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206 Public Reviews Given
230 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi mina.
I just read your poem "On the arrival of summer"
I found it colourful and descriptive but I stumbled on your verb tenses. For example the word Start, are you referring to the cuckoo starting her song? Then it should be "starts" with an 's' the same with the next sentence and the word "It"- should be "it,s". I would also check the last sentence and the verb "pouring.. I would change it to "pours.
Overall this poem has a nice feel and pace. I enjoyed it


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of My love  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Chris
I'm just doing a random review and happened to see your poem titled My Love.
I enjoyed the simple rhyme and the easy flow to this poem.

I did stumble on the second line of the second paragraph "I would love to make you wife" since I think you need a determiner before the word wife.. maybe "a" wife/ "my" wife/ "a magical" wife.

I enjoyed the repetition of the first sentence of the first and third stanza "my blood boils when.." since that made this statement stand out and created a greater importance of your feelings.
But the next sentence seems to have a grammatical error since if you are using the verb "are" then you should say I "have" ever found. Check the tense on this line.

Overall I enjoyed this poem. It was a declaration of love and it ended in a romantic proposal.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of My Poet Tree  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sharkdaddy I have read your poem "My Poet Tree" 
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

First impression
I really appreciate your association of a poem with a tree. For such a short poem you have created great imagery, and I can now see a perfect poem being a magnificent vibrant tree full of vibrant flowers and full of birds and life. Wow what a great idea! But to tell the truth lately my tree has been poorly neglected, and my last attempts at poetry have pretty disappointing - so I really relate to the words "sappy words....oozing through"

Diction/ Rhythm / Rhyme
Your diction was simple yet concise and clear. I really enjoyed the simplicity and the directness of your message. All words flowed easily, and using first person was a plus since it made it that bit more personal.


Structure/ Theme
The tree structure was visually striking and well tied in to the main idea.
As for the theme, I am sure all writters have felt this way quire a few times, so we can all relate to it. Overall this is a great refreshing and interesting poem - a great read!

Thanks for sharing your work- I hope to read more soon

SAM
sssam-on the way back
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4
4
Review of Down at the Inn  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi

I have just read your item "Down at the Inn"  and these are my humble comments. I send them in a hope that they can be helpful to you, but note that these are personal opinions and are by no means better than yours.

First Impression:
Wow this was a thriller. There is a secret affair, a double crossing, a few missing people, some murders, a crazy pshyco, and and investigation that doesnt let you know what happened until the end. This was great.


Suggestions:
My only suggestions would be to add a bit more scenery to the story. You named her Lady Marion and had the King trust her with the money, but I would have liked more medieval settings and maybe traditions remind me where they were. But I must admit, being such a short story this might be a bit hard to do.

Plot / Characters:
As I mentioned the plot was great, and I was in suspense right to the end.

Structure & Grammar:
No suggestions here, all good to me. *Smile*

*Star* *Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work, it was a great read.

Samantha
sssam-on the way back

5
5
Review of Shopping day  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi PaulO I have read your story :"Shopping day" 
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

First impression
Your story enticed me from the very beginning, and you kept me in suspense until the end. What is wrong with George and the smell? Unfortunately I still haven't figured it out, and would have liked to know what happened. This actually seems like just a chapter in a novel and I missed out some important chapters.So do write more so that I can see what happens next!


Setting / Plot
The plot was intriguing, original, and exciting.- I will now wonder what is in the basements of the local corner stores from now on! (lol)


Characters
Even though George had a peculiar problem no one seemed to notice, your characters seemed credible and real. I did however get lost with Tim. You didn't really introduce him and I got lost when you mentioned the basement and the runaway. I would have liked it if you expanded this a bit more.


Grammar/Spelling/Dialogue
I just have a few suggestions for this.
- 1st sentence might be best to change breath for breathe "tried to (breathe) through his mouth"
-2nd paragraph last line might change and for a coma "rows of dusty cans(,) expired cereals and a produce section"
- 5th paragraph 1st sentence has a word missing "(with)His basket full he walked to the counter

Best part
As I said I loved the intrigue and the plot, you really kept me reading right up until the end.
This has been a nice read.

