Well, Sii, this is one of the best written stories I have read in a while. I was captivated through the entirety of the story. I was an ordained minister and pastored churches for over thirty years. Fortunately, I never encountered a church quite like this. This one is a real mystery. Do you see a sequel in the future?
Well done is all I can say. This is excellent writing.
Greetings, Prophet. Not many people a willing to place their faith in the light for all to see. I too write on the subject of Christianity. I appreciate this piece except for one thing. It is well and good to list what Jesus is, but you might consider expanding each line with a brief commentary as a way to explain to those who don't know. This commentary need not be extensive, just a brief line or two. Doing such a thing will add a touch of your personality. This connects the reader to you and gives them a sense of your insights.
Pretty cool, Angus. I like your writing. And, wow! Congrats on the publishing success. I wish I had the courage to put it out there. My work is so eclectic that I hardly know where to begin.
This was a bait and switch style. I always get a kick out of those. Well done, my friend. I wish you increasing success.
Hello, Raine. We are indeed attached to our pets, whatever they may be. When the take their leave of us we feel the loss deeply. I too have lost pets after their long lives came to an end. It is a loss only a pet owner can understand.
I enjoyed the read and related to it. It is a fitting tribute.
Well expressed prose, Raine, but the grammar needs a little work. The way the first line is constructed confuses the reader. The first line of the second section has an obvious typo. The third section use of "got to choose" is bad grammar. Have to choose or must choose, but not "got"
Believe me, Raine, when I tell you that I really enjoyed this piece of work. I love the depth and ernest thought displayed. When you get a handle on the grammar, all will be well.
I'm going to give you four stars because I realize that grammar can easily slip past us. Past that, this is good writing.
Ben, this is a delightful poem. When I first spotted it I naturally thought that it would involve a military action, and except for the last line it could have been so. I appreciated the dedication to the kids.
There is little that I can say about this work except that I enjoyed it very much. The lines are technically clean and the pace is in marching step. When it comes to poetry, I have never been one for all the bells and whistles of form and style. I know what I like, and when I feel it in my bones, well, I always trust my bones. My bones say that this is excellent work. I agree.
This was a very interesting story. As I began my review, I asked my wife whether people could eat acorns. She replied that squirrels ate them. I said, so they do. As I stated, this story was both interesting an unique. I would have liked to see you expand on Grandma's illness. It would have tied the reader just a bit more to the character. It is just a minor point. You have one typo when Frank's aunt says "Of Frank!" I sure you meant to say, "Oh Frank!"
Now, the ending of this story is where it really shines. It kinda makes you want to go out and find some acorns.
Overall, the story is excellent. I enjoyed it and was surprised at the end. Clever writing.
I know all about what those brown eyes can do to your heart. All my pooch has to do is look at me in that certain way and he gets what he wants. I'm a hopeless pushover.
INTRODUCTION: A very good start to this little poem. Our butterfly wakes to take on another day.
PERSONAL IMPRESSION: This is an interesting poem which makes the reader study to understand the full meaning of the peace
EMOTIONAL IMPACT: Positive and negative emotion working in this work.
FORM AND FLOW: Excellent
OBSERVATIONS AND SUGGESTIONS: The things I liked about this work was the subtle way in which it makes the reader search for meaning. Multiple reads may be necessary.
Hello, E.D. Welcome to Writing.com. I tell every new writer on the site about the same thing. As soon as you get the chance, get your bio completed and place some covers for your work. It may seem to be something you can put off for a while but first impressions are very important. It will get you noticed.
Now, about this piece. I am a father of one grown daughter and she is the most important person in the world to me. I completely identify with this work of prose. Well said in a very few words.
We're on a roll, G. This was an exciting piece. May I give you a bit of advice, G? Many writers are so possessed of getting those inner thoughts on paper, that they overlook the form those thoughts take. As a writer, you must study grammar and sentence structure, and many other things besides. Young writers like yourself may get the idea that such things aren't that important, but as time goes on you will come to see just how vital they are. You do have an advantage over older writers who have forgotten what the learned in school. Your English class should be where yo soak up as much as you can. You will need it later.
This was an excellent piece. There were a few possible problems with form and punctuation but nothing to worry about.
Just think, G. You could use all that silly homework time writing instead. Homework, Bah! When I was in High School I hardly did my homework. I usually paid the price later. Homework is one of life's necessary evils.
This piece was very clever and witty. I liked it very much.
Alright, I could be good with this except for the modern language. It's too trendy. The use of the word 'Really' has to go. Is Shakespeare fuming in his grave?
Now, take all I just said and pay no attention. The gentleman doth protest too much. I was just yanking your chain. I thought you did a pretty good job. I do wonder, however, how this letter would sound in the language of the time. There's a challenge for you.
Clever work. I realize you did exactly what you intended.
Hello, Elena. Life is mysterious is it not? We never know what waits for us around the bend. My wife and I have always been cat people. We lost our cat, Salem, about six years ago and I continue to miss her. She was with us for eighteen years.
I enjoyed reading your personal story. Things have certainly been tough for you, but you have persevered. If writing has a cathartic effect, keep it up, it will do you good. Great job.
I am never given to brief reviews, but what more need be said after these words. It's all over now; and what side of the line did you fall? To vote or not to vote, that is the question. I have never voted and was never taught to engage in political combat.
