spidey's (spidergirl) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

1,209 Public Reviews Given

1,641 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I attempt a well-rounded review where I look at the item from a writer's and reader's perspective. I'll tell you what I liked and what I think could be strengthened. I like to think I'm a courteous and helpful reviewer.

I'm good at...

attention to detail. If there's a typo, I'll find it!

Favorite Genres

Sci-Fi, Horror, Mystery, Thriller, Drama, Satire, and more

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, Religion, Sports

Favorite Item Types

Short Stories, Poetry, Essays

Least Favorite Item Types

Novels (I just don't have that much time)

I will not review...

There is very little I won't review. Try me!

151

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#3013345

Review of An Hourglass

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi kindness is in

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "An Hourglass"

[E]

Strengths

I love the strong & personal tone to this poem. Using "I" statements like this makes it feel very personal to the speaker of the poem, and the declarative statements gives the tone strength. Nicely done!

I like the form. This reads almost like a list of simple statements, but it comes across in a rather poetic way. The combination of those two is a difficult thing to accomplish, but you've done it very well here. Kudos!

I love the use of repetition here, too. Repeating words like "interlock" and the phrase "grains of sand" really worked for me in this poem. Good job!

Title/Rating/Genres

Great title & intro! The repeated phrasings and words really tie in with "meditation" from the intro. Nice touch!

Your ratings & genres are well-chosen and appropriate. If you wished, you could use additional genres, such as "Personal," "Nature," "Experience," and/or "Emotional."

Suggestions
These are just the suggestions of one reader. The ultimate editing decision is up to the writer, of course. Feel free to use these or not.

I have to suggest that you consider adding more. I enjoyed this so much that I really found myself wishing there was more. To me, it seems like you have a beginning and an end here, but no middle. I'd be interested to see more.

It may seem cliche, but I also thought it might be interesting to shape the poem like an hourglass by centering the text and using longer lines at the start and end with shorter lines in the middle. That would totally be up to you, though.

My Rating

4.5 - Excellent poem! I really enjoyed this!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

review sig by Ye Olde Curiosity & Magick Shoppe

152

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#3013235

Review of Recovery

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi kindness is in

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Recovery"

[E]

Strengths

A simply beautiful poem. This exudes a "gentle" tone, which fits the prompt perfectly. I could definitely feel the gentleness of the words as I read. Well done!

Good form! I like that the first and last lines are short, with a more descriptive, longer middle line. It felt perfect for the poem.

Your word choices create the perfect tone here. Using words like "wind" and "kindly" help create this tone. Good writing!

Title/Rating/Genres

Great title & intro! They captured my interest and made me want to read on.

Your ratings & genres are well-chosen. You could choose more genres if you wished, like "Environment," and/or "Emotional." It's up to you.

Suggestions
These are just the suggestions of one reader. The ultimate editing decision is up to the writer, of course. Feel free to use these or not.

My only suggestion would be to add more. I really felt like I got just a touch of what this is about, which is fine if that's your intention, but I couldn't help wanting more.

My Rating

4.0 - Great poem! Thanks for sharing your writing!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

153

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#2995532

Review of Angel With Broken Wings

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Sandy

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Angel With Broken Wings"

[E]

Strengths

A beautiful, inspirational poem. I love what you're saying here. I think many can relate to this, and perhaps they can find comfort in it, too.

This has such a gentle feel to it, but one that is very strong, as well. The Angel's voice is so confident & friendly that it conveys this strong, gentle tone. Nicely done!

Interesting form. I did enjoy the rhymes (though I found the rhyme scheme to be a little inconsistent). For me, they added to the strength of the poem.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

No where to turn, only to go back where I been
To me, it would sound more grammatically correct to insert the word "have" between "I" and "been."

Also, "No where" should be one word

Nowhere

Title/Rating/Genres

Good title & intro! They let me know what the poem was going to be about.

Your ratings & genres are also appropriate.