Thanks for sharing your work- I look forward to reading more soon.
SAM
sssam-on the way back
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6
6
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Nicki. I have read your poem :"The Call of a Whale" 
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

First impression
WOW! that was my first impression. I LOVE this poem. It has it all, its not only visually stimulating, it has great imagery, perfect rhyme, constant flow and even an inspirational story behind it.. Great stuff

Diction/ Imagery
You enticed me with the first line "My name is Dylan..." this automatically linked me to the story and the fact that you explained the history and the family conflict in the next few lines was great. I was hooked after the seagulls screeched... (LOL) The rest was picture perfect as I could see the "cacti's harsh embrace, the thalassic prodigy, the orcan idealist .. great imagery there.

Rhythm /Rhyme Scheme
The rhyme was simple and effective, and the rhythm was strong and steady throughout the entire poem.


Best Part
I really appreciated the structure and the visual aspect of this poem. I must also say that the theme was original and also inspirational at the same time. This is a definite 5 star rating.

So a big thanks to you for sharing your work- I hope to read more soon

SAM
sssam-on the way back
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7
7
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Countrymom

I have just read your work Christmas Blessings. and here is my review of this poem
I and sending you this, in a hope that my humble opinion as a reader can be useful to you.


*Star* Overall impression :
This is a great poem. I really enjoyed the simplicity but also the truth behind your message.. It made me cherish my Christmas


*Star* Structure :

you used a simple structure with easy rhyme and fluid rhythm that worked well. I found it easy to read and thus quite entertaining.


*Star* Suggestions :
My only suggestion would be to check the second last stanza... somehow the rhyme pattern is not the same as the rest there.


*Star* Best part :
To tell the truth I enjoyed the frankness of this poem. I am sure we all complain about Christmas every now and then so its good to remind ourselves the good things behind it.

*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work.
I look forward to reading more soon.


Samantha
sssam-on the way back

8
8
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nanseania

I have just read your work *1440196* and here is my review of this poem
I and sending you this, in a hope that my humble opinion as a reader can be useful to you.


*Star* Overall impression :
WOW, what a great poem. I have to say I am big Dr Seuss fan (I learned to read and write with my Dr Seuss books!) so I really enjoyed this.
You used a simple mundane item such as TO DO LIST to paint a picture of your busy personal life. Its like you opened a small window and I could see what a day in your life is like. (busy busy busy just like mine!)



*Star* Structure/Rhyme/rhythm :
The rhyme and flow was fast but steady somehow reminding me of your busy day. The wording was direct and rushed and there was no room for any extra or extravagant words fitting in well with the theme. The rhyme was fluent and easy and though I am not so sure of the words "salon" and "lawn" actually rhyme there was no need to be perfect since Dr Seuss wasnt so and thats what we like about him! *Smile*


*Star* Suggestions :
No suggestions.. just for you to write more!


*Star* Best part :
i really like the theme and originality and lightheartedness of the poem. After reading a few emotionally drainig poems today, I really appreciated this trivial but very interesting and even humorous poem.

*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work.
I look forward to reading more soon.


Samantha
sssam-on the way back
"Invalid Item" 
9
9
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sherri

I have just read your work "A PIECE OF MY HEART" 
This review is part of the PDG Rocking Review Package you have received. I hope my comments are useful to you

*Star* FIRST IMPRESSION
TO tell the truth the title of this poem seemed a bit cliche at first, but I am glad that I opened it and read it. It is great to read a positive love story with a happy ending and even nicer to think that even though there are problems along the way, love can overcome it all. You left a lovely and happy thought there for me to ponder about tonight! *Heart*

*Star* STRUCTURE/ STORY LINE

The simple 4 line 4 stanza structure works well here since it allows you to add the rhyme and the steady flow without overdoing it.

