looked up at the clock. Two hours left before she needed to leave for work. The project is far from done.
"Looked" is past tense, and then "is" is present tense. It made me pause while reading, and I think it could be clearer if it's consistent.



My Rating


4.0 - Good piece! Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of The Jersey Escape  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi RobertJ

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Cute story! I was drawn into this story right away and couldn't wait to see where it was going.

Great description of the setting! I grew up out in the country, and I could really see and feel where this was taking place. Nicely written!



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



For me, the spacing stood out. There was nothing wrong with the spacing, but it was a bit different than typical spacing for stories on the internet and Writing.Com.

The last paragraph is in italics, and I think there might be a broken tag there to end the italics.

Jersey ran right up to jack,
"jack" should be capitalized.




My Rating


4.0 - Nice story! Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Awesome descriptions! Immediately, you draw the reader in with your descriptive words. I could really "see" the setting (and smell and feel, etc.). Very well done!

What a great story of loyalty and protection! I wasn't sure how this was going to end, and I wasn't disappointed at all. Nice choice!

I loved the names the main character has for the other characters! Great touch!



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


I found no errors/typos.



My Rating


4.5 - Great story! Thanks for sharing this!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Pete and Jay  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Thankful Prosperous Snow

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Cute story! I like that the ending was unexpected.

For me, it felt a bit short. I think I really enjoyed the lighthearted tone of the story, and I couldn't help wanting more!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



On morning, in early spring,

A typo, I think. On should be "One"


I think I would have liked a little more of the story, more development of the relationship between the two characters and perhaps more setting or even more of the "Grandma" character.


My Rating


4.0 - Cute story! Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Pocket Monster  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Than Pence

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Interesting story and I liked the main character's pets, especially that you have his thoughts in the story. It added a neat element that draws the reader in, I think. Well done!

I liked the progression/evolution of the main character in the story.



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



Am I embarassaed in front you, Gizz?”

I think this is a typo, it should be "embarrassed"



My Rating


4.0 - Interesting story! For me, it felt kind of nostalgic because I grew up playing Gameboy Advance, too! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


What an interesting sci-fi story! This was really intriguing and captivating right from the start. Well done!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


I found it strange that the group would wait to figure out what they know and don't know about the planet as they arrive. I get that the information needs to be conveyed to the reader, but I would have thought that they'd do research before they landed on an unknown planet, so they'd know if it was hostile or not. Just my thoughts.

I thought some of the dialogue felt a bit unnatural, especially the young girl. Maybe it fits the story and the world you've created, but it felt a bit out of place to me. Just one readers thoughts. *Smile*



My Rating


4.0 - Good story! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Velicity Phoenix

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Wow, this was quite emotional! I found this story to be touching and sad but beautiful.

Nice tone. Gentle and loving, great writing style here.


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



"Why that sounds like my max.?"

I believe "max" should be capitalized and you don't need the question mark and the period here. I think a period would work best.



My Rating


4.0 - Good story. I felt this was very emotional and touching. Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Cockroach Cameo  
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Thankful Sonali WDC Power!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


What a unique idea - a writer cockroach! I really enjoyed reading this unique and well-written tale! You do really well to draw the reader in and make them feel a connection with a character that they might not normally want to feel connected to! *Laugh* Very well done!

Great story and ending! Loved it! I really enjoyed reading this.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



I found no errors.


My Rating



5.0 - I couldn't think of a single suggestion to make. Thanks for sharing this!

Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of The Awakening  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Myles Abroad

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


I thought this story was really cool! It felt like I was getting a glimpse into another perspective of our world, one that hadn't occurred to me but made a whole lot of sense! Well done!

Great clear writing, very descriptive and powerful. It drew me in and made this a joy to read. Great job!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


I have no suggestions. I really enjoyed this!



My Rating


5.0 - I try really hard to think of suggestions when I review, and I couldn't think of one here. Great story! Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


I really enjoyed this story! There was such a strong bond between the dog and its owner that really came through in the story!

Great ending! I'd love to know what happens next! Maybe you could turn this into a series!

Clear, strong writing made this a joy to read! Well done!



Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



allowing the recipient to feel the eand perhapshe sender
typos in this line, I think



My Rating


4.5 - I really enjoyed this entry! Thanks for sharing!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Farmyard Noir  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi kmack

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Great cast of characters! I love how you gave such personalities to each individual character.

This was really entertaining to read! I kept wanting to skip ahead to see what would happen next! Well done!

Great writing!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


This should have a 13+ rating - "killer"

"He's been bragging that when he get's through with you,
"gets" doesn't need an apostrophe *Right* gets

I hoped he didn't break free to soon.
to *Right* too





My Rating


4.0 - Great story! Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of My dog and I  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️~

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


This felt really personal and touching. I could really feel the love in this!

For me, it felt a little incomplete, like not quite a whole story. I think I liked the emotional feel to it so much that I wanted more!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



No errors/typos.

I think adding a bit more to this, some plot elements like conflict and resolution might help this feel like more of a complete story. Just my thoughts. *Smile*

My Rating


3.0 - A touching essay here with clear, emotional writing. Thanks for sharing this!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi Twiga

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Very interesting! I don't think I've read anything quite like this, a new style and genre for me, and thanks for sharing it! *Smile* I can see how many readers would be drawn into a story like this, and you've done well to create characters that are interesting, intriguing and likable! Well done!

This seems like the start of a nice series that could really be developed and fleshed out. I hope you continue writing it!


Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.


Your first sentence is a very long run-on sentence. It needs to be broken up into complete sentences. Very long sentences at the start of a story can make it hard for the reader to follow.


Mr. Tetokkie came into class one grey and cloudy morning, on his desk were not just apples, but nuts,berries, worms, bones and other things the various students brought from their homes.
This is an example of a comma splice, where you have a comma where a period should be. It should be:

Mr. Tetokkie came into class one grey and cloudy morning. On his desk were not just apples . . . (etc



the World was not all ine enormous ocean at the beginning of time,
I think "ine" should be *Right* one



Of all the various Cubs gathered in the classroom, one Animal Child was unable to pay attention to anything being said he was a Unicorn Colt his name was Moonbeam
This needs to be broken into complete sentences *Right* Of all the various Cubs gathered in the classroom, one Animal Child was unable to pay attention to anything being said. He was Unicorn Colt. His name was Moonbeam.



he immeditatly stopped the fight

"immeditatly" should be *Right* immediately



My Rating



2.5 - I did find quite a few grammatical errors/typos. I would suggest reading a story out loud and possibly printing it out as our eyes tend to gloss over errors on a computer screen. I would also recommend reading a lot of writings in the genre that you're going for. I think that can help with developing a style and understanding grammar, like run-on sentences and comma splices. I hope you continue working on this story as I think it has a lot of appeal to readers! I feel like it could use some work to really polish and perfect a piece like this, but it has a lot of great potential!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Samantha's Pet  
Review by spidey
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Christopher Roy Denton

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!



Overall Thoughts


Great story! I kept wanting to skip ahead to see what was going to happen! As a reviewer, I had to read through the story a second time to read critically because the first read through was truly for enjoyment. Well done!

Good, clear writing! I found no typos or errors.

I wasn't expecting the ending! I guessed something was amiss, but I didn't guess the ending! Good work!




Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.



I couldn't think of a single suggestion for your story. Well done!



My Rating


5.0 - Great story! Thanks for sharing it!


Sincerely,
spidey



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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