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Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Odessa Molinari

Thank you for sharing your story. "Burgh Island MysteryI hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
I enjoyed the story, it had it all, time travel, glamour, fashion, intrigue and mystery.



*StarfishB*Plot
Ami sets out on a journey to a mysterious island alone. We are not privy as to why she has decided to go there. She soon discovers she has travelled back in time from the present day to the late 1920’s.
The journalist in her longs to report the fact that Hitler himself is having secret meetings with an armament supplier.
Ami is discovered snooping around but manages with a little help to avoid being detained.


*StarfishB* Characters
The characters are all brought together in the scene in the restaurant, where they are celebrating New Year’s Eve. Ami is the observer and the narrator and describes the characters well.
Herbert Lang, loud mouthed wannabe Knight, Herr Fleisch who turns out to be Hitler himself and Mathadius Potts an old gentleman who is more in tune with what’s going on than Ami suspects.


*StarfishB*Climax
Ami avoids Fleisch until after the impromptu party in her room, then she and Potts are attacked and captured. After wakening up from a bang on the head Ami discovers she is back in present day.



*StarfishB*Suggestions
The story certainly has merit. The descriptions of the Art Deco era are spot on. The music and the opulence of the time was well researched and I felt as if I was back in the roaring twenties.
There were a few errors I noticed you wrote the door was thick oat (oak) charleston should be capitalised. wifi(WiFi).
I was confused by the first sentence: What is that strange contraption?” You mentioned it again What about that contraption I came over on?” That thing wasn’t built until ‘69 I still have no idea what it was supposed to be.
Perhaps to differentiate between the times Ami is speaking and thinking, her thoughts could be italicised.
I found the lay out distracting. Can I refer you to "[How2][Ref] Is Your Story Ready for a Review?"   I read this item from northerwrites just the other day and found it to be valuable.



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you for sharing this mystery story, I enjoyed the chance to read and review.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
77
77
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Prosperous Snow writing poetry

Thank you for sharing your poem "New Year's Day in Christmas TownI hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
Although as I’ve previously mentioned poetry is not my forte and feel unqualified to critique. I’m reviewing this poem as part of ‘I write 2020’ and it made me smile. Especially the last line as Mrs Clause sits contemplating her future as she sits all alone playing Solitaire! I’ve never heard the expression ‘Wolf Moon’ before, I’m sure there is such a thing it’s just my ignorance.
I loved the line about the Jolly old elf checking out his selfies, it brings together the ancient and the modern beautifully.


*StarfishB*Parting Comments
I liked the Tercet form of poetry, it suits this poem very well, it has a lighthearted rhythm to it when read aloud.
Thank you for sharing and increasing my knowledge of the art form.



Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
78
78
Review of Dear Me 2020  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Prosperous Snow writing poetry

I’m reviewing your Dear Me 2020 because you’re one in front of me in the I Write 2020 Challenge.

Thank you for sharing "Dear Me 2020 I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful


I enjoyed reading what seems to me an impressive and challenging amount of goal setting. However you seem to believe you’ve let yourself off the hook somewhat this year. It only serves to remind me that I could do more writing if I put my heart into it.
January seems to be a difficult month for you although you haven’t stated why, but as the letter is to yourself then you have no need to explain anything.
A bonus is the eradication of rodents, I’d certainly put that as big plus for 2020.

Making New Year resolutions has never worked for me, so I no longer state them out loud. If there were to be one it would be to stop and smell the roses more, to enjoy each day and appreciate what a wonderful world we have.

Finding ways of improving one’s financial status is always a great idea, I wish you luck with that endeavour.


*StarfishB*Parting Comments
I enjoyed reading your plans for this year, even though it felt a little as if I was prying into a personal letter. I wish you well with all your plans.

Cheers Sue



Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
79
79
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BlueJay

Thank you for sharing your story. "It Can't Be That Bad I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
I enjoyed the story. A common enough tale of a wife berating a lazy husband for not doing his share of the household tasks. The withdrawal into a “man cave” away from “the wife” is every mans desire. The modern day version is the gaming room where a man can pit his wits against the digital enemy.




