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Review Requests: ON
1,767 Public Reviews Given
1,816 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Streak  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Entertaining little vignette, with too many double entendres at the end to really count. Technically very clean, and just a fun read.

I think my only issue is claiming this to be an "American" pastime. The first recorded streaker was an Australian (Mike O'Brien) at an English soccer game. English streakers have been harrassing cricketers for years. Streaking at a car race almost resulted in a streaker becoming a red smear at Bathurst.

Still, great tale, fun, and the poor guy who hit the pole.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up as a random read so I thought I'd review it.

3 of my 4 great-grandfathers fought in WW1, but only one ever spoke to me about it. He was gassed at Fromelles in France. He only told me that because my dad asked him to. He never liked speaking about the war.

Your poem was something I could relate to. That old man who was so strong and stoic, who had gone through so much as a child (my great-grandpa lied about his age to go fight) and didn't like to dwell on it.

As a poem, it had a constant rhythm (I read poetry out loud and this was easy to read) with a constant rhyme scheme. My only question is why those first two lines start the poem when they are repeated later on? They don't really add to the tale already before us.

But this was a strong poem. Nice work. And good luck going forward.


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3
3
Review of Wonder  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

This is a strange story, posing a series of questions and hinting there is an answer. But it seems to be founded on an odd premise - learning diminishes emotion. That does not make sense. Even as a philosophical question, the basis is flawed, which makes the story lose its impact.

Technically, it seems fine, but you have an extra carriage return in the last paragraph, which is more a typo than anything.

There is something intriguing here, but it lost me on the premise. Sorry. Good luck going forward.


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4
4
Review of Fear of failure  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

This is an interesting little op-ed about failure, and I have to agree - some people are so afraid of failure that they do nothing.

As a piece it is tight and technically very clean. You have added a little emotion so it does not come across as dry. My only complaint is it does feel a little short, and that's hardly a huge thing.

Still, this is a well done piece of writing. Good luck going forward.


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5
5
Review of Two Red Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This came up so here I am.

Entertaining piece of flash fiction. You captured Cathy's fear and "fight or flight" response well, and then the attack to kill the alleged interloper.

(Yes, I am old enough to know a VCR...)

Technically, it was really clean. There is very little I can add; this was just a fun piece. And I can almost hear Allan's exasperated voice.

Well done, and good luck going forward.


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6
6
Review of Quantum Communion  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is an older piece, but it came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

Taking the sadness of another being expressed onto you and allowing that that sit, then not letting it take over, so your own green shoot/ red rose comes to life anyway. That's how I read it. It might be a short poem, but it gives a bit of a punch,

I think I am possibly missing something, but I did like this poem. Nice job.


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7
7
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review' so here I am.

This is an intriguing opening. I am guessing Avery is going to go after discovering who the mysterious BBB is, and that is a strong concept for a story.

This, though, had a lot of technical issues. Even in the poem - the phrase "Albatrosses Outcry" could have been "Albatross' (or Albatross's) Outcry". (By the way, I did appreciate the poem being in a different font - that works well and helps make the poem the focus of the tale.)

Direct speech punctuation and set-out was all over the place. For a start, every new speaker gets a new paragraph. But also the use of commas, etc. needs editing.

Further, there were a lot of run-on sentences, especially in what the teacher was saying, which made meaning rather awkward to glean.

In all, this needs a lot of editing.

The story itself looks like it could be a strong one as the story goes further, but without those edits, it is going to be difficult for readers to understand what is going on.

Good luck going forward.


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8
8
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read A Newbie' so here I am.

Depressing piece, a topic touched on by many in prose, poetry, flash, short story, you name it. That does not mean it is not worth doing - every idea deserves multipole voices. You have taken it from the PoV of the deceased, and have asked questions of those left behind they might not be comfortable answering honestly. It is a nice tack to take.

I especially like that you did not provide the answers, but let them hang, making the brief piece more universal.

Technically, clean; however, in the first para you had "...whispered at his funeral..." then you changed to first person (direct speech doesn't matter). If you want to hide the identity of the corpse, then just put "...whispered at the funeral..." Apart from that, all good.

It also lacks a little emotion. There were hints of anger, but that was about all. It was more philosophical than personal, but the story feels personal.

These are, of course, my thoughts.

Good luck going forward.


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9
9
Review of You  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A sad poem that shows the change of thought between the narrator and object of desire... or the realisation the relationship is not all it seems. It works well, with some strong emotion in the lines as they go through.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and that is where I got stuck. It starts as a rhyming poem, and so it set itself into a rhythm. But this then stops, and the lack of rhyme and rhythm makes it awkward to say out loud. Personally, I'd get rid of the rhymes and just go free form, as I think that will give you more latitude to say what you need to.

