Very sweet poem, SVY. The short stanzas with rhyming couplets make it very easy and pleasant to read, with the nice and simple allusions to childhood bring it a naive energy. Good luck with your other work.
Hi purgewords, just read your poem through read and review. Noes to a bigger self does have some nice structure through rhyming at most line endings and expressions of self-worth like 'to proud to beg'.
I don't think some of the lines flowed well together rhyhmically, like 'i'm no religious ... how it all could be'. It just seems clunky.
Sorry for the criticism and hope you enjoy writing here
I believe this is based on the real hurricane Manuel though I'm not sure how accurate what is described in the story, it is good to have some tribute to those that died. It's a bleak story, the sentences were too short, I think, which affected the pace and didn't allow the suspense to build as well as it could.
Not sure what to say, I enjoyed YuGiOh when I was younger and I didn't read the first two installments. While I guess this takes place a few years after the series and I think the characters of Seto and Mokuba are mostly faithful, but both are a little more profane and a bit 'off', particularly Mokuba. Otherwise the text is well layed-out and easy to read and is well written with a reasonable degree of plot drive.
I thought this was a great little story, actually very sweet, it genuinely made me laugh. I hope you write more like this, the setup was also written engagingly, which even on a short piece is quite hard to do, a least I find.
Just came upon this by chance. Interesting piece, though I don't read much poetry (this is is my first poetry review) this doesn't seem to obtuse, I read it as the speaker's reflecting on how the chances they have in life are 'narrrowing' and feeling some form of quiet dread as a result with no certainty that there was any reason or positive result for what came before.
The metaphors or memories like those of autumn or candles in church windows made me feel cold, which really suited the theme I believe.
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