*StarfishB*Plot
Luke is having his quiet time, knowing it will probably be short lived as he plays his game. Then comes the voice he’d been dreading, that of his wife Marta. It seems Marta has always a list of chores for him to do. Luke is a great procrastinator though as he hopes things will wait until he feels like getting around to doing them.




*StarfishB* Characters
Luke and Marta are the characters in this story. They have accepted their roles in their lives. Luke is the avoider, both of chores and his wife’s nagging. Marta has long ago stopped expecting Luke to fix things around the house but continues to harp on about them.



*StarfishB*Climax
The ending was one of the reasons I wanted to review the story as this scenario is one which happened in our house not too long ago. There was a crash in the living room whilst we were in bed. I’d got up to investigate and shouted to my husband. He said those very same words. “What? It can’t be that bad!” Our ceiling’s too was on the ground.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
My only suggestion would be the times when Luke is not speaking out loud, and we’re just privy to his thoughts, to put them in italics.



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
An amusing story. Thanks for sharing





Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
80
80
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
HelloMax Griffin 🏳️‍🌈


Thank you for sharing your story"The Christmas PuppyI hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
I read both of the stories, Christmas Eve Puppy and Christmas Eve evil and I agree with you, I too much prefer the first one. Maybe because it could be a factual account, and maybe because it was heartwarming to think an evil, although not extrinsically so, character could still find it in his heart to have empathy. I’m a sucker for a Christmas story, one which shows the true meaning of Christmas from a source so unexpected.





*StarfishB*Plot
A selfish, greedy burglar sets put to steal from a family that from his perspective deserves to be taken down. Scornful of his victim’s lack of security he breaks in. Confronted by a flashback to his own childhood experience his heart melts and he determines to save a child from parental abuse.


*StarfishB* Characters
The perpetrator is described as a disillusioned character, Christmas means nothing to him other than an opportunity to make a profit from others whom from his perspective deserve to be robbed. The small boy accepts his lot in life not knowing any other way. This reader felt helpless as his injuries are described, but the moment when the thief determines to help the child is the moment the meaning of Christmas becomes apparent.



*StarfishB*Climax
A satisfying ending, the evilness you wanted to portray comes not from the thief but from a totally different place from the one we expected. That is what differentiates this first story from Christmas Eve Evil



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you for sharing both stories, I’d be interested to hear the views of your group members.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
81
81
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hellokzn

Thank you for sharing your story "A Village With No Name / 1 & 2 I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
On my first read through my first impressions were, that this was a story that even I, someone who has never read a western in her life, found herself wanting to know what happens next.




*StarfishB*Plot
Gideon McCraw sets out into the amazing landscape which you describe well, we realise as we read further into the chapter he is a man destroyed by grief and a thirst for revenge. As he arrives in yet another small town, he tries to avoid getting involved in the troubles, however one gets the feeling this isn’t going to be easy for Gideon.




*StarfishB* Characters
As the main character so far in this story you paint a clear picture of his physique, his mental state and demeanour. In fact the posse and the stable boy are well described, giving a feel of the era, the environment and the tension.



*StarfishB*Climax
We only get a taste of what is about to happen next but I’m sure our hero is going to find himself embroiled in the politics of this town without a name. We already know there is segregation happening with the blacks and Chinese inhabitants.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
For my personal taste I find the descriptive passages a little too flowery. When you spoke of his dead wife I felt there was just a bit too much description and the reader may start skipping to reach a more interesting part. This is purely a personal point of view however. The sentence rocked his body as water gushes over large rocks after a violent thunderstorm... is another case of overdoing description.Westerns usually appeal to a more male readership and I think if you cut down on the floweryness it will be more readily received.
Just one other point was when you wrote villages I think you meant to say villagers, meaning the occupants?



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you for asking for feedback. I hope you continue with the story, it has potential to be a good read with a strong main character.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
82
82
Review of The Nightmare  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hellojaya

Thank you for sharing your story."The NightmareI hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
My first impressions when reading your story was a vivid memory of that time. My husband and I had planned a vacation in Sri Lanka and India, arriving a few weeks after this terrible time. In Australia our nearest neighbours Indonesia were impacted badly and many of our countrymen went to assist in the clean up. The beach scene was described well and reminded me of similar scenes we saw when on
Kerala's beaches.



