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1,165 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.
I'm good at...
attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!
Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion, Sports
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Poetry, Essays
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels (I just don't have that much time)
I will not review...
There is very little I won't review. Try me! *Smile*
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Emma the Emo Emu  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sandy B. !

Overall Thoughts:

Such a cute tale! I loved reading this! It's a great children's story, as it teaches a lesson in a fun way. I like the repetition, too. A really great children's story! *Smile*

I really liked the variety of birds you've included in the story! It makes it rather educational for children, I think.


Title/Rating/Genres:

Your ratings and genres are perfectly chosen for the story!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

I bet if you jump from it’s roof
it's *Right* its



*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - I thought this was a great children's story!


Thank you for entering the contest in my newsletter, "Contests & Activities Newsletter (April 18, 2012)! I've attached your 1,000 gift point prize for entering, and thanks for sharing this story! I truly enjoyed reading it! *Bigsmile*

Good luck and keep on writing!


Sincerely,
spidey
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77
77
Review of Movie Talk  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Maryann !

Overall Thoughts:

I just wanted to say that I really love this forum! I don't often get to go to the movies these days, but I really love reading about them! I've been keeping an eye on this forum for quite a while, and I thought it was about time I expressed my appreciation for it!



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*


*Bullet* I don't have any suggestions for this forum. I think it's perfect! It allows visitors to post and/or read at their convenience. It's a great meeting place for film lovers!


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - An excellent message forum! *Smile*




Sincerely,
spidey
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78
78
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there LoloKrazii

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "The Drumming Sound


Overall Thoughts:

I love the theme of this poem! I really think most people have felt this exact thing, and you describe it so well! I could almost feel what was happening in the poem. Nicely done!

I like how you use senses, sound in particular, to really help the reader feel what you're describing. Good job!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

It's louder than sirens,louder than bels,Sweeter than heaven.
bels *Right* bells
(I also think the line after the comma was meant to be on the next line)

Hotter than hell.
hell *Right* Hell
(I believe Hell needs to be capitalized when it's referred to as a place.)

It starts when your around,
your *Right* you're
(contraction of "you are")

It's such almighty sound.
Sounded a bit awkward to me, perhaps It's such an almighty sound.

I think it's your heart beat
heart beat *Right* heartbeat


*Bullet* You could even use other senses here, too, to further enhance the imagery you've presented. Just a thought. It's up to you, of course. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*


3.0 - A very nice poem that I think most readers can relate to. I certainly did. *Smile*

Keep on writing!

Sincerely,
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79
79
Review of Transformation  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there Bastet

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Transformation


Overall Thoughts:

*Bullet* What a beautiful poem! I'll admit, I have a big fear of bees, but this poem helped me see their beauty and importance in our world. *Smile*

*Bullet* I love the alliteration you've used in this poem! These particular lines were a pleasure to read:

A heavy hair curtain hung over a hive

Only the wind’s word and the secret buzzing



I also like the form you've used here. Personally I think a rhyme scheme can take away from the natural rhythm and message of a poem. I like the more free-form verse here. Also, great use of punctuation!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to choose a genre other than "Other" for this. Perhaps "Poetry" would fit better. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Great poem! I enjoyed this very much. *Smile*

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
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80
80
Review of Trick or Tweet  
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Tom Buck !

Overall Thoughts:

Wow, this is an incredible and terrifying tale! I don't normally read such long stories (maybe that's my dependence on tweets and statuses!), but I read this in one sitting. It's so gripping! I just couldn't look away from my screen!

I think you've captured our world perfectly here, our growing dependence on technology and the way we embrace every new advance. I found this story to be very realistic, almost too realistic, as it ends up being really scary to think this could actually happen.

Great tone and point-of-view choices! I couldn't help comparing this to "disaster" type movies that are released, where the focus tends to shift toward government or military control. I love that you keep this in the perspective of an average person caught up in what's going on. It also makes the story even scarier, because the reader identifies with the narrator/main character.

