I see that you are new to Writing.com. Such being the case you have a lot of work to do and a lot to learn. It will take some time and effort but you will succeed if you are serious about your writing.
You need to get your bio up and visible so that others can learn about you and where you're coming from. Then you can learn about form and how your finished work is presented on the page. It's not a difficult process but it makes a world of difference in whether readers will stop for a look or pass you by.
Very important is that of proofreading your material for errors in grammar. I personally use the basic Grammarly app. It can be extremely helpful. Few readers will continually tolerate poor grammar and sentence structure.
It is understandable, that, as a Christian, you would desire to share your faith. However, make certain you know what you're are talking about and don't assume that others do. Christian jargon is fine in Christian circles but may make little sense to the non-Christian. At first, keep things on a generic level, or be careful to explain what you mean in laymen's terms.
I wish you God's speed in your faith and your writing.
You ask a very good question, Ash. Of course, we all have our little quirks of personality. Some of us might even be called eccentric. Should that really matter to us? I don't think that it should. We are who we are. Ash, maybe you should revisit that young boy and get to know him again. There may be a future in writing by being just a little off center.
Now, as far the piece in question. I enjoyed reading your story, but I would have enjoyed it more from an aesthetic point of view if you put in some work on form. Simple things like paragraph separation, Indention, and font size can make a significant contribution to reader appeal. Try to draw the potential reader to your work by catching their attention. It's the difference between putting a nice dress shirt with a crumpled collar or one that is straight and sharp. It makes a lot of difference.
All in all, great work. I would work on the form. Certainly, my opinions are my own and you can take them or throw them in the dumpster. I hope to see more of your work.
I really like this one, Velicity. It sounds like one obsessed with another. Of course, that can be a bad or good thing. It sounds good in your case. Few people have the privilege of loving so deeply. I can understand why this piece is your favorite.
Well done. I enjoyed the read.
By the way, if you would be so kind, check out my port. In particular, "Standing Among The Tombstones" I think you might enjoy it.
Good morning, Velicity. I thought this poem was interesting, although I did question why you referred to it as paranormal. Of course, I have no way of knowing unless you explain, but it was obviously a religious experience. In any case, it was a good read. Thanks for the privilege.
P.S. When you respond to this review, please enlighten me as to how this came about if it is not too personal.
Simply fantastic, Whitemorn. I don't think I will ever view flies in the same light. This piece was a pure delight to read. I believe it could be a great children's piece. Loved the picture. All in all, well done and very clever. Great job.
WHAT! I would imagine that these characters have just survived a nuclear war. But please explain the two-headed kitten. Why did you name this piece Kismet? Exactly what does all of this have to do with fate? Am I the only reviewer that doesn't get it? With all due respect, I could use your help.
Hello, Rich. Your piece caught my attention. Upon reading I did have some questions about the pace of your rhymes. It appears that you split between free verse and rhyme. I don't have a problem if that was your intention.
In any case, I enjoyed the read. What really struck me was that frog in your daughter's bed. It seems that a lot of girls have that same problem. Well, frogs will be frogs.
Once again, nice job.
I'm sorry. Did I just miss something or did the woman murder her children? This poem describes a harrowing scene. When I read it I feel that it should be restricted as to those who may view it. But, and this may certainly be the case, I have misunderstood your meaning. I would dearly love for you to share the insights of this piece.
That being said, I loved the writing. It was very well executed - pun intended. Great job.
The title of your piece caught my attention so I decided to check it out.
Well, I can say from the start that I did enjoy reading your work. The pace was great and the humor well timed.
Also, let me encourage you to try Walmart toilet seats if you haven't really done so; they are the best. Ok, back to your work. Wow! That girl is really up front about what is going to happen. Most men could only dream of such. I really like the line about the grenades. It easy to see why the Wehrmacht took Poland in about three weeks.
In all seriousness, I really enjoyed your work. All humor aside, it is a subject of greater importance than people think.
Hello, James. You write and we read, that's the way it works. Are you a writer? If you consider yourself as such, then you have come to the right place. Maybe you just want to hang out and soak up some ideas. That's okay. In any case, you're welcome to be a part of this writing community. We're glad to have you.
Hello, Bill. Welcome to our writing community. You will have many opportunities to get feedback on this site. Most of those who choose to review your work will be very kind and encouraging. They won't just tell you what you want to hear but will be helpful with their instruction. If you stick around long enough you will run into some knothead that doesn't know the first thing about reviewing. This kind of reviewer doesn't need a reason to give a bad review, they just like busting someone's chops. Don't worry about those if you run into them because they are the exception to the rule.
I take it that this piece of writing is a sort of introduction. That being the case, you stated how creative you were twice in the first paragraph. To some people's way of thinking that may sound a little braggadocious. If you set yourself up as a creative prodigy there are some who will hold you to it. That's just my two cents and I would take it with a grain of salt.
