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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stuff09870987
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Dream a High.Way  
Review by invisible man
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Armadillo

Did you spell "twoo" like that on purpose?

There is an extra period after "renew"
"Yet speak this thought you would not do." You might want to consider using a comma in this line.
"I'll dream this High.Way back to you” the period in the middle of Highway makes it a little confusing. I understand what you are trying to do. That your hopes are high and there has to be a "way" back to you. Hyphen maybe?
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Review by invisible man
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Hello Armadillo

So I take it that you are upset that GW cannot run for a third term? (joke)

You might want to consider shortening the title of the poem from “2008 Middle East Spelling Bee Final Words QUAGMIRE & IMPEACHMENT” to just “QUAGMIRE & IMPEACHMENT.” The preceding “2008 Middle East Spelling Bee Final Words” can be seen as cheapening the title and your poem.

There are many factual errors within your poem. Plus, there seems to be open contradictions within your poem and makes your message within your poem even more confusing. The substitution of “$” for “s” makes it difficult to read and I feel is better suited for a piece of art based on visual creativity rather than what many believe a poem is supposed to be, a written and spoken piece of creativity. The “artwork” at the end, I feel detracts attention from the poem. Your poem makes numerous implications, but does not follow up on making the connection. It seems that you purposefully worded many lines very difficultly, for the purpose I can only guess; to recreate an illustrated quagmire within your poem in which could be possibly seen as a microcosm for the “great quagmire” that you imply.

The line, “"Waterboarding works. Don't call it torture. You're just chums!"
I would guess that what you wanted to say here was “You’re just chumps!” Chumps another word for loser and not chums, a slang word for friend.
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Review of Silver Glare  
Review by invisible man
Rated: E | (2.0)
There are gramatical errors within your story and it make it difficult to read.

"That also meant that she had no idea that she was about to become the most respected and prestigious member of the most respected and prestigious organization in the Realm, and all because of her hair." Phrases like this one are rather circular and I as a reader would appreciate a more direct approach to what you are trying to say. For example, something like, "She had little idea that upon joining this respected and prestigious organization, that her great deeds would propel her to the highest status within (enter name of group here.)"
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Review of Lost Lives  
Review by invisible man
Rated: E | (1.0)
The misspellings distracted me a great deal.
I felt that the rhymes were forced and actually not needed. The poem itself, whether you believe it or not shouts on it's own. You don't need ALL CAPS.

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