The amount of detail you give is perfect. The story gives just enough detail to keep it realistic without getting too technical and risking losing your audience.



Title/Rating/Genres:

I'm not a huge fan of the title, which is my only qualm with the entire piece. It's just that "Trick or Tweet" obviously makes me think of "Trick or Treat," which makes me think of Halloween. This story doesn't have anything to do with Halloween that I could see, and for some reason, that made the title seem out of place in my mind. Just one reader's thoughts. *Smile*

Your ratings and genres are appropriate for the piece. *Smile*



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*


*Bullet* I try my hardest to come up with suggestions for everything I read, as I think it's very rare to find absolute perfection in a written work, but I honestly can't find anything else to comment on or to suggest to make this a stronger work. This is an excellent story! I recommend trying to get this published, and it would also make a great film!


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Brilliant! I absolutely loved reading this. Thank you for sharing it! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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81
81
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Ducttape Knight !

Reading this made me want to start dancing! I was afraid my limbs would start dropping, though... *Laugh*

This part was delicious:
I love Rocky Horror, so I was excited when I saw the title, and the poem didn't disappoint!

My favorite lines were the last two:

It’s just a jump to the left
Then a limb falls to the right




I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! It's perfectly dreadful as it is! *Pthb*


Overall:
I can totally picture zombies doing the Time Warp! *Laugh*


~ spidey
82
82
Review of a zombie hangover  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Rhyssa !

Awesome!! I love it! It's so terrible!

This part was delicious:
I love how the poem tells a story and the rhyme scheme fits perfectly. I always admire a poet who can rhyme well, as it's a big struggle for me.

and knew—only a nutter
would catch the eye of one who’d rose
from eating from the gutter


*Laugh*!


I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! *Pthb*


Overall:
Great, descriptive poem that is absolutely horrible. *Pthb*



~ spidey
83
83
Review of at the drive-in  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Rhyssa !

Supremely disgusting poem! *Sick*


This part was delicious:
My favorite lines:

to eat the heroes—eyeballs and all

that precious brain containers watch

This poem definitely makes me rethink going to a drive-in! *Shock*


I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! It's horrible just like it is!


Overall:
Great, terrible poem! Loved it! *Smile*


~ spidey
84
84
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Buckley !

Wow, how terrible! *Laugh*

This part was delicious:
I thought this was really funny, and I liked the conversational tone of the poem.

Great rhyme scheme!

My favorite line: Look at those meaty cheeks *Laugh*


I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! It's perfectly awful as it is!

Overall:
Blech! Terrible poem! *Bigsmile*


~ spidey
85
85
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello ReadingReindeer Hibernation !

Ugh, how terrible! *Bigsmile*

This part was delicious:
I love the use of movie titles!

I loved this line: Now I, Zombie, walk too!
(Did you know that "I, Zombie" is the title of a zombie flick, too?)

I loved the orange font, too!


I'd *Ax* this part:
Nothing! This is perfectly dreadful as it is!


Overall:
Terrible, awful, icky poem! *Sick* *Bigsmile*



~ spidey
86
86
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Maryann !

Wow, this is bad. Like, really, really bad. *Sick* *Laugh*

This part was delicious:
Love the limerick form! It fits perfectly!

I'm going to think twice about going to a 3-D movie now... It's true that it's entrancing, and you never know who might use that to their (undead) advantage! *Shock*


I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! The last line of the poem is a little choppy, but I think that's intentional. *Wink*

Overall:
Great, er terrible, job! *Bigsmile*


~ spidey
87
87
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Ducttape Knight !

Such a vivid poem! I loved the subtle beauty you've brought to the zombies! *Smile*


This part was delicious:
This was my favorite line: Moonlight greets undeath

I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! This is perfectly horrid as it is! *Pthb*


Overall:
Great, or terrible, poem! *Laugh* Totally deserves one star!


~ spidey
88
88
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Maryann !

