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666 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Sumojo
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, thank you for a good read. I was pleased the anomaly finished Jim off. Good riddance.
Cheers Sue
27
27
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, well now, he pulled it off! Both chapters 29 and 30 were gripping, and very well written. There’s very little I need to say. I was thinking the whole time something was sure to go wrong, but was pleasantly surprised.
I’m not sure if you still want me to pick up any typos or not. Please let me know. But there was just one word missing from this sentence :
The audience quieted and began sitting back in their seats and Gary was ushered back up on stage where he faced the judges one last time


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28
28
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, thank you for a great read so far. I’ve finished chapter 28 and was enthralled by that chapter. Gary’s performance put me on edge and hoping he’d pull it off. You described the act and showed the energy it took Gary to complete it brilliantly. Each time the anomaly appears, even though you don’t over exaggerate the horror of the thing, it makes me feel very uneasy. The very fact of causing such a reaction in your reader means you’re doing a great job. I was all set to read chapter 29 and was disappointed to find it wasn’t yet uploaded. So great job, Loyd.
No typos found.


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29
29
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, Oh boy, you killed poor Lacey off! That was a shock.
I’ve finished reading chapters 25 and 26.
There was a typo in chapter 25 that needs attention. You wrote about the venue being unable to keep the camera at the back door in working order but were able to keep the cameras in the casino running to catch cheaters.
But you wrote they COULD keep the cameras working at the door instead of COULDN’T.
In chapter 26 one typo that I picked up: Richardson's blasresponse was unsettling

I could sense Gary’s anxiety as he is becomes more concerned about Cherie’s cool attitude toward him. It’s certainly a breakthrough for this character as he previously wouldn’t have even noticed a change in demeanour in anyone. I’m beginning to like Gary more in every chapter.


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30
30
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, just to let you know I’m still reading a few chapters when I have time. I liked chapter 23 although it doesn’t progress the story in any meaningful way, I enjoyed Harriman’s obvious discomfort and unease after the attack and his puzzlement over why he’d been so afraid when disturbed under the stage.
I enjoyed the interaction between Cherie and Gary, I believed you nailed the manner of the way a women goes shopping when she’s not really shopping, 🤗 and the way most men find it hard to understand. Perhaps you’ve been there?
Only one typo in chapter 23: police office.{/} I think you meant police officer.


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31
31
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Carly, a beautiful, thoughtful entry as usual from you.
There are some really gorgeous lines in there that I particularly liked.
Dipped our toes into the future for instance. That line says so much, it describes the way the young dare to take those first tentative steps as they leave adolescence behind.
The fourth stanza is just so thoughtful. It says to me that when considering moving forward, perhaps a little unsure, one can think of times gone past when one succeeded and it inspires that they can do it once more.
Thank you for sharing this poem, Carly, it’s an inspirational piece of writing.


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32
32
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi, Loyd, I’ve just finished reading chapters 21-22. The only thing I can remark on in 21 was the fact I learned a new phrase: enochlophobia-inducing, impressive.😂
Chapter 22: As usual the pace continues with no unnecessary paragraphs. I’m really still enjoying how things are progressing especially the fact the anomaly may be sentient. That really took me by surprise.
I found two typos in 22: My surveillance was plan was solid and
pealing grey paint.
The scene where Lacy tries to recover after the attack was particularly well written I thought because that is exactly how she would have felt after being hit on the head with a chunk of wood.




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33
33
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, I’ve read chapters 17-20 and enjoyed them very much. Gary is doing better than I thought and he and Cherie are beginning to understand and get more comfortable with each other. Obviously things are going too well and there must be a ‘spanner in the works,’ soon about to happen. I suppose what I need to say is you have kept my interest in every chapter so far and I’m keen to continue reading.
The only thing which keeps bugging me is the word fianc and what ever word comes next being joined without a gap: is your fianchere tonight?"Although I know you did say you were going to rectify the word.