*Star* SUGGESTIONS
I only have very small suggestions:-

1- FLOW.
The flow was a bit unsteady on the second line. I suggest to add a word or two to the line since it seems a bit short when compared with the rest in the stanza. Maybe you can add and adjective to describe you heart and set and impacting image to kick start the reader. How about a righteous heart, or a palpitating heart, beaming heart or a wounded heart??? there are hundreds of possibilities there.

2- RHYME
Check the rhyme of the last two lines in the second stanza. I am not really sure about the words "love " and "of"
I also stumbled over the last two lines since "easily" and "eternally" though with a bit of poetic licence you could get away with that one *Wink*

*Star* BEST PART
The starting lines set a lovely image and the idea of giving a piece of your heart to another demonstrates the love you have and go on to describe.
"Of all the places I know where to start,"
I give to you a piece of my heart."


I enjoyed reading your work. Thanks for sharing*BigSmile*

sssam-on the way back

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10
10
Review of Kings and Poets  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi P.Lima

I have just read your work Kings and Poets and here is my review of this poem
I and sending you this, in a hope that my humble opinion as a reader can be useful to you.


*Star* Overall impression :
This is a powerful, emotionally charged poem that really touched me. The poem description made me doubt, especially the brief mention about not overstaying as it can be dangerous since this line is a bit cliched, but as I read the poem I realized that it it much more direct, original and impacting than I thought. I am so glad I read it! *Smile*


*Star* Structure :
You used a simple free verse structure that worked really well. It seems that you had such emotional force behind your words that you needed to let them out all at once and at your own speed and pace, without limits or rules. I also enjoyed your wording, you used simple but direct concise words that describe the picture all by them selves. You started with a great line "Turn out the lights and dance" that set the mood right from the start.


*Star* Suggestions :
My only suggestions would be to check the second line, the word "to" is probably not necessary there. I must also point out that the line "Get Out!" is so powerful and fits in so well with your message that I would personally place it in the end to finish the poem with a mighty punch and thus knock out the reader! *Wink* (but that is just a personal note, I must admit that there is nothing wrong with the way you have it now.)

*Star* Best part :
As I mentioned I really enjoyed the originality, frankness and power behind this poem. I was a great read

*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work.
I look forward to reading more soon.


Samantha
sssam-on the way back
"Invalid Item" 
11
11
Review of Good Man's Shadow  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Worrier poet I have read your poem :"Good Man's Shadow" 
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

First impression
I was enticed by the title as first glance, but I must then admit the I got hooked as soon as I started reading your poem. I find it very original, frank and also inspiring.

Diction
You used simple but very effective diction. There was no need for fancy poetry structures or even rhymes, since the brutal idea of having an evil side of you lurking in your shadow is very powerful. *Wink* great stuff!

Best Part
I really love the ending. You first paint a picture of a perfect man, then how he one day looks down and finds his shadow that has grown evil. This is a bit thrilling and even eerie, but you somehow manage to brighten up the day with the line "The man just grins and goes back to work." WOW so good...*Bigsmile*

This poem is great, I must confess that it has been one of the best ones I have read lately.. Thanks for sharing your work- I hope to read more soon

SAM
sssam-on the way back
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12
12
Review of A Mothers Love  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angie I have read your poem :"A Mothers Love" 
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

First impression
I am not a mother myself, but I did feel that motherly love, understanding and passion that you wove though the entire poem. You expressed your feelings clearly and loudly and I really enjoyed this simple but emotive poem. *Smile*


Diction / Imagery
Your words were clear and straight forward, making it easy to view that perfect mother we all want to be. However I did stumble on the last stanza.
"An adults now for many years...their own tells stories of,"
I am not sure why you chose the sentence structure this way , I did have to re-read it to understand it. Should the word adult be singular since you have "an" before it?? It sounds better to me saying "their own stories of".

Rhythm / Rhyme
There was a nice steady flow and a comfortable rythm throughout your poem.
Though I did notice on the last stanza that the words "of" and "love" don’t really rhyme as nicely.