Suggestions
These are just the suggestions of one reader. Feel free to use them or not.

First, the form seemed inconsistent to me. Unless I'm missing something, like a particular form that you're following, the rhyme scheme shifted around quite a bit. I spent too much time trying to find the rhyme scheme that it shifted my attention from the subject of the poem. For me, I prefer a consistent rhyme scheme.

You have a number of "characters" in this poem - You have the speaker, the angel, and God. Yet you use "I" for all of them, in my understanding of the poem. This got a tad confusing to me. I'd suggest editing to clarify each. For instance, with these lines:

Where do I begin? For I want to be spared
Believe, Believe, A voice echoes
For I will lift the burden you bear

You have two "I" speakers here that are different characters. To clarify, you may want to use italics or even quotation marks to mark the dialogue spoken by the "voice." Like this:

Where do I begin? For I want to be spared
Believe, Believe, a voice echoes
For I will lift the burden you bear

See how that can make it clearer to the reader? Just my thoughts, of course.

One last suggestion - You may want to give a thought to punctuation in this poem. For me, punctuation can really affect the flow of a poem, as well as signalling to the reader where you intended thoughts to end and begin. Try experimenting with punctuation to see how it can affect your own reading of your work.

My Rating

3.5 - A solid poem. For me, the strength here is what you're saying. You do well to convey a great theme in a strong, yet gentle way (something that's not easy to do!), though I think a little work could be done to how you're presenting this. For me, the format could be strengthened just a little. I did enjoy reading this, and I thank you for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

154

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#2987896

Review of Delicious

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi jaya

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Delicious"

[E]

Strengths

Wow, great word choices! I love the elegance of the poem, a gentle, sophisticated tone created by your excellent word choices. Words like "translucence," and "inanities" really affec the tone here. Well done!

I love the form! The irregular stanzas and non-rhyming fit the theme perfectly. To me, that kind of non-form fits with a nature theme very well. I also like the one rhyme (place and grace). Normally one rhyme like that would stand out to me, but it seems to fit nicely here. Nice choice!

Beautiful imagery, too! I could clearly see and feel everything this. Wonderful!

Title/Rating/Genres

Great title & intro! I like that you combined "delicious" with nature here. It's not what I expected, but it fits so well.

Your rating is fine. You could also use "Nature" as a genre, if you wished to do so.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

I honestly can't think of a suggestion for this poem, and I've really tried. This is perfect!

My Rating

5.0 - Excellent! Thanks for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

155

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#2987877

Review of Wafers (A Tyburn)

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi Koyel~writing again

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Wafers (A Tyburn)"

[ASR]

Strengths

A cute, delightful poem! I love the lighthearted tone of the poem. I think many can relate to this.

I researched your form, tyburn, and you follow it exactly. I love the addition of the rhyming words, and the repeated use of them. For me, that added another depth to the poem, which I enjoyed. Good job!

Title/Rating/Genres

Good title & intro - they give direct information about the poem to the reader, by providing the form & theme.

Your genres are well-chosen, though instead of "Other," as a 3rd genre, you could perhaps use "Experience." Using as many genres as you can (that fit your subject) will help others find your poem while they're browsing genres.

Your rating can be changed, lowered to E, if you wished to do so. There's nothing in the poem that would require a higher rating.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion would be to add more. I enjoyed what you had here, and I suppose I just wanted more of what I enjoyed.

Maybe you could add more stanzas to add even more depth to the poem? Just a thought.

You may also want to include a brief explanation of the Tyburn form. It's not necessary, of course, but it can help your reader understand why you wrote the poem the way you did. Also, you might be teaching someone a new form of poetry!

My Rating

3.5 - Great poem! Thanks for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

156

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#2978014

Review of The Evil Foreshadow

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Puja

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "The Evil Foreshadow"

[E]

Strengths

You've done very well in capturing the essence of "portent" in this poem! There's a good deal of suspense here, one that leaves the reader left wanting to know what's going to happen. Good job!

