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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sthompson
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58 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Water  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there,

Welcome to Writing.com. I'm looking forward to reading more that you put in your portfolio.

I liked this piece. I like your voice, your style. I didn't like the typo's. If you go back and clean this up a bit, I'd be happy to re-rate it.

Some suggestions:

Either double space between paragraphs or indent. The first paragraph starts flush left. P's 2 & 3 are indented.

Use capital I's instead of i. Won't instead of wont. I'm instead of Im. My name's or My name is instead of names.

Write On!
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Review of Bariatric Surgery  
Review by SueBear
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Thanks for sharing such a personal experience. I'd like to re-read it once you've finished it. I'm glad you made it through the surgeries OK.

I read your story because I have a friend interested in the procedure and I was curious about it.

Since it's just a draft, I simply rated it at 3 stars. I'd be happy to come back and re-review it later.

Write On!

Susan
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Review of Testing the wind  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome to Writing.com, Clayton. You'll find that this is a wonderful, supportive community of readers and writers (not that we don't have personality conflicts now and again!). I'm looking forward to seeing you fill your port (aka portfolio) with lots of stuff.

Write On!

Susan
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Review of Perhaps  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (5.0)
Overall Impression

*Star* This is such a wonderful poem. Very well written.

Things I liked

*Star* the meter

*Star* the imagery "the golden, muted light of autumn afternoon"

*Star* the compassion for the subject of the poem & the obvious understanding of how bad a headache can feel

Things to think about

*Star* Nuttin'! I wouldnt' change a thing.

Write On!
Susan
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5
5
Review of Alone  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, what a powerful poem. Nice work. I see what your reviewers mean when they comment about the blank space at the bottom. It does look like you forgot to add more. One way to solve that would be to have more blank spaces at the top. It doesn't need to be centered, but more spaces at the top would give the impression that it's floating in space, alone, which is what I think you were going for.
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Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a nice idea! I like the idea of including the testimonials on the page, nice touch!

And to be nitpicky: The spacing on your stars throughout the page are different. Some have spaces between them and some don't. I realize this is a small thing, but I found it a bit distracting. I know, I'm weird, but I notice those things.

And another nitpicky thing: One one sig, you use the user link to show who made it, and on another, you just show the user name. I think they should be consistent and use the user link.

It's a long page, but it really works. I like how you've shown the sigs and given the image numbers for people to use. The use of color helps break things up. It's a nice layout.

Write On!

-Susan
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Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi DJ,

Welcome to Writing.com.

Interesting idea for a poem. The phrase "that which doesn't kill me makes me strong" and it's varients are so true. I recommend fixing the word "cant" in the last line. It just needs it's '.

Thanks for sharing! Write On!

--Susan
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Review of Jack's Girls  
Review by SueBear
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I rarely rate poetry. It's such a personal experience that I find it hard to quantify. Again, formatting and spacing issues. *Laugh* I love the imagry of the last line...fog trailing lover's fingertips. Sweet! And the "cage I exist to serve" pretty powerful. Nice work.

Welcome to Writing.com! woo hoo!

Love ya,

Susan
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Review of travel in AZ  
Review by SueBear
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Formatting again! Don't ya just hate that? *Smirk* And I saw a few comma errors but didn't take the time to mark them for you. My boys are just home from the store and I'm typing in the few seconds between hearing the garage door open and them coming in and needing help unloading groceries.
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Review of the children  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (5.0)
You, my dear, are a writer. Clear and simple. Hear me. I love reading these essays when you send them out to the family. I am jealous when you do because I don't write things like that. What a marvelous gift you're giving your children to preserve their childhoods with these letters.

I would go through and check the formatting with a fine tooth comb when you've a free moment. Paragraphs are smooshing together and there are some spacing issues.

Love ya!

--Susan
11
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Review of life swap  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (4.0)
*waves*

I loved this when I first read it. I think it's so awesome that a) you did it, b)you survived! and c) that you wrote about it!

I have one suggestion and that is to simply double space between paragraphs or to indent at the beginning of the paragraph. You'll find that the formatting often changes/gets lost when you cut/paste from other programs.

Love ya!

--Susan
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Review of First Attempt  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hiya Carol

Welcome to Writing.com!

