Stanzara's (stanzara) Reviews

Review Requests: ON
13 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Share of Thoughts  

for entry "Without You" 
Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This fairly encapsulates that feeling of missing someone, especially when you have no certain hope of their return. The coldness can be felt, both in word and deed, in this piece. It's very physical, isn't it, specifically if you have shared the space while also being physically close one way or another? The quilt doesn't feel quite as warm, the emptiness echoes with only the sounds of you trying to keep it together... Time seems like a neverending torture.

The imagery here is pretty good, as well. You use the acoustic ambivalence of "lying" skillfully, making the reader (well, me at least) think on whether the room is telling lies or if it simply lays bare, untouched by the existence of another, or if the lies stem from how the other person isn't there anymore although you still remember when they were (and the memory is perhaps telling false prophecies of them returning to exist there with you in the future). Although this is not immediately obvious, since you used the written form of the verb meaning not telling the truth, but I generally sound the poems out as if read aloud. You also use a curious admixture of, let's say "well established imagery" (heart feeling like a stone, tears falling on pale cheek) in conjunction with an individual manner of reframing those images. I'm not sure if the language is flowing exactly, but then, not all poetry is like that, and it certainly makes one stop and think, which is always good in a poem. I especially enjoy the expression "inward petitioning": it conveys, to me, the speaker searching for any hope or reassurance deep within themselves, grasping for any reason at all why the other person might come back, or else another kind of certainty so the feelings, the hurt of them leaving, can be one day set aside. It also creates a feeling of seeking some objective distance from whatever has happened to see it more clearly. It is well paired with the third line in the second stanza, which works kind of similarly to me, with the verb "ensure". I find it unexpected not in the sense that it could be taken as either being impartial to the issue or very closely attached, especially considering the following "comfort labels"* (although that definitely works!) but that it is written in the imperative form, as if telling someone, perhaps the speaker of the poem, to do this. The speaker fails to be comforted, however, and is left feeling weak.

*which in itself is a masterstroke here: "label" can imply that however you name the situation, the absence, or the feelings therein, it's only a name and does not necessarily fully address the pain inherent to what the speaker of the poem is trying to express; second, although comfort is very far from being in the "official" domain of the language (meaning it's not authoritative or prestige language, but an everyday thing that can be felt, placing it in the domain of the language of the everyday and feelings), "comfort labels" sound as if the speaker is distancing themselves from that, too, or perhaps being distanced by the circumstance, or both. It conveys the feeling of slapping on a band-aid when your heart is in fact metaphorically bleeding. One can name it however one wishes but it does very little for the actual issue.

Well written!
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Review of She’s a Fairy  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
While the rhymes in this aren't awfully original, the poem has a nice ring to it, and the topic, of course, is adorable. (Unless one is serious about the feyfolk.) Meanwhile, it is not bad advice to try and be the person who "turns little sorrows to blossoms again", as long as one watches out who one does it for. And love is kind of like one of the oldest spells there is, yeah?
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Review of Dear self  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This has a strange comfort about it, reading it as someone who has struggled a lot with all those delightful little difficulties that things like depression (and others) tend to bring. Indeed, every day is a victory, even if one kind of continues out of spite. The piece has a self-accepting, kind tone which envelops the reader like a warm blanket.
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Review of Surplus  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a raw piece of writing, in so may ways. First and foremost, naturally, there is the pain of not feeling at home in one's own skin. This rings true and cuts deep. However, I tried putting a melody to it, and while I am personally not the most talented musician, the wildly varying length of the lines (generally 9 to 15 syllables) just doesn't work on music, unless one composed the kind of a franken-masterpiece of such progressive (rock/metal/you name it) which the world has never known. I am saying this while believing that this is a work in progress, so that you might, you know, make some of that progress. If it seems hard to count the syllables to a firmer meter, there are tools online to aid in that. You could perhaps choose a long line length with an equal number of syllables, and then halve it for the choruses?

And, please believe, you are enough. You've just lost sight of it. I know how that feels.
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Review of The Architecture of Reclaiming  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is incredibly powerful, and the hurt flows from each line, hopefully eventually draining the heart marred by it of it, so it can heal.

It is a poem, but tells a full story, which is sometimes needed, when the experience is still so raw that you need to have every detail of it out of your system. It does not leave the reader guessing. This, ironically, both enables the sympathies of such readers who never went through anything remotely similar, because of the breathtaking detail, but those same details also serve as solid anchors for such readers who have. There is no superfluousness here: most everything is needed to show the full picture. Some of the rhymes are quite original too. Thank you for letting us see the hurt.

One step at a time. Once a toxic influence like that is excised from your life, you'll find the people who matter most are still there, supporting you.
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Review of Paranoid  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a challenging one, perhaps requiring the reader to have a point of reflection.

But, it has shot me through this heart of mine. Never knowing when or if what you're wishing for will happen, forever trapped in the circle of fear and doubt... Will it happen? What if I made a mistake? What if they love me but I will keep on being the imperfect human being I am and betray them that way...? All this is well encapsulated in this short poem. It has a remarkable sincerity, brave enough to admit to the dark feelings of paranoia, and as someone struggling with some of the same, I can definitely identify.

The form of the poem is natural, driven both by the natural pauses of the language and the thought. Some grammatical mistakes, so I'm going to assume English is not your first language either?
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Review of Fantasy practice  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoy how you haven't surrendered to the easiest, most available verbs in this. She doesn't walk, she trudges, doesn't open the door but cracks it, etc. This creates atmosphere and mood. I kind of want to see where this is going. You also ground the character work in the musings of her possession and how, and who to, they connect her in her world. How she feels about poeple and events. This introduces the reader to her world with a gentle rhythm which I enjoy immensely. The only hitch I can find is the abrupt turn outwards, to international politics.

