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Review Requests: ON
3,150 Public Reviews Given
3,198 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of Sneaky Kemosabes  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Endless Love,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very good short story about 3 childhood friends, and their exploits on a hot summer day. There's a lot more I'd love to have seen in this, but what you have here is fine. It's meant to be a short story, adding more would only lengthen it, I'm not sure that's necessary.

         Your three main characters were described well, I could almost picture them as they rode their bikes. I know you didn't really tell us a lot about each regarding their physical looks, but the story told us all that if you ask me. The whole time I was reading this, I had an image in my mind somewhat like the kids in 'Stand By Me'. So the story told us how they looked day to day, not your words, and I liked that.

         The world was quite different back then, wasn't it? I remember days of riding my bike, only needing to be home before dark. I never had an adventure quite like this, but I still remember the freedom we had. I can't imagine some child trying to join a circus at the age of ten today....

         Overall, this is a good read, if one is a fan of O'Henry, you'll enjoy this. It has that same quality of storytelling to it. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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177
177
Review of Dynamic Duo  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Winklett,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute, though the ending didn't seem to fit the rest of it in some ways. I loved the dialog between two friends, pretty sure I've been there myself in something like that. Seems they can't please each other when it comes to pretending to be someone. If one was male, and one female, they probably shouldn't get married. *Laugh* Then again, maybe they should.

         The problem with the end, is that I agree with the one character, Emily Dickinson and Emily Post aren't a couple, and every other 'pretense' of theirs involved couples. The second thing is, it left us hanging. There's one couple that you could have used too. But then, I'm older, so maybe you aren't aware of exactly how talented they were. Abbot & Costello. Oh wait, you used mainly characters from shows, not real people. I guess what I'm saying, is it would have been nice to choose a final couple for them, and have them finally agree on who's who! *Smile* Still, it's a cute story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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178
178
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey SteeperEel,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         I prefer to send a nice review for the most part, especially for an Anniversary. I'm sorry to say I can't do this for your story. I'm not going into particulars on this, my review would be longer than your story. If I may though, I'd like to give you a bullet list of things you might want to look at.

         1. This needs some amount of dialog.

         2. Show, don't tell. All you do here is tell us the story, you do not show us anything at all to help us see what's going on.

         3. Proper English! I saw a few places (3-4) where the wrong word was used. The one that comes mind without going through the whole thing, is quite, instead of quiet.

         4. Proper English! (Again) Some of your sentences are poorly phrased, some do not make sense.

         5. Every story has a beginning, a middle where the plot is built, and an end. I realize that this is only chapter 1, a beginning, but this really lacks.


         I could go on with more, but I won't, it's your Anniversary. I hope you have a happy one, and continue to work to improve your writing skills.




Sum1

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179
179
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Annie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

         I don't think any American who will forget what happened that dreadful day. Unless they were less than 3 years of age or so.

         I was at work when this occurred, and one of my early thoughts was, "How many planes do they have in the air that they can do this with?" You wrote this very well, it was easy to see your emotions that day. It was a day I know I'll never forget.

         I think any one who reads this will find themselves there with you. I've visited the 9/11 Memorial in NYC, as well as the Flight 93 Memorial in Pennsylvania. Tissues are a must when visiting those two sites. Very nicely written, thank you for sharing! Loved that last paragraph!



Sum1

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180
180
Review of Grandpa's Gift  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Karen,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         This is too short. I loved it, I wanted to read more about Olivia and her grandfather, but couldn't. Seriously, this is very good, it would be good to see it lengthen a little bit.

         Having been a musician of some ability at one time in my life, I can appreciate how the flute affected Olivia. It doesn't need to be magical, music can be that. The contentment you feel when you play music is phenomenal. In your story, her golden flute appeared to be magic, and maybe it was. Or maybe it was her love for her Grandpa as she played that was magical. Loved the story, thank you for sharing.



Sum1

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181
181
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Wizard,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is cute, and so very true. It's amazing what one person can do if they stand up for something they believe in. We are all like this, not just this small boy. Each of us imagines things when we're stressed. Well, at least I do. Or we imagine things we'd love to do, or heroes we'd love to be. Yep, I'm a kid at heart. Nice story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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182
182
Review of Desert Rose  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Turtle,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         A story of an every day occurrence that few in America are really aware of. I think most American's minds are shielded from the idea of this happening. If/when they do consider it, they don't think of it in the terms you describe so well in your story. They think of someone walking over the border, dressed decently well. They don't think of people dying of dehydration, clothes in tatters, some never making it. Sadly, many have no idea of the reality of trying to get here.

