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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/storyo
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Waiting Room  
Review by Storyo
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Overall I like it, and the twist at the end. You do a good job of building suspense. There are a couple of places where some minor re-writing is warranted, I think. One: You need to add "a" in front of, "Polaroid," in, "and I turn to find Polaroid sliding under the door." Two: When you smooth out the Polaroid, the light is still off in the windowless room (in the mind of the reader) yet you mention seeing the picture clearly. You should have the lights come on again first.

I hope this helps!

Steve Overholt
2
2
Review of The Brother  
Review by Storyo
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, this is by far the best posting I have read on this and two other sites of which I am a member. It took me awhile to understand that you were doing a contraction of the word "it," considering the small type and low screen resolution, but after I read through the first paragraph I went back to the beginning and then I got it. I would not change a thing, though, it was worth it going back and figuring it out. It really made me laugh when I did. I laughed several times. I also agree wholeheartedly with the message of your story. Great work!
3
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Review by Storyo
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lisa,

Well, the first thing I had to do was to look up the definintion of "acrostic," but once I did, I see how nicely done this is. No need to "be kind" here, this is very nicely done. My only suggestion would be to shorten up the last line a bit, it seems out of cadence because it is so long. Maybe you could remove "but yet." Have a great day.
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Review of The Painting  
Review by Storyo
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Doug,

This is very good. I love the dialog and the unexpected ending. The only suggestion is that the sentence: "None of them knew how hard she worked or ran lines with her, why were they able to enjoy her performance as much or even more than I did?" seems to be missing a couple of words.

5
5
Review of Memories of Fall  
Review by Storyo
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am new to writing.com but have looked at about 10 stories and poems so far. Your story is the best I have seen. The only reason I did not rate this more highly is that I cannot tell why you had the reference to hummingbirds being back, a springtime event, all of the sudden, in this story about the fall. I would suggest some transition if you are deliberately transitioning to spring. As a hunter, I can appreciate your references to this subject as well
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