I like the rhyme scheme here. It creates a nice rhythm to the poem. Well done!

I also like the negative tone to the poem, and how you create such a negative side to the word "portent." Though portents often are a foreshadowing of a tragic or negative event, they don't have to be negative. You've gone a step further and labeled the forshadowing itself as evil, which I found very interesting.

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

to take away hundreds of breath!
Technically "breath" should be plural ("breaths"), though I understand why you kept it singular, so it would be a true rhyme. Still, it stood out to me.

Rapid rain drops Heavy and huge,
I don't know why "Heavy" is capitalized here. Perhaps it's an oversight?

Title/Rating/Genres

Interesting title! It caught my attention and it sets up the poem well for the reader.

Ratings & genres are appropriate, though you could choose more genres if you wished to do so. Adding more genres will make the poem more easy to find for others who are browsing genres. I'd suggest "Nature," "Tragedy," and even "Suspense."

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

Some of your spacing seemed a bit off. First, I don't think the double spacing is necessary, but that's up to you. I think you have a few extra spaces between some words, too. You might want to take another look over your poem as it appears on the site.

I couldn't help wanting more of your poem, more detail & depth. You have such an interesting premise here, the "evil foreshadow," one that I've not seen anywhere else, but for me, it seems like it's only an introduction. Perhaps you could compare the foreshadow to something else? Or talk about its past as a portent of destruction? Also, only natural disasters are mentioned here? What about man-made events? You've really got me interested here!

My Rating

3.5 - A good poem! I love the idea of this poem! Thanks for sharing your work.

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

157

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#2970960

Review of Martha Jane Cannary-Burke

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Lou-Here By His Grace

!

Thanks for your *almost* entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
I thought I'd take a look at your poem, even though it was posted after the deadline. After reading it, I just had to send a review!
This is my review for your poem, "Martha Jane Cannary-Burke"

[18+]

Strengths

So cool! When I posted "calamity" as the prompt, I wondered if anyone would touch on "Calamity Jane," but I certainly didn't expect a history lesson on the person the nickname is based on! I found this to be very interesting! I love how you combine history with imagery to make a very successful poem!

Great form! I love the lack of rhyme, yet you have a structure with the centered lines & separated stanzas. Fits with the character of "Calamity Jane" quite well, I think.

I also enjoyed the repetition of that first stanza. As Martha's history is revealed and the stanza is repeated, it takes on new meaning for the reader. Very well done!

Title/Rating/Genres

Excellent title & intro! Grabs the reader's attention and gives good information.

Rating change required! This needs an 18+ rating, as you reference violence and include the word "kill" in here. Please up the rating or edit your poem so the current rating is okay.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

None! I love this just as it is!

My Rating

5.0 - Such a great poem! I think this deserves an award, truly. I see by your handle that you're nearing the end of your membership, though. Would you like an awardicon for your poem, or gps? I'd very much like to award you for sharing this poem with me.

Sincerely,
spidey

158

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#2970781

Review of Find Me

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Papillon

!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Find Me"

[E]

Strengths

I love how personal this poem feels. I'm not sure if this is about you, but it feels like it is. It comes across as a very personal struggle. I think, though, that many can also relate to this, too.

I loved this line:

Sent my valediction to yesterday

The other lines in your poem are fairly straightforward ("I'm standing . . . ," "I'm fighting . . . ," etc.), but this one stood out to me as very meaningful and potent. I would have liked to see more lines like this in your poem.

Title/Rating/Genres

Nice title & intro. They give good information to the reader and pulls them into the poem.

Your ratings & genres are appropriate, though I would list this as "Poetry," rather than "Other." Members may be able to find your poem more easily if it's listed under the "Poetry" item type.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

Like I said above, I'd love more lines like the first line of the second stanza. For me, many of your lines are straightforward, "telling" statements, which is fine. It gives information directly to the reader. For me, though, if I want to feel what's being said in a poem, I need more sensory description and more emotion conveyed through lines like that one I pointed out. If you are planning on revising, I'd suggest looking at those "telling" statements and see if there's a way you can "show" those lines & emotions to the reader. Just my thoughts.