         Your story flows well, it kept me glued to my screen, but as good as it is, I found myself wishing for more dialog. What it really is a wish for, is a little bit longer story. I wanted to know where the woman and her child went, or ended up. I wanted to know their story, where they came from, and why they would risk their lives to get to this country.

         I did see one small thing you may want to consider, should you decided to edit this.

1. I held out my arm to her, braced my hand upon he elbow. I think he should be her.


         An enlightening read, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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183
183
Review of Working Novel  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Shameless,
         I saw that you had posted something, and wanted to stop by for a look.

         I think the biggest thing right now, for me at least, is the font. It tends to blend the lines together making it a little difficult to keep at it. Not bad, but it's a distraction. Secondly, and very minor. Every paragraph is indented except the first. I'm not sure if you used the indent command in writingml or not, but here it is for you, just in case. {indent} Type it exactly as you see it, brackets and all, the first line becomes indented a set amount.

         Read through this yourself. There are a couple of minor errors. They instead of the (fifth paragraph, fourth line) is an example. Your second sentence reads a bit off, and seems confusing. Mark toggled between cameras in his dark office lit only by the colored monitors in front of him. A possible rewording? Mark's office was dark, lit only by the colored monitors in front of him. He used the KVM switch to move between cameras mounted in the store, his attention rapt on his duty. (In case you don't know, a KVM switch is used to move between multiple monitors, allowing you to look at the screen of one computer, then another.

         You might want to give a little background on what Mark does, kind of an introduction to the story. Nice start, now keep it going!



Sum1

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184
184
Review of Death Becomes Him  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Dr. Taher,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         I sort of knew where this was going as I read the first paragraph. That didn't stop me from enjoying it one bit. It's cute, almost funny, and enjoyable to read. It does seem a bit strange that they would have a BBQ on a wooden ship though. Imagine what would happen, how fast that ship would be fully engulfed in flames! Just the same, this was good. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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185
185
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Hey Carol,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         Forgive me for being late with these wishes!


         This is very cute, I loved it! Limericks are something I love, but have not written much. Add to it, you tell a coherent story in writing this making it all the more appealing to me. The topper though, was the list of the cast at the end. That was excellent, making the poem even better.

         I wouldn't call this poem perfect, I'm sure those who know English far better than I do could find something to pick at, but I sure couldn't. Excellent read, thank you for sharing!




Jim


P.S. Are you anywhere near Philly now? I will be there in three weeks for a class with the Federal Protective Service, part of DHS.


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186
Review of I Am Jellyfish  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Jenny, er, Jellyfish!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         This is very cute! I love experimenting in writing, learning new ways to express myself in words, or emoticons even. Seriously though, this is a nice read. Pure dialog, and you pulled it off very nicely. That's not easy to do really. At least not consistently.

         This flows well as I've implied or said. But I really enjoyed the small twist, followed by her reaction and correction of the twist. I mean the part where the interviewer tells you that you're addicted to WDC and wants to you to change. Then the second twist, where you write her out of the interview. Loved that! Excellent read, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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187
187
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Jack,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, this isn't really your first WDC birthday. After all, you've been a part of Writing.com since the day you were born! Still, Happy Anniversary!


         This is cute, and just what I think a young man your age is thinking about. At least you didn't spend that billion dollars in one day, and still have a lot you could do with the rest! Think about that, huh! Keep this, don't edit it. Years from now, look back at it, and see how much you've grown and matured. *Smile*





Sum1

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188
188
Review of self-delusion  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Mindcrime,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         Your backstory really set this up. Then you read the poem. So few words, so many words not on the page that say so much. Wow. You leave it to our imaginations to add images. Loved that. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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189
189
Review of Little Monsters  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your WDC Anniversary!

         You really need to add the genre of comedy to this! I really loved this story and the tale you tell here. You brought back many a Halloween night for me with this, thank you! It's not perfect, far from it. There are small, minor errors in it, but danged if I can remember them, except one. I loved the 'witch' too, and found that part of the story so very sad. Too many times children make up stories about someone, someone who is 'different' than others. There was one small thing I want to show you, very minor in nature.



1. She had been sitting there most of the night, watching the other kids abruptly skip passed her house every time- nobody wanted any part of the witch’s house. Passed should be past.