*StarfishB*Plot
The twins return from a successful year at college for the New Year celebrations. Their parents were overjoyed to see their children home again, planning for a family reunion on the beach. Best of all the kid’s father’s parents had at last accepted an invitation to meet the grandchildren they had long denied. As the twins parents walked along the edge of the ocean discussing their marriage and the fact that until now the grandparents had never forgiven them for running away and getting married, a huge wave engulfs them and the horror of what is occurring becomes a dreadful realisation.



*StarfishB* Characters
This is a simple family, enjoying being together again after a separation. They are but one of a cast of thousands in this dreadful story of Mother Nature’s fickleness.



*StarfishB*Climax The ending was almost as shocking to the reader as to the poor people dragged out to a watery demise.



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
This story is a huge one, the 500 word format can’t and doesn’t do the subject justice. I believe you should write this story again, using as many words as necessary. The characters are interesting with a great back story of family division and cultural differences.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
83
83
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Richard ~ Dodging Rain Drops

Thank you for sharing your story. "A Lifetime of Firsts ~ Chapter One I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
On my first run through, my first thought was that the idea of a camera being a human’s lifetime companion was a brilliant one. Especially one that becomes humanised itself, taking and storing only images it knows intrinsically its owner would want to archive.



*StarfishB*Plot
The story begins with both the lives of Emily and Gigi, set in the sterile labour room. It continues to follow Emily’s life up to the time she’s a mother of three young children. Throughout she is accompanied by her camera, which has taken on human qualities, being able to move around at will, surprisingly at no time does this seem to be anything other than normal to Emily.



*StarfishB* Characters
The main characters are Emily and Gigi. It was mentioned that technology had superseded Gigi, a thought which certainly entered my mind after the first ten years of its use. However it seems to have overcome its limited capacity and updated itself.



*StarfishB*Climax
Gigi saved the day, as well as the lives of her loved ones, by capturing the images of the perpetrators and requesting immediate assistance from the police.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
The one thing which I found a little disconcerting was the fact you never said who was speaking during, before or after dialogue. I know sometimes it was obvious and could be surmised but I felt as if there was something missing by not including Greg said, or I said, or the policeman remarked.
The dialogue in the first scene: ”Get that thing out of here.” full stop. Capital letter. Not quite a scream but close enough. full stop and then capital letter. Never mess with a woman in labor. The following dialogue should be similar. ”I don’t care.” Okay that definitely qualifies as a scream. “Get it away from me..”





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
A great little story, good concept. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the read.



Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
84
84
Review of Christmas Dinner  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
HelloThe Milkman

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
At first read through I couldn’t quite get a feel for Stanley, his age or ethnicity or whether he was just not a very smart guy. He was a delivery driver and yet he seemed to enjoy the finer things in life. I did wonder whether he may have been stealing the expensive items he possessed. However I was off the mark there, he was just a bit of an unlucky dude it turns out.




*StarfishB*Plot
The story is set on just one normal day in Stanley’s life. He sets out to deliver his quota of parcels, determined to do a good job, unaware this was to be his last day.
The fact it seemed common knowledge that folk tended to disappear from his delivery address didn’t seem to worry him in the least.



*StarfishB* Characters
Stanley is the main character in this story, we gather he is interested in girls but the impression I got was that he hadn’t much self belief, or that he was capable of getting the receptionist to go out with him. This seems at odds with his self confidence as he kisses himself in the mirror.



*StarfishB*Climax
The ending sure surprised me, I must confess. It seems there are a family of cannibals and murders living at the bottom of Long Hollow Road. The ending seemed a little abrupt, a more descriptive paragraph showing the father and son instead of just telling us the scene would have made it more interesting. I imagined them to be a little like the Munsters, especially the boy. He popped into my mind as Eddie Munster, but you may have had a different image?