You may also want to think about using punctuation in your poem. I know a lot of writers shy away from it, particularly in poetry, but I feel it can really help the flow of a poem. Try experimenting with punctuation on your own, and read the poem aloud. See how it can affect your reading with different punctuation marks. Again, the ultimate choice is yours, of course.

My only other concern is that I couldn't see a clear connection to the prompt. This round's prompt was "calamity," and I couldn't see an obvious inspiration in your entry.

My Rating

3.5 - Great poem! Thank you for sharing your work!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

159

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#2968127

Review of A Taste of Autumn

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi there TheNung

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "A Taste of Autumn"

Overall Thoughts:

This item caught my eye due to its intro - "A poem dedicated to my late grandmother." I recently lost my grandmother, so that line grabbed me right away. I'm very glad I took a look at your poem, as it touched me. I found it very thoughtful and beautiful.

I love the form of this poem! I'm a big fan of free verse, and I like how you use spacing to influence the flow of the poem. It's a great read! I hope to read more of your poetry soon!

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

My only suggestion would be to take the creative spacing even further. I think it added a great touch to the poem, and I'd love to see more! Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent poem! I'm very glad I came across this today. Though it has a somber tone, it did bring a smile to me as I remembered my own grandmother.

Sincerely,

"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

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#2944454

Review of Christmas Songs

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

What a great quiz!! I consider myself pretty well-versed in Christmas songs. I spend a lot of time listening to them, anyway... I got 11 out of 15 songs correct which isn't bad at all!

You have a great mix of questions here, difficult with not-so-difficult, and all made me sing a little to myself.

My only suggestion, if pressed to come up with one, would be to add a little more festive WritingML or perhaps an image or two. Really, the quiz is fine as it is, though.

Thanks for the fun, and Happy Holidays!

~ spidey

161

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#2942746

Review of On Being Thankful

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi JudyB

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Wow, what a touching, heartfelt essay! I commend your bravery and your positive outlook. It is truly something to be admired, and I think your heroic example could be an inspiration to many.

I like the bit of history included here, how you grew up and such. It really helps personalize this essay.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

unlike so many who leave their homes in the morning, only to have their life snuffed instantly in a car accident or from a heart attack.
I believe "life" should be "lives" here.

Just a little thing - rather than "Contest" as a genre, I think "Contest Entry" would fit a little better.

My only other concern with this piece is that it reads more like an essay, rather than the "non-fiction story" the contest requires for a successful entry. I do think this essay could easily be turned into a story for readers to learn about your experience, your strength, and your positive thinking.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent essay! Thanks for sharing.

Sincerely,
spidey

162

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#2942537

Review of Balancing Act

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Just an Ordinary Boo!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

This is an excellent story which illustrates the prompt perfectly. I truly enjoyed reading this.

I like that this is told in a successful story format. I liked the use of inner dialogue, with different fonts for each voice, and I enjoyed use of words like "Splish" and Splosh" to help create a certain tone.

I love that this story has a positive message in the end. Though the narrator (you) struggles, there is a positive conclusion.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Footsteps thudded in the corridor outside and although I would have cowered in instinctive fear in the past; today I relaxed, logged out and stood up.
I think the semi-colon should be a comma instead.

They allowed themselves to be led off for what I called ‘quiet time’.
The period should be inside the quotation mark

"quiet time."

My Rating

5.0 - An excellent piece! Thank you for sharing this!

Sincerely,
spidey

163

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#2937964

Review of The Last Show

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi hagantx

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

What a good story! I liked how personal this felt, yet I could totally relate to it. See, I'm a music fan who passionately supports local bands and musicians. I would have been one of those one hundred people there at that last performance.

