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669 Public Reviews Given
669 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Stir Crazy  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi my name is Sue. Please remember these are just one person’s opinions. I hope you find something here useful and if not discard the rest with good cheer.


*TagO*What I liked best
I loved the uniqueness of the story. You took the premise of the lone spaceman going gradually stir crazy and ran with it. You gave the story a twist of humour which made reading it a pleasure.


*TagO*Opening paragraph.
You introduce the main character straight away. By describing his bland meal, we, the reader, are realising how drab and boring his life is and that he has run out of all staples and anything enjoyable to eat.

The first sentence could read a bit better, I think. John ate his processed protein slurry like he had every day for he had lost count of how long. Perhaps write John hate his processed protein slurry. He’d lost count of how long it had been since his dehydrated food ran out
He grew his own nutrient slurries from the cultures the base had in stock

In the second paragraph, you wrote John began to suit up. Perhaps suited up sounds better?.re-patched}

4th paragraph: it was really beginning to wear him down. maybe: it was wearing him down.
Just a suggestion to differentiate the voices of the “hallucinations” they could be written in italics.

19th paragraph: There was a glass front door like what John remembered.. This sentence could be better.

20th paragraph: How long had it been.? missing question mark.

*TagO*Characters.
The spaceman, John, is the main character. The others are to all intents and purposes, figments of his imagination. I enjoyed the way you brought these other characters into the story, especially his mother. Seeing her would certainly send him over the edge and would be enough to convince him of his madness.

*TagO*Grammar and spelling. I couldn’t find much in the way of spelling mistakes or grammar except for a dearth of commas. Maybe run it through a grammar check?

*TagO*Parting comments.
You did a fantastic, imaginative job with the story idea. I loved reading and really enjoyed the last sentence. Well done.

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Forest Friends  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for the lovely invitation to your party. I’d love to come. Just let me know the time and place. Going shopping now for a new dress.
Cheers Sue
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I’m reviewing this poem as part of ‘I write 2021’
Thanks for giving me a wry smile as I read this.
I have just spent the best part of an hour (that I’ll never get back,) trying to write a poem for this same contest. I’m afraid poetry writing doesn’t come easy to me. That is why when I see a poem I like, it gives me pleasure and a sense of admiration for people such as yourself who make it look easy. Well done. I wish you well in the contest.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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204
Review of It's All I Wanted  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi my name is Sue. Please remember these are just one person’s opinions. I hope you find something here useful and if not discard the rest with good cheer.


*TagO*What I liked best
I loved the idea of someone realising what it was they needed. Not simply needed but longed for enough to get in their car and actually go and find it.


*TagO*Opening paragraph.

I loved the title. That was what drew me in to read the story. The protagonist awoke on the eve of her birthday with a sudden desire to drive to the coast. To a place she’d only read about but somehow it meant home to her. This story speaks of childhood longings, an urge to return to the place of our birth. Perhaps that’s why birds and turtles return to their place of nesting, even if it means travelling thousands of miles. I loved the idea that yearning was within a human being too.

*TagO*Characters.
One character only, enough for this solo odyssey. She appears to be a woman who had done what everyone else needed her to do and has then decided it was her time, her day and her journey.

*TagO*Grammar and spelling.
There were just a few things. Austin and the surrounding area wasn't so bad when I was a kid. It should read weren’t so bad
In the second paragraph the fourth sentence, But everything shut down, everyone was scared. I was pushed into a life I couldn't take any more of sounded a little confusing to me. Perhaps consider omitting? The words hardworking should be one word.

*TagO*Parting comments.
A lovely little story. It was inspiring. We all must feel like getting into our cars and simply driving to a place where in our imagination is a place called home.