Best Part
In general I really like the sense of gratitude and admiration you make of your mother (or every mother in general), and you sum up the poem with a lovely line “and endless is her love” .
So nice e:wink}

Thanks for sharing your work- I hope to read more soon

SAM
13
13
Review of A thought...  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi
I have just read your work "A thought..." 
This review is part of the PDG Rocking Review Package you have received. I hope my comments are useful to you

*Star* FIRST IMPRESSION
This is a great poem. I think all writers (and that is to say nearly everyone here in WDC!) can relate to this poem. Most of us write and feel an instant healing, purifying or even maybe just simple gratification when converting our inner thought to writing. I really appreciate the line " this book shall catch all that falls" WOW thats a powerful metaphor that provides wonder visual imagery.

*Star* STRUCTURE/ STORY LINE
The structure was simple but impressive, there was no need for any special rhyme nor fancy forms.. it worked well

*Star* SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to explain a bit the last stanza. I am not sure what you mean with the line "three that swallow"..

*Star* BEST PART
In general I like the feel and originality of this poem. I must also point out the wonderful symbolism with phrases such as "book catching all that falls" and "time waiting for the tides to wash".

I enjoyed reading your work. Thanks for sharing *BigSmile*

sssam-on the way back

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14
14
Review of Grey Sins.  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi
HI Laramie
I have just read your work "Grey Sins." 
I am offering some humble comments in a hope that they can be useful to you.


*NoteV* First impression
This poem was like a fast paced rollercoaster ride. You visually described a mis of emotions starting with guilt, then regret, then love, then confusion, and even a scary remorse.. Wow this was really good *Wink*

*NoteV* My favourite part
I really enjoyed the originality of the poem and the idea of having "grey" sins- not back or white, but grey like many things we do that are sometimes not so clear to define.

*NoteV* Technical Aspects
AS I mentioned this poem had a fast emotional flow, the free structure worked well. Y0u used simple but concise diction and in a a way you didnt mention your sin though we can all imagine it! *Wink*

*NoteV* Suggestions
My only suggestion would be not to repeat the words "greysins" so often. In a way this poem reminded me of a song with its verses rather that a poem with its stanzas.

Thank you for sharing this poem, I enjoyed reading your work. I hope to read more soon, so keep writing!

SAM
sssam-on the way back

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15
15
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Wren
I have just read your work "The Bakeshop Window" 
I am offering some humble comments in a hope that they can be useful to you.


*NoteV* First impression
This was an original and impressive poem. You humanized a mundane item such as the bakeshop window and I now see it as a powerful, seductive and even slightly self-possessed predator waiting to lure the stray that fall into its alluring trap (being the baked delights!) WOW what a wonderful idea for a poem!

*NoteV* My favourite part
As I mentioned I love the theme and the personification of such a normal item we all see every day. I must also say that you used great diction and created a perfect picture using words like "laden with glistening strawberry tarts", " I am a temptress" and "I yearn to give you pleasure"

*NoteV* Technical Aspects
The free form, and free structure in this poem worked well. There was no need for any fancy forms or even rhyme since the theme and the imagery was powerful enough to stand on its own.


*NoteV* Suggestions
This is more a commentthan a suggestions, but I have never used the word "bakeshop" ... we ( I mean UK based English speakers) use "bakery" so I must admit is sounds a bit strange to me.
In anycase I get to say that I have learnt a new word today *Wink*

Thank you for sharing this poem, I enjoyed reading your work. I hope to read more soon, so keep writing!

SAM
sssam-on the way back

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16
16
Review of Love Song  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
HI Max

I have just read your work "Love Song" 
I am offering some humble comments in a hope that they can be useful to you.


*NoteV* First impression
This is a moving poem that seems to tell a touching story of a powerful love. You actually make it seem like a story with each stanza representing a separate paragraph of time. Your transitions from the love making, to the first time you met to the passing of time and then the missing of your love is wonderful. I must also admit that you gave a powerful punch on the last stanza, I was drifting away with the lovely romantic images, and then you suddenly exploded my bubble describing that you are now alone with a heart of steel and enduring a dirge from void.... You made me empathize completely with the story.