It was great for me to see what it's like from the other side of the experience. I think you did a great job of explaining how it felt for you and the rest of your band as you performed on stage for the last time together.

I think this one paragraph summed it all up perfectly:
There may have been some missed notes, some erroneous cymbals hit, and an off-pitch vocal or two, but no one noticed. The live show was what we lived for, and this was our last one.

I like how you combine the story of the last performance with some background information on each of the members and then information on what became of them after that last show, as well. It made it feel more complete to me. Without all that extra information, I would have been left wondering. Good choice!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The lights over the crowd lowered, and soon all that we could see were the bright lights that display
You have the word "lights" twice here in one sentence. It's up to you, of course, but I'd suggest considering using another word for one of them.

The show was on a side stage in front of one-hundred people.
I believe the dash in "one-hundred" isn't needed.

My Rating

4.0 - A good story! I could certainly relate to this. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

164

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#2937961

Review of A Stretch of Hard Weather

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi katwoman45

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

This "story" has the simultaneous effect of feeling very personal, yet something to which many, I think, can relate. I know I can, as I've had my own bouts with panic and anxiety. You've captured it very well. Although the experience(s) are quite personal to you, I can see a little of my own experience in this, too.

This is very well written. Several times I had to slow my reading down, to look closely at the writing in order to review it. I kept wanting to just read for enjoyment.

I also found your writing to be colorful and descriptive, which I think helps the reader connect with your experience and emotions through the story. I particularly liked phrases like "a future that looked to be as smooth as glass-topped lake without a ripple or the ever-expanding rings of some unexpected happening."

I also like how you connect this with weather and seasons. That brought a nice image to my mind while I read through this.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

My only suggestion would be to direct this more toward a "story" feel, as that was the requirement for the contest. To me, it read a little more like a personal essay than a story, though not enough to break the requirement of the contest. It didn't exactly have a clear beginning, middle and end (in my opinion), but I can see where it would fit a story form.

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent entry! I loved that this felt personal, yet I think many can relate to it. I hope it helps your readers to know what you went through. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

165

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#2937957

Review of "FREEDOM"

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Oldwarrior

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

This is a very touching re-telling of real events. I felt drawn into this immediately, and what kept me focused on what happened was the personal way in which you tell your story. Very well done!

I particularly liked the "human" touches you put into the story. While a good bit of the story is matter-of-fact reporting of events, there were moments that brought a human element into it. For instance:

At one point (yes - just like in the movies)

This helped reinforce that this was something that happened to you; it helped make this more personal.

You did well to incorporate the prompt into this, and I like how it ends. It is summed up well with what you gained through the experience.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

and McDonald’s and Burger King was on every corner.
You have an extra space after "McDonald's"
I believe "was" should be

were

To our surprise, a number of strong men begin to beat them severely with bamboo poles.
"begin" should be

began

and my grandmothers piercing blue eyes.
"grandmothers" needs an apostrophe

grandmother's

I also thought of my baby son lying safely in bed at home, warm, well fed, loved and above all - safe.
I believe "well fed" should be

well-fed

A great title, but I'm not sure you need it in quotes nor all capital letters. It's up to you, of course, but I believe it's unnecessary.

My Rating

4.0 - An excellent non-fiction piece that illustrates the prompt quite well. I enjoyed reading this, and I thank you for sharing it with me.

Sincerely,
spidey

166

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#2937953

Review of I am thankful for

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Shaylah

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

A touching, thrilling story. This really reached out to me. I could definitely feel Selina's fear in this, and her love for Alexander. It was a courageous thing she did and for the best.

I sincerely hope this story will help other people in similar situations have the courage to seek safety for themselves and anyone else in trouble.

Your writing comes across quite clearly. The story builds well and I found it gripping by the end - I couldn't wait to get to the end to see what happened, and I was very happy Selina and Alexander got out safely.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

You have several instances of two main clauses combined with a comma, which is a "comma splice." Here is one example:

It was not her idea to be here, she was made to come by a friend.

