I'll give you my honest opinion about your piece, what I like, what I don't like, any questions I may have, and how I think you may be able to improve what I'm reviewing.
Wow! I'm trying to figure out what to write. Your piece has evoked a great deal of emotion in me, which is what I hope you were going for. Very well done, all the way around.
ss
Monarch, I've read all the poems on both pages and one suggestion I have is that you break them down into different posts. That way, each one could be reviewed on its own merits.
I find your poems to be dark, but insightful. I almost hate to say this, because I fear you will dismiss what I have to say when you find out I'm an old woman, but your feelings definitely resonate with me. I don't know your age, but I can vividly recall many of the same feelings you have had/are having. Loneliness, wanting to be loved, feeling like you don't fit in - every single one brings up memories from my own history. "It will get better, I promise," is not what you want to hear, so I won't say it. But KEEP WRITING, and KEEP SHARING! You have a strong voice and it IS appreciated. Never forget that!
ss
Delightful! "So are you like me, soul dented but free?" - love this! I have a dented soul, but it's just learning to be free. I'll keep reading about your journey which, I think, will help mine.
ss
What a great idea! I hope my daughter will, one day, want to collaborate my writing as she is a great writer and could take my musings to a much higher level. As I'm sure you have done.
I love this poem, and can hear my own voice in it. The only place the rhythm trips up, for me anyway, is in the second sentence.
Very cute! I can see you, in the car, incredulous. I'd love to hear a little more about what he looks like: size, shape, the color of his hair. Is he cute or plain? Does he look like a real person or more of an apparition?
Sounds like some nice memories, QPDoll! In reading through your thoughts I found myself visualizing whichever items you were discussing. Together, these memories would make a lovely basis either for a book or short story, either fiction or non-fiction. Is that your plan?
Loved this. Great ending!!! It's just a little long, though. I think the ending would be more impactful if readers didn't have to wade through so much..
I would have preferred that Dee went to his place, though, to thank him. That way you could put more into the punchline. You could describe the look on her face when she realized she had screwed up, and the look and feelings he exhibited upon hearing the confession.
And "Oh, dear. Honey, I hope you can forgive me for what I've done," isn't a strong enough response to her realization.
I love this, Winchester! Full of surprises, so you keep the reader's mind engaged. It is so good, actually, that I'm afraid Henry may be real - at least on some level. I hope he's not.
I'm giving you four and a half stars only because I'm not a fan of the language. On the other hand, the language fits, so I'm torn.
ss
Your response does help, Northernwrites! I kind of thought that was the case, as I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to post material that could be used by someone else. Lol! Just wanted to be sure. THANK YOU!!!
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