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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205
Review of MA, DON'T CRY  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for sharing these heartfelt words. It reminds me of all the brave young men the world has lost through warfare.
My grandson is in the Australian Army. He works on helicopters and follows where ever they get posted. He is only 23 years old and I pray he stays safe.
No matter what era you may have written this poem in, things never change. Young men leave their families to go to fight for their countries, but it’s always for their mothers they say their final farewells.
Lovely words.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Promises  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (4.0)
These are lovely sentiments. This poem would make a perfect wedding vow.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm reviewing this story as a fellow contestant on I write 2021.
The beginning of this story pulled me in and I stayed. I really enjoyed reading it, wanting to know what was really going on. I must admit I’m still not really sure.
The whole time was surreal. Did Ruby really have a medical episode? I thought maybe she was having an aneurysm or something similar.
Anyway I don’t suppose it really matters as Henry too was experiencing the same event in his dreams.
The reader needs to suspend belief and go along with the premise that these two lovers were meant to be together and it took a certain state of being for it to happen.
Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you do well in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
ruwth This is a powerful story. I was hooked from the first verse as the girl left her familiar surroundings to a place where she felt out of her depth.
Unable to trust even the policeman, she refused to leave the relative safety of her vehicle. The story continues in the same vein as she becomes more wary of the folks she meets on the nightmare journey.
Eventually, as we all must sooner or later, she was forced to trust someone. Even though that someone was the epitome of untrustworthiness. This poem has a happy ending. Maybe the experience showed the girl one can never judge. We simply need to trust that someone is watching over us in times of great need.
Thank you so much for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Shiver  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I’m reviewing this untitled story as part of I write 2020.

There are some great visuals in this story. I could imagine the two friends peering through the bushes at the haunted house, their excitement tinged with fear. The story also has a little comedy in it when she teases her friend with the words: "Er ...Ghosts don't eat dinner, idiot“
Thanks for sharing this flash fiction. I hope it did well.
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Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kåre Enga in Udon Thani thanks for giving these words one last outing. I liked the second verse....forgotten bones and meat! Wow. 😮 I suppose that’s true. Sad but true. 😩
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Review of I Am Jellyfish  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hi Jellyfish, I sought out someone who’s anniversary is the 14th September, the same as mine. It seems as if you’ve been here much longer than my two years. However it doesn’t matter how long one has been a member, it doesn’t take long to become entranced. This piece made me laugh out loud as I too am addicted to WdC. It reminded me of myself trying to explain, to anyone, what I do most days. The place where I go to. My dopamine fix.
I loved the dialogue between you and the other character, and how cool was it to be able to dismiss the voice‘s opinion as immaterial, not real? It was just someone you made up.
Like you say, there are so many other things we addicts should be doing, instead of writing, reviewing, reading or just hanging out here in WdC sphere. But nowhere near as much fun.
Thank you so much for sharing this amusing piece of dialogue, I loved it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Moral Weakness" 
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Carly, I just finished reviewing Jeff’s musical piece and just as I went back to, I Write, I saw you’d beaten me to it!
So here goes. It’s really tricky for me to do a meaningful review on a piece of only 24 syllables. I was surprised to find the second meaning, that of failing to act...
I had only heard of supine as lying down. However you have used the word correctly in context. I suppose we should all be more vocal and protest more in the face of racial injustice. However it can’t be done in 24 syllables.
Well done for trying ipwithin these parameters.
Cheers Sue
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The aspirations of young people, boys as well as girls, hopefully are changing since this song was released. I know it’s only five years ago, but the groundswell of public opinion against the abuse of young women is growing. Schools have a big role to play in this regard, they’re teaching girls, they can be anything they want to be. They are teaching our young men that women aren’t there for their sexual gratification.
I’m pleased you differentiated between the young woman who simply wants to find a man to support her financially for the rest of her life, and that young woman who wants to be the best role model for her children, who wants to teach them right from wrong and to make a comfortable home in which to grow up safely.
I haven’t listened to the words of the song in question, but the title says it all, doesn’t it?
Powerful men will always have their trophy wives, and there will always be the women to take on that role. They are in the minority though. It takes work to stay looking the part of the “loving wife” often to a man decades older. Hours spent at the beauty parlour. What a waste of a life.
Thanks for raising this subject, I hope your daughter makes you proud.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Supine  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
OMG it’s so difficult to make a worthy review on something that’s just 24 syllables. I sighed and thought, well I’ll have to check it out or I’ll miss my chance to double up. Anyway, Jeff, I’m pleased I did because it made me smile, even chuckle when I read the last line. Thanks for sharing. Well done.
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for entry "~ No More Smores ~" 
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Oh my, this was a disaster trip, wasn’t it. Thank you so much for sharing. I did smile, although I’m sure you weren’t finding much to smile about. The best thing about experiences such as these, they make great fodder for a writer!
I do hope things improved somewhat and at least a little fun was had by all.
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Review of The Hole  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Odessa Molinari I’m reading this story as a fellow ‘I Write 2020’ member.
Well, for such a short story it certainly conjured up a great visual for me. I can almost see everyone standing around the mysterious hole as first the cat, and then the police sergeant, disappear. You may have written it for the dialogue only contest? If so it’s a great entry.
Thanks for sharing this funny piece.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Words Whirling 'Round Congratulations on your worthy win in the Prompt contest. Your story has a chilling feel to it, right from the get go. A story of sibling rivalry, a jealous older sister who is sick of having to take care of a baby sister. who’s very existence has ruined her life.
The image of the blackbirds gathering is an ominous one. I am old enough to remember the movie, The Birds.
Ellen spitefully leaves Dory behind, lying to her grandmother she hadn’t taken Dory with her. Inexplicably the blackbirds attack the small child, leading to bad facial injuries. Ellen is left with the guilt of her actions and the dreams which haunt her forever of the blackbirds singing, taunting her.
Thank you for sharing this well written story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Study in Grey  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Madeleine, I thought I’d pop over to your portfolio and have a look around and came across this great little story.
The title is very apt, as is the cover picture. I was intrigued from the very beginning, needing to carry on reading until the very end.
The reader doesn’t discover until the end about the killer’s lack of colour perception. I’ve never heard of that happening to anyone before, if you invented that, then well done for your imagination.
The killing scene has a darkness but is tinged with comedy somehow. I really enjoyed the third paragraph. You incorporated the murder of her parents as just another thing to do on her list along with the hoovering. Very macabre.
The term, ‘a little picnic of dead bodies’, is gruesome in the extreme, but a great choice of words.

