Hey Teguettler,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!
I really liked this. I think you have a good start to a longer piece of work, whether a novel length story, or something shorter. The following are just my thoughts on this, because as an essay, you do a really good job in setting the scene for a story.
You know, you have Hadrian in a bind here. If/when he retires, it seems his second in command would move up, and as you mentioned, there would be increased casualties amongst his men. What seems to 'have to happen' should that occur, is obvious. First though, Hadrian has to think of himself and his family. Yeah, he will fret and worry about his men, but he needs to think of himself first. From what I read, I don't see that happening. IF you chose to edit this to be a story, perhaps there would be a battle with the Barbarians. In it, Hadrian is injured. Not life-threatening, he doesn't die, but it's a serious enough injury that he's forced to retire. The decision is taken out of his hands in other words.
Now his second in command... He is a jerk to say the least, and not much of a real leader. In a second battle, one that Hadrian can't be in due to his injuries, his men are essentially routed by the Barbarians. The kingdom is not lost, just the battle. But, that second in command has risen to a level that shows how incompetent he really is, and there's no way his connections in the court can keep him in his current position. Or maybe he's mortally injured in that battle. There must be someone Hadrian feels would be a good replacement for him, so..... enter this man. Things turn around, the Barbarians are not only defeated in the follow on battles, they are left in such a state that they are no threat to the kingdom for many years to come.
Like I said, I really enjoyed this, and hope you decide to create a story centered around this.
Sum1
WDC POWER RAIDER
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