To correct this, you have a few choices:

1. Make the clauses into separate sentences:
It was not her idea to be here. She was made to come by a friend.

2. Use a semicolon:
It was not her idea to be here; she was made to come by a friend.

3. Use a comma and coordinating conjunction:
It was not her idea to be here, for she was made to come by a friend.

4. Subordinate one main clause to the other:
Because she was made to come by a friend, it was not her idea to be here.

Look for other instances in your writing where you have two or more main clauses (phrases that can stand alone as a sentence), and correct these grammatical errors by using one of the methods listed above.

This sentence didn't quite sound right to me:
That night in all of its horror resurfaced.

I think perhaps it should be: That night all of its horror resurfaced

Numbers of one or two words should be spelled out:
Like so many other holidays over the last 7 years
"7" should be spelled out

seven

The bruises lasted 3 weeks and the headache that he inflicted with his fists lasted four days.
"3" should be spelled out

three
("four" here is correct.)

Passive voice:
He would drink himself into oblivion,
This is totally up to you, but in general, passive voice "would drink" weakens the tone of a piece. Consider, "He drank himself into oblivion" instead. Again, the choice is yours.

Spelling:
may have been the first but it was no where near the last.
"no where" should be combined

nowhere

Punctuation:

unless you want me to kill them too!"
A comma is needed after "them"

them, too!"

My Rating

3.5 - This story is filled with emotion which comes across very well to the reader. For me, the grammatical discrepancies took me out of the piece a bit, so I think it could use a little work to be truly successful. I did enjoy reading this, and I thank you for writing it! I think it will reach and help a lot of people.

Sincerely,
spidey

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#2876261

Review of what i learned from death

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi there nikkiabd

Welcome to Writing.Com! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

This is my review for "what i learned from death"

Overall Thoughts:

A very touching and personal poem. I like that this poem is so personal. It feels very real. (If this is based on personal loss, I'd like to express my sincerest sympathy.)

I like the focus of this poem, learning and growing from pain and loss. Although the speaker has experienced a great loss, the speaker focuses on life moving on and what s/he has learned from the experience.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.
(In reference to any grammar/spelling suggestions these are suggestions made with my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

In the intro:
i wrote shortly after my brothers death
"brothers" needs an apostrophe

brother's
I'd also suggest capitalizing the "I." That's optional, though, and totally up to you.

hate in my heart for to long
"to" should be

too

My only other suggestion would be to perhaps add more emotion to the poem, and perhaps focus on the feelings of the speaker. Specifically, you can identify the changes in feelings from sorrow to growth. What you have in the poem is what the speaker learns, but I'm also interested in the speaker's feelings as s/he learned those things. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

3.5 - Thanks so much for sharing your work! I enjoyed reading this.

Sincerely,

"Noticing Newbies"

[13+]
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Content Rating System (CRS)"

[13+]

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#2876193

Review of What is Erotica?

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Very interesting poll!

The thing I love about older polls is that you get a pretty good idea of the general consensus on a topic. This one's just over 6 years old with 754 votes. That's impressive!

You set up the question well and provide an adequate number of varied responses.

It appears that I've already voted in this previously. I don't remember my exact vote, but I'm guessing I would have agreed with the majority - that it depends on how the author writes it.

One little grammatical thing:
So, my question is as follows; Can erotica be considered art?
I think the semi-colon should be a colon instead.

Nice poll, and a pretty successful one, I'd say!

~ spidey

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#2875722

Review of Smile for Me

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Little Cricket

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

What a touching story! For a short story, this one is packed! You pull the reader in immediately. I was kept glued to the story until the end. Gripping!

Good dialogue! I found the dialogue between the two girls to be very believable and real-sounding.

I loved the end! It was perfect. It was a bit open to interpretation, but I think that fit very well here. Good job!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

My mom worked for three years saving money for me to go," She grinned, "They're real snobby."
I think the comma after "go" should be a period.