*NoteV* My favourite part
You wrote in first person, nearly as if you where having a direct conversation to your love... this reinforces that special relationship the poem paints between the two of you.
As I mentioned before, that last stanza is extremely compelling, and I especially enjoyed the last line "That great distance between us that death does reveal."
It somehow leaves me lingering with a sweet but also bitter taste since the magical love you describes seems wonderful but the fact that it has now passed away evokes pure grief.
I must admit that you did a great job stirring my emotions here!! *Blush*

*NoteV* Technical Aspects
The anapaestic tetrameter worked well, and created a constant flow that was lengthy but steady, fitting in well with the melancholy theme.

I did find that in some cases the word structure of the lines were a bit forced in order to fit in with the technical aspects. This I especially noticed in the first stanza, since I had to re-read it a few time to understand the first sentence that seem a bit too long (five lines with a lot of words)

I also found the wording a bit hard to follow. It reminds me of an old Shakespeare/ Victorian times scene. You used lines like "do whispers divine and exalted", "held in our bosoms", "we long to dispose" and "love first did bloom" that we don't hear very often. I had to concentrate to get the image in my mind, though I must say that it was a nice change and I did enjoy it.

*NoteV* Suggestions
My only other suggestion would be to change the comment below the title. There is no need to ask the reader sif you have managed to write a poem, there is no need to question yourself about that! *Wink*


Thank you for sharing this poem, I enjoyed reading your work. I hope to read more soon, so keep writing!

SAM
sssam-on the way back

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17
17
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HI Lou
I have just read your work "New Orleans Street Lights" 
I am offering you my humble comments in a hope that they can be useful to you.


*NoteV* First impression
I have to admit this is a great poem. As soon as I finished I automatically re-read it because I wanted more! You stirred my emotions and even though I have never been in New Orleans, I could imagine the despairing and melancholycal ambience in the air.

*NoteV* My favourite part
Sorry to say I have no favourite part here, the truth is I really enjoyed it all. The wording, the imagery, the flow and the feel. Its too hard to choose the best part! (LOL)

*NoteV* Technical Aspects
I am not very familiar with Lilibonelles, but as a simple reader I found that it worked really well in this poem. I appreciated the repetition of the lines, and each stanza represented a different thought and situation that helped paint a bigger picture.

*NoteV* Suggestions
My only suggestions would be to change the first word of the poem. The phrase "no streetlights create..." feels a little awkward, I also think that there are more powerful words that can be used here. How about using other words like missing, broken, dormant, abandoned or forsaken streetlights?

Thank you for sharing this poem, I enjoyed reading your work. I hope to read more soon, so keep writing!

SAM
sssam-on the way back

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18
18
Review of 桜  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
HI K.N. Sheilds

I have just read your work "桜" 
I am offering some humble comments in a hope that they can be useful to you.


*NoteV* First impression
Your poem is original, appealing and abstract (note that I mean that in a positive way! *Wink* )
The title was the first thing that caught my attention since I have no idea what it says or means,and when reading I got the impression that this is a style of poetry that I am not not familiar with. It is not the typical standard poem I often read, but even so I immediately understood and felt the sensation of love (that we all know is a universal thing).


*NoteV* My favourite part

I really enjoyed the first stanza, but mostly the first line. "Rain falls like natural love," This simile is great, it kick-started my imagination right away, and the line "I can't help but wonder if I'm blind" reminded me of the surreal, dreamlike state we all go through when we start to fall in love.

I also found it interesting during the first part you explain your feelings in general, but then that half way through the poem you speak with your loved on directly (first person). It is as if you where thinking about Sakura so much that without realizing you ended up ignoring the rest of the world and focused only and directly on her.

*NoteV* Technical Aspects
I am not sure about the technical aspect of this poem. I do not see any regular patterns of stuctures or rhymes used here, but it did somehow feel balanced and stable. Could this be a Japanese structure you are using? Maybe you are copying a Japanese poetry form since I did feel a few phrases where out of sinc.

*NoteV* Suggestions
My suggestions would be to check the second line in the second stanza. The part ".. but once a story" has something missing. Do you mean but once in a story, but only in a story, but once in a lifetime?