         This is an excellent story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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190
190
Review of Santa's Crisis  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Loti,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute. I love writing about Santa, seems like you might too. I love the idea of Santa not visiting for a year and seeing what comes of it. I agree wholeheartedly with your story, and how children today approach things. (At least here in the states, and most civilized countries.) The world has changed, Santa needs to change some too, but I know I don't have the answers for him. Nice read, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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191
191
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Confessor
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to be incredibly sad. There's no way someone should be treated like this. I'm ashamed of my fellow men and how childish they can be. I know you've heard the phrase, "Oh that's just men being men! Far from it. This sounds like boys being boys, more interested in sowing their wild oats than looking for a true relationship.

         Some of your descriptions hit me pretty hard. "You have a lot of anger inside of you." "You're an extremely emotional girl." Or the kicked, "You swear too much." First, if you have anger issues, you'll need to learn to control them, and not let them show too much. I've news for those 'boys'. We ALL have anger issues. It's how we address them that makes us 'appear' mature and not young. Emotions? I think they're great. But again, there's a time and place for that. I cry at least weekly, and I'm 65! Why do I cry so much? It's not really crying, it's my eyes getting wet when I watch something that touches me. I've found I can't listen to "Nessun Dorma" (a finale to an Opera) without my eyes watering. Go figure. Swearing? My thoughts on that is that people in general swear far too much. When I retired from the Navy in 1993, I made a decision to eliminate four letter words from my vocabulary. Why? Because I'm of the firm opinion that anyone using four letter words consistently is not someone I want to be around.

         Now, your article here. Very sad, well written, you throw your soul out there for all to see. Very brave of you, very good. None of us are perfect, embrace your imperfections and go from there. Love yourself first and foremost, then love others. I won't lecture you, that wouldn't be good, but that's the start of any advice I'd give.

         A sad, but interesting article. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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192
192
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Rhyssa,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary! Eighteen? Wow!

         This is pretty cute, and you left me wondering about a few things. You described the 'Unicorn' well, but it was the mother who caught me most. Late in her pregnancy, yet still able to do things needed around the house. Baking a cake, taking care of two rambunctious girls, and banishing false unicorns who knows where. *Smile*

         You left me wondering about this though. You make the mother to be almost a witch, the way she can snap her fingers to get her daughter next to her (then again, Mother's do have a way with things like that, don't they?). But the kicker was when she made the Kelpie disappear. Matter of fact, what is a Kelpie? I Googled it, and found one described as a "shape-shifting water spirit inhabiting the lochs and pools of Scotland." You didn't describe their surroundings, nor their location, so I can only guess this is what you mean. That's fine, it's a short story, you don't need to provide a lot of details. I found it interesting is all. You might want to add a genre to this to help a reader know more. Interesting story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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193
193
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey Ruwth,
         I thought I would fulfill your request and review this for you. It is very interesting, even for one who has not studied the bible a lot. I knew of a lot of this story already, and yes, I know this is your fictional account of John's life, but there are things I remember from my early childhood bible studies that go with this.

         I really enjoyed this, it was a refreshing change of pace for me. My rating of it is based on the number of minor things I think need to be looked into. In my opinion, the few things you'll want to look at, should you decide to edit this for the contest are:


1. The day will come the every tongue will declare those words. The should be that, correct?

2. People hold my words in such high esteem that putting anything in writing is a huge responsibility. Second time using the words 'People hold my words in such high esteem... You used this same phrase a couple of paragraphs earlier. You may want to consider changing one a little bit.

3. I did not realize people would based teachings on my note to him but, because they do, I know I must be conscientious as I tackle this longer project. Base, not based

4. You told her your time had not come but you were kind and helped her friends with a miracle turning water into the finest wine we had even had to drink. Ever, not even. Also, add a comma after miracle.

5. You foretold your own death and resurrection way back then but not of us realized what you meant until after it all happened. None, not 'not'.

6. You told us the Father bare witness of who you were. Bore? Not Bare.

7. Then you explained the you were indeed the true bread of life. That instead of the

8. When they were no longer willing to condemn her, then you did told her you would not condemn her either. I'm not sure what you meant here, what word you want to use. But told isn't it I'm sure.

9. Help me to take these things I have remember and put them down using parchment and ink for others to have a glimpse of what you mean to me and to all of us—that they might believe you are the Christ, the Son of God and believing they would have life through your name. Remember should be remembered.


         This is an interesting story, even for one who doesn't attend church regularly. A bit of knowledge about the New Testament would help understand it more though.



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194
194
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Deb,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19th WDC Anniversary!

         Such a sweet story. It's amazing what children can see that adults cannot. I'm convinced something happens to us as we mature; we lose the ability to see magical things or something like an angel.