This line says it all: You have to love it

This poem is gruesomely terrible, and I loved it! *Bigsmile*

This part was delicious:
I liked the play on colors, red and green. And Sloppy when they eat *Laugh*


I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing! It's perfectly dreadful as it is!


Overall:
Loved it! Totally deserves one star! *Bigsmile*


~ spidey
89
89
Review of Natural Zombies  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Poetry Zombie Horde  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
** Image ID #1805805 Unavailable **


Hello Angelica- Snowy days frigid !

Stopping by with a review for your decrepit zombie haiku!

This part was delicious:
I love the "limb" in the first line, as it could refer to a human limb munched on by a hungry zombie or the limb of a tree! Nice correlation there!

Loved the last stanza, too!


I'd *Ax* this part:
I wouldn't change a thing, except maybe change the genre "Other" to perhaps "Horror" or "Dark" or "Contest Entry." The poem is perfectly awful, though! *Wink*


Overall:
Great, I mean terrible, poem! *Bigsmile*


~ spidey
90
90
Review by spidey
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there The Pop

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Suicide with Dignity


Overall Thoughts:

The title definitely caught my eye and made me want to read the item. Dignity is not often something associated with suicide, which made me find the title interesting, and I wanted to read the opinion within the item. *Smile*

I think this is a very controversial topic, and although I'm sure you'll find readers who disagree with the opinion presented here, I'm not one of them! Like you, I have unfortunately had the experience of losing someone to suicide, and I totally agree with what you've written.

Personally, I think many have the "selfish" attitude out of anger and confusion. I do think they are misguided.




Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

When you put his life on paper and analize it closely
analize *Right* analyze

“he left us to early”
to *Right* too

We lost her to suicide not to long ago
not to long *Right* not too long

and even though I felt very close to hear,
hear *Right* her

It offense me to think
offense *Right* offends


*Bullet* My only other suggestion would be to perhaps give some advice for people who might think differently. How can they be more understanding toward their family and friends who may be suicidal?

*Bullet* I wouldn't want anyone thinking you're promoting suicide or giving permission to those thinking about it. Perhaps you could include a link to a website offering support or a suicide hotline phone number? Just a thought. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

3.5 - I think you have a great argument here on a pretty controversial topic. I hope it presents another side for people who might think there is only one side to this topic. *Smile*

Keep on writing!


Sincerely,
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91
91
Review of Porcelain - Poem  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there S.T. Owen

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Porcelain - Poem


Overall Thoughts:

Wow! I really enjoyed reading this. *Smile*

You have such beautiful and striking imagery here! I could really see everything being described, as wonderful and painful as it was. Nicely done!

Excellent word choices and grammar here. It made the poem enjoyable to read through, and helped me focus on the really powerful imagery.

I loved the lack of rhyme, the uneven stanzas, and the choice of line breaks. I think it compliments the poem quite well. Great work!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

Tears, blood
and water
Looks like a space is missing between "blood" and "and." Unless the spacing is intentional.

But the bluejay is always silent
though
Same thing with this one.

In this time that moves too fast, yet slow,
if only
Missing space after comma after the word "slow."

You have numerous spacing "errors" which makes me think it's intentional. In some places, I think it really works, like "peckingpeckingpecking." In others, though, it took me out of the poem, wondering if the spacing was intentional or not. Perhaps that's just the writer/editor in me coming out. It's totally up to you, of course, but I just wanted to let you know that the spacings took me out of the poem instead of adding to it. Just one reader's opinion. *Smile*



*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Other than the spacing, I had no issues with this poem. It's quite poignant and powerful. Nice work!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
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92
92
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there Kid Miracleman

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Avoiding Responsibility


Overall Thoughts:

I loved this! You grab the reader from the start. The very first sentence pulled me in and made me want to continue through to the end.

Excellent writing! There is a definite tone to this story. I think the choice of first-person point-of-view was a good one. It definitely helped the tone for me as a reader. It also helps emphasize the division between the two characters.