On the fist line of the fourth stanza, I am not sure why you have This with capital letters, is this a typo? should you have a full stop there? I would personally use a coma to make a pause here.

Also the word "Your" in first line in the las stanza should be "you're"or "you are" and the ending of this line has a grammatical error. Should it be time out of my life? or away from my life?. The word "not" doesn't fit in there.


As I mentioned I enjoyed reading this poem. The idea f the cherry blossom representing love is a lovely thought
Thank you for sharing this poem. I hope to read more soon, so keep writing!

SAM
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19
19
Review of Behind the Smile  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ShiShad I have read your poem :BEHIND THE SMILE
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

First Impression
This is great poem. I was not familiar with the Pantoum poem and I must admit I had to look it up *Wink* I really enjoyed the line repetition and the fluid rhyme scheme.

Diction /Imagery
You used simple yet powerful diction to crete a sensual intriguing scene. The words "peering","shrubbery", " first glance","beaming", "curiosity" "banishing rejection" say it all.. as I said simple and amizingly effective. I could picture the entire scene!
My only suggestion would be to revise the choice of the word "longstanding" I would use a more powerful or even suggestive adjective to describe the walls.

Rhythm/ Rhyme scheme
This was perfect. It all flowed smoothly and gave the poem an extra touch.


Best Part
Well, I love the ending. You don't actually tell what happens and leave the reader to imagine. You also wittily ended with the starting line..

This is a great poem.
Thanks for sharing your work- I hope to read more soon

SAM
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20
20
Rated: E | (5.0)
wow- a great poem

It has a lovely flow and an easy and powerful rhyme.
And lvining my whole life near the sea- I absolutely agree with you
It is a perfect place to fond yourself
*Wink*
SAM
21
21
Review of A Moment In Time  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Pat I have read your poem :A MOMENT IN TIME

As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

Title
The title worked well with the poem without giving away the fantastic ending.

Diction/ Imagery

The entire poem is full of images and descriptions. You immediately transport the reader into in the forest with the wooden swing, the stream the rain, etc...
You also stimulated all my senses, by noting the sounds of the water and the birds, and also the smell of the rain and autumn air. This was great *Smile*


Rhythm / Rhyme Scheme
There was no need for rhymes since the poem worked well in a free verse format.

Structure
I did get the feeling that this is just a paragraph of a story instead of a poem. I personally think that you have an excess of words in some phrases that make it sound more like a descriptive passage than a poem.

Theme
This is the best part... you sucked me in right to the end line... perfect- I love the ending.. *Bigsmile*

Overall
This was a great read. Thanks for sharing your work, I hope to read more soon

SAM
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22
22
Review of I am a teenager  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ninja

I have just read your work I AM A TEENAGER and here is my review of this poem
I and sending you this, in a hope that my humble opinion as a reader can be useful to you.


*Star* Overall impression :
GREAT!! I loved it. I was emotive, personal, and powerful. You reminded me what it was like when I was a teenager (though I wont bother telling you how long ago that was!) LOL *Laugh*


*Star* Structure/ Rhyme :
I really enjoyed the structure used- you separated the stanzas using the line "i am". This created a good impact, as if reminding me during the entire poem that the main problem of being a teenager is finding out who you really are.

The rhyme also worked well though I did stumble on it on the last 3 lines.

I also noticed you didn't repeat the sentence structures on your third verse.

The first verse you repeat "a xxxx if i xxxx"
a nerd if i read
a suk if I cry
a wimp if i'm scared

on the second much the same " xxx if i xxx"
lanky if i'm tall
cruel if i hate
funny if i fall

But on the third verse you only apply this repetition to the first line. It would be good it you could restructure the line "my smile is fake"

*Star* Imagery / Flow :
You described well your feelings using simple but precise words. There was no need for long complicated sentences, becuase you got your point across perfectly.

*Star* Suggestions :
My only other suggestion is to check the spelling of the word "suk" I use British spelling which does have a few changes to the American way- and we use the term "suck" when you don't like something.