*StarfishB*Suggestions
There were occasions where you changed from present to past tense in sentences. This is really easy to do and it does detract from the flow.
In the second paragraph the speech, which I presumed was the radio announcer speaking, or the television presenter, should be one continuous flow, not broken up into two separate sentences.
When the receptionist was telling Stanley off for parking in her spot, maybe it would look better to use italics instead of the capital letters for emphasis.
When you wrote he didn’t want to travel to fast write too fast and ten O clock ten-o’clock.





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
A fun story which could be improved with a little more fleshing out. Maybe a little more of Stanley’s character and back story and perhaps a prior hint of evil doings at the house in Long Hollow Road.
I did notice the year this story was written and it is a very long time ago. Hopefully my comments don’t appear to be too critical to the writer you are today.
Thanks for sharing Stanley’s demise, I enjoyed reading it.





Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
85
85
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Helloruwth

Thank you for sharing your story"~ The Traditions of Man ~hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions

The first impressions of the item was that it was from a mother’s point of view. It can be a sad thing when the children you have taught to believe something you and they have believed to be intrinsically the truth, decide for themselves it just isn’t so. How is a parent supposed to feel under those circumstances?
Maybe a sense of betrayal? Or would one be proud to have raised a free thinking young person, one who could make their own mind about the way they choose to live their lives and traditions?

I found the fact that your daughter’s work colleagues were even more surprised by her rejection of Santa Clause. Surely we don’t expect any child past ten years of age to believe in such a character, flying around the world visiting every child on the planet? What made me sad in reading this, was not the fact that rational adults chose to research the whole Christmas myth, but that commercialism as been allowed to hijack the season of “goodwill” and the gross image of grown people fighting over a manufactured doll to ensure their children’s happiness on Christmas Day. The adults making children greedy, I actually don’t think children are greedy for ‘things’. They want their parent’s attention, their time, their love. This is the real meaning of Christmas, not the endless gift giving, but time! Time for each other. It doesn’t matter if your daughters choose to celebrate the festive season in a way different to the one you gave them when they were children, just as long as they share it with others in a loving way.


*StarfishB*Parting Comments
It may be easy for me to be blasé about something you may feel a problem, or one that makes you feel uneasy in anyway, but I believe everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. What an amazing blessing it is that we each have our own thought processes and the strength to live our lives according to those beliefs. As long as we aren’t hurting others along the way.

Thanks for sharing this thought provoking post.
Cheers Sue




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
86
86
Review of Bully  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello{s-user:bobinusa

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
A great story of consequences for impressionable young minds.



*StarfishB*Plot
This is a story of how the mind of a twelve year old girl works. She’s old enough to know that cruelty to animals is wrong and deserves some sort of penalty, but too young obviously to realise capture and kidnap is all little over the top. She’s determined to get the culprit and decides that poor unfortunate Chett is the perpetrator even though she has no evidence.



*StarfishB* Characters
Judy is our main character, a force to be reckoned with as she goes about her plan. Using her wiles she coaxes her victim into her lair with the promise of sweets. Although not a trusting sort of lad, he follows her into the basement and becomes her captive. Apparently once Judy has made her mind up she cant be dissuaded from her decision. One wonders if perhaps she was a young Judge Judy?



*StarfishB*Climax
The ending is as it should be in a children’s story, I was worried her captive may have met a sticky end down there, starving to death whilst a man hunt goes on for his discovery. It seems I read too much horror!
No a satisfying conclusion, everyone got what they deserved. Judy awaiting the wrath of her mother and young Chett got a slap across the backside, just in case.




*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thanks for sharing this story, I enjoyed the simplicity. A refreshing change.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
87
87
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello free writer

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
On my initial read through I could see what this story intended to portray, the experience of a man terrified of something beyond his control. You did this well



*StarfishB*Plot
A man in trouble drives a long, dark road, worried about the worsening weather conditions. We, as the reader, come to realise it is in fact rain that terrifies the driver. We are left to surmise he had been in an accident that he’d survived but perhaps someone he’d cared about had suffered in the incident?
He meets a stranded couple on the road and is forced to assist them against his better judgement.



*StarfishB* Characters
The main characters are the driver and the woman and daughter. One gets an unsettling feeling as one continues on this nightmare journey, something has to give eventually, either the driver refuses to drive any further in the rain, or the woman uses her instincts and gets the hell out of there!