*Star* Cute first entry. I don't know if you meant it to, but it reads like a poem. We're a very friendly community, though there are instances of unacceptable feedback (one of your worries). I've never had any issues and all of my interactions here have been positive. Take some time, wander around the site, click where your mood strikes. See you around WDC. *Delight*

Write On!
Susan
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Review of Algebra Class  
Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (3.5)
Overall Impression

*Star* What a cute poem about algebra class. I got a chuckle out of it. Reminded me of a nasty history class I took in high school. *Laugh*

Things I liked

*Star* These lines:
*Bullet* Where time does seem to cease its flow
Nowhere to run, nowhere to go
*Laugh* So true, so true.

*Star* Nice work. It's funny. You captured the agony of the class, that's for sure.

Things to think about

*Star* Not a thing.

Write On!
Susan
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14
14
Review of All I Really Want  
Review by SueBear
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well, if we continue to grow as writers the more we write, then wonderful things will sprout from your pen. This is a wonderful poem. The meter works. The words work. Even adding to the number of sentences in the last two stanzas works. Excellent job. Love the imagry.

Write On!
--Susan
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Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow. Five pretty powerful lines. I especially liked the action and imagery in the first two lines: rainbows kissing your face and breathing in the sky. Powerful question, What does it mean to be me? Did you figure it out? I'd love to see more to this poem, or maybe another about your journey. (hmmm...maybe I should wander through your port?)

Thanks for sharing!

Write On!

--Susan
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Review by SueBear
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya Viv!

Wow! Love it. Love the baseball diamond, love how the catcher is in the tiny corner of the picture. I'm hoping that the G in your name only looks like a B because of being scanned! *Laugh* Can't wait to read it!

Write On! (or in your case, book cover on!}

--Susan
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Review of A Box of You  
Review by SueBear
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh man, you sucked me in on this one! I even knew the ending 'cause I had scrolled down to see how long it was and read the last two lines. But I found when I read it from the top, I really didn't know how it ended. I kept rushing faster and faster to see what happened next. What a great short story!

I recommend that you go back and add a double space between paragraphs to make them easier to read. Often when cutting/pasting from another software program the formatting gets messed up.

And this sentence should be broken down into two sentences:

Cardboard boxes were piled high against the wall filled with old photos PERIOD Letters and toys and WHAT? were surrounded by ancient, creaking furniture, forgotten long ago.

Really nice job. My heart is still pounding. Thanks for sharing!

Susan
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Review by SueBear
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I agree with your conclusion. My hubby is of the "organized" variety and your point about getting the clothes in the vicinity of the laundry basket is right on target.

Too cool...

Keep on writing!

Susan
19
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Review of The Last Page (1)  
Review by SueBear
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi, I have viewed! And read a good portion of the item, not just the beginning. I can't take the time to finish it right now 'cause my little kidlet is waking from his nap, but I wanted you to know that I've been reading.

I think you've got a good start here. I did get confused in the first paragraph about "reading the pages in his eyes" and what exactly you meant, but by the time I read further on, I figured it out.

I did get hooked into the story and I'd like to read the whole thing someting.

Nice work!

Susan
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20
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Review by SueBear
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi,

I've given this a quick read and I think you've got a pretty good piece here. I'd rate it higher but I see some grammar errors that should be looked at.

For example:
"Well," I say. "I already have the interview with Matt, I talked to the girls in Eric and Dylan's bowling class, and if I have to deal with that little weasel from Lockheed Martin one more time..."

I would change the comma after Matt to a period. And you need 4 periods at the end of the second sentence. 3 periods are the elipses and the final period is the final period, the ending punctuation.

Unfortunately, I'm too sick to write anything more detailed at this time. I saw your request for reviews on scroll and wanted to take a quick peek.

Nice work! Keep on writing!
Susan
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21
21
Review of Rant on Less  
Review by SueBear
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a cute and funny way to explain a grammar point. I'm sure I won't do it wrong again, not with this excellent reminder. It had me smiling all the way through.

You might want to consider changing "gerroff me" to "gettoff me". It took me a few read throughs to figure out what you meant.

I would also change your words to black and the intruder's words to blue. The blue visual clue indicated to me that the speaker had changed, which in fact, it had not.

Nice work! Keep on writing!

Susan
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22
22
Review by SueBear
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. As I reread it (several times now) I like it more and more. Pretty powerful. You've got some interesting stuff in your head.
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