I'm kinda like you; I have always loved to write. I hope to see much more of your work in the future, so get to writing.
Hello again, Harry. This is a wonderfully quaint poem. It's like one of those after school specials that came on television years ago. I wish I knew what the girls did when they found that the stones were worth a fortune.
This was a truly beautiful story. We very often forget how our small kindnesses affect the lives of others. It has been proven to me within this writing community. We have no idea what people have been told about themselves throughout life. We might just be the one who changes all the negatives into positives.
Hello, Stuart. I do hope you will continue to write.
Now, this is not a review. I will get to a more detailed review soon. What I must tell you that your story, which appears to be interesting, absolutely must have paragraph separations and indentions. As your story is presently formatted it is very difficult to read. You might also consider increasing the font size. Doing these things will make the reading easier on the readers eyes as well as inclining others to take notice of the story. These changes - if they are made - would be of tremendous benefit to future efforts.
Hi, Harry. You are what we call here in Baton Rouge our Yankee brethren in Louisiana. At least you had some cold weather in your neck of the woods. I think this was our warmest winter ever.
I did enjoy reading your work. There's nothing quite like a fireplace on a winter day. I will check out your books.
Hi, Mira. I was just browsing and noticed your poem. I liked it. The third line needs punctuation, and I don't understand what you are trying to say when you talk about being a bug. Of course, as far as punctuation goes, you might consider a couple of other places. Just reread and test the flow of your words. It is really no big deal. For your first poem you did a fine job.
I don't believe that I am so concerned about your writing style (There is a little confusion with the first sentence of the second paragraph) as I am about what you have done with your life since the breakup with your wife. You have obviously dealt with some difficult times and have been able to keep your head above water. This reveals more about your personality than your writing. I am truly impressed with what you have succeeded in doing. It would seem that the sky is the limit.
Now, as for your writing, if you love to write then you must continue at all cost. Writing has always been great therapy for me. I imagine it could do the same for you, as well as being an encouragement to others who have suffered setbacks in life. You might be just the guy they need to read to find hope.
This is a nice poem, Alexi. But I do wonder how much of a mistake it really was. In any case, this work caught my attention as I was flipping through your port. I appreciate your simplicity and clarity. This poem is light and airy. It is a pleasure to read. Well done.
What gives, Neva? You only got one review on this work, and not a great one I might add. Well, I wouldn't know a Waltz Wave from a Tidal Wave, but I really like this work. Well done.
I will not even begin to analyze this work. I can only say that I am surprised it only has one review after all of this time. It is a beautiful piece of work. Pacing is perfect. Excellent job.
Which ever way you slice this onion, it has a pungent and emotional impact. I absolutely love it, and that from the first moment I read it. Your analysis is very interesting. A red wagon and white chickens equals a wonderful work. Who would have thought?
I see you already have quite a number of reviews on this piece. I decided to throw in my two cents worth.
This is a nice simple work. It is obviously very clearly stated and easy for the reader to understand. I like writing that gets right to the point without obscuring the point.
What you say here is, sadly, very true. Most especially true is what you state about Christian Churches.
The situation hasn't changed a bit since you first wrote this piece. Most of those who profess belief have the idea that their membership in the church will save them in the end. He may very well profess to them that He never knew them.
I think I would call this prose rather than poetry(my opinion). I would take it out of the stanza format and put it in paragraph form. These are just my thoughts according to my own style.
Hello, Timothy. I really have debated whether I should review your essay for the 48 hour challenge. I was very tempted to lay out my opinions on your premise of tolerance and respect. I decided not to do that because everything I wrote sounded like a debate, and that's not our purpose here. So, allow me to get down to a reasonable review.
I found your piece by just looking at work done by online authors. I am always curious to see what people have to say about this world of ours, so the title sucked me in. It also didn't hurt that I like to study philosophy.
My first impression of your writing is positive. I thought the presentation of your opinion was even and balanced. You didn't attempt to press your opinion onto the reader except for one statement in the fourth paragraph. I'll get to that in a moment.
What affect did you writing have on me? My personality always leans toward debate. As I said earlier, that't what I was tempted to do here. But of course, that't just me. For me, your writing was begging for a philosophical exchange. I don't think that is a bad thing. It means that your writing challenged the reader, and that is always good.
Let me move to my final observation. Remember that fourth paragraph? You state that we do not have like what others believe, but we do have to tolerate them... The fact is, Timothy, we don't have to tolerate anything if we choose not to do so. I believe that such a closed-end statement boxes the reader in and doesn't allow them the freedom of their own opinion. Writers should always consider what the beliefs of the reader may be, allowing them room to consider your opinions without feeling that yours is the only opinion worthy of consideration.
All that I have said is my opinion and should in no way be taken as criticism. I think you did a fine job bringing your point across.
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