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34
34
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, this is a great chapter. Jim certainly went the whole nine yards to get his hand on the secret behind Gary’s trick. I wasn’t surprised he was good with locks, being an illusionist, but that he was such a thorough searcher. He looked in places I’d never dream of looking, it was as if he’d previously worked for the police department.
I really liked the simile used in this paragraph: Being the first magician to work out a new type of illusion was like being chum in shark-infested waters. The others circled and attacked until they all had a piece of it.
…realized his machine-made cards… You don’t need the hyphen here.
When Jim attempts to destroy the helmet it was as much a surprise to me to read what happened next as it was to poor Jim!


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35
35
Review of Sober Life  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Wanda Jane,
This poem is profound in its simplicity. It began in a lighthearted way and yet the subject matter is a serious one. Especially so for those people who struggle with dependency each day. The poem is one of success though, yet doesn’t reveal the real truth of the almighty struggle to achieve that success. I have seen firsthand that struggle and also seen the failures and back sliding which occurs along the journey.

realize that all my pain,

was really the birth pang

Of who I always have been,

the spirit hiding within

Hidden behind delusion,

awaiting this conclusion

These last six lines brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal.
Sue.


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36
36
Review of Sweet Teeth  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Marushka, what a delightful, delicious, baring of your soul. I hope you feel cleansed after sharing your vice. I can understand and commiserate, it’s unfair that bowls of temptation are scattered around just asking to be trialled, tested and tasted. Why else would they be there? And if there are those who don’t wish to participate or partake, then more for those who do, I say.
Sugar. Even the word sounds sweet. Chocolate. Melts in your mouth leaving that taste of perfection lingering, leaving one longing for more.
Cake. The very word: cake, leaves me with memories of birthdays, Christmas and celebrations.
Oh, but let’s come down to earth shall we? It’s poison! Well yes, but what a way to go. Death by chocolate, suicide by sugar, yes but very slowly.
I should thank you for an entertaining piece of writing, but all you’ve done is make my own desire for the sweet things in life even stronger.
Good luck with your New Years Resolution. I don’t think I’ll be joining you, well not this year.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, I enjoyed reading this chapter. It shows Gary’s perception and ability to switch on to the threads is increasing in strength.
I certainly felt his fear, fear of what he was observing and also of what he thought might happen to his friend. One paragraph took me completely out of the story though: Earlier physicists, Young and Fresnel, had assumed an invisible medium called ether and had laid a solid mathematical groundwork attempting to define it as unmoving in space. While this effort had proven fruitless, their math had been the foundation on which Einstein built his Theory of Relativity. I think this piece of information isn’t necessarily in the correct place in the text, indeed if it was necessary at all. As a reader I dislike being taken out of what is happening at the time, it’s like a jolt which tells me, “Oh yes, I’m reading a fictitious story.” Perhaps it’s just my preference and your other proof readers didn’t mind. (If the factual information contained in that paragraph is important enough to make the whole story more plausible, then it could be placed as an addendum at the end of the book?)
Gary showed by his interaction with Phang, he is capable of a long term attachment with someone, which is reassuring as I really want to like him.


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38
38
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, it’s all getting very interesting and this reader is keen to know what happens next. I had one little problem trying to visualise this scene: She walked around in front of him and faced him. She grabbed the front of his t-shirt and put her right foot on top of his left foot. She pulled herself up and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Any trouble supporting me?"
"You hurt my foot when you climbed up."
"That's not important. Do you have any trouble supporting me?"
"No."
"We can work with this."
Gary didn't notice the anomaly next to the front door of the apartment. There was no fear this time. He also didn't notice that it moved horizontally across the room. He did notice Cherie's hands around his neck, the shampoo scent of her freshly-washed hair just below his chin, and her breasts resting against his stomach.
There were two things the first being the anomaly next to the front door. You don’t really explain clearly what the anomaly is and what you’re talking about.
The second is when you wrote her breasts were resting on his stomach. I can’t visualise that. Do mean his chest? She had her arms around his neck so her breasts would have been level with his chest. Not unless she had very droopy breasts.
I’ll go and read the next chapter now.
Cheers Sue


