|Hi Sophie !
This is my review for "The Beads of Affection" .
This is quite touching. I love the elegant feel of this, as you describe in great detail how the main character is feeling. I had a good sense of her and her voice as I read through this.
Your intro describes this perfectly! It definitely feels like a snapshot of a much larger story. I kind of like that bout this. It feels like a glimpse into a very personal connection between two people. That being said, I still couldn't help wanting just a little more.
Great title & intro! You might want to consider rating this item, however, so that it may show up when members are browsing through static items on the site. An ASR rating would be appropriate, I think. Also, you could use genres, such as "Romance," "Relationship," "Experience," etc. Those are up to you, of course.
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)
The beads, her identity. The beads her life story. The beads, her memories.
To me, it felt like a comma should be used after "beads" in the second sentence, to maintain consistency here.
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
Though I like that this feels like a glimpse into another world, and I like that I'm left with unanswered questions, it felt like a little too much is unknown. I had no real vision of the male character, though my opinion of him is a rather negative one after his reaction to her not holding a bead. Is he materialistic? Or is he upset at her not keeping her promise? I didn't know.
Also, she appears to have almost no reaction to his turning away. She seems almost happy, as she smiles at her reflection. It seems like her happiness isn't related to him at all, but with the beads. Is she happy because she still has her beads, though she doesn't have him? I just wasn't totally clear about the ending.
3.5 - Perhaps it is just this one reader's desire for more clarity, but I do believe just a little more information could be relayed to the reader without giving up the glimpse-like quality of the piece, which is its strength, I think.
Keep on writing!