*StarfishB*Climax
We’re left at the end where the main character drags himself into the mud to drink the hours away in the rain, rather than remain in the dry car. He is certainly one strange dude.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
The story has merit. You were intending to portray the menace in the piece which you certainly achieved. You gave this reader a real feeling of unease, which never really had anywhere to go. The ending felt a little disappointing. Keeping tenses from past to present can be a problem, it’s so easy to do. You wrote: Suddenly I lose control.. present tense. Slip into past tense my hands groped faster
I found the use of the word WASa little over used. the car was, the movement was, was peaceful, was in tears, was crying, was trembling etc
Maybe just choose one of the broken down car’s faults instead of ran out of gas and a flat tire You described the caras a simple white car maybe a better description?



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
A good edit would make a huge difference to this story. It has a real chilling feeling. Thanks for sharing, keep on writing.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
88
88
Review of I Am Phantasm  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Capt. Crankypants

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
My very first impression was when I began to read was the font is extremely small, making it difficult for me to read. I later read your introduction to your portfolio and can now understand why as you are struggling with your own eyesight problems. However if you can remember to upsize a little by entering the size in writing ml it will help enormously.
By the way let me welcome you to WdC I hope you enjoy your time here with us. You are sure to get all the help you need and of course encouragement.
Back to the story, I really enjoyed it, it’s quirky and original and also very funny.



*StarfishB*Plot
The story is about a death, although the person is aware all the time what has happened to him and seems to accept that was what he deserved given his sedentary lifestyle. There is no sense of distress other than impatience for “the light” which he is sure is going to arrive anytime soon. We are surprised to learn just how long he has to wait until even his long suffering patience is sorely tested. At last he accepts his lot and decides it was about time to do something with this eternity which stretches out before him.



*StarfishB* Characters
There is just the one character in this story, I found him a very amiable chap and one the reader bonds with, wanting him to find satisfaction in his current situation.



*StarfishB*Climax
The ending is surprising and very funny, just as he was getting excited about a future, with plans for expansion, the very thing he has waited so long for eventually turns up.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
Other than the size of the font I couldn’t see anything that needed changing, it is well spaced and spelling and grammar seem fine.





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you again for sharing this unusual story. I loved it.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
89
89
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HelloBeholden

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
I really laughed out loud, it is a really unique storyline. Being from the same neck of the woods myself, the voice of the storyteller was loud and clear.




*StarfishB*Plot
Writing in the vernacular is a tricky and difficult thing to pull off successfully and you certainly did that. Having lived in the UK for many years at first I wondered about this wayward gecko having never seen one in chilly England. It certainly makes one wonder about the minds of these advertising guys, maybe they thought geckos are scurrying all over London. Perhaps it would have been a good idea for them to have him dressed in lots of warm clothes, a flat cap maybe.




*StarfishB* Characters
I loved this little guy, but then you consider other ways the Brits are portrayed in the media, such as the villainous somewhat cheeky Brit or a darker character, yet you considered the Scots get a fairer hearing. Not sure you’re on the money there, lots of villains in Glasgow’s narrow streets.




*StarfishB*Climax
It finished as it began, a real good laugh for anyone who takes the time to understand the nuances and witty turn of phrase.




*StarfishB*Parting Comments
I appreciated the time you took with this short piece getting it right on. Thank you for brightening my day.





Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket
90
90
Review of Ol' Fat Charlie  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Poor Jack, he couldn’t win a trick. Even though he was saved by the old man, he lived a life having to deal with disfigurement and ridicule. I enjoyed the way the story unfolded, the narrator’s voice relating the facts of Jack’s interaction with the vicious dog seemed so matter of fact when describing the horrible injuries, and one knew that the boy’s life wasn’t going to end well. The first paragraph gave a lot of information without feeling in anyway forced or rushed.