Great descriptions, excellent vocabulary. Grammatically, everything I read was spot-on, which made for a great read!

I really enjoyed the humor in this, too! It's consistent throughout the story, and the end made me laugh. *Laugh*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.


*Bullet* I'm not totally sold on the title of the story. This is just one opinion, but "Avoiding Responsibility" makes it sound like the narrator/main character knows exactly what's going on, but is avoiding the issue, whereas the story itself shows him being totally ignorant of the situation. Perhaps this was your intention, though. If so, then by all means, keep the title the same. *Smile*


I see that this is a contest entry (by your genre choices). Perhaps you could include a link to the contest?


*Star*My Rating*Star*

5.0 - Excellent! Thanks for the great read!

Keep on writing! *Smile*

Sincerely,
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93
93
Review of Preface  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there Andrea J. Harvey

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! *Smile*

This is my review for "Preface


Overall Thoughts:

Intriguing! I definitely want to know more about this story!

You do well to bring the reader immediately into the story, and I like that this starts hours after the actual story. It really makes me want to know what happened!

Great last sentence!! It's a great contrast. You start with beautiful, positive imagery of nature and then end with the negative statement, "I wish I could forget." This creates a nice conflict which entices the reader. Nicely done!



Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to add more! I want to know what happens next (and what happened before)!


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - I'm giving this a 4 out of 5, only because it feels incomplete. Your writing is descriptive and grabs the attention of the reader. I'd love to read more! *Smile*

Keep writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
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94
94
Review by spidey
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Kenzie !

This is my review for "Yellow and Blue Makes Green [ASR].


Overall Thoughts:


*Bullet* So beautiful! I love how this is presented, with the colors and images. It helps emphasize your point quite well! Great job!

*Bullet* I particularly liked the last paragraph. I think it makes a great deal of sense, and it also expresses the very point it presents - a melding of ideas to create a new, unbreakable one. You took the offerings of a friend and combined them with your own, to create your finished idea!


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


I noticed no errors. Great job!


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*


*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to offer examples of how the colors swirl together, how some situations would require the strength of one over the other, and how they compliment one another. I think using real-life examples might help illustrate the idea even further. Just a thought. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*


4.5 - An excellent piece! Keep up the great work! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
95
95
Review by spidey
Rated: | (3.5)
Hi Sophie !

This is my review for "The Beads of Affection [].


Overall Thoughts:


*Bullet* This is quite touching. I love the elegant feel of this, as you describe in great detail how the main character is feeling. I had a good sense of her and her voice as I read through this.

*Bullet* Your intro describes this perfectly! It definitely feels like a snapshot of a much larger story. I kind of like that bout this. It feels like a glimpse into a very personal connection between two people. That being said, I still couldn't help wanting just a little more.

*Bullet* Great title & intro! You might want to consider rating this item, however, so that it may show up when members are browsing through static items on the site. An ASR rating would be appropriate, I think. Also, you could use genres, such as "Romance," "Relationship," "Experience," etc. Those are up to you, of course. *Smile*

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


The beads, her identity. The beads her life story. The beads, her memories.
To me, it felt like a comma should be used after "beads" in the second sentence, to maintain consistency here.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*


*Bullet* Though I like that this feels like a glimpse into another world, and I like that I'm left with unanswered questions, it felt like a little too much is unknown. I had no real vision of the male character, though my opinion of him is a rather negative one after his reaction to her not holding a bead. Is he materialistic? Or is he upset at her not keeping her promise? I didn't know.

*Bullet* Also, she appears to have almost no reaction to his turning away. She seems almost happy, as she smiles at her reflection. It seems like her happiness isn't related to him at all, but with the beads. Is she happy because she still has her beads, though she doesn't have him? I just wasn't totally clear about the ending.


*Star*My Rating*Star*



3.5 - Perhaps it is just this one reader's desire for more clarity, but I do believe just a little more information could be relayed to the reader without giving up the glimpse-like quality of the piece, which is its strength, I think.