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39
39
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi again, Loyd, I’m continuing to read through your chapters of Invisible Threads and I must say I’m enjoying it immensely. Your characters are coming to life for me now.
Chapter nine:
The word fianc really made me stop reading. The word is fiancé for a male and fiancée for a female, meaning to be engaged to be married. I googled fianc and discovered although it is the shortened version of the previous two, it’s not normally used except maybe casually in a text message. On the following line you had the two words: fiancfor running together. Fiancé for is what you meant to write.
Chapter 10. I loved the comedic dialogue between Cherie and Gary.
Chapter 11:
Just a typo: laughingstock: no space between the two words.
Again the last few lines caused me to finish this chapter with a smile.
Sue


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40
40
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, I read Chapter six before reading this chapter. I’m enjoying the ride and keen to carry on reading. The story is moving on naturally and there’s no superfluous paragraphs.
I really have no criticism of either chapters. Again I must say how much I’m enjoying the dialogue’s natural flow.
You do well to explain what is happening as regards the brain’s reaction with the helmet; the colours and what each represents.
Looking forward to chapter eight.
Sue.


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41
41
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Kare, congratulations on third place in the Bard’s Hall January contest.
I liked your entry, especially knowing you’d been homeless at some time in your life, I felt as if you knew from personal experience how the man in the hat, sitting on a park bench, felt.
I liked the reference to not wanting to beg, he was thinking of a hot drink but too proud to go to a friend whom he knew would assist. The homeless man was grateful for the coat but never forgot where it had come from, remembering the previous owner fondly.
The story surely came from your experience as a homeless person and the words seemed genuine, from a place known to the writer only too well.
Good job.
Sue


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42
42
Review of Forty Words  
for entry "02/06/2024 - Despair'" 
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Hope, I’m reviewing this poem for I Write in 24.
The first line took me to a room at a funeral parlour. The mood is sombre. The flowers make the space feel suffocating and their fragrance isn’t pleasant and floral, but sweet; a sickening, cloying sweetness which overpowers the odour of death.

People are speaking in lowered voices, even those whose laughter would normally be outlandish, they too feel the solemnity of the occasion and they reign in their joviality.

You write about the vacuum the departed person has left behind, leaving not an emptiness but as if the air itself is filled with their presence, making even the very atom molecules feel heavy as lead. That air has made its way into your throat and left a lump of sorrow just like a lump of lead too.
I’m unsure of the reason you wrote this and for which contest you may have entered it, but you mentioned a condensation of thought in your introduction. That was a great description of the six scant lines which yet told a complete story.
Well done.


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43
43
Review of Teddy  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, David, I came across your poem in the Read and Review section.
I was drawn to read your poem simply because of the title. It’s a very simple title but I’m pleased you decided on simply Teddy because the name will conjure up an image of a teddy bear to many who once owned one as a child.
My daughter, who is now 55years old, has one such toy, a Teddy called little Ted. He’s one eyed, battered and threadbare and yet he’s a treasured item in our family.
Of course you weren’t writing about a stuffed toy were you? You were comparing yourself to a toy which has outgrown its usefulness, a toy cast aside for something brighter, newer, more exciting.
I think we all must feel like that sometimes and the comparison is a good one. There will always be another who appears to have better prospects or is willing to spend money wining and dining. But the shine often wears off and the old and familiar becomes desirable once more.
Hopefully your loyalty and patience will be noted and the love will spark anew.


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44
44
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, I’ve read chapter five and enjoyed it as much as the the previous chapters. There was more useful backstory about why Gary is battling so hard to get his peers to take his research seriously. I’m unsure though that doing the ‘trick’ on a tv show will get him the outcome he’s wanting.
The first paragraph made me take a second glance though with your use of an interrobang: ?! together after a word. Apparently this is acceptable in casual usage such as texting etc, but rarely in a more formal setting.

Once again I must say how much I enjoy reading your dialogue. I’ve learned something. It flows so well without unnecessary dialogue tags which pull the reader away from the flow of the action.