Suggestions: The light revealed soft carpet and smooth leather and a glowing fireplace (it was cold, even with the sun beaming as it was) and blankets strewn over soft cushions and two dead bodies. I think this sentence would sound better if you omitted the bracketed phrase.
The light revealed soft carpet and smooth leather, glowing fireplace, blankets strewn over soft cushions and two dead bodies. It has more impact.

In the following sentence, did you intend to say being on the lookout?
She would have heard the grim voice of the reporter droning on about people ebbing on the lookout for her van.

I really liked this story. It was very imaginative and a worthy recipient of the award.
I’ll certainly be popping into your port again.
Well done. Keep on writing.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for the great images of Coober Pedy. Although I’ve never visited the place, I do know of many who have. I also know of one man who worked the opal fields for years. He never told anyone of great riches, but that is the miner’s prerogative.
I love your poem too. I wonder if you really had an Aunt Opal? What a beautiful stone the opal is. No two ever being the same. I was always told it was bad luck to have an opal engagement ring. I think I would have risked it, if any dashing suitor wanted to bestow one upon me!
Your spelling of brooch is incorrect, although I admit I had to google the correct spelling myself.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this strange town in the middle of the desert. I’m not sure that it’s a great place to live. It’s too harsh and unforgiving. However I agree it certainly is a wonderful place for a short visit, such as the stop over on the Ghan.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Night Thoughts  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a beautiful piece of poetry. It encompasses a life together, long lived with all the highs and lows. What’s left? Just the two of you. The ones that started out together on a journey. Now the journey is coming to its inevitable end, yet still you’re together. The same and yet different. Sharing the same bed, feeling the closeness that only comes with years of familiarity. Simply touching each other gives a sense of security. A feeling that we’re not alone throughout the darkness.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I loved it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Beholden I adore this piece. With your permission I am planning on printing it out to take with me to my weekly writing group. We have endless discussions on sentence structure, including length. I laughed out loud as I read your piece (poem) or whatever you’d like to call it. It proves one can write a sentence as long as one likes so long as it is punctuated correctly. I’m the first to admit my commas are sprinkled throughout my work without angst. Reading out loud is my way of judging where a comma should or ought to be. I love your way of writing most things actually and have been a ‘fan’ for a while. Thank you for sharing this piece, maybe you should put it out there again. The trouble with items once they have settled in to a portfolio they get lost in the ether unless one is inspired to seek out a piece. Usually it’s just luck when one falls over a gem like this.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Time  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The thing I really loved about this piece is the honesty. You have expressed, in such a unique way, the struggles throughout the life of whoever it is you are writing about. It may be yourself, I don’t know. It reminds me of my granddaughter’s difficult journey to find happiness. Unfortunately she’s not there yet, but where there is life there is hope.