Keep on writing! *Smile*

Sincerely,
spidey

96
96
Review of Masks  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi miblu (away) !

This is my review for "Masks [ASR].

Strengths

*Bullet* Great imagery here! I especially liked the opposition in the last line, "Pushing at Fate's Pull." It created a really good image in my mind, and helped drive the theme home. Good work!

*Bullet* I also like your use of capitalization to emphasize key words and ideas here, particularly "Masks." Good choice!

*Bullet* Great use of repetition, too! For me, it helped unify the poem and move it forward. Your use of repetition works really well here for me.



Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors! Great job!


Title/Rating/Genres

The title definitely caught my eye. Simple and direct. Nice!

Your ratings are chosen well, though I think you could use a few other genres if you wished to do so. Perhaps, "Personal," or "Relationship," or even "Philosophy." That's up to you, of course. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* My only suggestion would be to add more! To me, it feels like you just touch upon the true issue here. You present it to the reader well, but I'd love to see more depth, more of a look into these themes. I suppose I liked this so much, I just wanted more! *Bigsmile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Great work! I hope you add more. I'd love to see your other work, too. Keep up the great writing! *Bigsmile*


Sincerely,
spidey
"Invalid Item

won in an auction
97
97
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hi Exusia !

This is my review for "How to Survive a zombie attack [13+]. I found this item on "Please Review. I'm a big fan of zombies, so I just had to check this one out. *Smile*


Overall Thoughts:


*Bullet* Very funny stuff here! I'm guessing you've culmiated this knowledge through watching a lot of zombie films or playing zombie games. I like that this has a comical tone to it, especially the list of the order of deaths.

*Bullet* You include a great deal of zombie common knowledge here that I think will entertain those already acquainted with zombie mythology (like me), as well as educate those who might not be aware. Well done!


Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

How to Survive a zombie attack
Capitalize *Right* How to Survive a Zombie Attack

If your reading this then chances are that their has been a outbreak of the undead, or that your just simply bored.
Both "your"s here should be *Right* you're
(you're = contraction of you are)

a step by step guide
step by step *Right* step-by-step

Now in most instances theirs a order
theirs *Right* there's (contraction of "there is")

(however if he survives about half the group, then the rule is disbanded and he is subject to other deaths.
"however" should be capitalized, and you're missing a closing parenthesis

Then Comes the stupid guy the checks out the weird moaning
"Comes" shouldn't be capitalized, and I think "the" should be "that."


The quite one will probably not die, because their probably craaaaaaaaazy.
quite *Right* quiet
their *Right* they're

There were a lot more errors throughout this story (too many for me to list here). I'd suggest taking another close look at your item. I find that if I print it out, I can find errors and typos much easier than reading on a computer screen. Also, you could try finding a review forum which specializes in line-by-line reviews and edits.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*


*Bullet* In addition to the grammatical typos & errors, I think this item could use a little more formatting or some more formal structure. Perhaps you could include titled or underlined subsection titles. You have several areas of information, and I think they could be categorized for your reader's ease.


*Star*My Rating*Star*


2.0 - I think this item has great potential. It's an entertaining and interesting premise, and I love the comical tone. You obviously know a lot about zombies and how to survive an attack. For me, the item could use some clearing up regarding grammar and structure.

I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing it!

Keep on writing! *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item.

98
98
Review of Crazy Room  
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Manixander !

This is my review for "Crazy Room [E]. I found this item on "Please Review


Overall Thoughts:


*Bullet* From your intro, I'm assuming this really happened to you. Your emotional and descriptive writing here makes me feel that this is based on truth, too. I'm sorry you went through this, but sharing your feelings on it might help you deal. It can also connect you to your readers who might have gone through something similar. In any case, your emotion shines through in this expressive poem.

*Bullet* I found your writing to be very strong and descriptive. Great juxtaposition here:

Our hearts scream as we sit.