You incorporate a good amount of sensory experience in the narrative, making it feel more real to the reader. I would say you're not new at this exercise, even if the site views you as a newbie.

P.S. my favorite, in terms of expressiveness, was "A string of disgust threaded his words."
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Review of Humanity's Last Funeral  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I clicked to read because of the mention of death and philosophy in mutual context. I was... confused at what I found, at first. Please bear with me, I promise it's not all bad, instead, it is development-worthy!

A strict A-B-A-B rhyme scheme seems to have triggered a couple of kind of forced rhymes here, but in the grand scheme, that is not the largest challenge this text faces. To me, the uneven distribution of the syllable count over the text feels less flowing and more like a bit of a stutter? Not necessarily in a good way, like it could be if there were a sense of a quiet mastery of the instinct on line length. I am sorry to say I am not sensing that in this particular text. This however can be trained. As an exercise, I might suggest choosing a syllable count scheme and sticking to it like a fly to glue paper. Then, you might want to try free verse. Feel out what seems good and right and supports the rhythm of the poem the best.

The vocabulary is fairly conventional, and does not play with the reader's expectations on what the next word will be all that much. In my personal, albeit somewhat experienced and educated opinion, conservative word choices are fine in a poem, but to make it into something extraordinary, one must allow oneself to play with that a bit, you know? Maybe if you did not let the reader guess the entire poem's vocabulary (or how it is used exactly) at the first stanza? Mix a metaphor once in a while (but thinking about how to do it), change registry, or master one in a way that you can fulfill the expectations of the register that your language takes, even while not exactly abiding by all the rules.

As far as letting the reader make their own interpretations of things, the reins are perhaps held a bit too tightly here at times, and then one is faced with a type of textual juxtaposition that is either really clever or takes flight in another direction entirely. Which I say while very much understanding that sudden, unexpected juxtapositions are important in poetry, to make people question and really think. But what happens when they really clash too much: how are secrets, for instance, going to unfold (as in, be gradually revealed), if the language they were told in is completely gone, with no one to read it or speak the words? Those secrets would rather disappear entirely, unless the speaker in the poem is referring to someone still reading and deciphering them later on, which does not seem to be the case here.

I am left attempting to grasp the deeper connection between the title and the content of the poem. Instead of the promised funeral, we basically only get what comes after. The funeral being simply a mention. That might have been the point, certainly, but I would have immensely enjoyed philosophical musings on how we so abandoned ourselves there was no one to actually hold the funeral. Which, if we're going by the poem, and all likelihood, is very much what happened there. Unless there is no mention of something like that happening with a new self-aware, death-cognizant species who did that service to the last human to die. But that is outside the scope of the poem celebrating the planet's healing after we're all gone, which is both a bit eco-fascistic and erudite simultaneously. This, I think, is the most fascinating paradox about the poem, all in all. Good idea, even brilliant, but the execution feels like it could be better still.
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Review of Game Models  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A well thought-out piece of a slice-of-life (and thereafter, the loss of control of it) dystopia tinged sci-fi/specfic. Takes a peek at topical issues with AI, which is clever and clear enough, but not so much as to be in your face. This could be expanded, even up to novel length, but works well enough as a standalone short story. Some parts are however rife with what feels like anachronisms from the point of view of the story, that is, in a projected speculative future. Mainly, referring to current technologies and protocols (such as APIs and AR glasses).
10
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Review of The Business of Perdition  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
The intro is clearly written by someone with adequate knowledge of the vocabulary and grammar of this type of thing. Now, this is not a bad thing in and of itself. Or a good one, at that. It is, however, a thing of which one should take notice.

It is a skill to get a text to smack of an anachronistic feel. In this, the author has chosen to mix it up with a more personal styling of the notes the narrator gives of their own experiences or opinions. I would, as someone who has not read the following chapters, expect this code switching to become a repeated source of humor and a validation of the individuality of the narrator, not to be easily copied by any other characters.
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Review of A Thimble Full of Trouble  

Review by stanzaraMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
The story leaves me, as a reader, with some fairly important questions:

How do we know the seeds have anything to do with the crystal, or how they have anything to do with it, besides towards the ending? I understand that not everything needs an explanation, but the description surrounding the connection could be there, not necessarily long, and not necessarily all technical, since this is obviously a magical world. More descriptive, more a quick plunge into why something about these two is the same. They might even have an ancient saying about the matter. Foreshadowing is a tricky thing in stories this short, but I trust that some thought put towards this matter could carry you far.

Why do we not get a bit deeper into the question of why the child sees the door in the first place? The child's reaction is adorable, but lacks a certain gravitas in terms of why it is introduced to the story. What is the meaning of this occurrence, and why does it necessarily mean that even olden children and eventually adults get to see the fae kingdom?

The story in and of itself is intriguing and could be developed into a longer one, perhaps a novella. The main characters are well differentiated by their speech patterns, and offer a palatable dynamic for different readers to latch onto (old and knowledgeable, wizened by age, and a bit wet behind the ears young-er character, thought versus action so to speak). The narrative voice is stable throughout, being at the better half of things but somewhat lacking in personal style easily told apart from a crowd of a thousand mainstream fantasy writers. Despite the slight oversight of foreshadowing certain things, the narrative flows smoothly and has an inner logic quite easily graspable to someone experienced in the genre.