Anyway, still a good poem, and good luck going forwards.


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10
10
Review of Gang Rules  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Nice little flash fiction tale of the head of, I am guessing, a crime gang. Short, sharp and shiny, and you let the character of Usako really come through in her words and actions. We did not need to have anything more with her than we got - you portrayed her well. The two lackeys were there to be fodder, and that was fine, but you also gave them a degree of fear that fit well.

Technically, there is some editing needed, especially around direct speech punctuation, etc. And the second sentence has a weird verb construct that does not work as a sentence.

So, a fun piece of flash, but some editing needed. Good luck going forward.


(PS I chose this as it had no reviews yet. Happy anniversary!)


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11
11
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Having read some of your autobiography, this was an interesting look at things from the alternate point of view. I think you managed to get into the head of someone whose desires go in that direction, and I do like how there was no judgement in your writing either way. You just described the process this lad goes through.

Technically, it was very strong; well done.

I think the only thing missing was some indication of how he was actually feeling, how his body was reacting physiologically to this. It felt a little muted, when it could have been an exploration of wonder or caution or was there a hint of self-loathing? So much that could have been investigated.

Apart from that, a strong piece. Well done, good luck going forwards, and thank you for showing the bravery of approaching something that happened to you as a source of writing.


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12
12
Review of Mama Bear  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is a sweet tale of nature and motherhood, and how some things can cross species barriers, let alone cultural ones.

The description of the encounter and the bear with her first-time cubs, and her responses to the narrator were well done, and paint a nice word-picture of the scene. Having said that, I think I would have liked a little more of the narrator's innermost thoughts and descriptions of her physiology to really round this out.

Technically, you switch verb tenses halfway through, and there are some issues with direct speech/thought punctuation. Oh, and "BlackBerry" is an old computer device; "blackberry" is the fruit. *BigSmile*

So, this was a very nice little tale, and I can see it becoming something even better. Good luck going forward.


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13
13
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was a well-written piece. You showed a good use of description across all senses, and painted a word picture that was very easy to visualise.

Technically, it was very clean as well. A fine piece.

My only problem is that it felt incomplete. This felt more like a framing device for a series of stories to follow. That is fine, but for a tale like this to be open-ended when one character is a collector of stories does feel like it should be leading somewhere.

Still, as far as the writing itself goes, really well done. Good luck going forward.


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14
14
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This reads like a little fairy tale, one told to very young children, one based around not judging a book by its cover, and learn who the true person is. Important lessons to be sure.

This is marked as a "novel." This is not a novel. It is an idea for a story that could be novel-length, but it is not even a plan for a novel. There are no details; it is all tell and no show. We have no knowledge of the character of Malik, the motivations, anything.

The idea here is a strong one and if it was fleshed out a lot, it could be an entertaining tale. At the moment, however, it reads just as an idea.

Sorry.

Good luck going fortward.


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15
15
Review of The Kinfolks  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A fun, if violent, fantasy tale. The character of Billy being subservient to the action, just the catalyst for all happening, works well. Keeping the tale from his PoV was a strong move, so we hear the conversations from his perspective, and then get his memories thrown in, especially of his mother, hearing the people chasing him, hearing their demise, seeing the aftermath, then meeting the being that saved him.

You also give us some good descriptions of what Billy is going through, though some more would not go astray, especially concerning his physiology.

Technically, though, you need to look at the punctuation, grammar and formatting of direct speech, as it was all over the place. There were also a few run-on sentences. This does need a thorough edit.

There is a strong story here, and i think with some finessing, could be a winner. Good luck going forward.


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16
16
Review of Knowledge  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I think the title here really helps make this poem. Knowledge is indeed needed, but sometimes it is so hard, as you express in this work. The final stanza has some element of hope, but is it really that easy?

For poetic form, it works well. The repeated refrain works well.

Sorry I don't really have much more to say. I liked this poem, and know too many who could relate.

Good luck going forward.


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17
17
Review of Star Gazing  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was a charming piece of flash fiction. You got about the right mix of show vs tell considering the word count limitations, and we had a nicer scenario playing out between two people who clearly really like one another.

Technically, there were a couple of issues. First, punctuation around direct speech and direct thought needs to be looked at; needs a good edit. Second, a lot of word repetition not for emphasis was evident (e.g. car, city, key). IOt just makes the writing feel lesser.

There is a strong piece of flash fiction here, just some tightening up in editing could help. Good Luck going forward.


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18
18
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You asked for completely honest reviews. So...