To me, this one line illustrates frustration and emotion very well. It juxtaposes "screaming" and "sitting," two opposing words, one aggressive and the other passive. Great choice!

*Bullet* I also like your use of the pronouns "we" and "our." It creates a solidarity amongst those who have experienced this, and it also opposes the "you" pronoun well here.

*Bullet* I like the rhyme scheme here. I tend to shy away from rhyming (whenever I write it, it sounds forced to me), but I can appreciate it when it's constructed well. Good job!



Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)


Will our minds ever be free.
I think a question mark after "free" might be more effective here, as I read this line like a question.

Titles/Ratings/Genres


I like your title & intro. They give good information to the reader, and I think they set the tone well for the poem.

You use "Other" as your item type here, when I think "Poetry" would fit better. I also think it could help readers find your poem easier.

Your ratings are appropriate. *Smile*


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*


*Bullet* One of your rhymes took me out of the poem a bit. In stanza 3, you rhyme "hand" with "found." While it's not necessary to have true rhyme all the time, when you use it consistently through the rest of the poem, one inconsistency really stands out to the reader. It's completely up to you, but you might want to consider revising to keep the rhyme scheme consistent.

*Bullet* Use of the word "thy" in one line ("Moulded by thy hand,") confused me a bit. In my experience, "thy" is used when referencing a deity, or it's used to create a more old-fashioned tone (in sonnets, for example). Who is "thy" referencing here? I wasn't sure. Is it the same as the "you" in the previous stanza? I'm not sure it fits, but again, that's up to you. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*


4.0 - Great poem! I enjoyed reading this, and I thank you for sharing your work. *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item.


99
99
Review of Mother  
Review by spidey
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fadz !

I wanted to thank you for reviewing my Writer's Cramp entry, and I thought what better way than to review yours! *Smile*


Overall Thoughts:

Ah, poetic justice! I thought this tale was rather clever! I like the way you give subtle clues to the reader throughout, and even if the reader can manage to guess the end, it's still an entertaining read.

I think you do very well to portray the main character. In such few words, I was able to get a really good idea of who she is and how she might react in given situations.

I also liked how your portrayed both mothers in this story. I think I know a few like them and their actions and words made me giggle.


Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title and intro! I like that the title can refer to more than one character in the story.

Your ratings & genres are chosen well.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

*Bullet* I'd love a sequel to this! I know you're limited here with a word count, but I'd love to see the next scene!


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.5 - Great story! I enjoyed reading this. *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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100
100
Review by spidey
In affiliation with Strength in Numbers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi PoeticFox !

Overall Thoughts:

What a good idea for a poetry group! I tend to like more non-traditional, experimental poetry so this group is right up my alley. I'll definitely check out the poetry of this group's members, and if you'd like, you can direct them to my new plug page:
 Modern Poetry  [ASR]
Submit your poetry that doesn't quite fit in the mainstream.
by spidey




Title/Rating/Genres:

Great title! It definitely made me interested in the group.

Your ratings are chosen well. I do think you could use more genres. Perhaps, "Writing," "Writing.Com" and/or "Community." Up to you, of course.


Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not. *Smile*

In your intro: THis group is mean
THis *Right* This
mean *Right* meant

THis group is for the nextgenration of poets
THis *Right* This

Email me if you wish to joi or if you want someone to reveiw your work
joi *Right* join
reveiw *Right* review


*Bullet* You might want to include what might be expected of members who wish to join (for example: Are members required to submit work? to review other members' work?)

*Bullet* You could also use WritingML to spice up the group's page a little if you wished. Try looking at some other groups to see how they set up their pages to present a friendly, inviting atmosphere for viewers. Just my thoughts. *Smile*


*Star*My Rating*Star*

4.0 - Best of luck with your group!

I'm linking this group on my plug page, "Modern Poetry [ASR], which focuses on non-traditional poetry. Although the In & Out only accepts links to non-traditional or experimental poetry, I wanted to include a list of links to all types of poetry groups. *Smile*


Sincerely,
spidey
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