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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stolenthrones
Review Requests: ON
46 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I will read through it and tell you what I like and what doesn't seem to fit. I'll be honest I don't really like getting sugercoated reviews so I'll review yours the way I want a review. I'll tell you where I saw mistakes and things that seem out of place. I'm not to good at the punctuation. I hope to get the review back to you in a few days after accepting. My star rates. FIVE star: it's now in my top books/stories. FOUR and a HALF star: very good I will read this again. FOUR star: I enjoyed it I might come read it again sometime needs a little work bring it to me again sometime. THREE and a half star: It was alright needs a bit of editing. THREE star: its alright has a lot of work needed will only read again if you ask after you work a on it. TWO and a half star: I dreaded finishing it and would not like to read it again. TWO star: don't bring this back to me please. ONE star: Um what happened here? When you send me a request please let me know what your wanting from my review.
I'm good at...
Telling what I like about your writing and picking out where a sentence doesn't fit too well. Depending on if you ask me again after editing I'll look over something again except two and a half stars and below.
Favorite Genres
Fiction,fantasy,action/adventure and a lot others
Least Favorite Genres
Poetry, non-fiction(depends on the kind).
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, chapters, books by chapter, pretty much anything
Least Favorite Item Types
poetry
I will not review...
Poetry I'm terrible at it and don't really enjoy it. Anything with sex. Anything very mushy. I will only review some things rated 18+ if they exclude the things above. You may request and I will let you know why I accept or decline.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I love this story it was sooooo amazing! Love how Jackie is such a gentlemen keeping his distance and staying out of tempting situations. It is a little hard to disifer the conversations as I can't always tell who is saying what. It may just be because of the way this site shift's everything but yes its a bit of a struggle to read. I llloooovvvvveeee the way Jackie talks, I don't know how you did it I've tried and it is so so so hard. Honestly I don't really like the last three chapters. The first 12 were amazing and I feel like it kinda went down hill after that.

Great job!
2
2
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this I think I'll be reading these!
3
3
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this calander thank you for all the work you have put into it for my non techy person *Laugh* Am lovin the fall theme
4
4
Rated: E | (3.5)
Haha cute! Love that he danced with his daughter.

I don't very much like star ratings so if you go to my review tab it shows how I use the stars.

I would suggest adding (*) or (-) for a scene change

Also you I'm very unsure who each character is. You may either want to give the characters a little background or maybe use less names and people?

Last thing if I where to write this one out I would switch the third and fourth paragraphs I believe it would read more smoothly.

Good job. Your story was cute. Please only use what you see is worthy of your story because it is your story not mine.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Rated: E | (4.5)
HAhaha looove it! Took me a bit to figure out what was happening! You got me questioning everything I read and doubting what I though I understood. I love this it was an awesome story, you answered all but one of my questions. You straightened out my doubts *Laugh*. Very smooth read. Rating is great. I only noticed one thing.

“No sir, no,” pocketing the wallet with his badge and ID. “Detective," trying to calm himself and the old man. “Detective Martin,” catching his breath, “Can I like to ask you a question?”

So for the last sentence it looks like you may have been thinking of two different ways to say it and accidentally wrote both so I believe it should be

"Can I ask you a question?"
OR
"I would like to ask you a question?" may look more like a question if you said
"I woud like to ask you a question if that's alright?"

I love how Denny and Hunter both are like, these are my people and no one will hurt them. They both love their townspeople and will defiantly be a great match.

Alright so one question that I have, why was Hunter wanted by interpol? Was it because they suspected she was stealing? Ok you may have answered that question but just wanna be sure.

Great story!

RookieTea


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Rising Stars Blog  
for entry "Persuasive Dialogue
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh oh oh oh! Yeeeee! Me is super exited this is amazing! Is this a start of something new?

I only noticed few small things your writing is in purple

With the way you have written the rest of the story, I believe the third line should not have been "entered" Like
HERE
(so you would delete this space)
HERE
[please lemme know if this doesn't make sense]

There isn't a space between.
"Answer the question."
"Answer mine first."
I believe it is supposed to have a space, also this spot is very close to the bottom of your story

Last thing, in the last line she says
"I already gave you my phone. Isn't that answer enough?"
Is she talking about giving it to Caleb just then or is she saying she had given it to Caleb before? Maybe you want this question to be asked?

Alright, great job! Keep writing cause I really need more!