         Sandy sounds like a very precocious little girl who has learned to play alone. Though you didn't mention it in the story, I got the impression they lived in the country, in a very rural setting. I could see Dorothy in an apron cooking in the kitchen as Sandy played out back. Well done with providing little descriptions, but still getting this reader to see things in his mind! Very good story, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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195
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Fran,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know, sometimes the strangest things happen, no matter how old we are. Sounds like this lady assumed you live with your parents due to your handicap. Easy assumption, but not fair to you.

         I enjoyed this, it is a bit lighthearted and makes one smile. Glad to know you are doing well (as well as can be I'd think) and can find humor in another's minor error. But I have to confess that you left me wondering what it was exactly she was trying to 'sell' or offer the household bill payer. *Smile*


Sum1

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196
Review of The Dedication  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Deemac,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         What a nice tribute to Norma Jean! She is one celebrity I'd love to have met. I was too young to see her in movies or dream of her. Gone before I even knew who she was (is). I saw a couple of her movies once I was older, but missed the Marilyn fanaticism. To me, she's somewhat of an enigma, and your story only helped strengthen that.

         Well written, the flow is excellent, but the idea of her being 70 at that book signing was a good twist. Any celebrity who takes the time to really entertain our military members is a good person in my book. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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197
197
Review of Daddy's Crew  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Eiric,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to confess, I'm not a rap fan. I'm as white as you are, in my mid-sixties, and love good old fashioned music of most any kind. But I can't get into rap much at all. Your lyrics here though, are excellent! I liked how you used the hyphens to accent parts of it, but I don't think they're really needed.

         Your description of this is good, but in my humble opinion, there's only a couple of things that are uncool in being a father. First and foremost, abusing your family (wife and children both). Right there with that, is breaking the law. If you break the law (and I'm not thinking about simple speeding tickets and such), you will eventually be caught. Then where are you, and what kind of example are you setting for your child?

         As for those young men in the restaurant you seemingly wrote this for, I think they missed having a parent who truly cared for them. Plus, being so young, they don't think it's 'manly or cool' to act that way with a child. Your words in these lyrics were great, I knew who you were addressing with them before I ever read the end of this.


         These are thoroughly enjoyable lyrics. I hope you find time to be more active on the site, and write more to share with us! Thank you for sharing this!



Sum1

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198
198
Review of Christmas 2004  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Super Sleuth,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         This was interesting, and does make one appreciate the wonder and might of Mother Nature. I think we've all seen times similar to this, but maybe not to the degree you experienced. I've seen a lot in my time, was even in New Orleans a week after Katrina helping the Fire Departments from around the country. Sadly, my help consisted only of distributing 2-way radios to them when needed.

         Amazingly, I did not find the lack of dialog in this distracting. This is more of an essay than a story, and you did well in relaying it to us. Would it have improved it? Yes. Is it necessary? It all depends on your outlook. I did see one small thing you might want to look at should you decide to edit this.


1. I couldn't think, my mind became a blank. You don't need that 'a' in this line.


         An interesting tale of a winter storm and its consequences. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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199
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hey Raven,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         What can I say, other than Wow! I mean, what a story!! Kudos, standing ovation, everything, for writing this story! I almost didn't read this because of its length, but something said to 'Read it Jim', so I followed my intuition. I am so glad I did.

         Don't get me wrong, this is an excellent story, but it's not perfect. It doesn't need to be to earn *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*. That's given for a story that captures me and won't let me go until I finish it. Seriously, I couldn't wait to get through it, read the end and see what happened. Like Dylan singing and enthralling the world he knew, your story had the same effect on me.

         I said this isn't perfect, and it's not. What I saw though is very minor in nature. There's at least one place where a sentence moves to the next line, even though there's room on the current line for more text. Then there's this:


1. He watched turned slowly in a circle, moving her head from side to side like a deer looking for water. You can see the small issue here.


         Doesn't matter to me, I really loved this story! Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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200
200
Review of Trapping the Fox  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Joy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th (WOW!) WDC Anniversary!

         I really enjoyed this story of yours! It reminded me a little bit of a story I read long ago, called 'Level Seven'. Yours followed it somewhat, but as I recall, there was only one character in that story, living in Level Seven underground after a Nuclear War. But yours is different, far different, and very good!

         You had me early on, and I admit to being a little lost over who was killing who in the shelter. But it didn't phase me one bit, I had to see the end. I couldn't find much in the way of errors, other than one paragraph not being indented like the others. Oh, another thought. Early on in the story, you mention them using Palm Pilots for things. IF you consider updating this, you might want to change that to Tablets.

         An excellent story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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