The dialogue throughout was natural, sort of laconic and innocent but with undertones of menace. Your descriptions were good I particularly lend the lines: he smiled, showing teeth the colour of bark and honey. and ”it looks like you mighta lost some parts yerself “

I quite like the idea of old Mr Death being upset at being thwarted just when he came to claim his victim, but not keen on the idea he’d be forever stalking, waiting to get his own back. Obviously Fat Charlie and the dogs were ghosts but chained to the living world until he undid his previous good deed?

I really enjoyed reading Ol’Fat Charlie, thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
91
91
Review of The Library Lady  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Mara ♣ McBain

Thank you for sharing your story. "The Library Lady I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
The story impressed me with its portrayal of a simpler time. Although set in the present it reminded me of a small town’s innocence.


*StarfishB*Plot
The story begins in the local library, it is Halloween and the town’s children have been convinced by the librarian to enjoy the evening at the library instead of trolling the streets seeking treats. The town has come together to make the event a success, contributing either money or goods. I liked how you set the scene with your descriptions of the time of year. the crisp bite of fall in the air as you speak of warm cinnamon doughnuts and apple cider. Tricia the librarian is concerned about her protégée Kasey, and we the reader are left with a sense of foreboding that something ill has befallen the child.



*StarfishB* Characters
Tricia’s character is well drawn, she knows that she was lucky to have been adopted into a loving family and that is why she is so concerned about Kasey’s welfare. She can see herself in the child.




*StarfishB*Climax
The ending to the story is unsurprising and at the same time satisfying and heartwarming.



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
I enjoyed reading this well written story, it flowed well from the beginning, leading to the happy ending Kasey deserved.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Silent Witness  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, hullabaloo22

Thank you for sharing your story. "Silent WitnessI hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
I found the concept intriguing, ensuring that I continued to read to the end. You have personified a house, giving it a character of its own. It is an observer, a silent witness, showing no favour or giving no opinion to the events within its walls.



*StarfishB*Storyline
There is no plot, just an observation by an old house, and although it is unable to relate to anyone the events unfolding within its walls, it retains them as if it was an actual living breathing being. Who knows if our own dwelling places look on at the events of our lives, approvingly or most likely disappointed in its tenant’s behaviours. Do they actually become so sated they can no longer hold any more dramas, sadnesses or joy?




*StarfishB* Characters
The only character in this story is the house. You give it life, one can almost feel it say, “Enough.”



*StarfishB*Climax
The climax comes at the moment the house starts to release its secrets, having held them close to its heart for so long, to make room for fresh dramas, tears and laughter.



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
I enjoyed the story, and wonder as I look at my home and remember all the things that have occurred here, if the walls retain the memories within. Thank you for sharing.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
93
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Review of Hey Gary  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Whitemorn

Thank you for sharing your story. "Hey Gary I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
An enjoyable romp, following the adventures of two young boys, maybe you were remembering being one of the two brave lads and expanded fact into fiction.



*StarfishB*Plot
The story flows well, easy to follow, as they enter the old house, thinking it may be haunted, but they got more than they’d bargained for. The wanted felon had been hiding in his old home from the police who were seeking to arrest him for murder.


*StarfishB* Characters
Ronnie and Gary are the two boys, they would have been too young at the time of the young girl’s murder to have realised the impact it must have had on the community. It would have been their parents who had told them to avoid the grave site house, because the killer was still at large. Maybe it would have been better to have made the boys older. Maybe ten years old?
The boys were very brave and ingenious to escape the clutches of the crazed killer, escaping through a hole in the roof and striking him with a fallen branch. Once more I think it would be more plausible if the kids were older.




*StarfishB*Climax
The climax of this story was really after the kids had managed to overcome the killer. However when they returned to the house and the organ played and the old woman in the picture grinned, ithe story went a little too fanciful for me.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
I suggest when writing dialogue to use a separate line for each speaker, otherwise it becomes confusing as to which character is speaking. You put child eating and my best friend in brackets which didn’t seem correct. I think it would read better if you wrote my best friend Gary...