The first verse was the most sad. I hate to think of any three year old experiencing mistrust and betrayal.
The fourth verse is heartbreaking although you didn’t spell it out it sounded to me like a cry for help from this fourteen year old, well I hope that’s all it was and not a genuine attempt.
At seventeen she decided to chase down those monsters and face them with a battle cry.
At last, in the ultimate verse, I could breathe, she found happiness, peace and love.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful, insightful piece. It was beautifully written.
Keep on writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Name of Names  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Mastiff As a fellow member of I write 2020 I’m reviewing this piece ‘Name of Names.’
The story kept me interested from the beginning until the end. I’m telling you this because the walking dead and fan fiction is not something I would normally attempt to read. This story however may have changed my mind a little.
The main character is well described from the moment we meet him as a dependent youth escaping from an invasion along side his father. When he realises he is alone is when he begins to grow as a man.

The world in which the story is set is becoming more of a reality as we in 2020 begin to view our fellow human beings as maybe a source of disease and to be avoided. Of course this is nothing like that, as the Zombies or the Undead’s sole aim is to destroy any living human being they come across.
You kept the tension throughout the story which covers several years. The boy grows into a man who has to be forever vigilant.
The ending came as a little light relief when his rescuers renamed him Jesus because of his looks.

I did wonder if this story had been taken from a previously written story. You mentioned that the narrator’s foster father was advising the younger man what to pack for their great escape. What was the reason to make the character a foster father when afterwards you called him Dad and my father? He’d obviously been a big part of the boy’s life as it was he who’d taught him to fight and survive. I would drop the foster-father unless you want to explain what had happened to his real dad.

As more of a romantic I’m hoping that one of those female rescuers becomes his lifelong love? No? Okay wrong genre😩
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the read.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk , thank you for writing such unsettling story, you managed to keep me awake all night.😱
I see this is an old story of yours but believe me it still packs a punch. The moment when the phone began ringing under the sheet of the body on the gurney made my heart leap. The fact it was her husband who had done the shooting was bad enough but when the last two bodies turned out to be her kids was pretty shocking. I read the story to my husband who always, without fail, guesses the twist in stories but even he said he hadn’t seen that coming. So well done on that score.
The only thing that made me doubt the scenario was Carmen working solo. Once she’d received the news of six bodies coming to the morgue all at once she would had needed to call in reinforcements. However that’s nit-picking and for her to be alone worked better for the shock factor.
The last line worked well too in a macabre way. Her family, who missed her so much when she worked such long hours joined her there. Did her husband guess it would be his wife who would have to face this scenario. If so this just adds to the horror.
To say I enjoyed it wouldn’t be true but I certainly will remember it and I guess that’s the true test of a well written story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Summer" 
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating
I read your poem ‘summer’ as part of I Write 2020. It’s apt I should happen to read this on the Summer Solstice day in the Northern hemisphere. Today we are experiencing the Winter Solstice of course here in Australia.
I actually prefer winter to summer and as I read your poem it brought back memories of the extremely hot summer we endured 2019/20. ‘The short night’s sweltering slumber’ made me compare to the good nights sleep I had last night to the many sleepless ones I have in the summer months. Although in your lovely words you mentioned the cooling rain which we were so short of. I saw the selection of words you had to choose from and the word Languorous jumped out at me. That’s such a lovely word and one which I would have had to use!
Thank you for sharing this poem. It’s lovely.


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