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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/spiro69
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29 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Fighter  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I stopped by to give a quick review of your poem 'Fighter' and what a great poem, I love it. But I would change it slightly if it was my poem? You have got a steady rhyme pattern until the third stanza which slowed it down for me, also the second stanza I would split to make an extra stanza (starting at I heard her sob) and adding two extra lines, probably describe tears, pain etc.

These are my views and like most poetry, especially some of my own, everyone will read it and have there own personal feelings and emotions from reading it. This is a very good poem, but with a little more work, this would be exceptional.

Keep writing

Steve
2
2
Review of ALL OF US IS LOST  
Review by Stephen Scorer
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello again, thanks for choosing me to review one of your poems. Please remember that these are my thoughts on this poem, so take them and use them at your own will, I do not normally review in a typical manner and just blurt out whats wrong etc or right. I like (or try to) feel the poem or story and go from there.

ALL of us is lost; the title is great and sets the theme well if it was me though I would change the 'is' to 'are'. But this does not change from the poem. I liked the picture it painted here and it is something that most if not all of us can relate to, a job well done. I liked the rhyming with the first and last lines of each stanza, would I change any, no, but I do think an addition in this line 'our wrath is surely a warning!' could work, maybe before warning look for adding another descriptive word, for instance, you have good morning in the first line of that stanza, how about something like 'solemn' 'Our wrath is surely a solemn warning!'

Now for the mistakes! I only spotted a few, the main ones being of a no space after each comma and a capital letter missing? The third stanza there should be a capital O 'Our'and again after Alas! in the first line 'The'.

Please remember these are my thoughts and views, I am still learning the art of poetry (do we ever stop learning!) and overall thoughts are that with a little polishing this would be a great poem.

keep it up

Steve
3
3
Review of Hell0  
Review by Stephen Scorer
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi from sunny Wales. I love to read poetry that seems to break the rules, I love your Hello, the first lines of each stanza are enough to paint the emotional picture. Then the second and third lines are like asking and telling of the why, love it.

Carry on the great work, will drop by again

Keep on writing

Steve


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Stop Depression  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Me too? If it wasn't for my first book I'm not sure where I would be! the book is all about my struggles with Anxiety and Depression and the numerous panic attacks!

I have a folder on here with just mental health stuff packed into it? If you need any help I'm always available?

It sounds like you are a bit like me, it was with my writing etc that everything started to calm down to a somewhat better and more manageable level.

Keep on writing

Steve
5
5
Review by Stephen Scorer
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Zeke, I hope you are well. I think this is the first time that I have come over to your side and checked up on you!
As you know I like poetry, I don't confess to being good at it, I just like it, that's why I chose this one to read and review.
I have also penned a few now that have a personal touch to them, and the feeling from reading yours is that of a very deep "Love" for Christine and it paints a soft loving picture.

I enjoyed it and can't pick any faults, great work.

Steve


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your Mouth is like a Spider's
So Whispering, Red, and strong
Your Lips are my one desire
I could Kiss them all day long

My Tree is yours forever
My Cat and Dog, too
When we Run Around together
It's like I'm a part of you

I can't get by without you
Your Cake makes me high
You make me Love and Laugh
But you never make me cry

So, Chunky, Work me now
Don't ever let me go
We'll Scream like this forever
'Cause we Serve each other so
7
7
Review of Solitary  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi me again,

I choose this small piece just to show what changes can be done to help? In this story which is very good by the way I found only 5 issues, so I fixed them in a way I would write, please don't take offence I just want to show how Grammarly can help... Sometimes!

Solitary

Being lonely within such a desert in which all seems empty.
One person can be missed and everything is unpopulated.

There only rocks remain as memories; you're full of joy, happiness and hope.
You still hear such laughter bursts; you still see such radiant faces and such sun rays shining everywhere and lives such past moments.
Here were your infinite hope's temple and your immense endeavours and your challenging realizations for a bright future.

Time has passed breaking all in its path.

Without relative and friends, you're isolated, carved within such deep silence where everything is bland.
Your heart is broken, your tears are dried and your soul dies.

Vanishing, you are plunged into forgetfulness, this is you… solitary.
8
8
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hi

I am reviewing this essay because firstly I have been to Egypt, not Cairo but to Luxor and it is a magnificent place to visit. Secondly, I'm returning the favour of you reviewing some of my work.
I enjoyed the story but it was broken in too many places? what I mean by that was the flow was interrupted for me?
What I would suggest for you to do is download something like "Grammarly" which will help to fix most of the problems, I did the same with this essay and there were quite a lot of mistakes (52 critical issues), so it was easier to go this route.
After those issues were corrected it did read a little better, I hope this helps and if you need anything else checking, please feel free to ask.

Steve
9
9
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once upon a time there was a loud bang that sounded off everyday, until finally one day the bang sounded no more. Because of that all the people slept silently until finally a big bang awoke them once more.
10
10
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (5.0)
So I was thinking of putting a poem together for the Rebel Poetry and thought that I would check out the winners.
I checked Minja's entry, I do like the style and love to read their work, but it did not grasp me, then I checked up on yours and what a beauty.
Totally relatable to what went of over in the states, I suppose we are about to witness something similar over here in the UK!
I cant see much wrong with the poem, the flow was good all the way through, no grammar mistakes and the title just says it all...

Brilliant

I hope this inspires me for this months

Steve
11
11
Review of The Good Fight  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a strong, emotional poem to which I can relate to. My mother was diagnosed last September with a brain tumor which was inoperable so it was deemed terminal with only months to live!
After a xmas that the family rallied around her, she fell ill again but only to pull through again. I know the body can only take so much, but I have come to realize that when you are at your lowest, you seem to dig in and become stronger.

I enjoyed the poem though and I think this will not be your last on the subject, I wrote so many about mental illness and depression when I was suffering, it's a way to escape I suppose.

Carry on the great work.

Steve


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Life At 2 A.M.  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I can connect so much with this. I used to be a delivery driver having also needing to start at 2am... yawn.
This I found had a good flow to it, although the ending is strange for a milkman it still flows well.

Carry on writing

Steve
13
13
Review of Butterflies Die  
Review by Stephen Scorer
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, what a lovely poem. I normally struggle with punctuation in poems myself and i'm unsure if it might be needed here?

with the recurring stanza and especially the last one, i might have either added to the poem or changed the last one?

Looking through his terrified eyes
You can see why a butterfly dies
As he tears apart his fragile soul
His heart is now an empty hole

Looking through his terrified eyes
You can see when the butterfly died.
As he tears apart that fragile soul
His heart is now that empty hole.

I think it would serve as a ending. But only the way i would have ended it.
Loved it anyway, keep on at it.

Steve


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Noticing Newbies  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
So sorry for this late reply , i was going through the old e mails and noticed that you replied , i live in overton on dee near wrexham , but originally i'm from nottinghamshire.
15
15
Review of The Journey  
Review by Stephen Scorer
Rated: E | (4.0)
THE JOURNEY

Among the many souls I lie,
Intoxicated by their shimmering spirits,
The warmth they bring to me I won't deny,
For the journey, by God, we don't fear it,
For the mist is ahead and the twister is near,

On the journey that we have been given,
And the voices we hear we do not fear,
For we share in this life we are living,
And the voices are our own,

And the rain is tears of happiness,
Coming down to us from the heavens above,
And the harkening cry,
Is a welcoming sign of Him,
Who has granted us glorious Love.

Hi i normally do not read poetry or write it , not sure the little changes i have made make it better or not , it is what i would have done , i do still like it though.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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