\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steven-writer
Review Requests: ON
1,830 Public Reviews Given
1,882 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of In the Woods  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A poem that captures a moment in time, the fear of the animals upon hearing something out of place. There is a build, some tension, then relief at the end when the deer is safe. It is sweet, almost something for children.

I read poetry out loud, and there were two lines that were awkward - the opening one, and the one that starts "suddenly". The opening is too long and makes the shorter lines after feel odd, while suddenly invites a pause and makes this line a little long as well.

Apart from that, the poem worked well. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of The Virus  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Writing about the coronavirus and all that it meant, especially at the time, is a very good way to have some sort of cathartic release. And that fact that now, years after you wrote this, it is still here and still killing people is something that I find unbelievable.

As a poem, the rhyme scheme is fine except the word "end" which does not rhyme with dead/ fled/ dread.

But the biggest issue is the rhythm I read poetry out loud and with a aaaa-bbbb etc. rhyme scheme,. it wants a constant rhythm. But the syllable count is all over the place and the rhythm just is not there. It makes it awkward to read.

So, a good idea, some fine concepts, but a few little things to be looked at. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This could be a fun little story for children. The idea of a farm and old mines that could swallow you up would capture the imagination, for sure.

But what age is this aimed at? The language is simplistic for younger readers, but you do not use patois when writing for that age group, and it definitely isn't for olkder readers. There is nothing here to indicate an age that this story could be used for.

Technically, even ignoring the use of dialect, there are a lot of errors throughout. This does need a thorough edit.

So a fine idea, but the delivery does need work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Balance  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Some poignant observations that are not becoming any less poignant as the years go by. You offer some simple solutions but also acknowledge that there is one simple solution - your last line.

I read poetry out loud and the opening verse was awkward to read in relation to the rest. Also you had occasional direct rhymes which wanted to form a rhythm the rest of the poem did not possess. These are verbal issues.

As a poem you have put forth your ideas well, though. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Turned  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good slow build of tension here, and we got into Judy's mind well. There could have been more made of her physiological responses to what was happening, to really up the tension, however. The idea of circles being the things to get to her is a good one; really hard to avoid them.

Two things: "She could remove herself from it..." feels a lot more definitive than just being locked up in an asylum. And the paragraph starting: "Several months passed. It was decided..." is not necessary. Big chunk of tell when it could just as easily have been placed in the narrative.

Technically, you're missing commas of address in direct speech and occasionally go into the passive voice a little too much.

Still, a good story and you followed the prompt well. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
While there is some darkness and horror here with a spirit, it does not ring as horror because of the denouement. The ending is pure and literal deus ex machina which does take away from the terror of the piece.

While Dana is afraid and you have shown her fear from the beginning, all we are told is she is afraid. At the start, the opening, you get into everything really well - her physiological and emotional responses to what is happening, but then that is all but forgotten as the story progresses.

And Wicca is nature-based. No Wiccans would summon demons. It's like you stretched to find a bad guy to bring this being into the world.

Technically, it was very clean. Nicely done.

If this story had stayed as intense throughout as it was at the beginning, this would have been quite the scary story, but it lost it about halfway through. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of The Stick man  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
While I saw the ending coming very early on, this is still a creepy story of a child haunted by the spirit and then replacing it, almost the original Poltergeist ("They're hee-ere!") transferred to a tree from a TV. Although I have to say I didn't see the note coming; that was a nice touch.

The build-up was good and made sense in the context of the story. The way it got a little worse each time, the school teacher noticing, the father's essential denial, the mother's worry, and then the final living in a tree.

The problem with the story was that there was a lack of emotion. I didn't get a feeling of stakes or genuine fear from the responses of the characters. I think I would have kept the story entirely in mum's PoV (not a first person tale, limited 3rd) and used her growing fear and terror to drive it forward.

Technically it was very clean.

A good story, I just wanted a little more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An entity previously called, a new occupant dealing with it, finding evidence from an old occupant of its reality and how to banish it, then trying the ritual and it working. Almost. This is a standard horror trope, and you've delivered it well.