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
A nice little story, which had it all. Ghostly sounds, morphing portraits, axe wielding killers and two naughty boys. What else could you possibly want? Thanks for sharing.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thanks for sharing ‘Just another love story’, and welcome to WdC. I hope you enjoy being here and you get the encouragement to write more. The story has promise, it is a topical one, that of on line dating, getting to know someone before actually meeting. Of course it’s fraught with danger isn’t it? The actual meeting is often disappointing.
I found the story a little confusing, but maybe Abigail herself was confused?
Try to watch your tenses they talked for multiple hours, even days, she has never met anyone like him. should read had never...Maybe choose a different word for multiple, perhaps numerous?
...dating app, but why not don’t forget the question mark.
Try and experiment with different size fonts and double space your paragraphs so that the text is easier to read.
Thank you for sharing your love story, I hope Abigail finds her true love on line some time.
Well done, keep on writing.

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Review of Birdseed  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, ladicade

Thank you for sharing your story. "BirdseedI hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
My first impression was that this is a gentle story, two old men, typical curmudgeonly types start off bickering and end up organising to spend time together, each allowing the other to see their loneliness.


*StarfishB*Plot
The story unfolds as one of the characters brings a better quality bird seed to the place where the other character has been feeding the pigeons. The guy who was there first feels he has a sort of monopoly on these pigeons. A conversation takes place between them and a solution, amenable to both is agreed upon.


*StarfishB* Characters
There are no discernible differences between the two characters. I don’t necessarily think that’s too important in such a short story but maybe a little description may have added something. I think they’ll make great friends, but much of their time will be spent arguing about the little things.


*StarfishB*Climax
The last couple of lines were lovely, both expressed a desire for companionship, exposing a vulnerability which is quite profound.



*StarfishB*Parting Comments
I loved the story, the humour and the gentleness. Thank you for sharing.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket
96
96
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, KingKitsune

Thank you for sharing your story. "The Beautiful Leap I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
Firstly I wish to welcome you to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. This is a place where you will receive respectful reviews and any advice or help if you require it.
I really enjoyed reading this story although it was very sad. A tale of a woman who could not accept the ageing process. For someone who has been a great beauty it must be a difficult time. The title was was well selected, it said it all.



*StarfishB*Plot
The story flowed well and as the woman tries to make herself beautiful once more, she becomes exasperated with the futility. Dressing in unsuitable attire for a woman of her age she sets out to achieve the impossible. She has a flashback to a time long gone, past the time of her peak and to a time she felt people were turning on her. She knew she was being overtaken by the next generation of beautiful people and relegated to a lesser role. There were some good descriptive phrases which I particularly liked, when she describes herself as a desolate building, a broken mirror with all it’s cracks
She speaks of beauty as if it was a person, “why have you left me?”
When she reaches the old theatre and flashes back to the time she felt others were turning on her, delegating her to a secondary role, I must admit I was a little confused. Maybe by letting the reader know who these other characters were and a little about them may have cleared things up a little. However I can see that this was in a mind of a crazed woman who was intending to go out in a dramatic fashion.


*StarfishB* Characters
There was only one character really throughout this tragic story, that of Noya, You paint a wonderful word picture of this ageing beauty, her despair and her experiences.


*StarfishB*Climax
The ending was inevitable from the outset. She was uncaring about the pain of her cut hand, she just wanted to make the headlines again, which she surely would have done in the next day’s news. However she may not have enjoyed the headlines as they probably would have described her as an ageing beauty queen.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
As I’ve mentioned previously the flashback was a little confusing, the only other thing was the word prot, did you mean understudy perhaps? You mentioned that word twice she turned the knob to find her protsitting in her seat, Another mention was until the knife was sunk deep into her back by her prot.





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
The story was dramatic, I could imagine the whole scene. Well done.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket
97
97
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, 🌓 HuntersMoon

Thank you for sharing your story. "It's Just Coffee...I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
I enjoyed reading this delightful lighthearted story. The conversation between the two characters flowed well and seemed natural.



*StarfishB*Plot
It’s a simple story, a tale as old as time itself. A meeting up of lovers, their past relationship had lost it’s way, or run it’s course. Maybe it was bad timing, but the reader can see that there is a chance for them to rekindle the spark. There were no surprises to be had, and as soon as the female character had him back in home territory, then the outcome was inevitable.



