Very interesting. So, obviously everything I thought I knew about vampires is totally wrong or in other words, fake news. I especially liked the ending. Who knew that vampires were nice people? So, if garlic does not keep vampires away, what does?
Very amusing story, and a happy ending,and a great lesson, all of the elements that a good fairy tale is suppose to have. And this was a good fairy tale!
The lesson, that I took from the story, was you can accomplish more through cooperation and friendship than you can by yourself.
A very well written story! Good for Susan, standing up for herself against her big brother like that. I wish that it was a little longer, but I understand that it was for a contest and you probably had a specific word amount. I hope that you write a longer more tailed version of the story soon.
Hay great story! I loved the ending. I only wish that it was a little longer, I would have liked a little more of back story. For instants, was she a child with a wild imagination pron to nightmares? If so, show us some examples. And obviously she went to collage and built a prototype of a personal protection device. What was her motivation to take science? Was it her nightmares. Oh where can I buy one of those devices?
Well it's OK but just OK, it has the potential for being excellent, but it needs to be longer an your story needs to be fleshed out a bit. Who is this Sadra and her friend? What is this Alliance of Extra-Solar Terrestrial Planets, are they friendly or are they here to take us over?
Has the potential for being an excellent story, but it needs to be a bit longer. Who is she, what happened to put her in the hospital? Was there something sinister involved, was the man in her room involved in the plot? These are some of the question I would like to see answered in your story.
Great story! I loved the ending. I must confess, when I first read the statement "Weightless, he slipped onto the crumpled linens" I was a little bit puzzled, but of course at the end I understood perfectly. That was a nice and unexpected twist.
Well it is OK, but how could he have committed that many murders and eluded the police for so long? In fact the police don't seem to even know about these murders, how can that be? Even though it started out a bit slow it was interesting once it got going.
Excellent, very well writing. The way that you can tell that you have an excellent story, or not, is if the reader tells you that they wish that the story was longer, and that is what I am saying to you. I hope that you keep writing this type of story.
Although it is good, I think that it needs to be a lot longer. Maybe you cold explain a bit more to the person that you are trying to cheer mup about why they are the most amazing girl(or boy) out there give some examples of what the are talented in.
A good story, and potentially a great story. I think the story move to quickly I think I would have Mike in the forest two or three days before he met that old man. And I would not have had the old man reveal his ID as quickly as he did. Keep writing.
Very good, I liked the description of the children. You left me wanting more, I hope that you are going to write a longer version of this story. Did you get the news that you were hopping for? If so how did you celibate? Or if you receive disappointing news, how did you react? How did the Doctor give you the news?
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