However, the story was all tell with very little show. We are told everything going on, but we have no real emotion in the tale. It is a series of things that happen. They make sense in context - even the notebook just being there would be almost like the previous owner wanted to help a future owner - but things just happened. There was no sense of Rainey's growing fear. It just felt frantic.

Technically, there are some issues with paragraph separation, either sentences after a carriage return or two speakers in one para.

So, an interesting look at an old trope. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was a sweet little romance, a description of a dinner between two people in love, and it is clearly a love that has lasted for a while.

Technically, it was very clean. Visually, I wonder why you separated the lines like you did in the paragraph starting, "“Would you care for..." It felt odd.

But a nice little tale with such pleasant feel about it. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review of Werewolves  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A descriptive poem, stating what a werewolf is, this does its job well. Everything follows the modern interpretation of the myth, and is there.

It lacks some emotion, though. While I know it is description primarily, poetry does seem to me to need to involve emotion, and this might as well have been a list. There are not length restrictions, so you might as well take each point and expand upon it, make these creatures deserving of fear. Show, not tell.

Still, as a description, it's fine. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review of Witch  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Good, strong poem about what the witches of the past endured before their souls were set free to become as one with nature and the world. You don't belabour the point, just state it. I like the idea of them rising as a phoenix after what they go through.

I think it does lack some emotion, though. Something more intense than "aching and pleading" would have upped the ante in the trials they endured.

Still, a strong work. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of The Voice  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


The tale of a person hounded by the memory of his father's voice and an admonishment he heard often during his life. He ignores it and continues with his day.

I think I have it.

The set up is really good. This is a man who cannot let go of this one part of his past. But the story went nowhere. It feels like it should have something about it that this mental admonishment leads to, but all we get is the person thinks that it's going to be a long day.

Technically it is also very strong.

I just wish this intriguing set up had more meat on its bones. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of 1st Jan 2000  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I know this is old, but it was an interesting look back. What would we do with the value of foresight, knowing the future? I know you don't go into that here, but this piece does lead itself open to some very interesting questions. How would you go nowadays, ten years after you wrote this, and all the extra knowledge you now have?

While this is more a vignette than a story, the simple fact of the matter is this is very thought-provoking, just the basic concept, and the way you have presented it.

Technically, it was very clean, so nicely done.

I enjoyed this and how it got into my head. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was an interesting op-ed. I have to say, a quick check and here, the term "gal" has not made a comeback and I don't think it would; it was never that popular here in the first place.

But what you've done is put forth your point of view and your reasons for said point of view well and without getting into extremes. Your delivery is well-done and subdued, and yet angry (or at least annoyed).

Technically, very clean; nicely done.

It is good for people like me to hear different cultural aspects. so thank you, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Interesting piece of flash. You have managed to tell the story well within the constraints of the flash fiction format, with the right mix of show and tell when given so few words to play with. The use of dialogue was well done. The ending did feel a little abrupt, but again, that is the nature of this form.

Technically, some missing commas in direct speech was about all I noticed.

So, a fun little story. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was a great little piece of flash fiction. Admin foul-ups even in the other world. I like the whole attitude of the narrator - Death again, and then maybe I can't eat the sandwich.

After cancer, I guess nothing fazes some people.

Technically, very clean. Nicely done.

Wonderful piece and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Yep, a second anniversary review.

This was a rather depressing poem. I wasn't sure just what I would be getting into with a political poem, but this was a lot darker than I thought it would be. No answers are given, just a dire situation.

Interestingly, the use of alliteration throughout gives the poem an almost spat-out feeling of rage. It works well with this topic.

I was not expecting this, and am glad I found it. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi. Found this in review request.

This is a well thought-out string of meditations on one of the main things that concerns writers - ideas. You put forward your history without belabouring it, and yet bemoan finding that original idea.

As someone who has been writing for quite some time - there are no original ideas. The idea is not the key; ideas cannot be copyrighted. It is what you do with it that makes the writing yours.

Without trying to bignote myself, here's 2 blog entries that I think explains this:
"20250324 One Situation, Many Writers" Open in new Window.
"20250423 Two Songs, One Meaning (Using Similar Story Ideas)" Open in new Window.

As a personal piece and a musing on writing, this is quite good and technically it is very clean. It also follows the conventions of an op-ed nicely.

I hope the ideas thing does not hold you back. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Well, yep - this is dark.

It might be a very brief piece, but there is something here that makes you ponder and think. Yes, we find out what these dark things are near the end, but that is easily missed.

And it makes perfect sense. This is not so much short story as philosophical musing, and one that hits the nail on the head. Why won't memories leave us alone?

Technically - strong. No complaints here!

Really well done. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


As it's your anniversary, I thought I'd give something new a read. Well, an hour and a bit later, and this had me engrossed.

Your vignettes, tales and stories of times past are great. I could be pedantic and complain about a few technical things, but considering this is a blog and hasn't been touched in a couple of years, I won't.

What I will say, though, is this is a great example of how I teach the older people I do workshops for when it comes to writing an autobiography for their children or future generations. This is exactly the way I teach it. I might email you later and ask if I can use it as an example.

But as a blog and a series of memories it is entertaining and covers such a wide variety of topics and incidents that, like I said, I couldn't stop reading.

I guess my main comment is... would you consider coming back to this?

Thanks for the read!
21
21
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

Words hurting is a complex issue, and the three things you have mentioned are definitely three important aspects. But what about the fourth - abuse when the words are designed to put a person down, using slurs and poor language?

And what about expectations when the person cannot hope to meet them? Not the talented, but the mediocre trying to live up to an ideal they cannot reach?

This discussion feels rather surface level. It just basically says accept it, get on with life, but when words are used again and again to belittle and put a person into place, that can be very hard.

Technically, there were a lot of missing capital letters. There were also a lot of run-on sentences that obscured the meaning. And missing letters are also evident in some words. This needs a good edit from that point of view.

As an essay, there is not a real conclusion and you lack the definitions to let the reader know by the terms you use what exactly you are representing.

This is a good start, but it does feel like a draft.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

List poems can be an awkward beast, but I think you've done a good job here. The analogy of the person growing old compared to the natural beauty of the world is a really good one. While some of it is stuff I couldn't relate to (I'm in a different country), the overall idea and concept is nice.

The dropnote explaining things did help me, someone with no idea about the USA.

There is very little I could offer here, except to say I enjoyed this one. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
This came up on Read a Newbie.

So, you have given a very brief overview of a piece of US history. Very brief. The cannon was loaned to the settlers who refused to return it. Even I, a non-USian, know that. Apart from that... why did they have the cannon? What other underlying reasons were there for an uprising? This makes it seem like an isolated incident.

Also, who are the "Texians"? Texans are people from Texas now, but a reader would need context that this was what the settlers called themselves. You just drop the term in without explanation.

Technically: Inured should be injured. Casualtie should be casualty. Some missing commas for context.

As far as an essay or non-fiction article goes, it does not follow any of the rules for the form. Part of that is the shortness and lack of detail.

This is a topic that could be fascinating looking back with a modern eye.

Good luck going forward.
24
24
Review of Hibernation  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

I wondered where the poem was going at the start, then it became obvious - a poem of grief and uncertainty about the future. I like that - leave the reader guessing at first before slowly revealing the true source of the emotions.

Those last three lines really punctuate the poem nicely.

I read poetry out loud, and this was a little awkward at first; it took me a couple of goes to get into its rhythm. I did find one in the end, just a little awkward at first, is all.

So, a strong poem. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


it took me a while to "get" this, but once I think I did, it brought a smile to my face. It reads as a celebration of the pagan, the Mother being Nature, the savage daughter a form of the women who run with wolves.

Taking it that way, it is a strong poem of freedom and doing what a person wants, living in harmony. I think you've captured this concept well, and the repeated refrain throughout reinforces the fact this is not necessarily a solo activity, but open to everyone.

Technically, one typo: "thunder ad rain" -> "thunder and rain"

This is a strong poem. Nicely done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
956 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 39 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steven-writer