Also awesome cliff hanger

RookieTea
7
7
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Amazing! Now I can't seem to find the rest of the story for this, will you point me in the right direction.
Oh wait in Loren's head but I can't go there.
Loren, you now must write a story for this because I can not read your mind.
8
8
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
OOOOhhh this is so heartbreaking! Has anyone made a story on this? Like a based on a true story movie of book? And girl I loooove your problematic flair for dramatic!
9
9
Rated: E | (4.5)
EEEEEEEE! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! *jumping up and down* (I need more vocabulary) Amazing! Wonderful! Good Job! Love it!

*rubs hands together* Spit it out Loren. Where's the rest. I was just gettin comfy.

Honestly, I need a way to fan someone double cause you'd be there. Your biggest fan here needs more of your fiction, pretty sure I've read them all.
10
10
Review of Fixes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great story! I did notice a few things so I'll go ahead and point them out.

Line seven, you said Darrel is holding Ziggy, but I think you meant Giffy/Griffin because in the third line you are talking about Darrel catching Griffy.

Line eight, I'm unsure what the king has to do with this story?

Line eleven, how had Darrel gone through it before(I know this isn't very important for a flash fiction but it would if you made it a longer story, and this would be a great longer story)

Line fifteen, why did it look like nothing had happened?

Here's something else.

I believe Darrel is a wizards apprentice, but as I read you seemed to have changed the apprentice to Ziggy so I'm very unsure.
Ziggy or would it be Darrel is his helper or maybe a friend.

And who is Griffin? Yes he was a lizard what was he before
(OOOhhh, wait I see, Griffin was the wizard) *Laugh* very funny.


I would just suggest you go back and read it again and make sure you have all the names in the right places or doing the right actions.


Wonderful job! Keep writing and don't let the small mix ups discourage you. Everyone does it(especially myself).

signature created for RookieTea



11
11
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is awesome, I think I'd better fan this so I can come back when I am not so very busy and try it out. Thank you for taking your time to write your piece and help those who struggle with these things (myself). I'll be coming by to check out your portfolio. Obviously you've come behind yourself and made sure nothing was wrong with this so I find it hard to review something already fixed so well. That being said I hope this review is encouraging if anything else.
12
12
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
OOhhhh! I loved it! Loved it! Loved it! Found this by clicking the Read & Review six (most likely more) times. So glad I ran into this piece before I gave up searching for something I would enjoy reviewing.

Read the last side note at the end and I am now overjoyed and can't wait to read more!

It was written really really well I saw no misspells or missing anythings.

My eyes even watered up a bit! I got very emotional, when Dot called. I was sucked in and your writing even put me in her shoes. I would surely have been in tears if I found that disaster after a (wrecked?) vacation.

Wonderful job, it was a very smooth and capturing read!

RookieTea
13
13
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hahahaha cute I love this. So realistic with the sibling fight. So now I must ask. Was it truly Stacy's fault? Or was it only a coincidence that Stacy had been planning to ruin it yet never had the chance and something bad still happened? I see John as one of the sweetest most annoying brothers ever.
14
14
Review of On Dragons Wings  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm honestly not sure what else to say other than Great job I loved it. I don't know how to review something that is already perfectly written. So wonderful writing!
15
15
Review of Night Terrors  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wonderful story! This was very well written. You did an amazing job at capturing the readers attention as you began the story and even better you held it and didn't let go. Even after the story ended I didn't want to look away because I was sure if I looked longer more of the amazing story would appear. Great job, please write more!

         RookieTea
16
16
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this. It feels like something I do very often. Hiding scared to succeed. I must take the first step of faith or I can never move forward. We must step forward and write, not hide from our keyboards and let our imagination grow old and forget. We must nurture it and let it grow and explode!
17
17
Review of Missing you  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Awww this made me cry. What breaks my heart the most is Rick isn't ready and she may never see him again. *Sob* *Sob*
18
18
Rated: E | (4.0)
So I'll be reviewing as I read! This is only my opinion so please only use what you like. Hang in here with me and ask all the questions you need.


Alright, what are the straps in a sweater? Are you talking about the strings in the hood? If so wouldn't it be strings instead of straps?

Aww I'm almost in tears already!

"Teeter-totter"

Have you thought of maybe having Eason show Hope how to safely slide on the ice with him instead of telling her not to run on it. That would be more safe since she would then know how to safely run/slide on the ice? Only a thought, since we all know how how much fun it is to slide on ice and fall giggling with our friends.
But this may not be what you like so this is only a suggestion.