Thanks again for sharing an intriguing story.
Sue


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45
45
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, this chapter explains a lot. Gary is an even more complex character than I first thought. His living arrangements and habits surprised me, I suppose I imagined him to be more of an OCD type, but I was so wrong.
What I was impressed with was the way you explained the unexplainable. I couldn’t imagine a way of writing the scene with the spoon: He then compressed the universe along the thread until everything in the universe that touched that line co-existed at a point in front of her at the same time. Within this incredibly dense - but massless - jumble existed both of her hands and the spoon
In those two sentences you attempted to explain something that is impossible to imagine and yet I could! I think it was the image of a pink thread that clarified the image for me.
I like where you end this chapter, it leaves the reader needing to turn the page to see what Cherie will do next. My bet she’s packing her bags as we speak!


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46
46
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Loyd, the story continues apace, it has lost no momentum which is quite a difficult task in a story which is mainly set in one location and time.
My favourite character is Cherie. I’ve met people like her in real life. They’re the ones who can spot potential where others can’t, yet at the same time have confidence they can help that person achieve that potential.
I can’t yet get a feeling for Lacy although the last paragraph gave me an insight to her struggle and determination to get to the place where we, the reader, find her.
There was one typo: one hell of a resum/FONT> builder for you."
Of course you may not be able to fix any typos I find as the novel has already been published.
Looking forward to Chapter Four.
Cheers Sue


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47
47
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loyd, I’m still here. Chapter two has the same momentum as the prologue and chapter one. It leaves the reader even more keen to see what Cherie can pull off. Can she really change Gary into the appearance of a normal human being? Can he actually win this contest? And don’t tempt me into believing there may be an actual love interest?
Agh!
There is one thing that makes me jump out of the story, a thing which makes me realise I’m reading a story and not living a story and that is your constant use of parentheses. Each time you do, I’m taken away from the rest of the text. I wish you could incorporate the words used in the parentheses into the storyline. This is simply a personal preference and I know some big note authors have used them but…
The only other word which I didn’t get was: a greethe smile. This was used by another contestant. Wasn’t sure of what you could have meant. Maybe a greasy smile?
Anyway I’m really wrapped up in Gary’s progress and chapter three here I come.
Sue


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48
48
Review of Where's Noah?  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I’m reviewing this very short entry for I Write in 24
As it’s so short, just 32 words, it’s difficult to give an in-depth review.
I do know this contest though as I also entered it. Your entry is inspirational. I hadn’t thought a biblical reference could be apt, but yes, on reflection one could imagine a city inundated after weeks of precipitation. The title is amusing and may well appeal to Jeremy😂
Good luck in the contest.
Sue


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49
49
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Kåre Enga in Udon Thani I read this poem out aloud and it soothed me with its simplicity. I can imagine you sitting, watching, seeing the beauty in an unthinking act; Breaking a stick and carelessly throwing it into the water. There was the water, the stick and Avery. And you.
Beautiful. Thank you.


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50
50
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Loyd, as promised I’ve returned to read chapter one, which proved you left me with no option but to come back after the prologue. And that is what a writer needs to hear, that his reader can’t wait to find out what happens next.
What happens next: three little words we’ve been saying since we were children and being read to. In fact even day to day when a neighbour or friend is relating an occurrence we are usually simply waiting to find out what happens next.
Now I’ve reached the end of chapter one you still have me. So I’ll be back tomorrow to read chapter two because like Cherie I too need to know how Gary goes on in Phase four.
I love the naturalness of the dialogue and how you didn’t feel the need to repeat Gary’s name continuously. A simple he said, was sufficient and I liked that.
There was one thing which surprised me and that was he was still in contact with his abusive mother. But on reflection maybe that rings true as many people who were abused still want to desperately please that parent or guardian.
I was surprised he became a magician also as there was no hint in the prologue. But that’s fine it was there to give an insight to the protagonist whose life we were about to be absorbed in if we chose to continue reading.
Thank you for the first chapter. It was great.
Sue


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