*StarfishB* Characters
Julie seemed to be the stronger of the two characters in this story. Her sense of humour was delightful, I could see the ironic slight smile on her lips at all times. Chris seemed a little out of his depth, Julie was a little quicker in the humour department. Although he certainly came into his own when he asked whether he should call her in the morning or nudge her!



*StarfishB*Climax
A nice ending, it would have been a shame if there had been some obstacle in the way of the two lovers finding happiness, after being apart for several years.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
The only error I spotted was in the line say, would do you have time for a cup of coffee? just drop the would or do





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
A nice read on a wet, winter’s afternoon in Oz. Thanks for sharing.




Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket
98
98
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Gunny

Thank you for sharing your story. "Exercise in Settings I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
Thank you for giving me a glimpse back into your childhood. I realise these are simply random thoughts. These are snapshots of your past as you remember them and I enjoyed reading about them.


*StarfishB*Plot
As these are simply settings you are intending to use in a longer story there is no actual plot. However you painted a word picture of a time long ago, when children played out until dark and it was safe.



*StarfishB* Characters
The characters are your childhood self and your relatives. Grandma, Nana, your cousins, and your neighbourhood friends. In your mind it was always Summer. You remember the bats and the iceman. He delivered ice on his cart, dispensing ice chips to those hot, thirsty children. I can see it so clearly.



*StarfishB*Climax
Of course everything comes to an end, even after a perfect day. Parents making the universal cry which brings children into the safety of the home during the hours of darkness.


*StarfishB*Suggestions
At first I was a little confused with the settings as it jumped from Grandma’s to Nana’s to your streetscape opposite the nursery. But of course these are your memories and that is what memories do, flit from place to place and time to time.





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you for sharing your thought and memories of your childhood so long ago. I too was playing out on the street in the late forties and can relate to that carefree feeling knowing that our parents or grandparents were the ones we trusted to make life safe.
I’m reviewing this as part of the Mental Health Writer’s Alliance



Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket
99
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Review of Death Chamber  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, willwilcox

Thank you for sharing your story. "Death Chamber I hope you find my comments helpful


These comments are just one person’s opinion and are given in the hope you find something useful





*StarfishB*First Impressions
The title Death Chamber, was the first thing that drew me to read the story. The title was well chosen and suitable for the item.
I loved that most of the story was written in dialogue, with little background information. It read almost like a screenplay.


*StarfishB*Plot
The story flowed well, from the moment Simon Franks walks through the Lieutenant’s door. Mr Franks is sure he has a very short time to live, before Amos LaStrom, the evil crime lord finishes him off. Immediately the story starts to intrigue. Why has he so short a time to live? What is this information he is such a hurry to divulge? Through the story, one wonders if he is doing the right thing, and surely this is not an open and shut case. A feeling of impending doom is present throughout.



*StarfishB* Characters
Your description of Mr Franks is good. An image appears of a short, buggy eyed man, with rotten teeth. Jerome Hawkins, the police Lieutenant, appears to be an older man, but physically strong, especially when he threw Simon out of the sixth floor window!



*StarfishB*Climax
I did let out a little gasp when Hawkins suddenly threw Franks out of the window, I wasn’t expecting that, although I had my suspicions that Hawkins was a wrong’n.



*StarfishB*Suggestions
I loved the story it was well written, I just wonder if it rang true. Why would Franks suddenly decide after doing LaStrom’s dirty work for over ten years, to come to the police and tell all? Also, as Franks himself said he would be the last to be suspected of betraying him. I wondered why Hawkins would be in cahoots with a mass murderer. For money? Or was he himself a killer, using the Death Chamber along side his mate LaStrom?





*StarfishB*Parting Comments
Thank you for sharing your grim tale. I enjoyed it and suspended belief for a few minutes.



Reviewed by Sumojo

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
100
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Review of Ruby.  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there, I went to your portfolio after you revised my version of Ruby, just to have a look around, and saw you had entered the same contest. I loved your take on the story of Ruby.
The story flowed well and everything made sense at the end when she came out of her coma, and the reader realised all the earlier events had happened in her unconscious mind. Well done! I loved it.
Cheers Sue
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