Amazing job it is a very emotional story, very well written! Good job! I enjoyed reviewing this piece. I liked how you gave a few flashbacks it's always nice to get a little back story. Alrighty, I didn't see much of anything that needs fixed. There were things I would switch up if it were my story but that would change the characters to what I would do and that would end up changing your story to mine which we aren't doing. If you can hold your emotions together you should defiantly write more; by doing this it will give the reader more time to be sucked in and feel the story and meet the characters enough so that the reader will want to know the character even more, so they long to read more.

RookieTea






19
19
Review of Broken Past  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Ooooohhhhh ooohhh I loooveee this! Very good job the suspense was very good. I very much enjoyed this story. Is chapter 3 avaliable?
20
20
Review of Logic  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hahahaha this is soooo cute. Totally love it. It actually captures how kids think. Adorable! Good job!
21
21
Review of Logan  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Aww this is soo bitter sweet. I love it. Do you by any chance have more because if so I will totally read it! Good job.
22
22
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you I am now in tears. This is an awesome piece.

Um so favorite parts ALL OF IT! Ok ok no in all honesty my favorite parts are their past. I totally love it. Their story is very down to earth and realistic and I like that.

I'm not sure why but the story didn't catch my attention right away, but thinking about it most good books start like that so I wouldn't worry about it.

I officially want to know everything about their past together! Would you write more if you haven't already please!

I know you only asked for how I liked it and what I liked best but as I was reading a few parts caught my attention. Don't be devastated over what looks like a lot it isn't very much and most is just suggestions. I am trying to be very thorough because I have enjoyed it sooo much. (so I've taken care to look over all of this more than once). My suggestions are in red what you had already is in navy/blue.


I’m usually the logical one, I’m usually the one that knows the answer, but I don’t know the answer this time, and "but" this is new territory for me.

It’s been two months since your tragic and unexpected end and "but" the pain is still as fresh as the day I found out.

You’d "have" lean "leaned" forward with me and stare "stared" at me, fascinated and patiently waiting to hang onto every word I say.

I found in the dictionary Blonde means: a woman or girl having this coloration.
Blond means: a blond person.
I was always afraid that you’d drown, but my fears never came true, because your blonde "blond" hair always stood out, so I never lost you.

You looked behind "over" your shoulder and gave me that warm smile that always sent lightning bolts down my spine.

The sand was white like the snow and the sun glimmered off the water making "it" look like it was waiting for me.

Sweetheart, I know a lot about you. I know you love little spots like these, not only so we can be alone, but so that you can have a place where you "can" think and dream.

I missed my favorite girl. In my opinion since he has always called her sweetheart and Phoenix has never had a nickname for him I believe he should say "I've missed you sweetheart" and she should only say "I've missed you too" or "I've missed you too, Luca."

Your light was way too bright, it can’t "couldn't" be burned out. or Your light was way too bright to be burned out.

That was your voice calling my name. I believe it would flow better if you say. It was your voice calling my name

I didn’t need to say "the" words: you knew I was letting you go.

Again these are only suggestions so use what you will and discard what you don't want. Again amazing! Wonderful job! Keep writing!

I have made an exception to my star rating as there's a few things needing fixing but this piece was so good I couldn't rate it lower and will definitely be coming back to read it again even with these minor errors.

Now if this turns into a novel tell me and you might be joining my list of all time favorite authors.

Keep up your amazing writing,
RookieTea
23
23
Review of Small Moments  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I'm going to be totally honest. I started this not wanting to read it and now that I have my heart wants to break. When I got to the end I was almost in tears. Wonderful job.
24
24
Rated: E | (3.5)
I love this. The idea is amazing.

I do believe it's moving a little to fast. With more detail and maybe starting earlier in the prince's life, I could see this changing into something of a novel maybe even one.

It does need a bit of work. I saw a few small errors here and there, none that I could bring forward without reading it again.

It isn't a very smooth read. This could be fixed by reading it aloud.

This story draws you in and holds you captive; that's awesome but I don't believe I would want to read it again. I haven't quite figured out myself what draws someone back again and again to a story.


Keep Writing,
RookieTea
25
25
Rated: E | (4.0)
I totally love this do you have more?

Also here is some small feedback.

I got a little mixed up while reading it when you use "you" at times one of them thinking and then the other, but its hard to decipher which is thinking sometimes.
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