She concentraited on the cracked cement instead.
I think "concentraited" should be

concentrated

Although one of the things I liked best about this story is how much it does with so little words, I do feel you could add a bit more to this story. With just a little more detail, you could really make the reader identify with Brandi, feel what she feels. Then the story could be even more effective. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - Very good writing and an effective story! Thanks for sharing your work!

Sincerely,
spidey

170

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#2875712

Review of That Simple Smile

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi ragefire2000

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

A very touching story that made me smile.

You do very well to set up unique, believable characters in a short amount of time. I particularly liked the mother and her understanding for her daughter.

Great dialogue! For the most part, I found the dialogue to be very believable and fitting. Nicely done!

The beginning of the story immediately pulled me in and made me want to continue reading to find out what happened next. That continued throughout the story as I read. I found it to be rather gripping and it kept my interest well.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Katy’s father continued.
To me, this bit of dialogue didn't seem to fit the father's tone & vocabulary. I think he'd say something like, "What are your future plans?" instead. Just my thoughts.

it’s is the same way I still look at you, honey.
I think the word "is" isn't needed here.

I think your writing is excellent here, but for me, the plot could have used a little more conflict. This felt like just a short scene rather than an entire story. Perhaps if there was more before the encounter with the parents, or if there were more of a conflict between the teens and the parents before the resolution at the end. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - A nice story that illustrates the prompt well! Thanks for sharing your work!

Sincerely,
spidey

171

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14 days may be credited.

#2873306

Review of The Wonder of a Smile

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi michellekeyes

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Such a cute and touching scene! I'm sure many can relate to this!

I like how you portrayed the relationship between Amber and her mother. I could tell they were close and had a very loving relationship just by the little details you added. Nicely done!

Very well-written! I found no grammatical errors, which made reading the story a joy! Kudos!

Great ending! It fit perfectly and made me smile!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Although I found the story to be very touching, it seemed to go by too fast for me to really feel connected to it. I didn't have a strong emotional connection to the characters or to the plot of the story, and I think that's because this felt like just a scene and not an entire story. This is just my opinion, of course, but I felt the reader could use a little more background information. I needed something to make these characters a little more real so I could identify with them, feel for them, etc. That would make the story even more touching and impactful. Just my thoughts.

My Rating

4.0 - A good story that illustrates the prompt well! Thanks for sharing your work. I really enjoyed this one!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

172

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#2869971

Review of Inevitable

Review by spidey

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi aralls!

Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest"

[ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Inevitable"

[E]

Strengths

Great alliteration! Every line contains it, but it's not overdone. It fits perfectly. Great job!

I loved the internal rhyme in the first line:
Desires, dreams drift aside as destiny drives our lives

Good use of punctuation to affect the flow of the poem. I particularly like the last line's punctuation. It greatly affected my reading of the poem. Good choice!

Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)

I found no errors.

Title/Rating/Genres

Nice, simple title and intro. I think they do well to bring the reader into the poem.

Your choices of genres and ratings are fitting to the poem, though I'd use "Poetry" rather than "Other" in the item type. It's up to you, though, and "Other" does seem to fit, too, as this isn't exactly a typical poem.

Suggestions
These are just suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.

My only suggestion would be to perhaps add more or go into more depth. I think when I find a poem I really enjoy, my inital reaction is to want more.

My Rating

4.5 - Excellent! I loved this!

Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

173

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#2869648

Review of The Smile of an Earth Woman

Review by spidey

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

A cool sci-fi tale! I like that this is other-worldly, yet simple enough for any reader to understand. Great job incorporating sci-fi elements into the story!

I love the premise and the "conflict" of the story! It had me smiling!

Great title! It caught my attention immediately. So did the opening paragraph, actually. I thought it opened the story quite well. Good job!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

“Why,” asked Joy going the official greeting area.
It sounds like there might be a word missing here? Perhaps "going to the official greeting area."