Well done, GayHawk. I did have a question about the word 'could in the third line. Did you mean to use the word 'cold'? I would also suggest that you give the reader an idea of where your protagonist is. That could include a country or historical time period. At this point, I am only assuming that the location is the United States. I'm not sure I understand your use of the word 'bornd'
I really enjoyed reading your work. I love pieces like this. Please take my suggestions as they are intended, with kindness. If I have misunderstood your meaning you have my apology.
Hello, Chris. Let me begin by complimenting you on your Portfolio. It is very nicely accoutred. But I pray you will allow me to have a little fun with your poem.
There are two ways of approaching a poem. From the writer's perspective, does he or she intend to impart truth or fantasy? Then we must question whether the reader reads with a detailed eye. What is the reader expecting?
Take your first stanza. It contains the element of impossible certainty and hope. There should be one or the other, but there cannot be both.
The third stanza is a magnet to the critical reader. Why would anyone regret that they didn't listen to more Elvis song? There is also some contradiction with the first stanza. There would be no hope in stanza one if stanza three were true. You say that you would not have regretted your wrongs. Theologically, this is an impossibility. Only those who live in complete denial would say they have no regrets. Those regrets of life a there to remind us of what we are - fallible beings.
Stanza four approaches yet another theological issue. Man cannot merit credit with divine justice. Only Christ can do so by his work on the cross.
So, Chris, this is how a poem can be completely dissected. If the poem deals with the truth on any subject, it must be true. There are readers and reviewers who will take it to that extent.
I enjoyed reading your work. I will review more of your work but promise not to repeat the above process.
Hello, Jellybean. This poem is a very concise and well-written piece. Is there a reason you chose not to use any punctuation marks? Other than that, I really love the clean lines of the work. Well done.
Welcome to Writing.com, Constantine. If you are a serious writer this is the place to be. It beats all others hand down. Carefully go through Writing.com 101 so as to get a feel for the site. As soon as you are able to do so, begin adorning your portfolio. Complete your bio. so that people can get to know you.
As for this particular piece, I found both interesting and provocative. It is a unique approach to the question of repentance and damnation. Of course, that is if I have deciphered the piece correctly. I found the word choices well done. A few tweaks here and there will give it a finished luster. After it sits a while you may decide to make certain changes. Other reviewers may offer suggestions. Take each suggestion a weigh them carefully. You can then decide to use them or not.
My overall impression is that this piece has an excellent quality. Well done.
Hello, Jordy. These are very nice sentiments for the holidays. Their truths cannot be denied.
As the form is concerned, it would have probably been advisable to use rhyming verse instead of free. As it stands, it reads like a collection of thoughts put in the form of a poem. Also, the terms like "us Americans" and "stuff" take away any of the sophistication this piece might have had. Word choices are very important.
I have no doubt that you will emerge as a poet in your own right. Study your craft, but always be certain to find your own unique voice. Poetry isn't easy. If you Love and work at it, you will succeed.
Hello, Fiona. I'm going to let you know what works in this piece and what doesn't.
To begin, I was a little confused with what your protagonist was doing. Titanic left From England with its ultimate destination being
New York. Where was Evelyn when she boarded Titanic. She couldn't have been in New York since Titanic never made it. Another thing that is strange is her hiding in the luggage of a man. Was this piece of luggage a Steamer Trunk? Also, Evelyn doesn't speak as a very young girl would in 1912. She uses words that did not exist in the common lexicon of the time. I must say that she is not a particularly likable character. She often appears rude and disrespectful. The fact that she freely curses is another unbelievable aspect of a very young girl raised in a nice family at that time. Then there is the female crew member. There would have been no female crew in the engineering department. The idea that she had designed aspects of the ship for her own safety is ludicrous. There was a female nurse on board who survived the sinking.
Fiona, when you are writing a historical piece you must remain true to history. Hollywood writers make a travesty of history on a regular basis, but that's Hollywood. I know that your story is a fictional work, but there are some things that must be left in their true form. Characters must act as they would have in the period. Of course, you do have some leeway, but you wouldn't put a twenty-first-century character in 1912 unless you are writing science fiction.
You may be asking at this point if there is anything I did like. Good news! I liked your ability to write. You have the ability to be an excellent writer and storyteller, but only if you study your craft. You must make it a point in your life to study writing and writers. Along the way, you will see your writing get better and better.
Believe me when I say that you should take what I have said with a pinch of salt. Also, don't seek out reviewers that only tell you what you want to hear. They may believe that they are encouraging you but if that's all they do, how will you ever know how your writing is progressing?
Keep on writing, Fiona. You have what it takes but you must believe in yourself and pay your dues. Writing is tough, and only the real writers keep on writing.
Good morning, Angus. I usually tell the story writers I review that I am not usually a story reader unless it is non-fiction. I do make acceptions, and you made the cut.
I loved this short. It had the same slippery Government Conspiracy as is often used in movies. That's not a bad thing, however, for it probably what would happen. Let me say that I would surely have found a way out of that town. With my shotgun, ammunition, and backpack I would have escaped on foot - military or not. Your protagonist sitting in his chair with shotgun in hand is me to a tee.
I imagine you can tell that I was really into your story. The mood is mysterious and you feel the foreboding atmosphere building. I felt the emotional impact of the situation. The flow of thought is excellent. This is talented writing. I will certainly be doing more reviews of your Port.
Just a thought: I was immediately reminded of "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers" when Kevin McCarthy is running down the highway trying to warn people that THEY ARE COMING!
Wonderful job, Angus.
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