Well, as for a story, it is intriguing. A mix of old and new, swords and guns, runes spelling out English, Latin words without proper meaning (the phrase here means "so much our world of rain"), gods on earth who can be avatar-slain, so the setting is a true fantasy one, a mixture of many elements. That is well done - you have shown us this without doing an info-dump or spelling it out.

However, with everything else, you have told us the story without showing. There is very little build, just a matter of things happening. The characters hardly respond, and what responses are there are muted by a lack of emotion. It feels distant. So while the story is intriguing, the writing is lifeless for the most part. There are times when there is emotion that corresponds to what is going on, but very little.

Technically, generally this was fine, but you need to look at your punctuation of direct speech. Needs a lot of work. And a lot of words repeated (e.g. "said") that dilute the story.

This is a story with potential, but it can really be beefed up, both story-wise and technically, to really grab and engage a reader.

Good luck going forward.


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19
19
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A short little article/ essay/ opinion piece and, I have to say, I agree with you. What I liked about this was that you mentioned how some people do feel money can buy happiness, but then you mention those things that money can't buy (though, for some, health might be...).

Technically, it was strong. You utilised the essay structure well with introduction, info paragraphs, and conclusion.

I think my only issue is that it felt too short. Was there another point that could have been made in the body of your argument?

Still, well done and good luck going forward.


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20
20
Review of A Life Lived  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A decent look at life in the poetic form. Questioning ourselves and if it is worthwhile, then coming to the conclusion that it just might be is a reasonably common theme for poets to tackle, and you've done this well.

Looking at it as poetry, I read poetry out loud, and this one was difficult. The abcb/defe/ghih/etc. rhyme scheme was well done and none of the rhymes felt forced, but that scheme does seem to want a consistent meter, and the syllable count for this was not consistent at all. It constantly broke my rhythm of saying it.

For a content perspective, I have two questions: Why mention 90s films? It does not fit in with what was said and what makes a 90s film? I went to cinema a lot in that decade and there is no underlying feel for 90s movies; maybe "pop culture" would be a better catch all, indicating that influence.

Second, the first two lines of the last stanza: what do they mean? The last two lines could do with some extra words, but those two lines confuse me.

Anyway, a good attempt at the poem, and good luck going forward.


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21
21
Review of Mine  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Came across this on Read & Review so here I am.

Interesting little bit of flash fiction. Doiing what no-one else has done is always a fun time.

However, I didn't get what he did differently, what no-one else would have done. He just took it and swam away. That felt rather anti-climactic. It seemed... to easy. The story lacked punch.

Also, can doors creak underwater?

Sorry.

The writing was fine, the story just felt "there."

Good luck going forward.


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22
22
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I recognise this from the activity, but never got a chance to read yours.

I like the opening MJ reference, and the whole feels like a scene out of Dawn Of The Dead.

The paragraph separation needs to be more consistent because it feels odd (why are the direct speech paras so close and then there are double spaces elsewhere?) and makes me think I'm missing something. But that is it for a technical point of view.

The main thing is there is a lack of emotion. Not only the physical attraction but also the fear at being confronted by zombies. Everything felt muted, like they were going through the paces.

Still, a fun tale, I just think it could have been even better.


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23
23
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I actually feel for the old lady. The fact that technology moves fast and older people are expected to just keep up and then are treated oddly when they cannot is a sad indictment on modern society.

You have captured it well, and yet the laughter at the teller's comment felt almost mocking. The idea of a bank leaving something at a grave did make up for it, though. So, a fun little piece of flash fiction.

The only things I'd comment on in the way it is written are personal ideas, nothing actually wrong, so that's fine.

But, yes, as I said, fun flash. Good luck going forward.


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24
24
Review of Double Ow Seven!  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I admit, I laughed. The last line was perfect for the rest of the haiku. Told its story in so few words, followed the 5-7-5 syllable count, last line slightly disconnected from the first two but still associated.

Nothing to actually complain about here at all (I am not going to be pedantic about the lack of nature haikus are "supposed" to have). And it made me laugh.

Can't ask for anything more! Good luck going forward.


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25
25
Review of Aussie Gold  Open in new Window.
Review by S 🤦 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Well, glad you showed me this in time for another anniversary review!

I like the way you picked one of the lesser known Australian goldfield. The big one - and the one that attracted most USians - was in Victoria, but the NT and Queensland ones were just as bountiful, only much, much harder to get to. And the use of a South African was good; they were renowned for being arrogant on the fields, and also failing a lot of the time because no-one liked to help them.

Technically, this was great; I saw nothing amiss. My only comment would be the use of the term Mexican Turnover. I know it because I read a lot, but some readers might not get the substitution trick reference.

Still, a fun little story about a place where cultures did cross over. And, yes, your research was well done.

Good luck going forward.


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