*Star* Best part :
My favourite part is the last two lines. It sums up the entire poem. A great ending. *Wink*

*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work. It was a great read.
I look forward to reading more soon.


Samantha
sssam-on the way back
"Invalid Item" 
23
23
Review of Squander  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Sadyshea

I have just read your item SQUANDER and these are my humble comments. I send them in a hope that they can be helpful to you, but note that these are just personal opinions.

First Impression:
This was great for such a short story. You start the story right in the middle of the action, and describe the scene without really giving away whats going on. This made me want to keep reading and find out what was happening. You sucked me in and kept me enthralled until the very end.

Suggestions:
The only thing I stumbled on was the word "upkeep" on the first line. I am not sure what you mean since I am guessing that she had colored her hair and in this case it would be just the same to change it for the word "keep" ".. dollars spent to keep the falsity.."

Plot / Characters:
The main character was well described and detailed. I also enjoyed her view on her own self and her mother you added near the end. This line added a great depth to the character.

The plot was - entertaining, intriguing, and mysterious.(basically perfect *Wink*
Though I did get the feeling that it needs to be developed a bit more. Is this part of a novel? or a longer story?
I would love to see a second part since you leave us wondering what will happen next

Structure & Grammar:
There was no need for dialog nor long explanations to get the message of fury, anger, indignation and confusion that the character felt. You made it simple and interesting.

*Star* *Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work.. I look forward to reading more soon

Samantha
sssam-on the way back

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item" .
"Invalid Item" 
24
24
Review of I AM  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dreamin1

I have just read your work I AM and here is my review of this poem
I and sending you this, in a hope that my humble opinion as a reader can be useful to you.


*Star* Overall impression :
I really enjoyed this poem. You created strong imagery,and sparked powerful emotions.
You asked a question in the beginning "Do you recognize me?" and didn't answer it until the end line.


*Star* Structure :
I found the structure of the poem a bit chaotic. separating each line as if a new paragraph makes it a bit confusing. I suggest to try various ways of presenting this prose, maybe even cutting and reorganizing it as a free verse poem.


*Star* Suggestions :
I only have a few small suggestions:-

I would change the words "gentle beating" on the fourth line for a stonger adjective. When you feel that no one understands you and you feel alone,I can imagine that your heart is not gently beating- maybe "aching", "breaking", "silently burning" ... it all depends on how you want to focus it.

The other suggestion would be to change the structure of the line "I am the crashing of the waves, the caw of a seagull, the majestic peaks of a mountain, and the setting of the sun." I would place "the caw of a seagull" on the end of the sentence becuase the rest of the images you give with the waves, mountains and the sunset are of power, strength and control over nature. The seagull image brings a different picture to mind.. maybe that God is everywhere, even in something so small and mundane as a seagull.

Anyway as I said these are just a small details- I realy didnt find any error in your work *RollEyes*


*Star* Best part :
I loved the suspense that kept me going until the very last line.


*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for sharing your work.
I look forward to reading more soon.


Samantha
sssam-on the way back
"Invalid Item" 
25
25
Review of Sparks  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi LGF I have read your story :SPARKS
As a fellow Rising Star companion I am offering my personal review of your work. I hope my comments can be useful to you.

Plot
I really enjoyed this story. It starts right in the action , you then take me through the emotional turmoil of the hospital and realization of the accident, and then you top it off with a happy ending.
For such a short story this is great (and I must say I am a big fan of happy endings! *Wink*)

Characters
The characters seemed real, and believable. You gave them common attributes that made me easily identify with them.

Grammar/Spelling/Dialog
I found no errors here, and the dialog was simple yet very effective.

Suggestion
My only suggestion would be to develop a bit more the romantic conection between the main characters before the accident. You gave this information during the hospital scene, but I think that knowing his feelings towards her beforehand could help enhance this part of the story.

My Point of View
A great read- I definitely enjoyed it

Thanks for sharing your work- I look forward to reading more soon.
SAM
sssam-on the way back
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