I suppose every sentient species has it own unique culture
it

its

The minute Ambassador Forst stepped through the door, Joy moved foreword
foreword

forward

so perhaps that will work in place of a smile.{/}

I think the {/} is supposed to be a closing tag, {/i}. The rest of the story is italicized.

as she took his arm and lead him toward the banquet room.
lead

led

and talk at the some time,
some

same

rather then the one across the table
then

than

“Both are empires would like mining rights
are

our

There are a number of simple grammatical/spelling errors in this. I'd suggest reading it out loud to help identify them when editing. I know the method helps me.

At the start of the story, there are seven greeters, but then only one meets the Ambassador. I was curious as to what happened to the others.

I didn't feel completely satisfied by the end of the story. For me, it didn't have a complete resolution, and I'm not sure the motivation behind the Ambassador's change of mind is clearly apparent to the reader. Perhaps you could explain just a tad more?

Also, I don't think the 18+ rating is needed. I didn't see anything that would put it above 13+.

My Rating

3.0 - An interesting story! I loved the premise and the twist on the prompt, but for me, the story could use a little work to be complete. Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

174

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#2869629

Review of Unfinished Business

Review by spidey

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi NickiD89

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Excellent opening paragraph! It caught my attention and drew me in immediately!

Awesome imagery, too. You've given the reader a great deal of detail and description. I could clearly see everything and I followed the story easily. Great job!

A very touching story! I felt emotionally attached to this and to the characters. You've done very well here to pull the reader in and create a good connection. I loved the end!

Great pacing, too. The story flows naturally and reads quite easily from start to finish.

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

The box was filled with all the letters I have ever written to my parents,
To me, the word "have" seemed not quite right here. I think the word "had" would sound better: all the letters I had ever written.
It's up to you, of course.

He seemed so defenseless lying there I felt guilty at my urge to argue with him
You could use a comma after the word "there." Optional, and totally up to you, of course, but I personally would use a comma there.

I reached for my father’s frail hand,
This line confused me a bit. I understand that Charlene is feeling connected to her father as he is on his deathbed, which might encourage her to reach for his hand. But she's also reliving the horrors he put her through, and she's feeling a lot of anger. I didn't expect for her to reach for his hand immediately, especially when she hasn't read the poem yet. Perhaps if you added some hesitation or confusion on her part. Just my thoughts.

door flew open and my mother rushed in.
What made her rush in? She was exhausted and resting down the hall. Did she hear something? It just seemed unrealistic to me.

I love the end. It's beautiful! However, for it to feel totally complete, I wonder if there should be some sort of reconciliation between Charlene and her mother. She was angry at both parents, not just her father. Perhaps even just a line suggesting a future reconciliation between them?

My Rating

4.5 - An excellent story! Though I did have a few minor confusions, this is really a great story. Thanks for sharing it!

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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#2869564

Review of Viral Smiles

Review by spidey

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Molly

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Please remember that you should NOT edit your entry until judging is over and the winners have been announced as per the contest rules.

Overall Thoughts

Interesting take on the prompt! I wasn't quite expecting this, so I found myself pleasantly surprised!

The main character/narrator has a definite & strong voice. It helped me follow along through the story. Well done!

Awesome description with Mr. Grammar! I could easily picture him right away.

Great title! It really drew me in, and I liked that the viral/disease theme was consistent throughout the piece. Nice follow-through!

Suggestions
These are just my thoughts. Feel free to use or disregard these as you see fit.

Smiles, according to an article I read, Viral Smiles, are supposed to be contagious.
To me, this first sentence sounded a tad awkward. Perhaps rewording could clear it up a bit? Something like: "Recently I read an article, Viral Smile, which claimed that smiles are contagious.

I found myself wanting a little more detail while reading. You start off with great description of Mr. Grammar and the old woman customer, but then there is very little description of the police officer and the little boy. I think I expected some more detailed information like what was provided with the other characters.

My Rating

4.0 - A very cute, funny story! This made me smile.

Sincerely,
spidey

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .